Chapter Sixteen

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Parrish

“Ibrought you something.” I sat beside Riven on the steps of the house we were working on. It was our lunchbreak. Wayne and Smitty were around back where we’d been working, having their meal under a tree there.

“Why?” he asked, making me roll my eyes.

“Because that’s a thing human beings do sometimes. Jesus, Riv. There doesn’t have to be a reason.”

I reached into my lunch bag and pulled out the brownie. “I remember how much you used to love them. They’re your favorite dessert, right? I made them yesterday with the girls.”

Riven took it from me, staring at the treat like it was a Rubik’s Cube he had no idea how to solve, which made a laugh spill out of me.

“This is food, Riv. You open your mouth, take a bite, and chew.”

“Ha-ha, fucker.” He nudged me playfully in this way he wouldn’t have done a few weeks ago. I watched as he unwrapped it and took a bite. “You remember that? Me liking brownies?”

“I think you underestimate the crush I had on you. It’s embarrassing, but you were a hero to me.”

“Your idea of a hero is questionable.”

“I can admit that in some ways.”

He took another bite, gooey chocolate on one of his fingers. I grabbed his wrist, tugged it closer, and sucked his digit into my mouth.

“Jesus,” he hissed out, before his expression clouded over. “Becca came to see me yesterday.”

His words made my heart stumble, like a dying car battery trying to start. My first thoughts were, Did you change your mind? Do you want her back? Which I immediately hated myself for. This wasn’t about me. Becca would be better off with someone like Riven than she was with Rex. “What happened?”

“She told me she still loves me. It was different hearing it from her than it was from you. Made me feel like a piece of shit to turn her down. I don’t know how to be what she would need me to be.”

“That’s not your fault. At least you’re not making her empty promises like Rex did. You’ve been honest with her, but I can’t pretend that doesn’t hammer home how much of a dickhead I am. I don’t want to hurt Becca, but I don’t want to stop doing this with you either.” And I wouldn’t stop. Not as long as Riven wanted to keep this up.

He put the brownie in his bag as if he couldn’t handle taking something from me now.

“I know this is just fucking,” I said before he could.

Riven turned his brown gaze on me like he hadn’t expected it, then surprised me by leaning in and taking my mouth. His brownie-flavored tongue slipped past my lips in a hungry kiss. His hand wrapped around my nape, holding me in a possessive way that made me feel like I was his. I shouldn’t even want that—to belong to someone, especially not him.

A sound came from the side of the house, and Riven jerked away before Wayne and Smitty walked around the corner.

“We gonna get back to work or what?” Smitty asked. I glanced at my phone to see we were a couple of minutes late from finishing lunch, something I never did.

Riven stood without looking at me. He tossed the leftovers of his sandwich in the trash, but I noticed he kept the brownie when he went and put his lunch bag in the work truck.

*

Riven was moretalkative at work the next few days. Not really to Wayne or Smitty, but to me. We ate lunch together every day, and he’d make jokes or tease me if I fucked something up, and just…I didn’t know how to word it. Felt more like a real person. One who wasn’t a shell of who he’d been.

Not that Riven was ever really talkative. He seemed to prefer observing things. It wasn’t something I’d noticed when we were younger, but I did now. He took in the world around him, quietly analyzing everything, and damn did I want to know every little thing he figured out.

We hadn’t spent any more time together outside of work, and not gonna lie, I was trying to find a way to make that shit happen. I felt obsessed with Riven in a way that didn’t make sense, but I didn’t care because being around him made me feel good.

So on Friday after work, when Smitty and Wayne left and Riv gave me his form to sign, I said, “What are you up to? I was thinking we could get some food tonight.”

He frowned as if my statement confused him. Okay, so this was an epic fail.

“I can’t. I need to go home and shower real quick before I head to Bedford to check in with my PO. Plus, I don’t go out to eat here. There’s not one person in this town I want to see or run into.”

Which was shitty, but I understood why. It wasn’t as if people had been real good to him; plus, there was my dad and brother, of course.

“I could go with you.”

“Why would you want to do that? It’s not fun.”

I laughed. Jesus, he was so brash, and why did I find that so hot? “Because then we can eat dinner afterward. At least in Bedford you won’t have to worry about running into anyone. Don’t argue. I’ll go home and shower and meet you back at your place.” He opened his mouth to turn me down, but I pressed two fingers to his lips. “I said don’t argue.”

“You’re getting a little bossy, don’t you think?”

“You like it.” I winked, which earned me an eye roll from Riven, but he didn’t deny me.

I rushed home to take the fastest shower in history, worried he would leave without me. I tossed on the first pair of jeans and T-shirt I could find, and pulled up in front of his house just as Riven was climbing into his truck. He looked fucking good—old, faded jeans sculpting his long legs, black T-shirt hugging his arms and shoulders, and the backward hat he was never without.

“You were going to ditch me.” I jogged to the passenger side.

“I liked you better when you were brooding and hated me,” he replied, but there was a light playfulness to his voice that pulled my lips into a grin.

He wasn’t going to leave without me. Somehow, I knew he wouldn’t have.

We didn’t talk much on the ride over, the old radio in his truck playing quiet rock music I didn’t recognize. “What’s your PO like?”

“A PO.”

“Is he a dick?”

Riven shook his head. “Nah, he’s not bad, actually. Could be worse.” After a moment of silence, he asked, “How’s Becca doing?”

Shit. I tried to ease my guilt when we were together by pretending she didn’t exist. “About the same. Rex went home. He’s still him, though. I went over and had dinner with her and the girls yesterday.” Partly to make up for the fact that I want to spend the weekend with you.

Riven gave me a curt nod, then pulled into the parking lot. “Wait here.”

The truck didn’t have AC, so it was hot as balls, but I kept both windows down as he went inside. I watched until he disappeared, the spark of anger that always lived inside me flaring to life again because he had a parole officer and had to check in weekly with him after spending time in prison, all for something my brother had done.

And I wanted Rex to pay for it. My dad and uncle too. I didn’t know how to make that happen, but Christ, I wanted it. The truth of what they’d done sat heavy in my chest, a constant ache that wouldn’t go away, and it intensified every time I looked at Riven.

It took him about forty-five minutes inside the building, while I sat outside and stewed. I tried to bury my thoughts so I didn’t drag him down, but the second he got into the truck, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He cocked a brow, and I added, “It just pisses me off. It should be Rex going through this, not you. I hate knowing they won.” Hated that Riven suffered. That Riven was still suffering.

“Let it be, Parrish.” He gritted his teeth, and I knew I’d ruined the mood.

“How’d it go?” I asked, as if that was better than what we’d been talking about.

“He watched me piss in a cup, then wanted to make sure I was being a good boy.”

“I like it better when you’re a bad boy.” I pumped my brows playfully, and Riven smiled. His smiles made it feel like things were shifting around in my chest.

“You’re not smooth.”

“I beg to differ. I got you into bed, didn’t I?”

“I hadn’t fucked in six years. I was hard up.”

I chuckled. “Oh, it’s like that, is it? You’re gonna pretend you don’t love railing my ass? I sure as fuck enjoy it.” I’d always loved taking dick, but there was something special about taking Riv’s. I wanted it all the time.

“Jesus.” Riven reached down and adjusted his dick in his pants. His head dropped back, his eyes closed, the long column of his neck on display, making a memory hit me all of a sudden.

We’d been teenagers. Rex and Riven were going camping, and I’d begged to go along. Rex was being a dick and kept saying no, but Riven had said, “It’s not a big deal. Just let him come, man.” Then he’d looked at me and said, “Go pack your shit.”

We’d gone up one of the mountains to camp, just the three of us. Rex had gotten messed up on meth and was trying to get me to do it with him. I’d almost done it too, though I hadn’t tried drugs since the time Riven had flushed the coke, but Riv had snatched it away, taken a hit himself, then smashed the pipe so I couldn’t do it.

“You stupid motherfucker! Why did you do that?” Rex had said, shoving Riven. He’d almost fallen into the fire, but then the two of them had dissolved into laughter.

We stayed up all night. It was after three when they’d passed out, but I hadn’t so I could keep an eye on them. When I did spend time with my brother, it often became about me taking care of him. There was no reason I should have expected anything different that night. The only reason I’d wanted to go was…well, Riven.

A few minutes later, Riven had gotten up and come to sit on a rock beside me. I wasn’t even sure he’d really gone to sleep. It felt like he’d faked it.

“Don’t do that shit, Parrish. None of it. I’ll beat your ass if you do.”

“Fuck you. Why can you and Rex do it but not me?” My argument had lacked heat, though, because the truth was, I didn’t want to do that shit. I just felt like I had to.

Riven had taken a few deep breaths, then looked away. “Because we’re not anything special. We’ll never be. But you can be. You will be.”

I hadn’t responded, hadn’t known what to say. No one had ever told me I could be anything before, that I wasn’t shit just like Rex and my dad.

Riven had closed his eyes, dropped his head back, and breathed in. I noticed his neck then too. “I love camping. I’d live out here if I could.”

My mind was pulled back to the present as I took him in.

“Forget dinner. Let’s go camping this weekend.” I wanted to give him that, wanted him to be out in the fresh air, doing something he enjoyed. And maybe I was a selfish son of a bitch who just wanted him to myself.

“What? I don’t even know if I still have camping shit or where it is.”

“I have what we need. We don’t have to go far. Go camping with me, Riv. It’ll be fun.”

His hesitation was shorter than I expected. “All right.”