Chapter 17

Chapter

Seventeen

ORION

I couldn't decide if Zane's silence made it easier or more difficult to deal with the thoughts in my head. He wasn't avoiding me, at least as far as I could tell, but he hadn't said a word since our conversation that morning. Part of me wanted to believe it was his recovery, but I knew better.

He had already been coming back to himself at the river, and by the time he was pushing inside me, he was mostly himself. Even if he'd been monosyllabic, it was still Zane there with me, at the mercy of his rut thanks to the heat.

I took some reprieve in the fact that I was exhausted, and I spent half the day dozing in the far bedroom. My dreams were fractured and fragmented, a mixture of a nightmarish figure chasing me as I ran at human speeds and the echo of Zane's knot filling me. I woke confused, feeling a little feverish and desperately alone.

I watched the sun sink lower onto the horizon for a while, but eventually my need to eat drove me to the kitchen. Zane was there, sitting at the little table by the window, a mug of freshly brewed coffee in his hands. His face was as blank as ever, his heartbeat steady, and the fact that I couldn't read him was making me want to tear my skin off.

It felt wrong—which was strange because he and I had never shared so much as a pack bond between us. But now the silence was a screaming void in my head, and I was close to cracking.

I distracted myself with cooking up spaghetti. It was dried noodles and a jar of sauce, and the fridge was devoid of anything resembling meat, but it would fill me up. My wolf was crying to be nourished and released, but I wasn't about to suggest some domestic trip to the supermarket and a shift run with the moon for dessert.

Glancing over my shoulder, I caught him staring, and I swallowed thickly. "Are you uh…hungry?"

"I ate," he said.

I nodded and turned away, letting out a rush of air. "Do you…"

"I'm fine," he snapped.

I dropped the spoon onto the counter and spun, unable to stop myself. I was out of control of the emotions raging through me, but even if it was the last surge of hormones from this fucking change, I couldn't stop it.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

At that, I saw the first flicker of emotion in Zane's eyes, and for a second, I swore I could feel an emotion that wasn't mine, pulsing behind my ribs. His brows rose, and he leaned forward. "You're sorry ?"

"I know that doesn't mean shit. Not when…not after everything they put you through, and then to have this fucking heat send you into a rut? It probably makes me just as much of a monster as they were. But if we can't attempt to discuss what I did, we can't stay here together, and I…"

He was on his feet before I could get the rest of the words out, backing me up into the counter. My nostrils flared, filled with the very lifeblood of him, and I almost whined when he laid a hand against the side of my neck. I submitted like it was the only thing I was capable of doing, my head tilting as he leaned in to nose me, sharing his Alpha scent.

"Orion," he breathed out.

I shook my head, trying to find the strength to push him away, but I was helpless against him. It was terrifying, only because I knew Omegas didn't submit to just any Alpha. Not like this. Not unless they were…

"I don't understand," I said.

"Why are you apologizing to me?" he asked, his voice a low rumble that rippled across my skin. He pulled away just far enough to look me in the eye. "I pinned you down in the throes of your heat and knotted you."

I dragged my tongue over my bottom lip. "I caused your rut."

He opened his mouth, maybe to argue, but he had to realize the truth of it.

"The humans ripped you off the street, tortured you…did things that only the gods could see," I went on, my voice shaking. "And it doesn't matter if I couldn't control it, because it shouldn't have happened. Not after all that."

He let out a long, slow breath and shook his head. "No. I didn't want it to be like that."

The admission was both pain and relief, and I sagged forward a little. I was hoping he would take a step back, but he pressed against me harder. "And I know you. I mean," I stopped on a bitter laugh, "you didn't exactly make your feelings about Alpha and Omega bonds a secret. And I'm not an Omega."

He pulled back and lifted a brow at me, almost like a challenge, his gaze flickering to my eyes.

"This isn't going to last," I snapped. "Your brother might have fucked me up, but I already feel more like I did before." I ran a hand down my face in frustration at the half-lie. I wasn't entirely myself, not yet—but every day, a bit of this change ebbed away. "All I could think about when you were—" I swallowed and forced myself to say it, "knotting me, was you biting me. And I wasn't about to let you wake up from all that, stuck with some fucking Beta as a mate."

"Orion," he growled, and my jaw snapped shut. Zane took a step all the way back, but instead of breaking contact entirely, he pressed a palm to my cheek. "I have wanted you for a long fucking time. At first, I…I don't know," he blew out a puff of air, "I admired you. Your drive, your fight. But the more I got to know you, the more I realized it was something else."

My ears rang a little, and I wasn't sure what the hell to say.

"You were engaged, though," Zane went on, finally dropping his hand. I felt the loss of his touch keenly, and I wanted to chase it, so I grabbed the counter and made myself hold still. "And by the time she left, we were so entrenched in ending this corruption, I didn't let myself even think about having a chance with you. So, if anyone took advantage here, it was me."

My eyes went wide. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It took everything—every ounce of my self-control—not to bite you last night. Even when you told me no, I had to fight that urge, because I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything. But I'm not about to saddle you with some washed-up, war-torn Alpha with a brand-new host of fucking trauma to work through." He ended on a trembling breath and didn't meet my gaze, even when I tried to catch his eyes.

My hands were trembling, and I tried to process what he was saying, but it was next to impossible. He couldn't have wanted this—wanted me. Not for that long. "If you're just saying this to make me feel better about what I did…"

"You didn't do anything," he bit. "At least, nothing that I haven't desperately wanted for years. I don't give a shit if you're a Beta or an Omega, or some fucked-up hybrid of both. You're a person , and I…"

He didn't finish his sentence, and I was almost glad of it. "You're an idiot. You know that, right?"

At that, he finally did look at me, and I could see his eyes were dry but shining. "Yeah. I've been told that once or twice. I'm old as dirt, and…"

"And powerful," I finished for him before he could start some tirade about how unworthy he was. Every atom in my being ached for him, but I didn't move. I needed him to cross the line. "You're strong, and one of the smartest Wolves I have ever met. And the moment you went missing, I knew I had to bring you back because I wasn't about to live without you. Even though I knew then I could never have you the way I wanted."

His Adam's apple bobbed with a thick swallow, and his fingers curled into fists. "You can't mean that. Not after all this."

"The heat?"

"The way I couldn't control myself. The gods only know what things will be like for me once this all sets in," he said. He sounded vulnerable and afraid, and he took a shuffling step closer. I released the counter and dropped my hands to my sides, waiting. "This isn't over, and what they did…"

I shook my head. "You don't need to relive that now."

He let out a watery laugh and lifted his hands toward me. "Thanks. I'm…I need to soon, though. I'm going to need to tell Kor about it because the more time that goes by, the more I remember. That fucker talked. He didn't think I could understand him—and at the time, I couldn't. But it's all there, and we can use it against him." A second passed, a breath, and then his arms were back around me, and I sagged into him.

I was still too afraid to believe I could have this, but I wasn't going to waste a single minute more pushing him away. "I don't know what to say."

He laughed quietly, nosing into my hair, then down my neck. His blunt teeth scraped over my shoulder, then his tongue followed along the column of my neck, and my whole body went warm with need. "You need to eat something."

I scoffed, trying to shove him back, but he clung tight. "Is that some bullshit Alpha thing? Trying to feed me?"

"It's a person who cares about you thing, because you've been sleeping all fuckin' day, and I know you weren't taking care of yourself on the road," he countered. He eased back very slowly, then cupped my cheek and dragged his thumb over my bottom lip. "We have time, Orion. We're going to be here a while."

I nodded, not quite willing to let him go, but he didn't step back far as I turned to the stove and served myself a plate. I felt something satisfied, deep in the pit of my stomach, when he followed me to the sofa, and he let me shove my legs under his thigh as I leaned sideways on the sofa cushions and balanced the bowl on my knees.

The pasta was over-cooked, and the sauce was too sweet, but my stomach was happy for the food. "We need to restock some supplies. I spoke with Misha earlier, and I think we're gonna be stuck here for more than just a few days."

I saw the frustration in his eyes, but also the resignation. "My instincts are telling me to hit the road." He stopped and turned toward me. "You know about Danyal, don't you?"

It wasn't really a question, but I nodded anyway. "Misha told me. Can you uh…have you been able to feel him in your pack bond?"

"Yeah, and for now, he's not being harmed." Zane let out a frustrated, sub-vocal growl and rubbed a hand down his face. "That little fucker knew better. He knew better, but he left anyway."

"We don't even know for sure if he left on his own," I pointed out. "I mean, they managed to trick Kor and you both to get you away from the Council so you'd be vulnerable. And anyway, even if he did go after you, it's probably because we're incapable of thinking rationally when it comes to the people we care about."

He lifted a brow at me. "You mean like someone taking an untested serum that fucks with your DNA in ways even our top genetic scientist doesn't understand?"

A flush crept up the back of my neck, and I shrugged. "Something like that. But you and I knew long before you went missing, we weren't going to have much choice."

"I would have stopped you," he said.

My heart thrashed in my chest. "I don't know that I would have done it…if it hadn't been you the humans grabbed."

The truth felt raw, especially when his gaze locked on mine and held me like I was physically bound. Zane sucked in his breath, then with careful, surprisingly tender hands, he took the bowl from me and set it aside. For a moment, the short space between us felt like a canyon, then he reached for me.

Pressing my body to his felt like coming home. It felt like breathing for the first time. We didn't kiss, but the gap between our lips was infinitesimal, and it would only take the smallest jolt to close the distance.

"Orion," he breathed out. His hand reached up, nails dragging along my scalp, curling into my hair. I closed my eyes against the sound of my name—unreserved, like a confession I wasn't ready to hear. Part of me wanted him to let me go, to push me away. It was too fucking much, but it wasn't close to enough, and I felt like I was going mad with the inability to crawl under his skin and stay there.

"Take me to bed," I told him.

He didn't need telling twice. He rose from the sofa, pulling me with him, and he got as far as the other side of the room before crowding me against the wall. His thigh slid between mine, and my half-hard cock plumped with need as I rocked against him.

"Kiss me," he begged.

We hadn't done that the night before—at least, I couldn't remember doing it, and I knew I wouldn't have forgotten the taste of him. I gave a single, sharp nod before he was on me, hand against my jaw, urging my mouth open wide. He kissed with desperation, messy and unpracticed. He kissed me like he was trying to devour me, and I gave myself fully.

Groaning, I pushed my tongue against his, my jaw aching, my dick throbbing for more friction than the soft inside of the sweats. His hips pushed against mine, a gentle thrust, and I could feel his need against me.

"Bed," he murmured, like he hadn't been the one to stop our progress. His hand curled around my neck, and he walked me backward down the short hallway and into the first room. It smelled like him—woodsy and rich and powerful like his wolf. I took in a breath of it as he kicked the door shut behind him, and then I felt the graze of claws against my skin as he lifted my shirt with trembling fingers and tossed it aside.

I had no time to appreciate what he was doing. He flung me to the bed, then pressed his knees on either side of my hips and leaned in to take my mouth again. He didn't stop there this time, though. With sharp fangs, he dragged lines along the cut of my jaw, soft lips sucking at my pulse point, nails circling my nipples before he dipped his head low and took one in a soft nip just as his fangs retreated.

I let out a sharp moan, the thought of him biting me—drawing blood, marking me—shooting right to my cock. My hips stuttered upward, uselessly fucking into the air, and I felt him smile even as he moved his head and took my other nipple into a painful, gorgeous suck.

"Zane," I begged.

He lifted his head finally and his thumb traced the front of my throat before pressing down in a hold. My entire body went pliant, but not because there was Omega left in me. No, it was because I was head-over-heels for him. I was lost in him, and all I wanted to do was feel him lose himself in pleasure.

"I want you to fuck me," he rumbled.

I blinked in surprise, pushing up on my elbows. "You don't have slick. Maybe you should fuck me."

He cocked his head to the side, then reached under me and pressed against my hole. The fabric separated his touch from my skin, but it still felt intense. "I can't smell any on you, either."

It took me a second to realize he was right. There was no familiar, gushing warmth in spite of how turned on I was, and how much I would have loved to feel him inside me. My fingers began to tremble a little, so he let go and grabbed me by the wrist, pressing a warm, sloppy kiss against my palm. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I told you, I don't care that you're a Beta. I wanted you with blue eyes, I want you with orange eyes. Slick or no slick, I want you any fucking way I can have you, Orion. And right now, I want your dick inside me." He punctuated his request by taking two of my fingers and sucking them into his mouth.

"Fuck, fuck," I gasped, watching him damn-near choke on them. He kept my gaze as he did it, letting them fall from his lips with a wet pop.

"That's the idea. There's oil in the kitchen, and it'll be a mess, but it's better than not having you that way at all."

I felt like I was losing my mind. Maybe something had happened on the road, and I was in a coma, living out my deepest fantasy. But if that was the case, I was going to lean in. I reached up, twisting my fingers around the back of his hair, and I pulled him against me. Our cocks aligned through our sweats, and I thrust against him.

"I'll get the oil. You get undressed," I growled before biting at his lips.

He snarled, pushing back against me, but this time I didn't give. I let him fight it until he was panting, then I shoved my tongue into his mouth as I rolled us both over and pinned him.

"Wait here," I said through clenched teeth. It took all of my willpower to drag myself off him and hurry to the kitchen, and I wasted no time digging into the cupboard until I found it. It was a small glass bottle, unopened, rich yellow. It was nothing compared to what my body had given in my heat, but it would be enough.

It meant I got to sink inside him and feel him around me as I came.

Moving back to the bedroom, I found Zane naked, spread-eagle on the bed, one hand around his dick. I allowed myself a moment of indulgence, watching his lazy strokes. When his eyes opened, I took a step closer, then tossed him the bottle before I went for my pants. They hit the floor with a dull thud, then I pressed one knee on the bed and reached for his legs with both hands.

He spread for me beautifully, showing off his tight pucker with whorls of black hair. My mouth watered as I leaned in, taking in the scent of him. His cock dribbled pre-come, and I took the head into my mouth, suckling for a moment. I let go on his whine, kissing down his shaft, my tongue laving at his balls before I used my fingers to spread him wider.

He pulled his knees up, displaying himself fully to me, and it was all I could do not to devour him with my mouth right there. I let myself have a taste though, swirling my tongue at his opening. The musk was overwhelming, and it settled something inside me that was wild and thrashing with need.

He whined again, his hole clenching around my tongue, so I pulled back and fumbled for the bottle. It was cool against my palm, and the liquid seeped between my fingers. I let it drizzle over him, then I circled his hole with one finger before I slid the tip inside.

"Gods," he gasped, his head thrown back, eyes wide. I felt him clenching, and I wasn't sure if he wanted more or less.

"Have you done this before?"

He came back to himself a little, and the answer was obvious on his face. No. No, he hadn't. I started to pull my hand away, but he clasped his around my wrist and pushed until my finger slid all the way inside. "Don't fucking stop."

I groaned, and when he let go, I began a slow thrust, feeling him tight around me. "Gods, look at you," I murmured, watching him writhe. A slow, red flush was creeping over his chest, and it darkened when I pushed a second finger inside. "Beautiful."

"Fuck," he hissed out when I spread them a little, then added a third. He was taking me like I belonged inside him, and the thought of pushing my cock inside was almost too much. My balls were already tight, and I knew I wasn't going to last long. "I'm ready."

Those were the words I needed to hear. I pulled my hand out, then drizzled the oil over my cock before shuffling closer. He still had his knees drawn up, and I took him by the ankle, spreading him wider. I wanted to see it, to watch myself sink inside this Alpha who wanted me, who was falling for me.

The Alpha I had been fantasizing about for too damn long.

My head caught on his rim, sliding up toward his balls, and he gasped as I grabbed myself and steadied my cock. I moved my gaze up to his face, watching as his eyes squeezed shut, and then I gave a short thrust forward. He let out a whine, almost sub-vocal, deep in his chest, and his claws extended as he grasped at the sheets. They started to shred under his hands, and I pushed a little harder.

"You can take it," I murmured.

He shook his head from side to side, but it wasn't a no. His hips moved toward me. "More," he breathed out. "Fill me."

I didn't need him to ask twice. Bracing myself on his hips, I gave a sharp thrust, and after a second, I slid home. His body would never welcome me the way an Omega's would welcome another Alpha. I would never have a knot for him, and I didn't know if my body would ever take his again.

But in that moment, it didn't matter, because this was perfection. I watched myself slide in until my hips were pressed against his, and we were joined. There was no way to be closer unless there was a bond between us, and I swore for a second, I could see one shining. It was weak, flickering, but wrapped around us, and it petrified me and left me aching for more.

"Fuck me," Zane ordered, and that snapped me out of my daze.

I gave him a feral grin, holding still for only a second, and when I saw him reach the peak of his tolerance, I obeyed. Drawing almost all the way out, I slammed back in, sending the bed crashing into the wall. Zane pushed up in his elbows, eyes wide, lips parted. He looked wild with desire—every bit of him the beast I had rescued, and every bit of him the strong Alpha who was nothing short of absolute.

He was mine.

He was utterly and completely mine.

That was the rhythm I fucked him with—possession and love and want and need. I pulled him close, letting his legs wrap around me, and he pushed halfway up, trying to ride my cock. His own rubbed between us, and in his punched-out groans, I heard him getting closer.

"I'm going to come," I told him, pushing my hand between us so I could get to his dick. My hand curled around it, and it only took two strokes for him to spill.

His head fell back on a cry, and I felt his come shoot over my stomach. That was all it took for my orgasm to crash over me, almost as powerful as it had been the night before during the peak of my heat. I wasn't filled with a knot, but it didn't matter. I was still with Zane, and that was enough to send my head into a spin.

I came to lying on his body, his hands in my hair. He was making a deep, sub-vocal rumble in his chest that moved across my sensitive skin, and I turned my face, rubbing my nose along his thick chest hair. I heard him chuckle as he stroked his fingers along my scalp, and when I lifted my head with the little energy I had left, he took me by the chin and kissed me.

It was soft and kind. It was absolutely nothing like the kisses he'd given me before. It was a mirror of all the layers that made up the person he was, and it settled deep inside me, even if that empty ache was still there.

"Why do I feel this way?" I asked. I felt young, suddenly, even with the weight of the First War heavy on my shoulders. I had lived so much life, but I had never felt a connection like this to anyone before.

His hand moved to my cheek, and he rubbed his thumb under my eye. "Do you want the truth?"

My brows rose. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know exactly why, but I don't want to send your ass running for the hills," he confessed. His voice sounded hoarse and a little raw, and I realized he was vulnerable in this moment. Alpha or not, powerful or not, if I wanted to shut him out, he wouldn't be able to stop me.

"I'm not going anywhere," I told him. I shoved one hand under his back, holding him tight against me. I was probably too large to be pinning him to the bed like that, but he didn't seem in a hurry to push me away. "I never thought I could have this. Why the hell do you think I'd give it up now?"

He swallowed thickly, and his eyes were shuttered as they met mine. "We're bonding."

I almost laughed because I knew we hadn't. I'd stopped him at the goddamn eleventh hour, in spite of what everything in me wanted. "We haven't…"

"No, we haven't," he agreed, not letting me finish. "I haven't bitten you, but it's still there. I could feel it during your heat. I could see it," he added, sounding a little breathless.

I knew what he was talking about now. That fantasy when I sank inside him, when I carried him to the edge of pleasure. It wasn't a hallucination. But it was also something we could still walk away from, and it would eventually fade into nothing.

I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek over the thrumming beat of his heart. I swallowed back a desperate plea for him to sink his teeth in and mark me as his because it wasn't right. Not here. Not like this. Not when I couldn't be sure it wasn't his trauma that made him want more.

"I can't," I told him.

He twitched beneath me, then held me tighter. "I know."

I lifted my head again and made him hold my gaze. "No, you don't know. I want this more than anything. More than I have ever wanted anything. But you just got out of the worst situation, Zane. Your head's a fucking mess right now, and I just had a heat. I care about you too damn much to go forward without some time first."

His jaw tightened, and his cheek sank in like he was biting it. Then, after a beat, he let out a breath and nodded. "When we get back home, we'll talk."

It was the only thing he could offer that I'd accept, and I just had to send up a prayer to whatever deity found me worthy of hearing and hope they'd help him keep my heart. Because no matter what happened, it would always be his.