Chapter 37

37

S teel

Five days later…

There is a knock at my door. I look up from my laptop and at the time on the corner of the screen. It’s already past nine o’clock.

Who could it be?

Probably work. That’s all there’s been since the coup attempt.

My eyes are scratchy. I’ve been pulling long hours.

I sigh as I stand, rubbing on the back of my neck. I arch my back, feeling something crack.

They knock again.

“Yeah, yeah, coming.” Then I have a thought. It’s left field. What if it’s Jen? I get a skip to my step and quickly open the door, a smile starting to form.

It falters as disappointment hits hard when I see the person scowling at me.

Crap! I don’t need this. Not right now.

“It’s late,” I tell her. “What are you doing here?” I don’t mince my words. The only female I want is leaving in two days. I’m cut up about it and trying hard to keep my distance so that I don’t make it any more difficult than it already is.

“You’re a complete asshole,” Natalia tells me, pointing a finger at me. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

She barges her way into my apartment.

I close the door and turn. “I’m not sure what you mean. I had to quit at The Pit. I explained everything to Roscoe, who seemed fine with it. Arctic needs me. It—”

She widens her eyes. “You really are clueless, aren’t you?”

“Natalia, it’s late and I’m really tired. I don’t have time for games. Why are you here, exactly?” I narrow my eyes.

“I’m here to kick your ass. You clearly need it kicked.”

I walk back to the door and open it. “If you’re going to insult me, you should leave.”

“You love Jen. Why are you letting her go? You fool!”

I feel a stabbing pain in the center of my heart. I’ve been doing my best not to think of Jen and her pending departure. I’ve been working my fingers to the bone to tighten security at the palace, but also so that I don’t have to think about it…about her.

I close the door. “Jen wants to go back to be with her family. She wants to go back to the Mainland, and that’s all there is to it.”

“Oh, really now? That’s all there is to it, huh? Have you asked her what she wants?”

“I don’t have to. She’s always made it clear. We discussed it before everything happened, and the plan was always for her to return. I was going to take care of them until they were on their feet.”

“What about the fact that the two of you love each other? What about that?”

“Jen has her priorities, and I have mine,” I state simply. It’s true. What does this have to do with her, anyway?

“Is that all you have to say?” She folds her arms. “Is that it? You love her, and you’re not going after her? Why not?”

I swallow thickly. Anything I say would be a fat excuse.

“I didn’t figure you for a coward, Steel.” Her eyes are blazing.

I look down at my feet. “She’s given me zero indication that she wants to stay. She told me not to come to the airport to say goodbye.” I shrug. “I think you’re wrong.” I shake my head. “I don’t think she feels the same way about me. I’ve been hoping she would call or stop by.”

Natalia does a double-take. “That human insisted on coming here to the castle to save your dumb ass. She risked her own life for yours. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.” She snorts. “Maybe I was wrong about you.”

Natalia leaves; she slams the door behind her.

Fuuuuuck!

Could she be right?

It’s late. I really shouldn’t bug Arctic with this now. Suddenly, it can’t wait. I can’t wait. Natalia is right. She’s fucking right about everything. I need some advice, and Arctic is the only person who can give it to me. Also, I’ve been meaning to check to make sure he changed that blasted code. It’s time to go and find out.

Jen

I’m lying in bed, staring at the shadows on the ceiling. Natalia came to visit earlier this evening. She was shocked that Steel and I weren’t together. Shocked that I hadn’t seen him since the whole thing unfolded.

She dropped it, and we had a good time. We drank some wine and talked about nothing of importance. It was nice to let my hair down and relax. Just to forget about everything for a while.

Now, I’m stuck in my own thoughts all over again. I keep asking myself if I should just give in and go to see him. To see Steel. I miss him so much, but I’m also angry with him. We went through so much together. I’m not even talking about the sex. So much has happened, and he hasn’t had the common decency to pick up the phone and call me. A visit would be nice. Anything, really.

All I have gotten so far is nothing.

Not a damned thing.

I was a job to him. A job with benefits. Natalia was wrong when she told me he was in love with me. She had to be. This is not how people who care for each other treat each other. I suppose I could have reached out to him, but…it’s better left alone.

I have spoken to my mom and Caleb every day. It’s so good to hear their voices. They’re both so excited to see me again. I can’t wait. It’s the only thing that keeps me from falling into complete sadness. My heart hurts. It sucks to miss someone you never really had in the first place. I will get over Steel. It’s going to take some time, but I’m going to do it.

There’s a knock at my door.

I frown. It’s late. I read twenty past ten on the alarm clock next to my bed.

There’s another knock, more urgent this time. Maybe Natalia left her purse here or something.

I jump out of bed and open the door. “Did you—?”

All the air leaves me in a rush. I think my mouth drops open.

“You answered the door in a tiny nightie without even asking who it was first?” Steel growls, his eyes darkening.

“Really? Is that the first thing you have to say to me?” I fold my arms across my chest, suddenly angry. My blood starts to freaking boil. “I’m glad you came. I need to give you a piece of my mind.”

“Can we do this inside, please?”

I realize that the guards posted at my door are getting an eyeful, so I reluctantly agree with a curt nod.

We go inside, and Steel closes the door. He’s in a black shirt and jeans. His eyes are a little bloodshot. He looks amazing but also tired.

Nope. I’m not going to feel sorry for him. He doesn’t deserve my sympathy. He doesn’t deserve anything from me.

“You just dumped me. I thought we had something special. I thought that—”

Steel grips my hips and kisses me. I’m an idiot because I kiss him back. At least I start to kiss him back, and then I remember that I’m pissed at him and push him away. “You didn’t even check in on me, Steel. You’ve ignored me flat, and it hurts.” My voice hitches.

“I did check in on you. I checked in twice a day with the guards I handpicked to take care of—”

“You didn’t check on me. You! ” I give him a shove, but of course, he doesn’t budge. “Here I was falling in love with your sorry ass, and you… You know what? Never mind. I’m stupid. We had sex twice. It was nothing. Less than nothing. I’m leaving in two days.”

He grins.

“What are you smiling at?” I shout at him, putting my hands on my hips.

“You’re in love with me?”

I narrow my eyes. “Out of everything I just said, that’s all you heard? Really?”

“You’re beautiful when you’re angry. So fucking beautiful. Has anyone told you that before?”

“I will hurt you if you patronize me.” I might just hit him if he’s not careful. I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry before. I don’t know where it’s all coming from.

He sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was afraid of rejection. Afraid of giving myself to someone. Of trusting again, of loving again. Natalia popped in and carefully pointed out that it’s too late, that I’m already in love with you. She pointed out that I’m an idiot. I think she may have used the term ‘asshole.’ It was a colorful conversation.”

I giggle. It just slips out.

“Point being, I’m totally in love with you. I’m sorry for being a fool. For not taking the leap sooner. Thing is, I can’t let you go.”

I swipe my eyes and realize I’m crying.

“You’re upset? Angry? Happy?” he asks, looking unsure. “All of the above? Give me something here, Jen. I’m putting it all out there. Say something, anything.”

“I love you so much. I wish I could stay, but…my family.”

“I just came from Arctic. He wasn’t very happy to see me at this time of night. He was pissed I cracked his password…again. He’s so transparent, but that’s neither here nor there. I got him to agree to let your family stay here. I pretty much wouldn’t leave his bedroom until he did. I threatened to break in every night until he agreed.”

I laugh but quickly turn serious. “He agreed. Are you for real?”

“Yes, I am.” But his face falls. “But it can’t be right away.” He shakes his head. “Not with your mom’s medical needs. The island isn’t equipped to deal with her requirements. We are moving ahead with the Tribute Project, but it’s going to take a little time. There will first be clinics and then, later, hospitals built on the island. Once we’re equipped, there’s no reason why they can’t move here. It sounds like we’re looking at a few months. Six to eight, give or take.”

He takes my hands in his. My heart is racing. I’m so happy but so sad. “I can’t wait that long to see them,” I say in a soft voice. “They’re expecting me.”

“You should go back,” he says.

“Oh!” So, this is still goodbye. Damn! Why did I let myself hope? My heart sinks like a rock in a cold, deep, dark ocean.

He lifts my chin so that I can look him in the eye. “Go back. Be with your family. Assure yourself that they’re okay, and then come back to me. Arctic says you can commute between Mistveil and the Mainland until they are ready to come and live here.”

I grin. It feels like it splits my face in two. “You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not kidding.” He smiles. “Would you be okay with living between here and there? With a long-distance relationship?” He seems to hold his breath.

“You know what they say about long distance?” I lift my brows.

“What?” He still looks a little unsure. It’s so cute.

“The sex is hotter when two people miss each other.” I bob my brows.

He chokes out a laugh. “I don’t think we have any trouble in that department, Jen.”

“I don’t know.” I pretend to think it through.

“Jen! You’re teasing me. I mean, the sex has been fucking amazing. You have to admit it.”

“We’ve only done it twice. It’s going to take a lot more than that for me to be sure one way or the other, to make a definite—”

He picks me up, and I squeal. “Let’s see what we can do to fix that.”

My legs hook around his waist. Then we kiss like two people possessed.

“I love you,” I murmur against his mouth.

“So much,” he says against mine as he walks to my bedroom.

I decided not to put the next in series, Red King , out on pre-order right away. The plan is to release it at the end of February next year. I will put up a pre-order closer to the time. If you want to stay updated, please sign up for my Newsletter for news on releases and sales. Thank you for reading my book ;)

This is the link to Shard of Ice which releases in December