17. Sarra

17

Sarra

I missed Reaper so much. The first month, I spent crying. I started reading all of Amanda's ramblings about my parents and me. She was truly deranged. She killed her brothers, who were there to protect Jeannie, with the help of her other brothers.

We were searching for those brothers. Shane was surprised they could disappear so completely. He warned me to be careful as long as they were alive. I wish he had said that when we were all with Reaper. I could have stayed with him until my crazy uncles were found.

I looked in the mirror, still not showing any sign of the baby. I was shocked when the pregnancy test came back positive. I haven't decided what to do about my cousins yet.

"Sarra, are you ready? Where's your bag?"

"I've decided not to go. I'm going to look for a house and move into it. It'll be around here; I'm not moving back into the swamp," she said.

"Are you sure? This house is huge. You're welcome to live here with us. In fact, we love having you here."

"I know. I'll still be close by. I'll see you in a few days." I hugged him goodbye. My cousins were my lifesavers. Without them, I would have locked myself in my room and cried until I got sick. Now, I only cried at night when they couldn't see me.

I was meeting a realtor at a house a block away. I was excited to see it; now that I knew I was having a baby, I wanted to be near my cousins. I decided not to contact Reaper. I was waiting for him to contact me. I still had four months to go before the six months were up.

I prayed he would call me. I wasn't going to keep the baby a secret; I just wasn't planning on telling him about her until I found out if he wanted to be with me. I didn't know if the baby was a girl, but I felt like she was.

Maybe I was a bit childish when I told him I loved him. I must have been having a breakdown or something. I know I shocked everyone in the room, including myself, but I said it, and I couldn't take it back.

No one knew I had known Reaper for years in my dreams. I talked to him most nights from when I was sixteen until I was twenty-three. I wish I could explain it to everyone, but they would all think I was really crazy. They knew I had those dreams. They just didn't know it was Reaper.

I got Bub's leash, and we walked to the house. I arrived before the realtor and walked around outside. This would be perfect for Bub. It was so charming. Just standing there, I knew I was buying this house. When the realtor arrived, we went inside. I felt at peace in this house. It welcomed me with open arms.

I looked at the woman and smiled. "I'll take it."

"But you haven't seen all of it yet."

"I don't need to see any more rooms. I'll pay the full price," I said, already wanting to order furniture. "When can I move in?"

"Well, it has to go through escrow…" I stopped her.

"I want to speak with the owners and see if I can take it today. I have so much to do," including finishing a book. I didn't tell her that, but my mind was racing with everything. I wanted to paint the baby's room. I wished Reaper would call just to say hello.

Beau walked through the rooms. "I can't believe you bought a house and already have the keys. Are you sure you want a home this big?"

"Yes, I plan on having lots of children one day."

"Are you going to call Reaper and tell him about the baby?"

"No, I still have three months until he calls me. If he calls me."

"Matthew said he was miserable."

"He did? Good. I hope he is. You didn't tell Matthew about the baby, did you?"

"No, I feel guilty not telling Matthew about the baby, but I said nothing."

"Matthew would tell Reaper and demand he marry me. I can't take that chance. I don't want Reaper coming here because of the baby. I want him to come because he loves me."

"Have you even told him about your dreams?"

"Why do you think it's him in my dreams?"

"Was it?"

"Yes. Thank you for helping me paint the baby's room."

"You're welcome. I have to go. I'm meeting River Channing and Gage Sparrow."

"I'm going to miss you when you move to California."

"But you can visit me all the time. I bought a condo in the same place River and Gage live—right on the beach."

I walked him to the door and called Bub inside. I was going to take a bath, and I always wanted Bub with me when I was alone in the house. I still felt like Amanda was alive, and I didn't care what anyone said.