BEAR

My heart feels as dark as the night. I'm too tense to take a full breath. Everything inside me is folding into itself until I'll disappear.

I don't believe we'll find Natasha. That's why my body just stops moving. Around me, men use their phones to try to see in the starless night. The ground is muddy, sending people slipping and sliding. One security specialist nearly ends up in the water.

The river is swollen from a recent storm. The current is unrelenting.

"Bear," Tack says when I stop moving and stare at the river. "It's not over."

I hear his words but reject his sentiment. The river swallowed up Natasha. She died wearing her gorgeous dress, like a princess snatched away by evil. I hate to imagine her crying for help as the end came.

My heart nearly explodes from the pain when I consider those kids back at the mansion. They were going to be mine like Natasha. But now, they'll be raised by the Kovak family. There'll be no reason to involve me.

Indigo says my name more than once to keep me moving. I know my family is around me. I can already hear Aunt Fred explaining how I'll survive the pain. But I don't think she's right.

A helicopter flies overhead, shining a light on the impossibly dark riverbank. The men around me had been overly quiet. There was no way to know if they were passing something important. Now, the darkness feels beat back, and the Kovak brothers start barking orders at their men. They space out to search better.

"Bear," Indigo says again and nudges me forward.

"I don't want to see her dead."

Tack stands at my other side and pats me on the back. "Do all you can so you won't have any regrets."

I think to say something about how I should have gotten Natasha to safety. Except we both know there was only chaos when she was thrown in the river. We couldn't even look for her until she had already drowned.

What are we even looking for? A sign of the SUV in the water? Or a body floating to the riverbank?

Despite feeling hopeless, I move forward and scan the muddy ground for signs of my dead woman.

Leon's voice awakens me from my dread. Though speaking Czech, he can't hide his excitement. Indigo hurries over to learn what they've found. A moment later, as two additional helicopters shine light down on us, he returns.

"They found lacy fabric stuck on a rock near the fallen tree."

My club brother scans the terrain. Just past the muddy, rocky riverbank is a wooded area. Maks says something into his phone, and the helicopters turn their lights in that direction.

I hear them calling out for Natasha and Petra. Neither one answers. The silence feels overbearing, especially when her brothers sound so certain of a happy ending.

I try to imagine Natasha dragging herself out of the violent river. If she was alive, wouldn't she call out?

My brain adjusts to think like Natasha. She's soft and sweet. The world is terrifying. She used to believe her money and good intentions could save people. I stole that fantasy from her. Losing Ollie killed a part of her hopeful nature.

"Pi?a colada," I say, startled by how depressed I sound.

Tack asks, "What?"

"If she were alive, how would she know we're the good guys? Things were going to shit when she went over the side. Just calling her name, even in Czech won't help."

My words make sense to my weary mind. I start calling out her favorite drink. I say her children's names. I yell out "Key West" and "outie belly button."

Indigo repeats everything I say while the rest of the men behave as if I've lost my fucking mind. I probably have since I'm acting as if Natasha will hear us and call out. In my heart, I know she's dead. I see her body trapped in the SUV. I don't believe I'll ever hear her voice again.

That's why, the first time she calls my name, I'm certain I'm imagining shit. I've sunk into a terrible darkness, yet her voice drags me out.

The second time she calls my name, everyone hears it despite the noise from the choppers and river. Her brothers hurry toward the bushes. I can tell when they hear her clearer. They move faster. I realize then how, despite their calm demeanors, they were as certain as I was that their sisters were gone.

Now, they crowd the dense bushes. Without realizing I've moved, I'm suddenly with them.

I don't believe what I'm seeing. Natasha and Petra are covered in mud and blood. Their dresses are missing, and they're nearly naked. My woman keeps saying my name, even after I'm in front of her. She can't see with all the flashlights pointed at her face.

Leon wraps his jacket around Natasha while Maks frees a limp Petra from Natasha's grip.

"I think I broke Petra when I dragged her here," Natasha whimpers once she realizes she's looking at her brothers. "I didn't know what to do."

Her sobs break me. As soon as Petra is in Maks's arms, I drop to my knees next to Natasha. I want to say something reassuring. Instead, I lose the ability to speak. I just touch her face, needing concrete evidence of this miracle.

"Bear?" Natasha asks, seeming unsure.

"I'm here."

Natasha throws her arms around my neck and holds on. "You kept us warm."

I don't understand what she's saying, so I hug her tighter. Leon and I help her up, but her legs won't hold.

"I think I killed Petra," Natasha tells me as I cradle her. "I didn't know what to do."

"You did everything right," I reply and kiss her muddy face. "No one can say different."

Leon speaks in his phone as he guides Maks and me. We reach a path leading up to the main road.

"We don't have them all," Leon tells Tack. "Your people grabbed a few. We'll soon learn who did this."

As I carry her, Natasha whimpers about how she couldn't save the driver. I'm so stunned at how she's alive. I can only mumble her name and promise she'll be okay.

The walk up to the road seems quick. We're met by ambulances surrounded by police cars, motorcycles, and Syndicate security.

Natasha goes silent once we reach the ambulance. She occasionally shakes her head. She's bloody and shaking with cold.

As I grudgingly hand Natasha over to the paramedics, I hear Maks say Roman is in surgery. Suddenly at my side, Elvis explains how Sync is also at the hospital. A few other club guys are getting checked out.

Elvis, Tack, and Maks discuss search teams for the enemy stragglers. I hear something about who might have ordered the hit. After I settle in the ambulance with Natasha, I consider how the police might not be on our side as they escort us to the hospital.

"You kept us warm," Natasha says as we reach the hospital. "You wrapped yourself around us."

I stare into her eyes and see someone lost in her head. I don't know how to be reassuring. I'm not good at lying about shit. I can't tell her how Petra will be okay. I just hold her hand and mumble about our Key West honeymoon plans.

Natasha offers me a tiny smile before they take her away from me for tests. I stand in the ER, unsure what to do with myself. The staff suggests I move to the waiting room. I'm covered in mud and blood. My presence intimidates the other patients. I want to roar at them how I don't care what they want.

Instead, I shuffle out the doors, feeling alone in a shitty world. Natasha being alive hasn't become real. I wouldn't be surprised if the doctors soon announce she's died. Just like that, I'm sinking again.

I step out to the waiting room to find the place stuffed with my people. Aunt Fred hurries to my side. She doesn't care about my muddy clothes. Wrapping me tight in her arms, she praises me for finding Natasha as if I did anything more than yell stupid shit.

"Don't despair," Aunt Fred says and cups my face. "She was hiding in the cold. You brought her back to her babies."

I want to tell her how I wish I'd done things different. If I'd been more fucking careful two years ago, Ollie wouldn't be dead, Natasha would be my wife, and we wouldn't have been on the road tonight.

But to express those words, I'd need to rip open my chest and show my heart to a room full of people.

Before I lose control, Siobhan enters the ER and lunges for me. Rather than speak, she sobs in my arms. I hold Siobhan and let her express the same pain I feel.