Chapter 15

FIFTEEN

I won two races tonight. I needed the high, the risk of danger. Despite my injured hands and jacked arm, I still won, and then I decided I needed a drink. It didn't take much to convince Skylar, another of the racers I'm pretty close to, to join me for one. I even let him pick the place, and it had been going well. Sky is a good guy. He's fun to be around, and we are friends despite not knowing much about each other outside of racing, but then Evan turned up with a gaggle of friends.

He looks so fucking good, I hate him on sight. He hasn't even seen me, completely focused on the people fawning all over him. His smile is so wide it hurts to see. Doesn't he care that we aren't talking?

Isn't he upset?

He doesn't look like it as he jokes and flirts and then dances with his friends. He's acting like I'm nothing to him, as if us talking the other night didn't mean anything. Hell, to him, it probably didn't. I'm probably another person waiting in a long line for him.

I know that's not fair, since I'm the one who blocked him, but of all the fucking places, why did he have to show up here looking so fucking good when I'm trying my best to stay away from him?

"Who's the blond hottie you're staring so hard at?" Sky's deep, mocking voice has my head whipping around, and I meet his shrewd gaze. With eyes darker than mine, Sky is a mean-looking bastard. He's big and muscular, with most of his hair pulled back into a bun tonight. Some might even call him handsome, but my tastes seem to be stuck on the ball of sunshine dancing like he doesn't have a care in the world.

"No one, my sister's friend," I reply, sipping my drink.

"He's hot. Is he single?" Sky asks, leaning back with a wicked grin.

"No, he's fucking not. Don't go near him," I warn, and Sky laughs, leaning back farther to escape my anger, holding his hands up.

"Shit, man, sorry. Didn't realize he was yours."

"He's not mine, don't be an idiot," I mutter, looking away from his knowing eyes. I reach for the glass bottle on the table, pouring myself another drink and shooting it before pouring another.

"Uh-huh, since when do you care about anyone else? If he isn't yours, I could just go over there?—"

My head jerks up, my glare only making him laugh before it fades and he winces. "Shit, looks like someone beat me to it. Are you going to go over there to defend your territory?"

My head swings around, my heart missing a beat when I see the blond idiot dancing against Evan, who doesn't seem to care. No, he seems into it. I watch the guy's hands grip Evan's ass, pulling him closer, as jealousy and anger fill me.

"How the fuck can they be so open about that shit?" I ask, gripping my glass tighter to stop myself from racing over there and beating the shit out of the bastard for touching what's mine.

"Alek Anders, don't tell me you're homophobic." I look over at Sky, who wears a serious expression as he leans into me. "Because let me tell you, we'll have some problems. Love is love, man."

My eyebrows rise as I read the very dark look in his eyes, which is so out of place on the jovial race head. "I'm not. It's just?—"

"He's yours, and you're acting irrationally, but you sound like an asshole, and as your very gay friend, be careful. You might get away with that shit elsewhere, but not with me. If he's not yours, then he's allowed to dance with and fuck whoever he wants," Sky says, toasting me.

I mean, I didn't know Sky was gay. Not that it matters but?—

"He can't fuck whoever he wants," I mutter.

"So he's not yours, but he isn't allowed to be anyone else's." Sky snorts. "That's stupid. Make up your mind, man, before you lose him. If you want him, then take him. If not, I'm betting there are plenty out there who do want him, but you need to decide. Don't play with his feelings. That's not cool."

I stare at Sky, shocked by his words. We don't usually talk about anything deeper than cars. Where is this shit coming from, and why do I suddenly want to talk about it with him? "You're not upset that I want him?"

Sky watches me sadly before leaning closer. "I don't care who you love or fuck, Alek. Love is love. Gender doesn't matter. I don't know what kind of backwards people you've been around to make you believe you loving or wanting who you want is wrong, but that's their problem, not yours. Do you want him?"

I stare before slightly inclining my head, admitting to him what I don't even want to admit to myself.

"Then what's the problem? You are allowed to want who you want and be attracted to who you want. Fuck what anyone else thinks. If they have a problem, then that says more about who they are than you. I'm not saying it will be easy—trust me on this—but it's worth it. Being honest with yourself lifts a weight off you." Sky nods, pouring me another drink. "I mean it, Anders. Be who you are and fuck everyone else." He downs his drink, and I drain mine.

"You're a pretty good guy, Sky," I mutter.

"Glad you finally noticed. It's only taken me a year of friendship," he scoffs. "Even now, we wouldn't be here if you weren't stressing over that man."

I wince because he's right. I've never tried to deepen our friendship. I use Sky.

He laughs. "Don't worry about it, man. I know that's how you are, but you need to decide what you want quickly. "

My head snaps around again to see Evan and the blond sitting at a table, way too close and smiling at each other with a look that makes my blood boil.

I can't believe him. My hands tighten around my drink in anger, and when he stands, grinning down at the guy, I feel the glass break, cutting into my already mangled palm, but I don't care.

"Shit, Alek, what the fuck?" Sky snarls, jumping back from the spilling liquid.

I watch Evan leave with the guy, waving to his friends who just let him go with a fucking stranger.

Shoving to my feet, I throw some bills down without even sparing Sky another glance. "I'm out."

"About fucking time!" he calls. "Get your man!"

By the time I make it through the club, Evan has disappeared with the idiot. I push through the crowd, knocking people out of my way with a snarl that gets the others moving. I don't feel like myself. The anger and jealousy coursing through my veins is insane, and I'm not thinking clearly, but despite all that and what Sky said, I can't let Evan leave with him.

I burst out into the cold air, searching for them. Panic consumes me, but then I catch sight of a familiar icy head ducking into an alley a few feet away. I stomp after them, stilling at the end of the alley when I see Evan pinned to the wall, the blond all over him, their teeth and tongues clashing as they kiss. Evan's hands are in his hair, and he's kissing him back.

Evan is kissing him.

Something stabs into my heart, but it doesn't stop me from closing the distance and ripping the blond away from him without even a glance. He flies backwards, and I glare at Evan, who blinks owlishly at me before his cheeks redden in anger as he straightens.

"Anders, what the fuck? Are you okay?" He goes to move past me to the blond, who's struggling to his feet, but I hold up my arm and block him, turning to the blond myself.

"Leave," I order, unable to grit out more words when I see his bruised lips .

He glares at me, dusting off his ass and looking from me to Evan despite the threat I present. I am practically vibrating with anger, ready to strike. "Evan, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, it's okay, you can leave. I'll deal with this guy." I glance over to see Evan blushing and rubbing his head nervously, messing up his pretty hair.

"Don't apologize to him. Leave," I tell the blond again. It's the last chance he will get, and I watch him give Evan another look before he hurries from the alley, then I turn to Evan as I try to hold back my fury. "You should be apologizing to me."

"To you?" His eyes widen incredulously. "Why the fuck would I say sorry to you?"

The anger snaps inside me, and I turn, slamming my fist into the wall. I feel my knuckles split and the cuts on my palm reopen, but even that sharp pain doesn't push back these feelings inside me.

"What the fuck, Anders? What is your fucking problem?" A hand hits my back, sending me stumbling forward, and I turn to see him spitting fire. Evan is angrier than I've ever seen him. "You don't get to do this shit. You don't get to block me then show up here?—"

Rather than hitting the wall, I grab him and slam him into it. My mouth crashes onto his. He fights me at first, hitting me, and although it hurts, I don't relent. I don't let go. I pour all of my jealousy, confusion, and anger into that kiss until he groans, softening against me and kissing me back.

His fists turn into clenching hands, pulling me closer as our bodies rub together, all hard muscles and warmth. "You're mine, pretty boy," I tell him, kissing him again until he whimpers. The sound snaps me out of it, and I stumble back. Desire burns so hotly in my veins, I'm surprised I haven't exploded. My fists clench as I stare at him, his lips parted and raw as he gapes at me before he laughs bitterly.

"At least you didn't hit me this time," he mutters, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I guess that's something."

Shit, I really am an asshole.

Even if I want him, I don't deserve Evan .

I could live a million lives and never deserve a man like Evan Shaw, and he knows it.

Grinding my jaw, I spin on my heel and race away.

"So you're back to ignoring me again?" he calls, and I still. "Fine. I'm fucking done, Anders. I'm so fucking done with whatever this is." When he barges past me, he hits me, knocking me to the left, and when I meet his gaze, his eyes are cold.

"Don't call, don't text, don't show up outside of my house with excuses, don't come after me, and don't stop me from hooking up with people. I'm not yours and never will be. You made that very clear, and I'm done. I'm done chasing you. I'm done being used and tossed aside by you when it suits you. I'm not your fucking plaything to figure out your feelings and use to dispel them. I'm done." He turns and walks away, and it's my turn to stare after him.

I feel like I just lost something very fucking important to me, like I just lost my boyfriend, but how can it end when it never even started?