Chapter 4 - Leslie

Kyle is staring at me with a wide-eyed expression. Going by the look on his face, I might have just said I was moving to Tahiti to become a mango farmer. The way the tension in this room is rising, an escape like that doesn’t sound too bad at all.

I keep looking at him, wondering if one of us is going to say anything. He appeared pretty impassive while I was on my way over here, and the fact he hasn’t responded—at all—tells me that he obviously agrees with everything I said.

“I guess we should make the most of it,” I say softly. I just want to break the silence at this point. I don’t understand why he’s just staring at me so intently.

His eyes seem to widen even more, and I hate the way that look cuts into my chest. His eyes are an unbelievable shade of blue-green. Like deep ocean pools, shimmering with sapphire and emerald.

I’ve missed looking into these eyes so much.

I feel a fluttery tremble deep in my chest and lock my jaw, grinding my teeth a little. I will not fucking cry. I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt me.

While he sits there silently, though, I have very little choice except to check him out. He looks a little leaner, his muscles more pronounced. His square, hard jaw is covered with a decent brush of stubble, and it makes him look rough and dangerous.

He’s wearing a big jacket, so I can’t see any of his tattoos, but I remember what they looked like. And the feeling of his skin as I traced the swirling colors with my fingertips.

Suddenly, he sighs. It’s big enough that I hear it, almost like a horse that got a fright from something. He looks down at the table, then up at me. He’s fidgeting with his fingers a bit, something he only does when he’s really nervous.

“Leslie—”

“No.” I shake my head, still feeling the nasty fluttering feeling in my chest. “I really don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”

I can’t stand to hear him talk about the wedding and our life together. I imagined these things once, in great detail. I was excited for our future.

Until he destroyed it. Smashed it to pieces. A crystal palace broken into shards by his blunt, brutal words.

“No, Leslie, there are things I need to say. I really don’t even know where to start, but—”

“No,” I say again, not necessarily denying him but the entire situation. I can tell by the tone of his voice that none of this is going to be anything I want to hear.

“There’s so much you don’t know, Leslie—”

And I don’t want to.

“Kyle,” I say, taking a deep breath. “We are both harnessed into this situation now. I don’t know how it is in your pack, but Decker and Gladys have made it clear I’m the only one who can fulfill this role. I know my place here. It sounds like you know yours, too. Do we really need to say anything else?”

He stares at me, and I find myself swimming in those eyes again. So unique, the deep blue mingled with green. His tough, tanned face and scatter of stubble contrast that beauty so sharply, it’s almost breathtaking.

“Leslie—” Kyle reaches across the table, looking for my hand. I scoot back in my chair and yank my hands back towards me. Kyle looks up at me in alarm.

Fate hates me. It truly does. I am karma’s bitch, and I don’t even know what I did to deserve this. I had just started to heal, and now here I am, right back in front of him, my heart wide open, waiting to be destroyed.

“I…” Kyle shakes his head and runs his hand across his face. I can only imagine what’s going through his mind right now. It must be pretty hard to find out you have to marry a girl you dumped.

“I think there is a lot we need to talk about,” he says gently. “I treated you badly, I know that. I also never made my feelings or my intentions clear. There was… other business I was involved in, for the pack. There’s also some personal stuff you don’t know. I’d be happy to get it all out in the open.”

Even though a faint thread of curiosity rises in me, his tone cuts me. He’s being very reasonable, taking all the emotion out of his voice. Like we’re discussing a business contract.

We are.

“I have agreed to marry you,” I say firmly. I want him to realize that he doesn’t have to convince me of anything or worry about my feelings. I know exactly what this is, and I have no expectations of his behavior.

But he also has to know where I stand.

“This is my duty to the pack,” I go on quickly. “And I am prepared to do it. But I will never, and I mean never, forgive you for what you did to me.”

Kyle’s beautiful eyes go wide again, and he presses his lips together. He looks ashamed, and a bit scared.

Good.

“Leslie, I did what I did because I had to. I always planned to come back and explain—”

“Oh, don’t bother!” I reply, my voice harsh. “As if I don’t already know! You kept our relationship a secret—you refused to let anyone know about us! Then you just fucking dump me? It’s so obvious that you were using me.”

And I fucking fell for it. What would a ripped, tough guy like this want with a chubby little wallflower like me?

“Leslie, I told you. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to us that happened with Jack and Lena. I just wanted to give it time so that I wouldn’t get banned from seeing you.”

My scoff comes out as a little snort. “What a poor excuse. If you really wanted me, you would have done anything to stay with me. You would have figured it out.”

I would have done anything to be with you! Anything!

“You don’t understand,” he says, frowning. I can tell his temper is rising, and I don’t give a fuck.

“I understand perfectly,” I hiss through my teeth. “You wanted some harmless fun, a bit of fooling around with no strings. But you didn’t want it getting around in your own pack—who knows, maybe you’ve got a whole keychain of girls over there! So you seduce me in secret and then keep it under wraps so you can have your fun, then dump me once you get bored.”

“That is not what happened,” he says. I can hear the hard tone creeping into his voice, and I know he’s getting really pissed off.

Yeah, must be tough to know how transparent he is.

“It’s clearly exactly what happened,” I snap back. I know this is getting heated, and we probably shouldn’t fight in front of our elders, but I don’t care.

“Leslie, if you would just calm down for a second and let me tell you—”

“Tell me what, more lies?”

“It isn’t like that! Calm down—”

“Oh, don’t you dare,” I snarl. “Don’t you dare tell me I’m being irrational, or overreacting. I gave you everything, I wanted a future with you—”

“That’s what I want, too!”

“Because your alpha told you to!”

“No, Leslie, I—”

“Stop!” I bury my face in my hands.

I fucking hate you!

“I don’t want to upset you,” he says quietly. I hold my breath, trying not to sob.

I love you. God fucking help me, I love you.

I keep my eyes squeezed shut for a moment, willing the tears away and keeping my hands over my face. When the trembly feeling inside my chest goes away, I sit back up to face Kyle.

His expression is completely closed, his eyes hard. Even though this hurts, I’m relieved. He’s obviously not going to try to convince me of his good intentions. I just can’t take any more lies.

“Let’s just treat this as it is,” I say softly. “It’s a business contract, nothing more. I don’t need any explanations from you. Let’s just get this done.”

I see a shimmer in his beautiful eyes, as if he has a lot more to say. Thankfully, he just nods.

I hear footsteps behind me and look up to see Gladys.

“We’ve decided to have a little sitdown,” she says. “The diner is pretty quiet, and I’ve got some fresh cakes and sandwiches up. Do you guys mind moving to a bigger table? That way, we can all talk.”

I nod, still staring at Kyle. “That sounds good,” I answer.

“Yes, I think so, too,” Kyle agrees.

Sitting at a table with the others will make this entire situation much more bearable. Then I can focus on this being pack business and stop thinking about the gaping wound inside me.

The wound he made when he tore my fucking heart in two.

We both get up slowly and move to one of the bigger tables. For a brief moment, Kyle is right in front of me. I drop back so there is no chance of our bodies accidentally touching.

Oh, glory to God, what the fuck am I going to do?

His tight ass is strapped firmly into tight jeans. The denim flexes across his thick, muscular thighs with every step. He takes his jacket off right at that moment, and I see his toned waist and upper body. When his t-shirt slips out from the waistband and reveals a strip of pale skin, my tongue creeps up to the edge of my mouth.

I am painfully, powerfully turned on. I have been from the moment I walked in, but now it’s raging through me, and I can’t hold it back. All those nights missing him, longing for him, fantasizing about him… and now, here he is, right in front of me, close enough to touch—

My hand has risen, all by itself, and I have to grab it and press both hands against my body to keep them safe. I swallow hard, trying to look away from him, but I can’t.

I used to imagine him so vividly that it was almost like he was still with me, but all that time, I really thought I would never see him again. I’ve managed to hold it together so far, but my body is clamoring now, and I can’t ignore it.

I have to! Don’t give him the satisfaction!

He sits down at the table, and when most of his body sinks out of sight, I calm down a bit. Then he puts his hands on the table, flexing his knuckles. His shoulders bulge, and I see the beautiful patterns of his tattoos winding down from his biceps to his wrists.

Jesus holy fuck.

“Where would you like to sit, Leslie?” Gladys asks.

For a moment, I’m stuck with panic. I can’t sit next to him—I’ll end up touching him. I shouldn’t sit across from him, then I’ll just be staring at him the whole time.

“I’ll just sit here.” I throw myself down at a corner seat, not directly near Kyle. I look down into my lap, trying to quiet my wildly beating heart.

I hate this, I hate this!

I hate that seeing him again has brought life and fire back into my body. I hate that I crave him, and that my wolf is singing for joy just to be in his presence.

I hate that I want him so much.

When he clearly doesn’t want me at all.