Episode Ten Ruin Our Lives

N adira

It's odd how I can know someone so well in the span of only a few weeks. Even though Azael is walking behind me, I can feel something abruptly change. He's upset about something.

Perhaps the matebond has connected us in a way I don't understand. There are many things about my new life that are beyond my ken. The Energy Transfer, for one. At the time, I wondered if it was bullshit, but knew it was that or certain death when I agreed to it. I was barely capable of rational thought, but decided I had little to lose.

I woke up after sleeping for three days with not a thing wrong with me, including broken bones and what Azael described as internal injuries.

It makes sense the bite he gave me affected me more than just marking my skin.

I can't see the rabbit I've been following. The smart little thing found a patch of ground with no snow, so I've lost its tracks. I turn and approach Azael, who is several feet behind me, giving me room to make my own decisions. He understands how new it is for me to be in charge of myself and seems to enjoy my growth.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

For the first time since we met, I see his guilty face—eyes lowered, chin dipped to his chest.

"You're hiding something from me," I say, unafraid of being hit. It's the best thing in the world to be able to freely speak my mind.

"Aye."

Clasping my hand, he leads me to a nearby boulder, leans against it, and pulls me into the circle of his arms. I don't protest because I love his touch. Having his arms around me soothes me, though I've never admitted it to him. When we're together, I always feel protected.

"I've kept a secret," he admits, his voice rough with emotion.

I'm between his legs, facing him, and grip both his hands in mine. I'm not ready to be his mate physically, not even ready to talk about it, but sometimes I feel like a mate in other ways. I never felt affection for the senator, but I do with Azael. I want to be a safe person for him, just as he is for me.

"Tell me, Azael. We'll handle it together."

He bends to kiss my forehead, then stands straighter and lets his words spill out in a rush.

"I have hate in my heart, Nadira. I hate those Up Above for keeping us down here in the wilderness. They come in their hovers and steal our children."

My eyes pop open. I didn't know this. Suddenly, little snatches of conversation float through my mind from what I heard when I was serving drinks to my husband and his cronies. As things fall into place in my mind, I know with certainty that what Azael just said was true.

"I want to kill them. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings." His gaze lances through me as he watches my reaction to his bold words.

"Me, too," I admit. "I want to kill many of them. Every male who used me. They all knew I didn't consent, but they didn't need my permission. They simply took what they wanted."

My thoughts fly to the first moment I met him. His touch was gentle and his voice was soft as he so urgently waited for my consent to touch me in a manner designed to save my life. He's a good male.

"After Alliana was happily mated to her three males, they came to our village. We discussed ways to climb the vators—elevators," he corrects himself. "I want to gather all the different tribes into one force so we can figure out how to attack the Up Above. I want to make them stop stealing our children."

Tucking myself closer to him, I wrap my arms around his muscular body. He immediately holds me tighter.

"You don't hate me for that?" he asks.

"No. I hate them too, and that was before I knew they were abducting your children."

"Good."

When I try to pull away, to see the monk face that hasn't looked foreign to me for days, he tightens his arms. He doesn't want me looking at him? What else is he hiding?

"I made a terrible mistake." I squirm in his arms to see his prominent brow lower and his eyes shut in what looks like misery.

"What?"

"I fear it's going to ruin both our lives."