Chapter 20

Chapter

Twenty

ZANE

M y eyes rolled back in my head as Orion's tongue sank deep inside me. My claws were digging gashes into the wooden bedframe, and I could hear it creaking beneath the weight of us. It would be a miracle if the damn thing survived the last few hours we had together, because a sort of hysteria settled in knowing that within a matter of days, we would be back in Corland and back to our old lives.

I had no idea what would be waiting for me, of course. My brother was missing. I could hear my tormentor's voice every time I closed my eyes. And Orion wasn't willing to talk about what would become of us when we left this place.

But for now, I had him.

I spread my legs farther, thrusting back against his face, and he groaned, holding me by the thighs as he ate me like I was his last meal. He pulled back with a wet pop, chuckling at the sound of my groan, then his face moved between my legs, and he sucked my balls into his mouth.

I had never felt anything like this before with a lover. I had spent heats with Omegas in the past—when the situation called for it—but no one set my blood on fire like this Beta. Even without the bond, he existed under my skin, and all I could think about was laying my mark on his neck and being able to see it every day.

"Please," I managed to growl through my elongated fangs.

He laughed again, nipping my left ass cheek before he pulled all the way back. My cock was aching for some sort of friction, and I couldn't decide if I wanted him to stuff me full or spread himself out beneath me.

We hadn't done that since his heat. Every time I touched him there, I felt him tense, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because he was no longer slick—no longer an Omega. He didn't talk about it after the morning he woke up with Beta blue eyes, but I could feel he was mourning something.

And there was still something different about him.

On the surface, he was the same stiff soldier I had known back in the First War. The same warrior who had stormed into my apartment and demanded that we do something about the mess our government was making. He was the Beta who stood up to Alphas of any rank when they were falling away from the cause.

And he was the Beta I had fallen in love with years ago.

But there was something new in his gaze, in his touch. It wasn't just that he reacted to me, it was the way he reacted to me. And every now and again—in the right light, when I had him worked up and begging—I swore I could see a spark of orange right near his pupils.

I never said anything. I didn't want to terrify him, and we still had no idea what the long-term effects of the serum were on his body. But that secret little part of him felt like mine, and it only made me want to bite him more.

"Zane," he said, and I realized I had zoned out.

I reached for him, and he pressed his body along mine, laying kisses on my neck, trailing them up until he met my mouth. "Tell me what you want."

"This," he said. He thrust his cock against my hip, then grabbed me tight and rolled us both until I was on top of him. I looked down between our bodies as I adjusted my legs on either side of his, and he reached down, taking both of our cocks in his large hand. "Like this?"

I grinned at him, licking the seam of his lips before reaching over for the lube, and I drizzled a generous amount on his fingers. "Make me come."

His neck flushed, and his body went hotter, and he met my gaze with an almost ferocity as he began to stroke. His pace was faster than I normally liked, but with him, it was like he was reaching inside me and dragging the pleasure out. I thrust against his palm, feeling his searing hot dick slick against my own, and it was almost too much.

"I need you." Those weren't the three words I wanted to say, but I had enough of my sense still to stop myself from going too far.

I had no doubt he heard them for what they were meant to be, and he sucked in a breath as he tightened his grip, then reached around with his other hand and grabbed the globe of my ass. He urged me to thrust faster, harder. The bed thumped against the wall as I chased my orgasm, and it wasn't long before I was coming hot ropes against his stomach.

He followed shortly after, then let me collapse down on the mess as he dragged his clean hand up and down the length of my spine. I couldn't get enough of the smell of us, mingled together on his skin. I wanted to roll around in it, bask in it until it was the only thing I knew.

"Mm," he rumbled against the side of my neck. His lips parted, and I felt his tongue tasting the salt of my sweat. "Would you think less of me if I told you that this was my favorite part of sex with you?"

Something hot and needy rose up in me, and I squeezed my eyes shut against it for fear of saying too damn much. "Maybe a little."

He scoffed and bit me gently on the shoulder. "You fucking love it."

I did. And I loved him. There was no point in denying it, though I wasn't going to say it. But I knew when I looked up, he'd be smiling that little grin that he only ever used with me. It was a new thing, appearing when we got here, and I started coming back to myself, and I was terrified that leaving would rob us of those small, sweet things that had come to life since he rescued me.

"How long ‘til Kor gets here?" I asked, gently rolling to the side.

I felt him stiffen against my arm. "Why? You in a hurry to get out?"

Burying my face in the pillow, I let out a sigh. I wasn't in a hurry to leave, but I was in a hurry to get it over with. I wanted to hit fast-forward and skip all the awkward parts so I wouldn't have to sit and wonder if we were going to fall apart or not.

"You know it's not that," I finally said, turning to face him. Lifting my hand, I brushed a line across his forehead. "There's just so much left to do."

He hummed a quiet agreement. He knew better than anyone what the road to war looked like. Even if it changed shape, lives would be lost—people we cared about, and strangers we couldn't save. But if we were lucky—and I wanted to hold out a little bit of hope that we might be this time—it would be over soon.

"Let's shower," he said after a beat.

I knew he was deflecting, but it was too easy to let him pull me from the covers and drag me across the hall to the too-tiny bathroom. He started the water, and I sat on the toilet lid as I watched steam waft up from behind the shower curtain. He fussed with the knobs, his ass close enough to my face I could lean in and bite it if I wanted—and it was tempting.

When he looked over his shoulder at me, he grinned. "One thing I'm looking forward to when we get back?"

I stiffened and braced myself. "Mm?"

"A bathroom big enough that I can fuck you against the tiles and not feel like we're gonna knock the wall down." The words were playful, casual, but his tone was not. It was a small thing, but the importance of it was astronomical. He was making plans for after. Plans that included us .

And I didn't want to hope too much that it meant he was willing to consider something permanent with me, but the door wasn't closed.

I said nothing as I put my hands on his hips, and I held him steady as he stepped backward, over the lip of the tub. I followed and laughed a little because he was right—we were too fucking massive to fit for more than a quick hand-job.

In that moment, though, I didn't want that. I wanted to luxuriate in the closeness—of having him now because promises or not, there was no room in war for love. There was only room to pray you got back safely so there was the chance of living again beyond battle.

Grabbing the soap, I lathered up my hands, then scrubbed them down his chest, through the hair that was sticky with our come. He leaned back into the spray with his eyes closed as I cleaned him, and when the suds began to rinse away, he took me by the hips and kissed me.

It felt like a goodbye, and it felt like a vow, and I wasn't sure I was emotionally strong enough to embrace either. So I kissed him back and accepted his offering, then let him put space between us.

"I'm gonna get something going for dinner," he said as he turned the water off. "I figure those guys will want to eat after all that driving, and Kor's last message said we'd head out in the morning once he got word that the road home was safe."

I had no hope at all that the drive would be uneventful, but there would be more than just two of us, and none of us were grievously injured. I also trusted that Kor—and more than him, Misha—would vet the team that accompanied him so we wouldn't have to worry about another traitor.

Orion and I parted ways in the bedroom, and I took my time putting clothes on, then gathering up our things into the couple of duffle bags we'd grabbed on our very last outing. I'd purposefully avoided any place that might have shown the news since I was still reeling from hearing that bastard's voice, but I knew I had to prepare myself for facing him.

Orion hadn't said as much, but I knew he asked Kor for information on the guy. He was Misha's brother—that much evident from how much they looked alike, but I had read the kid's file when Danyal presented it to the Council when he first arrived in the caves.

My instinct had been to throw Misha out—a counter to Lior's proposal that he be killed, but the two of us were outvoted by Mikael, Theo, and Francisco, and I never thought I'd be grateful for it.

But I was.

And there was some small blessing that I hadn't seen his face during my torment, because Misha sounded nothing like him, and I could allow myself that disconnect.

When I was done with the bags, I wandered into the kitchen and found Orion setting the phone down. He glanced at me from the stove where he was frying meat, and offered me a short quirk of his brow. "They'll be here in about forty minutes."

My stomach sank in spite of wanting to the chance to go home. "No trouble on the road?"

Orion turned away, shaking his head. "Nothing worth reporting, I guess. He sounded tired, but I figured everyone's gonna be pushed to their limits in the next few months."

He wasn't wrong. But at least we had been born for this.

I walked around hm and moved to the cutting board where a pile of onions and peppers waited to be chopped, then I picked up a knife and began to meticulously carve them up. "Orion."

He glanced over at me. "Yeah?"

"Which brother is he?"

Orion's brows furrowed, then lifted when he realized what I was talking about. "The uh… Him ? Misha's brother?"

"Alexei or Ivan?"

He swallowed, and I heard it catch in his throat. They were both in politics, but Ivan's attention had been overseas as a foreign dignitary, trying to win over governments to the anti-Wolf cause. Alexei had been running mostly successful local campaigns on the east coast for years, but he'd been quiet—which was the perfect strategy for a man who was helping his father's experiments.

"Alexei," he eventually said, his voice gruff. "Alexei Kasher."

I dragged my lip between my teeth and forced myself not to bite a hole through it. "Does Kor have a move?"

Orion set down the wooden spoon he'd been using to stir the meat, and he made room for me to tip the vegetables into the pan. "No. He said he had a few ideas, but shit was going sideways, and he didn't want to talk about it over the phone." He waited ‘til I was done, then grabbed a lid and covered the pan before putting his hand against the side my neck to hold me there. "He's not going to leave either of us in the dark."

"No, I know," I said with a breath. And I did. Kor had never been the type of Alpha who believed the only safe information was the shit he kept to himself. But being apart from the action for so long meant I had no idea what else was going on. "I want to know what they found at the compounds."

Orion bit the inside of his cheek. "As far as Kor said—nothing. They were gutted. A couple of bodies," he added, swallowing thickly, and there was emotion in his voice that surprised me. I frowned at him, and he huffed before shrugging. "I don't know if you remember me telling Kor, but I had to kill a Wolf to get to you."

The shock of that hit me like a physical blow, and I took a step back. "What do you mean?"

His eyes instantly went watery, and he dragged a hand down his face. "Bryn. He uh…fuck. I didn't recognize him—his scent, his face. He was half-shifted, and his face was a mangled mess, and…"

My head began to spin, because it all made sense. I had been forced to fight—forced to claw the bodies set in front of me, and I knew they were Wolves, but it hadn't mattered at the time. They were faceless, scentless beasts who would have killed me if I hadn't been capable of defending myself.

But knowing one of them was Bryn…

"I didn't know it was him until his wounds stopped healing, and he regained some of his consciousness," Orion said, his voice rough. He gripped the counter behind him. "He told me where to find you. I tried to save him—to take him with us, but he wouldn't let me."

"It was probably better that way." And I knew if I had been there any longer, I would have chosen death too.

Orion squeezed his eyes shut, and for the first time, I saw him cry. Not much, just a few wet tears tracing a path down his cheeks. I wanted to reach for him, but I had no place in that moment. "I don't want to go through that again. I…I can't. I can't lose anyone else like that again."

I didn't want to promise him that would never happen, because both of us knew far too well it was one we couldn't keep. So instead, I offered him my arms, and I let out a quiet breath when he accepted my touch.

Kor arrived with the entourage an hour after we'd finished cooking the food. Orion had set it to keep warm in the oven, and the pair of us were curled together on the sofa when we heard the car. We both sprang to alert, claws at the ready, but I caught the scent of the Alpha as one of the doors opened, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

There were feet between me and Orion now, and he didn't make a move to close the distance. It was over—our little bubble, our little paradise. My heart ached, but I straightened my shoulders and prepared to meet our team.

Kor came in first, and I was shocked to find him gripping the back of Misha's arm. I hadn't expected the human Omega to head right into the fray, which likely meant something was wrong because Kor wouldn't have allowed it.

Misha met my gaze as he stepped aside, then I approached the Alpha, and we grasped hands. "It's good to see you," he rumbled.

I allowed myself to simply feel the presence of all these Wolves—of this pack—and it settled something a little wild and restless inside me. "I'm glad you made it. Did you have any trouble on the drive?" I looked past him at the Wolves—two Betas and an unfamiliar Alpha woman with bright red hair tied in a braid over her shoulder. She met my gaze for a long moment, then tilted her head in greeting.

"No. I think we had a tail for a short while, but they're not gonna try anything stupid just yet." Kor let me go and reached in Orion's direction, his Second coming to embrace him. I watched as Kor dragged a palm along Orion's neck, and I had to physically bite back a possessive growl.

Kor seemed to have noticed, because he shot me a raised brow, but he said nothing. "Is there food? I smell something cooking, and I'm starved."

"Oh my god." Misha whispered, returning his arm to his mate's hand. "We're fine to whip something up ourselves."

"I cooked," Orion said, staring warily at the newcomers. They were part of Kor's personal team, and it was only knowing how aware he was after almost losing his mate that let the both of us relax. "Come on. You can sit at the table and eat. Then we can figure out what the hell we're doing next."

"We already know half of it," Kor said, following Misha closely. He found the chair after dragging his hand down Misha's arm, then sat with a small grunt of relief. I moved around the counter and leaned against it as Orion started to prep the food, and I took in everyone's weary expression. Something was different.

Something had gone wrong.

"I can feel you holding something back," Orion complained as he set plates around the table, then dropped the pan in the middle. He added a bowl of rice, then stood back with his arms crossed as the Wolves dug in. "Just fucking out with it, Kor."

The Alpha pulled a face as he let Misha serve him, then he grabbed his fork and stabbed at some of the steak. "Misha and I are going into hiding."

Orion immediately leaned forward. "You're what ?"

"We were just out outed to the fucking world as enemy number one," Kor said with a shrug, chewing loudly. "The media had a goddamn field day releasing all of Misha's information, saying that he was working with his father and then turned on him and took all of his genetic theory over to the Wolves who began running their own experiments."

"And people are buying this shit?" I demanded, placing my hands on the counter.

The Betas all looked uncomfortable, but the new Alpha met my gaze. "Some are, some aren't," she said in a smoky voice that didn't match the soft roundness of her face. The freckles dotted across her pale skin only added to the illusion of youth, but I could tell she was at least as old as I was. "Enough people want to believe that a small band of rebels are causing trouble instead of the governments actively participating in genocide."

I snorted, but it was mostly out of frustration because I had seen what people were willing to believe. "They can't possibly ignore all the evidence."

"No. That's why this bullshit election was announced," Kor snapped. He set his fork down and rubbed at his eyes. "Both sides are going to want to control the narrative, and both sides need an enemy to focus on."

"And that's you," I said very quietly. I felt Orion's eyes on me, but I didn't look over at him. Instead, I let my gaze drift between Kor, who looked resigned, and Misha, who looked terrified. "Where are you going to go?"

"Away," Kor said. His fingertips touched the table, then drifted in Misha's direction until the human caught them and held them tight. "We have a couple of contacts, but we've decided not to tell anyone where. It's too risky."

I hated it, but I knew he was right. And when I was brave enough to look over at Orion, I could see it in his face he knew it too. But there was heartbreak there, and I understood it more than I wanted to. Kor was his family. He was pack, yes, but it had become more than that.

He would feel the same, empty ache that I did knowing Danyal was alive, but missing.

"I'm assuming you put Francisco in charge since Mikael's out searching for my brother," I said after a beat. The line of hierarchy made sense. Theo was younger and a little more reckless, though I would have trusted either Alpha with my life.

Kor made a soft noise, then he turned in his seat. His eyes searched for me, like he wanted to make eye-contact, and though they never settled, I was pinned. "I'm asking you to stand in my place."

My mouth opened to argue, but no sound came out. He was patient though, waiting for me to absorb. "I can't."

"Same shit I said to Orion when I was dragged back to the base." It was obvious Kor had been ready to counter any protest I made—and he was smart enough to know I'd make one. "You're the only one old enough and strong enough for our people to trust."

"Strong enough?" I blurted, my voice on the edge of hysteria. "Do you know what I…?" I stopped, not able to voice those words in front of these strangers.

A silence fell over the room, then I jumped when Misha's chair scraped across the wood floor. "I think we should start transferring supplies to the cars you all are taking back to Corland."

I heard Orion's quiet huff—something like amusement, and maybe even gratitude. I wanted nothing more than his touch, but I wasn't about to ask for it.

The other Wolves brushed past me, and just when I thought Kor and I were alone, I felt a hand at my waist and lips at the side of my jaw.

"For what it's worth," Orion murmured, "I believe in you."

I closed my eyes as I listened to his steps, and opened them again when Kor cleared his throat. "Sit," he ordered. "I need to eat, and I can't concentrate if you're pacing behind me."

I crossed the room and took the chair opposite him, waiting as he picked up his fork again and shoveled a couple bites into his mouth. When he swallowed down water, I leaned my arm on the table and fixed my gaze on his face. "It's not the same as what you went through."

His jaw tightened, and he offered me a sharp nod. "I know. Orion wouldn't tell me what happened, but what I read in those reports…" He trailed off, and I saw the fork bend slightly under his hand. "It was written like a clinical outline, but I know just how personal that shit gets."

I shuddered and squeezed my eyes shut against the memories. "I can't sleep. I mean, not really. Everything makes me jumpy, and when I heard that fucker's voice on TV, I totally lost it."

"I'm not asking you to take over as Head Alpha because I thought you didn't have a mountain of trauma to work through," he said, his chin lifting. "I'm asking you because you're the only one I trust who can keep levelheaded enough that with your trauma, you can still put our people first."

I sat back, folding my arms over my chest. "Kor…"

"I'm also asking because Orion is in love with you, and like Misha did for me, he can give you the balance you need to do this."

Orion is in love with you . He said the words so casually, so matter-of-fact, they stole my breath and it took several moments to regain it. "He isn't…"

"He is. I've been bombarded by that shit in the pack bond every time he slips and can't block it." Kor's mouth stretched into a small grin, and he shook his head as he cleared the rest of his plate. When he swallowed his last bite, he swiped his hand over his mouth, then leaned back and closed his eyes. "He's worried that he's not enough for you because he's a Beta. And I'm only telling you this because I know his ass told you already."

"He did," I answered quietly. "And I told him how…untrue that is."

Kor laughed very softly and shook his head. "I have no doubt." After a second, he sobered, and his hand found the table again before he leaned his arm against it. "The other Alphas understand what we're fighting. Hell, most of the Wolves do now—at least, the ones who aren't looking for a way to excuse it all as some conspiracy theory. All of us have seen war. All of us understand just how capable both sides are of unspeakable violence."

I breathed out and rubbed at my eyes until I saw starbursts. "I know."

"I trust the ones in our orbit, Zane. And I know you do, because you're the one who gathered them. But none of them understand." He opened his eyes and lifted them toward my face, almost defiant, forcing me to see the lasting marks they'd left behind. "It's not going to be easy, and sometimes you're going to fall apart. The gods only know how often I do. But we can do this because we're not alone."

I looked at his eyes—the way they were almost entirely black—and wondered about my own scars. In the mirror, there wasn't a single trace that I had ever been captured, that I had ever been reduced to a mindless beast. But inside, I was still raw—flayed alive and bleeding. And it was healing, but I was nowhere close to the Wolf I had been.

"Bond with him," Kor said. "Both of you are aching for it. I can feel it even without tapping into the pack."

I chuckled quietly under my breath. "I tried. He's being a stubborn ass."

"Well, I'm not surprised about that, but he won't say no a second time," Kor said. "And if you're worried whether or not our people will care that you've bonded to a Beta…"

"I'm not," I told him quickly, and I realized how true that was. "But I'd do it even if they did. I love him too."

Kor softened a fraction and eased back in his chair. "I won't be gone forever. I know you didn't want this position, and I won't ask you to keep it for longer than necessary. But you have the whole Council behind you. Including Aisling."

My brows rose. "I'm assuming you mean the new Alpha."

Kor blinked, then laughed again. "Shit, yeah. Sorry, I didn't think."

"It's fine," I told him. I stood up and moved to the kitchen, rummaging in the fridge for two beers. Cracking the top, I walked them back over and touched the side of Kor's hand with one of the bottles. He took it with a grateful sigh and swallowed back several mouthfuls as I sat again. "Where did she come from?"

"Seattle. She was living in a small commune there when everything went to hell. Two dozen of her pack went missing overnight. She was recruited by Lior initially, but…" His words went quiet at the sound of my low growl.

"And that might be another reason you shouldn't trust me." I hadn't thought about the turncoat Alpha in a while, but he had been my suggestion when we were assembling the first Council.

Kor didn't seem fazed, though, taking another drink before turning his face back toward me. "I get it. Keep your enemies close and all that."

And he wasn't entirely off the mark. Lior had always made me nervous, but he'd been too far in the know, and keeping him bound to our Council seemed like the only solution at the time. "I think we might be hearing his name sooner rather than later," I confessed. "He's not as young and charismatic as…" I couldn't bring myself to say his name again—the human who had done this—but I didn't need to. "I don't know if they'll want him as the face, but he'll be the one pulling the strings on anyone who announces a bid to challenge the humans."

"There have been a few whispers around Corland—a small fraction of Wolves who think it might not be such a terrible idea to let it happen," Kor admitted. His voice was tighter than before, and I could hear indecision in his tone. "They're starting to think it might be better if we focus our energy on winning politically than dismantling the whole system."

I stared at him a long time before I realized why he sounded the way he did. "You agree."

"I don't," he said quickly. "But I'm not sure I entirely disagree. If we dismantle the system, something uglier will pop up in its place. There will always be a system of rule, and it might be time that a Wolf is in charge."

Blowing out a heavy breath of air, I stared down at my hand curled around my beer bottle and tried to envision a world where a Wolf held the power. "What's to stop us from being as bad as they are? What's to stop us from taking revenge?"

"The right person in charge," Kor said quietly. "Someone with a bridge between both sides."

"You mean someone like Misha?" I asked.

He grinned and shook his head. "No. I…honestly, I don't know what I mean. I've been thinking about a lot of shit lately. What the labs were doing, what they wanted to gain…"

"Weapons," I spat, and Kor went silent. The words scraped along my throat like razors, but he needed to know. "They want to turn us into weapons. I don't remember everything, but they talked. Alexei talked. He liked the sound of his voice," I said with a grimace. "His father's work on Misha wasn't just to give humans an advantage over us. It was to isolate genes and manipulate them. It was to strip us of our conscience and our will—to turn us into mindless beasts they could use against our own people. I…" My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. "I was almost one of them. I had forgotten my name, and where I had come from. All I wanted was the taste of blood in my mouth, and I didn't care whose it was."

"Zane," he whispered, and I shook my head in spite of knowing he couldn't see it.

"I was on the verge of turning completely when Orion found me. I had already maimed other Wolves they had turned."

"Bryn," he said softly.

"I think so. I don't…I'm not entirely sure, but Orion put him out of his misery so I can never ask." My breath shuddered in my chest, and I ran the heel of my palm over my sternum. "I was their first Alpha, but they'd already had success with Betas. And there was more, but I can't remember the details. I can't…" I rubbed at my temples, my eyes tight shut, and I jolted when Kor dropped into the seat next to me and took my wrist in a firm grip.

"We have the information, Zane. Orion got everything they had logged with ComTech, and we're just waiting on it to finish decoding. We have enough to start," he told me, and I finally opened my eyes to look at him. "And we'll know where we need to finish it when we have the rest."

I breathed out again, then gently extracted my wrist from his fingers. "I can't imagine not feeling this…this vice around my lungs every time I think about it. Every time I think about him," I confessed. "I don't know if I have the strength to do this because it's going to mean facing him."

"All I'm asking is that you try. Is that you take the mantle for now. Theo and Francisco are both willing to step in if it's too much. But like me, your experience can unify our people." He dragged a finger from one eye to the other. "It leaves them shit-scared because they can't imagine having to live like this. And part of me is so furious that I have to use my blindness as a fear tactic to get them motivated, but right now, I'll do whatever I need to in order to keep them hungry for the fight."

I stared at my hands again. "I'm not ready, but I also know I can't back out of this. So…okay. You can count on me."

I felt almost tangible relief pouring off him. "I'm sorry we have to leave you like this."

"No, I understand. I would have been shoving you out the door if I'd known about it first," I told him, and he laughed, sitting back in the chair.

"I know you would." He let out a small sigh, and it was in that moment I could see how world-weary he was. "For the record, I don't want to do any of this. I've been tempted more than once to just grab Misha and find some place in the middle of nowhere while the rest of the world devours itself."

"For the record," I echoed, "if you ever decide to make that choice, let me know because Orion and I will gladly follow you."

"You sure about him?" he asked.

I smiled, feeling something warm and soft soothing the raw, tattered pieces of my soul. "Yeah. I really fucking am."