Chapter 18

Chapter

Eighteen

ZANE

D enying the bite was harder this time with the bond forming. It was weak and fragile between us, desperately clinging to life, but I knew it wouldn't last. By the time Kor arrived with the cavalry, it would have faded to nothing.

Of course, that didn't mean it was over for good, either. At least, as far as I knew, it would be simple enough to rekindle the moment Orion and I were someplace safe. But he was right about one thing: there was no telling why it had formed. It could have been a trauma response, and it could have been my desire for him finally realized.

But I couldn't tie him to me without knowing for sure.

We parted ways after we cleaned up, Orion muttering something about taking some time apart, so I let him go and laid in the bed, trying not to think. In the dark, the memories were there. The chains, the torture, the voice of the human monster who reduced me to nothing. If I let myself sink into it, I could actually feel the caustic infusions they shoved into my veins to keep me feral.

I could feel hands on my neck, forcing me to kneel, forcing me to crawl. I could feel every vestige of my being stripped away, down to a beast.

Sleep was the enemy, so I counted the shadows until well into the night when I heard footsteps creaking in front of the door.

I knew it was Orion. The bond between us sent a pulse of his uncertainty, but I wanted him to come to me, so I didn't move. I shifted the blankets over though, and made room for him as I held my breath for his indecision.

There was a small tap, almost like his palm hitting the door, and then I heard him take a breath.

"You can hear me, can't you?" he called.

I couldn't help a small chuckle. "The door's open, you know."

It swung in, and there was no light behind him to illuminate his hulking shadow. I loved how big he was. Inches shorter, but full and thick with rippling muscle. I had never wanted a delicate Omega, and there was something to be said about watching his eyes lock on mine.

I wasn't sure I would miss them. I wanted Orion to feel like himself because it was the only way he'd ever let himself belong to me. But the fact that we got to share a heat—got to feel something not every Wolf did, was a gift.

I shifted over a little more when he set a knee on the bed, but he didn't climb in. Instead, he stared at me with his head tilted. I could only see the glow of his eyes—an almost violet as the color changed—and then the sharp profile of his nose and jaw.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

He huffed a sigh through his nose. "I feel like an ass. I feel like a child . I shouldn't need to hold your fucking hand to get to sleep."

"This isn't exactly a normal situation," I reminded him. I leaned forward and let my fingertips graze the top of his arm. "And if it helps, I want you here. I didn't need space."

He swallowed thickly, the sound catching in his throat, but he didn't say anything as he carefully shuffled down along the mattress and rolled against my side. What I wanted more than anything was to take him in a possessive hold and pin him beneath me so he couldn't move without my say-so. But that really would send him running, and I never wanted to be that kind of Alpha.

Instead, I opened my arms to him, and after a beat, he laid his head over my heart. "Do you have nightmares?"

The question startled brutal truth out of me. "Yes. Almost every night."

He hummed and rubbed his nose against my skin. "Almost?"

"I had a moment of peace," I told him, "but it didn't last." Silence settled over us, and I distracted myself by playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. "I can hear him—the one who gave the order to turn me into…the thing you rescued. I couldn't really see anything while I was there. Not…not like Kor. They didn't blind me, but whatever they gave me…it was like a red haze."

He stiffened, but he didn't say anything, and I knew he was giving me this moment. He was letting me unburden myself.

"I craved the taste of blood all the time. I think they put it in the food they gave me. I ate like an animal," I added on a whisper, too afraid to say it aloud, to acknowledge what I had become for those long, eternal weeks. "I rarely slept. They never let me lie down. I was on all fours, and sometimes I would slip into something like rest, but pain always brought me back."

"I'm going to destroy them," Orion whispered, and through the quiet bond, I felt his absolute and utter rage. "I'm going to eat their hearts while they watch."

I couldn't help my laugh, and when he made a soft noise of offense, I urged his face up so I could kiss him. "There's a better way." He started to shake his head, but I gripped the back of his neck and let the edges of my claws sink into his skin. He calmed after a beat, and only then did I let go. "There's a better way. He'll pay for it. He'll pay for what he's done to all of our people. But we will not turn into the monsters they want us to be."

Orion was still stiff in my arms, but eventually he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. It was a dry, careful kiss, but it was full of everything we were. Everything we could be, once we were free of this place. "I wish I could take it from you."

"We each have a burden," I told him as he settled back down. Sleep finally started tugging at me, the darkness in the room looking even more black. "And it gets easier to bear as time goes on. Just like in the war."

I didn't have to remind him of the horrors we'd seen there. And it was different, of course. What happened to me during my capture was nothing like I had seen in battle, but it was no less a part of me—just like everything Orion had gone through was no less a part of him.

And we survived it. We would continue to survive it.

"I want to do something tomorrow," Orion murmured, and I could hear his voice thick with sleep now. "Something…" He trailed off, and I thought I might have lost him, but then he spoke again. "Something normal."

I laughed, because I wasn't sure what that was anymore, but I held him a little tighter as I closed my eyes and sank into his grip. "Anything you want, my love."

I felt a pulse of gratitude in the bond and then the peace as he fell asleep.

Something normal, it turned out, was a trip to town. I was hesitant to leave until he showed me the letter Kor had sent with him. I wasn't entirely convinced that we hadn't been followed, but so far, the cabin had remained undisturbed.

Orion and I both figured things had also gone to hell in a handbasket now that the data from ComTech had leaked. All parties had access to it, so all sides would be scrambling. There would be campaigns of denial, misinformation, the rebellion growing, and the opposition doing everything they could to retain their positions.

If the humans hadn't already done it, they'd make a vie for power soon, and the Wolves would be forced to choose a side. It would be war again—only this time, the Wolves had the advantage. We were stronger, and although we hadn't recovered entirely, every single one of our people was trained for battle in some way or another.

The humans had been falling in droves before the Equinox Treaty was presented to the globe, and there were human governments overseas that were more and more willing to negotiate peace with the Wolves.

It would be ugly, and it would be bloody, but most of that would be metaphorical.

I kept that in mind as I showered, and the promise of having fresh food and maybe a change of clothes that fit properly was enough to motivate my steps. Orion met me in the hall with a kiss, pushing me back against the bathroom door as he devoured my mouth.

"You're making it hard to leave," he murmured.

I laughed and nipped at his jaw. "You're the one who wanted to go out, and you're right. Supplies are getting low, and I don't think I could take another night of your pasta."

"Asshole," he breathed, groping the front of my sweats that were tented with my erection. "You'd eat it and love it."

"Well," I said slowly, rocking against his hand with a soft moan, "I'd definitely eat it."

He didn't give me relief, and the frustration of his denial made me love him just a little bit more, especially when he looked at me with mischief in his eyes.

We hit the road in the little car he'd acquired, and it took me a while to adjust to the smell because it was still tinged with the compound. Orion noticed after a beat, and when he tried to pull over, I grabbed his arm. "Don't," I said, then rolled the window down. "It'll pass."

"I'm not going to make you suffer through this shit, Zane," he argued, but he didn't stop after that, and it was easy enough for me to reach between us and take his hand, pressing a kiss to the inside of his wrist.

He made a face, but I could feel the way his pulse sped up, and in the fading bond, there was a small push of affection. It was going to be agony when it faded entirely, but I was willing to let it go if I meant I could call him my own as soon as we were back behind the walls of Corland.

We reached the village after only a few miles, and I stared out the window at the quiet neighborhoods, the restaurants, and the little shopping centers. It seemed so…normal, so average. It was like a safe haven where war had never touched, and I couldn't help but wonder what it must feel like to live somewhere violence hadn't laid camp at your door.

Orion found a little strip of shops not far from the main road, and he pulled in, parking at the very edge. I knew why he did it—an easy get away, but I felt a small flicker of grief that we lived our lives like that. We couldn't have a simple day out without looking for the exits first.

"We need clothes," he said, reaching into the glove box. There was a small envelope inside, and my eyes widened when I realized it was full of cash. He caught my expression and laughed, leaning back as he counted it. "Kor was feeling generous."

It felt almost like a trap. If it hadn't come from Kor, I might have assumed we were being lulled into a false sense of security before they pounced, but I knew better. I closed my eyes and searched out the bond for my brother again, and I could still feel a quiet pulse of Danyal—alive, and currently cognizant.

I couldn't imagine where he was, so I sent him as much comfort as my strength would allow, and I hoped Talia was doing the same.

"Zane?"

I glanced over and realized I'd zoned out. "Checking on Danyal."

His cheeks flushed slightly. "I…I didn't want to ask. It felt intrusive, but I figured if he was…if something had happened to him, you would have said."

I bowed my head, then nodded. "I can't get any details, but he's aware of me, and probably aware of Talia. He's calm, wherever he is. Which… honestly? That scares me the most." I ached to be able to leave and find him—to throw myself into this fight, because it was one thing to take me , but him? I would have given my life to protect either of my siblings from the human madness.

"They've been exposed," Orion said softly. "It's likely they won't put him through the same thing. No now. Not when the entire world's looking."

He was probably right, but it was hard to imagine them showing any mercy to any of us. All the same, I was trapped and thinking about it only made me feel like the walls of the town were closing in on us. With a breath, I reached for the door handle, and I was grateful when Orion followed me out.

We made our way into a little clothing shop. It was boutique style with over-priced items geared toward people who worked in offices. But we managed to find a small selection of jeans and shirts—comfortable enough to wear around, and with enough give that we could run if we had to.

Wolf clothing was made to tear apart with a single swipe of a claw in order to shift and escape, but these would have to do. I watched Orion sift through the racks, his face displaying his disgust at what they had so openly, I almost laughed.

And then, I almost crowded him back into the dressing room and dropped to my knees to suck him off. He must have felt that in the bond, because his head whipped to the side, and his lips were parted.

"Sorry," I murmured.

He shook his head, but he stiffened just as I heard the beat of a heart behind me. I turned and saw a human woman with green eyes and dark hair, her pale skin contrasting sharply against her black dress. I could scent curiosity and fear in her as she stared between us, then she cleared her throat.

"Is there anything I can help you find?"

Orion stiffened, but I stepped in front of him. "Thank you. We're on vacation and forgot some stuff. I think we've got it, though."

She nodded, her lips twitching, then she took a step toward us. Instinctively, I moved myself further in front of Orion, and I felt his irritation even as her eyes widened.

"You're mates," she said, then blushed. "Sorry, I just… I've heard they uh. They do that."

I glanced over my shoulder at Orion, but his face was unreadable. "Yes," I finally told her. It wasn't true in the most literal sense, but he was under my skin the way any mate would have been. "It's nothing personal. We just haven't been on the best of terms with humans."

"I know. I'm sorry. I uh…I was part of the integration club at school. They never did let Wolves join. At least, not while I was there. But they've started accepting them now."

I bristled. Such small steps to make up for such horrific atrocities, but I wasn't about to start a philosophical argument with a young human in a clothing store. "Thank you for your support. Uh…we'll take these." I shoved the clothes at her, and she hurried off with her arms full.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Orion grabbed my arm. "Seriously?"

I flushed and bowed my head. "I didn't mean to. It's the bond, and you're still…Omega enough that I can't help it."

His eyes narrowed. "Alpha pheromones made you do it?"

I swallowed thickly. "More like…I'm still not entirely myself. I still feel…" Animalistic . I didn't say it though, but I didn't need to. His face softened, and he gave me a short nod.

"I get it. I won't take it personally."

But he also deliberately walked in front of me on the way to the register, and I tried not to smile at the open display that he wasn't submitting to me on anything. She seemed to understand she'd overstepped a little because she was a lot quieter during the transaction, and I thanked her as I took the bags and led the way back to the car.

"It's going to be a pain in the ass like that everywhere, isn't it? They're all going to see us and think they fucking know what we're like," he spat.

I sighed as I glanced up the street where there were a few restaurants and a small supermarket. "Probably. It's all still new for them. A year isn't enough to…"

"To get them to stop treating us like zoo animals?" he barked.

I carefully pressed him against the door of the car and nosed his neck, letting my scent wash over him. It was maybe a little unfair, but he melted into me anyway, even as he growled and nipped at my ear.

"Stop fucking doing that."

"It only works because you want it to," I pointed out, and he bit me again, though much more playfully this time. "Why don't we shop for food, and I can cook us dinner. Then we can…entertain ourselves."

He sucked in a sharp breath and urged my head up. "Entertain ourselves?"

I grinned, showing just a hint of fang. "Trust me, when I want to, I can get very creative."