Episode Eleven Humanity

N adira

I struggle to pull back so I can see him, look him in the eyes.

"First, I got Alliana's pack on board, her and her three mates. They agreed, then I went to many other tribes. They all bought in. Besides talking about sending males Up Above, first for recon and then to fight, I made them all agree to something else."

He pauses as his gaze darts from mine.

"I knew monks weren't the strongest species Down Below, nor the fastest, nor did we have the best sense of smell. What makes us formidable is that we're good at all those things, but not the best at any."

He strokes his fingers through my hair, then continues.

"I made all the others promise that if any other humans came Down Below they needed to be part of a pack with three or more males. All of different species. It seemed like such a good idea. It would solidify alliances between all the tribes. They would be more likely to fulfill our commitments to attack those Up Above and less inclined to attack each other."

He bends to kiss my forehead, then continues.

"I thought by insisting on this, it would also mean those of my pack would have a better chance to have a human female mate, even if they had to share her. I wanted to imagine more of my troop would find true happiness."

He rubs his cheeks with his palm.

"Look what I've done to us. To you."

I press myself against him, my cheek to his chest, and hold him tight.

My affection for this monster has been growing. Monster, it's an awful word that should be reserved for men like my father, the senator, and Armstrong, not the male who's holding me so gently in his arms.

My heart has been softening toward him a bit more every day. For the last few nights, as he's held me in our hammock, his cock jerking against my body but never being forced on me, I've thought about what it would feel like inside me.

The one time we had sex is a hazy dream. I was in so much pain, and so desperate to get it over with, I barely remember it. I think if we had sex now, it would feel warm and safe, something I've never felt during the act before. He would certainly do everything in his power to ensure he didn't hurt me. Because he's such a good male.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

His muscles slacken and I pull back to watch his face. His eyes shutter and his shoulders stoop.

"I've wanted to tell you. I just…" He exhales through pursed lips and looks off into the distance as if it holds the answers. "I've grown to care for you, Nadira. I'm selfish. I wanted to give you time to find even the smallest amount of affection for me before I admitted the worst mistake I've ever made. I made this stupid edict before I knew you. How could I have known you would drop into my life and change my world?"

When Azael told me Alliana was happily mated to three males: a wolven, a feline, and a minotaur, I was shocked. I had no reason to believe he was lying to me, but it just seemed so unfathomable that she was mated to not just one monster but three. How did that even work?

I have to assume those males are no more monstrous than Azael, but do they take turns with her or take her all together? I shudder at the thought. That was never allowed in the Up Above. That I'll have to mate with other males is both sad and terrifying. A great well of frustrated anger rises inside me as pictures flow through my mind of so many of the indignities I've had to endure at the order of men.

Now this? Being used as a bargaining chip to keep the peace? Fury swirls inside me like a fast-brewing storm, then disappears just as quickly. Azael is a compassionate leader. This wasn't meant to use me. He saw how happy Alliana's pack was and wanted to spread that feeling to others. How was he to know what a terrible burden it would put on me? Or himself?

"Do you hate me?" he asks.

"No. I think I like you more than ever," I admit. I have to give him credit. The idea was brilliant when it was just a thought and not a reality.

"That's good, because I hate myself enough for us both."

He lifts me so we can be face to face without him stooping to my level. My legs surround his waist as he holds me tightly against his powerful chest.

It's a terrible moment to discover how deep my affection is for this male, how my body responds to his. My nipples have engorged into hardened points as his warmth seeps through layers of animal furs.

As many times as I've been taken by males who think I'm nothing more than a commodity, I've never had a hint of arousal for any of them. With this male? This furred monk with the deep-set bluer-than-blue eyes? My body responds with what I assume is desire. It swirls around me like a living thing, lighting my body on fire.

I lift my head to look at him. How funny that the male with more humanity than any I've ever met isn't human at all. He's a monk.