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Chapter 9 - Astrid

Moonlight streaked through the trees as I padded through the woods, freshly fallen leaves crunching beneath my paws. I moved slowly, listening to make sure Rand hadn't followed me, but the only sounds were that of prey scurrying away and the wind rushing past me.

I relaxed. I was just being paranoid. Rand was at a meeting, anyway. There's no way he would know where I'd gone.

Eventually, I came to a clearing and waited. Almost immediately, the scent of sea breeze wafted toward me, and I turned to my right just in time to see a slender blond wolf stepping out of the trees. She regarded me with dark eyes before sniffing the air, then shifted into a stunning woman with short blond hair. A moment later, I shifted as well.

"Hi Dana," I said.

Dana gave a curt, almost imperious nod, looking as though she had stepped in something unpleasant. I had never been able to figure out if that was just the way she normally looked or if she just really didn't like me.

"Anything new?" she asked.

I nodded. "They don't know who the Gray Wolf is. But right now, I think their main theory is that you guys released me on purpose."

She nodded, unsurprised. "He thought that might be a possibility. It's better than them thinking you're one of us, though. What else?"

"They're looking in the west at the moment, like we wanted. In terms of their own information, they don't know much. They think there's about twenty of you." I paused as I considered whether or not I wanted to say the next part. They needed to know, but part of me worried I would confirm something that had been creeping up in the back of my mind since this whole thing started.

I bit the bullet. "I also heard that they think you're up to something more sinister than just gathering information. The Wolf's Council asked them to look in on you before I even showed up."

Dana blinked, though I couldn't tell if it was out of confusion or skepticism. "That's… interesting," she said. "Are you certain?"

"Yup." I hesitated again, studying Dana. I didn't know her particularly well, not as well as some of the others in the group. I didn't know how good her poker face was. Currently, she looked like stone, but something flickered across her face that raised alarm bells in me.

I debated whether to ask the question at the tip of my tongue. In a way, it felt as though it would be dangerous to ask. At the same time, it felt vitally important that I know the answer.

"Is there something else going on here?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her face settling into a mask I couldn't penetrate.

"Just that some things feel off. I can't explain it more than that." I hesitated again before saying, "They know about Aspen, except they mentioned multiple deaths. Not just one. You don't happen to know anything about that, do you?"

She shook her head. "I wasn't on that mission, if you'll recall."

"Yeah, but you'd know if other people had died surely."

"None of ours did. If some random guards or passersby got hurt, it didn't get back to us."

I couldn't tell if she was lying, but the knot that had been growing in my stomach over the past week or so tightened.

"Besides, what does it matter?" she said. "They're not one of ours."

I wanted to fight back, but again, something told me I had to be careful with my words. "The Silver Wolves think we're dangerous," I said. "Mostly because of information like that. I just wanted some additional information."

"And I told you I couldn't give it to you."

"So you don't know anything about a bigger plan to take over the Wolf's Council or anything like that?"

She stared, mouth open, before bursting into laughter. "Good god, no," she said. "That's absurd. Is that why you're so worried? Relax."

I did actually relax a bit. She was right. It was stupid. This was just an intel mission, simple in and out. At least, that's what I had to tell myself.

"Right." Dana yawned, looking up at the sky and the dipping moon. "In that case, I believe it's time for me to head back."

"Nothing else?" I asked, mildly surprised.

"Not at the moment. You've given us good information. Honestly, it probably won't be much longer now until you can leave."

"Good." And it was good. I would get to go home and see Thea. I wouldn't have to deal with Rand anymore.

It was what I had wanted. I would get my revenge, and then leave, and that would be the end of it.

Except it felt uncomfortably hollow. Why the hell was I so disappointed to leave? It couldn't be because of Rand, could it?

If it wasn't, then why did the thought of leaving him and walking away make me nauseous?

"See you in a week." Dana turned to leave, about to shift and race into the woods.

"Wait," I said.

She paused, looking over her shoulder at me, one eyebrow raised.

"How's Thea?" I asked.

"Good, as far as I can tell. We're checking in on her."

I nodded, shoulders relaxing. The truth was, I wished Thea was with me. I wanted to make sure she was safe, and our phone calls weren't enough, though they helped some. If it weren't for Rand or the job I was doing, I would have tried to convince her to come along with me. But she would have found out in an instant what was going on. Even if she hadn't, she would have spoken to Rand, and he would have been able to figure out that something was off. He might have started to wonder if I was lying to him, and with Thea there, I would have had a harder time keeping the real reason I was there a secret.

***

"Where have you been?" Rand asked when I walked through the door, a tone of annoyance tinting the edges of his words. "I was just about to go looking for you. I thought something bad had happened."

I tried not to panic. I hadn't thought he would be home. He was supposed to be at a meeting. "Just went out for a run through the woods," I said casually. "It was a nice evening."

He frowned. "You do know how risky that was, right?" he asked. "What if something had happened to you? I thought we agreed you'd stay here unless someone went with you."

"Sorry," I said, trying to think of something plausible. "I just needed the fresh air, and I knew you were busy. What are you doing here, anyway? You told me not to expect you for another hour."

"Meeting ended early." He sounded bitter as he walked further into the house. "Kind of what happens when you don't have much to go on."

"Still nothing?" I asked.

He nodded. "Are you sure you came from the west?" he asked. "I know you entered town that way, but maybe you came from the north and got turned around?"

My brow furrowed as I pretended to try and remember. The truth was, Ansel was northwest of here, not fully west. If I told them north, there was more of a chance that the Silver Wolves would find him.

I shook my head. "I know my directions," I said. "It's west, I'm positive. But I was also hungry and exhausted, so I don't remember its exact location. I just remember it being a sort of bunker, so maybe that's the problem. It would be hard to find."

His brow furrowed as he considered the situation, then he nodded. "Makes sense why we haven't found it, then," he said. "We haven't gone too far out yet since you said you walked most of it, but maybe you moved faster than we thought."

I shrugged, not sure how to respond. I wasn't sure if something I said might implicate me or make things more complicated. Thankfully, he changed the subject.

"How're you doing?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Okayish," I said. Then, without really thinking about it, I added, "Getting a bit stir-crazy."

He chuckled. "Probably should have guessed as much, given that you wandered off on your own. Maybe there's something we can do about that." He rubbed his chin, thinking. "Klyte told me the girls are all going out tomorrow to hang out and grab some drinks. I know you'd be welcome to go along with them. I think you'd like them."

I looked up, startled. "Oh, I don't know…" I dithered.

"If you're worried about them not liking you or something like that, you shouldn't," he said. "They're all really nice, and if we're being honest, you're hard not to like."

I tilted my head at him. "That's rather sweet of you," I pointed out.

He grinned. "Well, you know… when you're not being stubborn." He nudged me. "Come on, I think you could use some girl time. At the very least, it'll get you out of the house."

***

I went into the evening with the promise that I wasn't going to get too attached or really interact with the women. After all, I wasn't staying long, and I was always betraying them. Getting close was one of the worst things I could do.

After I met them, however, I realized that was going to be nearly impossible.

I had expected—maybe "hoped" was the better word—a group of shallow gossips who would find clever ways to make sharp jabs or something like that. Instead, what I found was several women who all welcomed me warmly, insisting they buy my drinks for the night. One of them—a petite girl with light brown hair named Iris—smelled human. They had a human here? That wasn't something I'd really seen in a pack before. But the others didn't seem to judge her or treat her differently.

The entire thing felt surreal, and as much as I tried to keep my distance, I found myself slipping into conversation with them easily, feeling more at home than I would have expected. No matter how hard I tried to keep myself at arm's length, I couldn't help but start to enjoy myself and open up.

"So, how do you like Brixton?" Andi asked, biting the olive and tugging it from the toothpick on her drink.

"It's nice," I said. "Quiet. Different than I would have expected."

At the word "quiet," the girls all started giggling.

"Wait until you've been here a few months," Freya said. "Something exciting's bound to happen. For better or worse."

"Well, hopefully I won't be here too much longer," I said with more than a little regret in the words that surprised me. "I've got things I need to get back to."

"Family, right? Jameson said something about a sister?" Georgia asked.

A pang of loneliness lanced through me. "Yeah," I said. "Her name's Thea."

"She has to be worried about you," Jenn said. "Why don't you have her come here? It can't be more than a day's run or so from where you live. Not the most fun, but I've gone for longer."

I winced, chewing on what I was going to say. "We don't have a car," I muttered.

The instant I said it, I knew it was the wrong move. All the women stared at me with varying expressions of bewilderment.

"She can run, though," Freya pointed out. "That would probably be easier."

I shifted in my seat. "She, uh… can't." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. No use trying to keep it secret any longer. If they knew about Thea, it was only a matter of time before the second part came out. "She's an absent."

An uncomfortable quiet fell over the group. I stared at my drink. This was how it always went when I told someone. After the initial shock, the sympathy came in. And not for Thea, necessarily, which would have at least been a bit more understandable, but for me. As if helping take care of an absent shifter was the biggest burden in the world. As soon as they realized it, they started treating Thea like a non-person.

So I waited for the ‘Oh, how awful' and ‘How do you deal with it' that inevitably followed the admission.

"We can figure something out if we need to," Evelyn said. "She's more than welcome."

I blinked, some of the tension leaving my shoulders as I glanced at her, trying to hide my surprise.

"I honestly didn't know absent wolves were a thing." Iris mused.

"It means she can't shift," I explained.

She glanced at me, a little embarrassed. "Sorry, I'm still learning about shifter culture. Is it rude to ask if she still has a wolf? I mean, if I ever meet her?"

I gave a small, sardonic smile. "It's one of the most common questions," I said. "As far as I know, she does. It's what makes her a shifter still instead of a human. Not that there's anything wrong with being human," I added.

Iris grinned and winked, clearly conveying no hard feelings.

"If she would be safer here, we're more than happy to figure out how to get her here," Georgia said.

"I'd be happy to hang out with her some if she does," Iris mentioned. "I know how weird it can be not being able to shift in a pack. I know it's not entirely the same, but at least she would have someone to walk on two legs with her while everyone else ran around on four."

I snorted in amusement. "I'll keep that in mind.".

Honestly, though, I was fairly certain that Thea would love something like that. She was such a social person, which was one of the reasons her being an absent was so difficult for her, despite the brave face she put on. When we were younger, she was constantly left out of things. I tried to sit events out with her, but she always insisted I enjoy myself.

Something wriggled inside me, some mix of surprise and… guilt? The girls were so nice and friendly, more so than they had any right to be to a virtual stranger. It was almost unsettling.

I pushed the nagging concern to the back of my head. There wasn't anything to worry about.

Andi leaned toward me. "Are we allowed to ask about Rand yet?" she asked in a stage whisper.

Georgia shifted in her seat, and Andi let out a soft "Ow!" She glowered at Georgia, giving me the sneaking suspicion that she had just kicked Andi under the table.

"There's not much to tell," I said. "Rand and I dated. Then he decided to go off hunting monsters, and we broke up."

"How was that?" Iris asked. "Honestly, he scares me a bit. He's massive."

"He's harmless," Jenn dismissed.

"Just stubborn as all get out," Andi added.

"You don't know the half of it," I said. "The guy would argue his head was on backward if someone told him otherwise."

The girls laughed. I cracked a grin, trying to ignore the sinking dread in my stomach. It was impossible not to feel like I was betraying them along with Rand. For the first time, I started to wonder what impact my actions might have, and how they might reverberate beyond Rand.

My gut twisted again, and the drink tasted like ash in my mouth as I sipped at it.

What exactly was Ansel planning on doing with the information I was giving him? He had said he needed intel on the Silver Wolves to make sure he and the rest of them stayed under the radar. But how would that information impact the rest of Brixton?

I tried to push the thought away. This situation had nothing to do with the rest of the pack, only the Silver Wolves. I was getting my revenge on Rand by using him the way he had used me, and that would be the end of it.

Except that was the other problem. I didn't hate Rand the same way I used to. The anger hadn't vanished, but it had ebbed to annoyance and frustration rather than the cold fury it had been for so long.

On top of all that, I had begun to wonder what it would be like if I decided to stay in Brixton. I could bring Thea here. If Iris was any indication, no one would treat her differently. And we wouldn't be starting entirely over, now that I knew a few people. We could make a life here, and a pretty good one at that.

Ignore it, I told myself. Stay the course. Just finish this as quickly as possible and get back to Thea. You don't belong here.

I repeated that to myself over and over, hoping that it would get rid of some of that guilt beginning to fester inside me. But it stayed where it was, churning my insides.

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