21. Abraxas

Time was irrelevant in this place between life and death. The stars swirled above and below me, but they didn't matter because all my light was gone. Tori hadn't returned, and I didn't blame her. I had lost control. I had hurt her. I had killed her.

Forover five hundred years, I controlled myself and turned my heart to ice. I had been the honorable general and fae king. I played Hadeon's lap dog, his loyal servant despite the beast inside me calling for his violent death whenever he was near. ButI tamed it, controlled it.

Withone perfect smile, Tori completely destroyed that control. It was like the gods had made her just to test me, to break me. She was my mate, so, in truth, they had. Dragons were not soft creatures. We raged with the deep fires of the earth, and violence followed our every step. I had been given a delicate creature as the guardian of my heart.

Ichuckled. I knew she would hate that. And yes, by fae standards, she was fierce and unbreakable. But she quickly came apart under my claws. Oh, how delicious her ecstasy and fear were.

Isighed. I understood why she stayed away, but every piece of me that still clung to this life yearned for her. I hoped to see her just one more time before the end.

Ileaned into the void of nothing that surrounded me. I searched for what seemed like years in this empty place, but I found nothing. There was no beginning and no end to it. Well, that's not true; there was an end, a great wallowing black hole that sucked even the meager light of the stars into it. It called to me relentlessly. No matter how far I flew, it stayed with me, inviting me to that final resting place. But the tiny golden glow at my heart clung to me, guiding me away.

Timestretched beyond measure. The past and the present swirled together in an inescapable mosaic.

Isaw my mother, golden and beautiful. Her scales sparkled like late evening sunlight caught in a warm rain. Her heart's fire was white, tinged with just the smallest hint of blue, and reminded me of the clouds she loved to chase me through when I was just a fledgling. My father had taught me strength and precision in the air, but it had been my mother who taught me how to fly. She who had loved me enough that when I stepped off that cliff for the very first time, I knew she would always be there to catch me.

Iremember her white, golden-sheened hair tickling my face when she would lean over and hold me close, reading me poetry by the fire in her room. I remembered the sweet sound of her floating laughter after I drew an unflattering portrait of KingObion, who had come visiting and put her in a foul mood. She wrapped me up in her arms, kissing me all over my face until I squirmed and wiggled out of her embrace. She planted one more kiss on the back of my head and called meVerstak, which she had told me meant "my mischievous one."One of my aunts later told me it more closely translated to "littleshit," but it warmed my fading heart all the same.

Iremembered my father, a beast of few words, whether dragon or fae. He'd been a force of nature and had flown with me out into the kingdom until I had learned every nook and cranny. But the land was always changing, and I always needed to keep a watchful eye. I also needed to watch and protect the humans and fae who lived in our lands. As a young, exuberant youth, I hadn't understood. They are so small, father, their lives so short. Why should we care for them?

Hehad laughed at me then. When you live as long as we do, my son, you forget. You forget the beauty in a sunset, for you have seen thousands. You forget the magic woven into a song because you have heard so many. These mortals live with such abandon because of their fragility. That is more precious than all the gold in the land. One life is perfect, no matter how long or short. They gift us far more than we could ever gift them. We must protect them. I hadn't understood him then, but he hadn't let me forget it, and with time, I had learned the beauty that was each precious life.

Thenthey all lay before me—destroyed. My mother was first. Everything about the scene was wrong. How softly the setting sun reflected off her, the field of white flowers she lay blowing gently in the calm spring breeze. The perfect open sky. How could these things exist while she lay dead? Thick rivulets of dark red blood cascaded from the bolt lodged in my mother's side, piercing straight under her front leg, perfectly lodging into her heart. An unbelievably lucky shot, or truly, a perfectly unlucky one. I had never seen my father cry, but the sounds he made shook the very earth, and he lost himself. His deep red fire scorched the flowers and the surrounding forest. He clawed at my mother's dead body as if he could somehow force the blood back into her. But her heartfire had been extinguished. I dared not approach him. I was still not yet fully grown, and I knew that he would destroy me unknowingly if I came between them.

Mymother had died that day, but I had lost my father as well. He walked beside me for another two hundred years, but only as a ghost. I slept at the edge of the field, waiting for him. But as the stars twirled overhead, without saying a word, my father bolted into the sky, heading southwest. It was the direction of the closest town. I took off after him, but at that age, I couldn't catch him. I managed to save a few lives that day before he took them all, but I had lost him that day, too.

Hehad forbidden my transforming near the end of the War of Magic. I had been young enough that they had managed to keep my existence as a dragon a secret from the world. They had never even given me a dragon name. Abraxas was the bastardized fae translation of what my mother had wanted to name me, but she had never told me.

Andso, I was stuck in my bastardized form, weak and bound to the ground as Hadeon's troops flooded the streets of Xyr. I had just been another commander then, following my father's orders, or so I thought. Once the army entered the city, every other cohort turned their weapons on the outsiders, and blood ran in the streets.

Protect our people. It had been the last thing my father had said to me. And yet, he led them straight into a slaughter. I felt the great clash of magic between Hadeon and my father outside the city walls, and I longed to go to him in my true body and fight at his side. But as my people spilled out onto the body-strewn streets and screams filled the air, I knew that I couldn't.

Wehad finally gotten everything under control when I felt it. The earth shook beneath my feet, and the wind kicked up to gale forces. Everything had pulled away, like the tide receding before a tsunami. I fell to my knees on those saturated streets and knew the truth. My father was dead. The last bits of magic that lingered on this earth were swelling, but they would be lost soon. My father's death channeled them one last time.

Thebeast in my chest roared for freedom. I could feel my skin pulling back, my scales emerging. It would be the last time, and I wasn't as strong as my father. I likely wouldn't kill Hadeon. The part of me that was dragon screamed for me to fight, destroy, and devour. My skull split as horns began to burst forth when a hand grabbed my shoulder.

"PrinceAbraxas, PrinceHadeon has turned the rest of his army on the city. No one can locate the King; what do we do?" A young Avlyn looked at me with such need and pure desperation. The part of me that was dragon said fight. The part of me that was still a man said protect.

Imade the choice that would shape everything. "Gather everyone you can at the front gate. I'll be there shortly."

Avlynfled, and I grabbed the closest male body I could find. The man had been stabbed in the back, all too fitting. The best glamours were rooted in truth. Magic was almost gone now; I could feel it slipping through my fingers like sand on the beach. I had just enough. I wrote the glyphs for the glamour in blood and watched as the body in front of me changed to look like my father's. I carried him to the front gates of our city.

"Open the gates," I called to the soldiers up top.

"But sir—"

"I said open the fucking gates."

Thereinforced wood cracked open to reveal a sea of soldiers clad in gold. I strode out onto the field, stepping over corpses and the crows who feasted on them. I carried the body in my arms, its long dark hair blowing in the wind as more blood dripped from its open wound.

WhenI was close enough for them to see, I dropped the body. "KingAmaros is dead. I am King of this land now."

Thesea of gold parted, and he emerged astride a horse. He pulled off his helmet, and mahogany tresses flew in the wind. He was covered in deep red blood, my father's blood. My rage flared, and I called to my magic, my heart's fire. Nothing answered. There was nothing but a great resounding emptiness as my father's spirit drifted away on the wind.

PrinceHadeon approached me, looking down on the body at my feet. A smirk crossed his face that I could have ripped off if he was only closer.

"And how did he get that wound in his back?"

"You have defeated the WorldBreaker, and the King who defied you is dead. Let us end this now, PrinceHadeon."

Hadeon'sgrin only grew wider. He lifted his hand to me, and I saw the end. At least I would go with my father, at least I would see my mother again. I wouldn't be alone any longer. I should have been concerned about how much I welcomed the death he threatened me with. The blow never came. Hadeon's face twisted, and I saw what looked like fear in his eyes. I knew then that his magic was gone, too. My hand went to my sword, but Hadeon waved to his troops and rode off before I could even breathe.

Thegolden light of my vision twisted, no longer a horrible searing memory but something soft and loving. I knew she was coming. The light was growing, and a semi-corporeal world surrounded me. I found her waiting. My heart galloped in my chest, both with excitement and dread. I longed for her with everything I was, but what would I say to her now? No apology would be sufficient.

Iwasn't the only one who hesitated. The world around me seemed unwilling to form, as if Tori wasn't ready to dream of me yet. I felt my body shift back into its fae form, but still, she would not come.

Outof the darkness came the metallic glow of stars solidifying into heavy metal chains that wrapped around me. Their cold steel slithered over my skin, tightening to an edge of pain. I fought them, but it was far too late. She bent my legs and bound my thighs to my calves, so I had to sit balanced on my knees and toes. My arms were locked behind my back, also chained together. She wrapped my chest and torso until I was completely immobile. An eternity stretched on, and then she stepped forward, her face lit only by the light of the stars. She stood before me, that strong, defiant woman I knew so well, and in an instant, my control was gone again.

Ithad been smart for her to bind me. I snarled and tried to free myself. My controlled mind watched my actions as if from a distance, as my body became that feral animal again, desperate for her. My horns and wings sprouted, clamped under the chain's tight embrace. I couldn't shift further. My fire glowed in my heart, and how I wished to consume her in it.

Isaw her smirk at me. "I knew you would be naughty again."

Isnarled louder. "You know if you wanted me in chains, Princess, you only had to ask."

"Yes, we may have to try this sometime later." She gave me a heated smirk, but then her face grew serious. "We need to talk, Abraxas."

Iwas the last dragon in this world, a god by all measures, and those words struck fear into my heart. She was my heart, my soul. I had hurt her, maimed her. I would always be a part of her, but… I couldn't blame her if she wanted nothing to do with me ever again. And she was fae. They were such fickle creatures with no sense of loyalty or commitment. She was my mate, but what did it mean for a fae to be mated to a dragon? She was my everything. Would she say the same for me?

Theweight and sadness cooled the fire in my heart to nothing more than embers. The beast receded, and the man returned.

"My love, what I did—"

Shepressed a finger to my lips. "Now is not the time. You can grovel for me later. I need your help. I need to know how to save you, Abraxas."

"My love, if I knew that, I would have told you already."

Shehuffed out an aggravated sound. "Alive for over a thousand years, and you have no ideas?"

Ishook my head. "I was bound by the laws of fae magic in my body. I needed to trade for the power to transform, and there was only one method the earth would accept."

"Your life force."

Inodded. "Yes, I needed every last drop of it to change. I could conduct again, but it only bought me enough time to reach this island. As soon as we landed, the earth claimed its price. My life is gone, Tori; only my connection to you allows me to linger."

"Then how do I restore it? It's not too late. You are still here!" She was desperate, and I couldn't bear to see it.

"Little bird, I knew from the moment I first saw you that you would be my ruin. ThatI would never survive this. But do not think that for one moment I have regretted it."

"No!" She yanked the chains that held me. "I will not accept this. I will not let you die." She grabbed my face roughly and pulled me into a deep kiss, and she was nothing but delicious heat in this icy cold place.

Shepulled away, her face wet with tears. "Don't you dare stop fighting, Abraxas."

"For you, my love, I would fight until there was nothing left of this world. Until all had turned to ash and dust. I will not give up, not until the void claims me, but—" I shook my head. I felt it creeping around me. That deep, endless cold and darkness.

Shefelt it, too, and it clawed at me as if she would latch her very being to mine. Death waited for no one.

"My little bird, I'm a creature of fire and flames, but I've never seen anything burn as bright as you. Don't let anything dim that light. Remember, MorkaTempeli. Death is the beginning.I have been blessed by the gods to have this time with you, but that time is up, my love. I will wait for you beyond the stars."

Shefloated away from me, and I could see her screaming my name, but there was no sound. The deep shadows of the void wrapped themselves around me. I was nothing, but a tiny golden light remained. Not yet.

Notyet, but soon.