22. Tori

Iwoke up in a cold sweat. I ripped at the sheets on my bed, trying to crawl back to him. Panic set in, and my breath came in frantic spurts. He couldn't be gone.

Iclawed at my chest as if I could rip out my own heart and give it to him. And yes, deep down, I still felt it. Our bond was barely more than a spark, but it was still there. He wasn't gone. Not yet, but I was running out of time.

Igrabbed the closest pillow and screamed into it. I screamed until my throat ached. I got up from my bed and paced my room endlessly. ThinkTori! Think! Unsurprisingly, nothing came. I paced to the window overlooking the Bay of Dragons. Stars still lingered above the rising sun, and the ocean's mist swirled up violently in the harsh wind of an approaching storm.

Themist swirled in erratic eddies, and it brought me back to TenebraeForest. The way the wind picked up after the death of the Nalle and the magic that allowed us to commune with the forest.

MorkaTempeli. Abraxas' words to me. I had seen it, many times. Our world churned in a great cycle. A tree fell in the forest, but from its corpse, mushrooms would grow. Animals would find their home, and new life began again. Death was not the end as we sentient creatures so feared, but just the beginning of something new. When our souls passed beyond the stars, did they stay there or return to live again?

Rainpounded the windowsill, and the sea mist obscured my vision. I felt like I could still see that island where Abraxas lay; deep within the earth he was concealed by. Like he was waiting to hatch from an egg. I chuckled at my own stupid joke. It was easier than thinking about how AbraxasHAD been born from an egg. I recalled the feel of his scales under my palms, his onyx claws that carried me through the sky, and the sheer size of him.

Hewas not like me; he was not fae. And yet, I could feel the connection of our hearts even now. I had clung to that feeling, but doubt snuck its way in for the first time. How could I be his mate? I was strong, a fae trained in battle who could easily overpower almost any enemy. Almost. Compared to him, I was nothing. A speck, an insect crawling on the ground. How could I be the one to save him?

Oursouls knew one another, and it seems that the soul was not bound by the body that it inhabited.

Thedoor behind me cracked open, and slate-grey eyes peered at me. "Are you alright, sister?" Jun asked. "Pallas told me about her dream manipulation spell. Did it work?"

Inodded. "It seems that with the right anchor, I can use some magic. The runes guided the mana in the way I needed."

"What about those flames you've been calling?"

"I have an anchor for those, too." An anchor whose tether could snap at any moment. I pulled the green flames to my fingertips. I held it away from my body, but I could still feel minor burns forming on the tips of my fingers. Fae weren't meant to play with dragonfire. I winced as I lost focus, and the flames licked the side of my finger.

Junfrowned. "Does it hurt you?"

"IfI'm not careful, yes. It is fire."

"Well, I just thought… I guess I really just assumed it wouldn't."

Iflicked the flames away. "Abraxas said it was dragonfire. He is immune, but I'm just fae. I can burn."

"Do you really think you are just fae, Tori?"

Ilooked at him, eyebrow raised. "I mean, you were there when I was born, Jun, just the same as you."

Heshook his head. "Exactly, Tori. We were born twins. One soul split into two bodies. The old babas used to say, one soul was too much for a single fae body to handle."

"Do you think we are… something else?"

Heshrugged. "Maybe we'll never know. ButI always felt like I didn't belong, and I know you felt the same. We were born into bodies, into a life that we didn't fit, and that mold almost broke us."

"Jun…" I moved to hold him but stopped before he flinched. Instead, I wrapped my pinky finger in his.

"If the soul was split, then we aren't what we used to be."

"No." He looked out the window, and the rain cast moving shadows on his face. "We are something new."

Asoul returned to this world but split apart and molded into something new, something different. The cycle turned, but somehow, everything was changed. I looked at my brother, the only constant I had in my entire life. The cycle of the world stopped for no one, and now we were different as well.

"Jun, when I went to Koron, I fought my way through the basements, looking for Hadeon's enchantment. I killed men. More than I even thought to count. I had a goal in mind; I had to save you and end Hadeon. I never once doubted; I never stopped to think if it was wrong."

Hesqueezed my pinkie. "It wasn't the first time you killed." He had held my hair as I puked my guts out after my first patrol.

"Yes, but it was the easiest." A long pause stretched out between us. "I've been thinking…"

"Never a good thing," Jun jested, trying to lighten the mood. My serious face silenced him.

"An exchange, that's what Pallas said. Fae needed to exchange something with the earth to call on mana. That's what I need to do to get Abraxas back. Just my power as a conduit isn't enough. I need it and fae magic. What would I be willing to give? WouldI destroy a home or perhaps a piece of beautiful art? That would be simple. What about a life? One life for another. After killing so many, it would be easy. What if it wasn't enough? How far would I go? Ten lives? A whole city? A whole world?" Jun just stared at me, and tears streamed down my face.

"You have a piece of my soul, and so does he. Is there anything I wouldn't destroy to have you both safe with me?"

"Tori…" He reached out, but I didn't stop.

"WorldBreaker. AmI meant to destroy it all? Is that the cost of having those I love?"

Therewas a long silence before my brother finally spoke. "Would that be so bad?"

"Jun?"

Theshadows of the rain on the window continued to stream down his face, almost hiding his tears. His hand shook against mine, but something lit in his eyes. SomethingI had only ever seen in mine—anger.

Wherehad that boy I knew so well gone? The one who had simply smiled shyly at his bullies and tried to avoid conflict. The one who would sing me to sleep in the garden, soothing my bruises from all the fights I had gotten into to defend him.

Now, he wouldn't sing; that beautiful music from his heart was wreathed in shadow.

"They all knew Tori. Every last fae noble in Koron knew what Hadeon was doing to me, what he would do. But they didn't care. Every last one of them treats anyone they deem lesser as slaves, as chattel. Life has no value to them. I didn't understand why you hated them in Niata. But now… I see."

Hisdark gaze finally fell on me. "If life has so little meaning to them, perhaps they don't deserve theirs."

"They aren't all like that." The words surprised me. I knew that it was true. LadyBogata, LadyLovinia, and all the others I saw caring for the people of Xyr. I wanted him to see it, too. I wanted his kind heart to win out over the pain that strangled it.

"Does the kindness of a few excuse the wickedness of the many?"

"I don't know."

Westood in silence for some time, the only sound was the rain pelting the glass of the window, mirroring the tears on my cheeks. I had failed to protect Jun, and the anger I always protected myself in clung to him. I didn't know if he could survive it.

Mymind drifted, trying to protect itself from those dark thoughts. It drifted to Abraxas again, alone and almost dead in that cave. I wondered if the forest there would talk to him like they had in Tenebrae, a comfort in the darkness.

Mywhole body stiffened.

"What is it?" Jun asked.

"I know what I have to do."