18. Reaper

18

Reaper

I missed Sarra more than anything in this world, and as soon as her six months were up, I was going to get her. I love her more than anything in the world. Rebel shook his head and looked at me. "Did you tell her you dreamed about her? I'm assuming it was her you used to dream about."

"Yeah, it was Sarra, and no, I didn't tell her anything. She would have thought I was crazy. Sarra isn't used to being around a lot of people. When I told her about Steel's big family reunion, she asked me where they all sat. She can't even imagine that many family members in one place."

Matthew said she bought a house around the corner from them, so that's a big move, right? Before, she didn't like living where so many people lived."

"Yeah, that was a big step for her. Who is that?" I asked when a car pulled into the driveway with its lights off. We were guarding a woman hiding from her husband, who wanted her dead.

"It's him. Let's see what he has planned…" Before Rebel could finish his sentence, the guy threw something through the window, and the entire room exploded. I was out cold. I didn't know anything.

"Reaper, say something. Please WAKE UP," Rebel shouted. I didn't hear anything. Later, at the hospital, I still knew nothing. I didn't wake up when Sarra came to see me; I didn't know she sat there for hours reading me her completed novel or that ten days later, the surgeon took me back to the operating room for more surgery.

When I finally woke up, I still didn't know who was in my room. I couldn't open my eyes; they were wrapped in bandages. Ten days later, I knew she was there; I could feel her presence.

"Sarra, I know you're here. Please go home. I don't want you here. Don't you understand that I'm blind? I'm useless, and I won't be able to see you ever again. Go home. I don't want you here."

"You're lying. I know you were going to come and get me. Rebel told me. I'm staying here with you. Do you think I care that you're blind? You can touch me, I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me every second, but I'm not leaving. You are wasting your breath."

"Who will protect you? I can't protect myself, much less you or even a child if there ever was one."

"I don't need you to protect me. I've told you that I can take care of myself. I'm not going to beg you to come home with me. I know how much you love your mountain, so I'm staying here with you."

I shook my head. "I don't want you here. How many times do I have to tell you that? Sarra, are you going to answer me?"

"No."

"Fine," I pushed the button for the nurse.

"What can I do for you, Knox?"

"I want Sarra out of my room, and I don't want her back in here." I was glad I had the bandage on, or she would have seen the tears falling from my eyes. I loved Sarra but couldn't tie her to someone who couldn't even find his way out of a room.

"Reaper, there already is a baby. I'm five months pregnant. I'm sorry to tell you about her this way, but I'm leaving. If you want to visit our baby girl, you can do it anytime."

My heart burst open. We're having a baby girl, and then my heart plunged down and died again. Who will keep my baby safe?

"Sarra, I want you to move back in with your cousins. You and the baby will be safe with them."

"You have no say in what I do. You threw us away again. I have a home. I don't need to move in with my cousins. Goodbye, Reaper."

I didn't say anything but knew this was the only way.

"You are a stupid ass. Why would you throw her away like this?" Rebel demanded. "Do you think you are the only blind man on earth? Thousands of men live wonderful lives being blind. They raise their children, and so can you."

"Rebel, this is my life. I'm not any other blind man. I'm me, and I don't know how to get around. I'm a warrior; I don't know how to be anything else. Do you think I want Sarra to take care of me? I'll be worse than a newborn baby, and she will have two of us to care for. No! I refuse to discuss it anymore."

All the while, my mind was screaming that I was having a baby. The woman I loved needed a man who could care for her and our daughter. "Nurse, can you give me something to help me sleep?"

"That's exactly what you don't need right now; damn it, Reaper, you don't need drugs," Rebel said, walking out of the room.

"Do you still want something to help you sleep?"

"No, I don't want anything." I didn't know what time it was, but I figured it was daytime since I had visitors. So, I forced myself to stay awake. I had a lot to think about. What was I going to do with my life? I had to decide. "Why did I chase Sarra away?"

"You didn't chase me away. If I could stay in a scary little one-foot-by-two-foot shed, I would never let the man I love chase me away. I went to the café and got something to eat."

"Sarra, I don't want to hurt you. I love you, but I won't live with you and the baby. We would both regret it because you would have to care for me as much as you would the baby or more. What if there was an emergency, and I couldn't do anything? I'm sorry, but I can't live with you."

"I never asked you to live with us. I want you to be a part of our lives. I will go home and let you get your life in order, and then we'll be back. If you want me to visit you so you can feel the baby moving around, then I want you to call me."

"Sarra, why are you doing this? You're making it worse by coming here. Sarra, can I feel the baby? Does she move around much?"

"Yes, to both questions." I barely hear her whispered words. She placed my hand on her tummy, and then I felt movement. I felt my baby move inside the woman I love, but I could never be with.

I smiled when she moved again. "Have you named her?"

"No, not yet. I want her name to be special."

"That's a good idea. I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you."

"Reaper, I will always love you. I want you to get better and come and get me and our baby."

"I'm going to do everything I can to improve because I love you and my daughter. Please go home," I said. I raised my hand to hide my eyes, but she held my face and kissed me. My arms went around her, and I held her tight as I kissed her back. "Name her Glory."

"I will name her Glory. That's a beautiful name."

"Good, my mom's name was Glory. Goodbye, Sarra."

"Goodbye." I heard her sniff and knew she was crying. I had to let her go. I needed to get better.