Chapter 10 - Rand

I heard the front door open and close, and my shoulders eased. Astrid had gotten back safe. I trusted the girls and knew they wouldn't do anything to bring Astrid to harm, but that didn't mean I hadn't been more than a little anxious. It was nearly midnight at this point. I'd stayed up watching TV to make sure she got back.

I heard a loud, frustrated sigh, then footsteps toward the kitchen. At first, I figured she might be getting a snack, except then the back door that led to the back balcony opened and closed. Frowning, I turned off the TV and wandered back into the kitchen, where I saw the back of Astrid's blond head.

I stepped outside to where Astrid leaned against the balcony railing, looking out at the mountains beyond, biting her thumb as if deep in thought.

"How were the girls?" I asked.

She started slightly, then turned toward me. "You scared me," she said. "I figured you were asleep."

"You didn't hear the TV?"

"Guess I was in my own head a bit," she admitted.

"Is everything all right?" I asked. "Did something happen with the girls?"

"No, it's fine. I'm fine," she said, giving a small smile. "It was nice. They were nice."

I frowned, coming to stand next to her. The dipping sun painted her in streaks of red and gold.

"You don't look like it was fine," I commented. "You look like something bad happened or something bothered you."

She let out a puff of air, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "Just thinking," she muttered, looking back out over the balcony. "You know how you can be so certain of something one day, and then begin to wonder if it was a mistake the next?"

"I could make a joke here that I don't because I'm always right about everything," I said. "But I don't think that would be helpful. So, sure. I've had doubts before." I paused, considering whether what I was about to say was a landmine waiting to explode. I risked it. "Breaking up with you, for one."

She frowned, folding her arms. "I thought you said you were right to break up with me," she said.

"I was," I said. "At least, I thought I was. But I had doubts. Especially when you showed up again."

She tilted her head, her expression uneasy as if she didn't believe me. "Then why on earth have you been so stubborn about the whole thing? Because you've been pretty adamant that you made the right decision. This is the first time I've ever heard you even hesitate."

I licked my lips, trying to figure out the best way to explain. It wasn't as black and white as she might have hoped. "I've learned that being decisive and deciding you made the right choice when there isn't an easy answer makes things a lot simpler."

She frowned. "So, what? I show up, and you suddenly start questioning what's effectively your mantra?" she asked, the skepticism evident in her tone and body language.

"Yeah," I answered. "I mean, look at it this way. I hadn't seen or heard from you in years. Suddenly, you show up out of the blue, like it was fate." I shrugged. "It's hard to think you're right when you realize how much you missed a person."

That wasn't all of it. The truth was that seeing Astrid again had brought back all the emotions I thought I had pushed away. In an instant, I remembered all the reasons I had liked her in the first place. Her fire, her intelligence… I had completely forgotten what it was like to be with her until she showed back up in my life. For the first time in years, I wondered what would have happened if I hadn't broken up with her, and I wondered what life might be like now.

I considered telling her all this, but even thinking about it gave me pause. How the hell was I supposed to put all of that into words?

She stared back out at the woods. "It really is beautiful out here," she said, her voice distant. "I can see why you settled down here." She pushed herself away from the railing and gave me a small smile. "I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to go to bed."

I got the sense she wanted to avoid the conversation. Before I could ask one way or another, she had brushed past me and gone back inside.

***

The next day, I took the long way home from the meeting, wanting to clear my head a bit. The meeting hadn't gone well. We'd been looking in the general area Astrid had come from, but so far, we hadn't been able to find anything. I was beginning to wonder if maybe she had gotten it wrong. Depending on how long she'd been in captivity, I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd gotten a bit turned around when trying to tell us where she'd gone.

I stepped into the foyer, ears pricked, trying to figure out whether Astrid was home. She'd mentioned something about going into town with a couple of the girls, so there was a chance she wouldn't be home.

It was strange, just how used I was getting to her being here. In a way, it felt as though we had picked up where we'd left off all those years ago. The fact that, once this was all over, she would probably leave and go back to Thea wasn't something I really wanted to think about. But the thought still lurked in the back of my mind. What would it be like when she left? Was there maybe a chance I could convince her to stick around? I hadn't asked her yet. What would I do if she said no? What would I do if she said yes?

I froze as I heard a shuffling sound from my office. My head swiveled in that direction, ears pricking, thoughts about a future with Astrid washing away as I focused on the sounds. I didn't see Astrid anywhere. Either she had gone on a run without telling me again, or something had happened to her.

Panic flared through me at the thought. If something had happened to her, whoever had broken into my office would have the answers. I hurried over to the closed doors, claws extending as I prepared to face one of the Gray Wolf's men.

I paused, hand reaching to grab the handle when Astrid's peppermint scent wafted through the door. My brow furrowed. What the hell was she doing in my office?

I pushed the door open slowly to see her hunched over the desk, her back toward me. Whatever she had found was absorbing all her attention, because she didn't notice I was right behind her until I slammed the door closed.

She jumped, spinning around, eyes wide with alarm. But she relaxed when she saw me looking at her.

"You scared me," she said.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked. Without waiting for an answer, I walked toward her and glanced at the pages she had been studying. It was the notes I had taken about the Gray Wolf over the last couple of meetings.

I looked over at her with a raised eyebrow. For a moment, the briefest flicker of suspicion washed over me. I remembered Tannen's warning about how strange it was that Astrid had arrived when she did.

"I…" She glanced at the notes, then sighed, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "Okay, so I might not have been entirely honest when I told you I didn't know you were here."

I frowned, studying her, an uncomfortable suspicion crawling up my back. "What haven't you been honest about?" I finally asked.

She licked her lips, eyes darting around the room. Finally, she forced herself to make eye contact. "When they started asking me questions about you and mentioned the Silver Wolves, I kind of figured out that you had joined," she said. "So when I broke out, I figured out where the Silver Wolves settled down and came here. I figured you guys would be in the best position to help." She made a face. "I was kind of hoping they were wrong and you wouldn't be here, but I knew where I was heading."

I blinked, taken aback. Out of any of the things she could have confessed to, that hadn't been it. I never would have imagined Astrid coming here willingly if she'd known.

"Does that mean the rest of the info you told us was wrong?" I asked. "We've been going off it to look for their hideout."

She shook her head. "It's still correct," she said.

"That still doesn't answer my question. Why the sneaking around and looking at the notes?"

"Because those assholes kidnapped me and I wanted to know what you found out," she said. "I was hoping that I might learn something. I don't like being kept in the dark. And I knew you weren't going to tell me everything even if I asked."

I heard the panicked edge in her voice, and the puzzle pieces clicked into place. She was afraid of them coming back.

I exhaled through my nose, then gently took her wrist and pulled her toward me. "I understand you're freaked out," I said, "but we've got it handled. You're safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"What have you figured out?" she asked, taking a step back and extracting herself from my arms. "Because from where I'm standing, it doesn't seem like it's much."

"We're working on it," I promised.

She folded her arms, looking up at me with defiance that was far more attractive than it had any right to be. Her eyes sparked with a fire that made me want to pin her against the wall right then and there. God, I had forgotten the pull this woman had over me.

"I don't like being kept in the dark," she repeated.

"Right now, you're as safe as you can be," I said. "Keeping you here and hidden is going to be the best play for everyone involved. That way, they won't try to get to you again."

"Telling me the truth and keeping me informed is the best way to keep me safe," she argued.

I gritted my teeth, mind swimming as I tried to figure out what to say to her. "The information we've got at the moment isn't great," I admitted. "It's pretty muddled, and what we have learned for certain isn't particularly comforting. I know you've already been through a lot. I don't want to stress you out or put you through more than you already have."

She glowered. I saw the fire burning behind her eyes, the way her shoulders stiffened the way they always did when she was gearing up for a big fight.

"I'm a big girl," she said. "I can handle it, and you know it."

I mulled it over. She'd been through a lot already. I wanted to protect her, to shelter her from all the bad things about the Gray Wolf, because it wasn't all pretty. Except I knew she could handle it. She'd proven it. And after everything, the least I could do was keep her informed.

"You're right," I finally said. "If you really want to know what's going on, then I'll give you everything we have."

She froze, her mouth parting in surprise. She unfolded her arms as she regarded me with something that was either suspicion or shock. The coiled tension in her body began to dissipate.

"You're going to tell me?" she asked.

"If you really want to know. Just know that you might not like it."

She shrugged, leaning against my desk, waiting.

"What we've got so far isn't much," I said. "But everything we've learned points to the Gray Wolf planning something big. Only, we're not sure exactly what. We're trying to figure out if he's more the ‘take over the world' type of guy or ‘rob every bank in the States' type of guy."

"Which do you think is more likely?" she asked.

I scratched my chin, contemplating the best way to phrase my answer. "I don't think a guy who would go to the effort of finding and kidnapping an old flame is the rob-a-bank type of criminal. I think that if he's worried enough about me and the rest of the Silver Wolves to go after you, it's something bad. Really bad. His group has killed a lot of people, and from what I can tell, they're only ramping up."

Something flickered behind her eyes, the faintest trace of a frown creeping over her otherwise emotionless face. If I didn't know any better, I would have said it looked like unease. Or maybe confusion?

"You think it's something that serious?" she asked.

"I think it would be silly not to consider it a possibility," I said.

She chewed the inside of her cheek as she stared at the ground. She didn't break down in tears or freak out. She simply sat there, processing it all.

"In that case," she said, "you probably should get him before it's too late."