30. Lucas

My pulse jumps into my throat and punches a hole into it. Jase turns to look at me, his expression squeezing my heart like a vise.

He ends the call with his agent and tosses the phone onto the bed. "Hoffman just cut me."

"What do you mean?" I choke out the words, the lump in my throat damn near stifling them. "How could he do that now? I thought…"

I slam my lips shut and Jase narrows his eyes.

Oh, shit.

"You thought what?"

I walk over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. "Jase, something happened before I came here. Trevor stopped me at the stadium and made some threats." I drop my eyes for a second because I can't stand to see the pain in his. Taking a deep breath, I look up again. "I told him he was an asshole for what he did to you that day at the shelter. And he got angry. Said you were basically treading on thin ice."

"So he told you I was getting cut?" His growly voice makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end in the worst possible way. He shakes off my hands, his jaw tensing. "You knew it when you came here? How the fuck did you not tell me? Were you that distracted by my cock, for fuck's sake?"

"I didn't know for sure." I rub the back of my head. "It's not like he said it was on his to-do list. I figured if they did anything, it'd be at the end of the season, not now. But it is part of the reason why I came here to see you. That's the part I needed to tell you. Trevor and I… just after I got signed, we had a thing."

Jase covers his face and sinks onto the couch with a deep sigh. "Fuck."

"He cornered me today and told me if I didn't want to lose my spot on the team, I needed to stay away from you and… pretend to be with him."

Jase's head snaps up. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

I shrug. "He thinks being with me will give him credibility, that everyone thinks he's a peon who gets what he wants because he has daddy's money."

"He's not wrong there," Jase mutters. "So you agreed to do it to protect your spot?"

"If I don't do what he wants, he's going to release videos and pictures of me at a party we went to a while back. I did some things…" I swallow hard and scrub a hand down the front of my face. "Things that look like I was making a porno. He threatened me with the footage. I have no choice. He'll expose me. Ruin my career. Break up my family because the social worker won't let me keep them if that shit gets out. My hands are tied."

"So what you're really telling me is you came here today to say goodbye? That you're choosing that sniveling motherfucker over me after you told me you loved me?"

My jaw drops. "Did you hear anything I said? He will ruin me if I tell him to go to hell. I'll end up completely fucked."

"Just like me," he grumbles. "You know something ironic? Here you are, on your high goddamn horse, preaching about how I can't be true to myself when you're ready to give up all of your fucking freedom because of threats that asshat made against you. You're just going to let him treat you like a puppet, pulling on whatever strings he wants because he's got shit to blackmail you with?"

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" I yell. "He'll destroy my life."

"You're making the decision to destroy it yourself if you don't figure out a way to make him stand down."

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I can't lose my family. You don't understand because you're not responsible for anything. You have one person to take care of—you. And you can't even do that too well since you keep ending up in the center of these shitstorms."

"You've made it damn clear who your priority is, Lucas. You could have said something when you came in here besides I love you. But you were too busy trying to figure out how to have your cake and eat it, too. A last-time romp before you hand your life over to that jerkoff, Trevor."

He jumps up and storms over to me, nostrils flaring.

"You let me get blindsided by that fucknut when you knew what was coming for me. But as long as it wasn't your ass on the line, it wasn't important enough to mention before you begged me to fuck you one last time. Except I never got the memo about that one, either."

"That's not why I came here. I wanted to apologize for the other morning?—"

"Bullshit. You came here to get off. And now that you have, we're done. Here's some more fucking irony for you. You were so pissed off at the idea that I might have used you last time, which I fucking didn't, yet you just did the exact same thing to me."

He fists his hair. "I can't believe I actually let myself fall for you. I opened myself up to you like nobody else in my goddamn life and you didn't deserve it. Shame on me for that. You go prancing around with your good boy bullshit fa?ade but you're really just a selfish bastard."

Jase pauses, his lips curling into a grimace. His gaze spits angry flames and I'm convinced he's trying to kill me with his mind right now.

"And I don't want to look at you for another fucking second, so get the hell out of my room… and my life."

I didn't seeJase on the plane for the trip home. I guess I didn't really expect him to show up, especially with him knowing he's about to be humiliated yet again in the media.

Gabe asked me if I knew where he was when I boarded. His eyes were suspiciously curious when I told him I hadn't seen Jase, but he didn't press, thank fuck.

My heart is shattered beyond repair, and I'm the only one to blame. I meant what I said to Jase. I'm fucking crazy about him, and yeah, part of me went to him because I'd wanted one last time together. If I'm going to play Trevor's game, I know I can"t play both sides of that fence. I'd have to give Jase up, much as it killed me to do it.

I shouldn't have led him on. I wasn't honest when he opened that door. He sucked me right in and I ignored all the warning bells that screamed "run."

I keep to myself on the flight, pretending to read when all I can do is think about the man I left back in Tampa. I'll never forget the look of betrayal that wrenched my gut.

Everything he said was right. I was selfish because deep down, I knew I wanted to protect myself and my career. Of course, I agreed with Trevor mainly because of Ella and Nick but I can't lie and say I didn't do it to save my own ass, too. I couldn't risk being lumped in with Jase and cut from the team during my first season.

Team owners want stability in their players. They want them to have integrity, family values, respect for others, things that make them relatable and likable. How the fuck could I shake off raunchy videos that make me look like a gay porn star? My reputation would be tarnished, and no amount of polishing would ever get it clean.

But I swear I had no idea Trevor would have his dad pull the plug on Jase's contract. I figured, if anything, having me in his pocket would make Trevor forget about Jase. Or at least, I'd have been able to convince him to do just that. He always said Jase was dangling by a thread.

Now he's cut and plummeting except there's nothing to break his fall. The playoffs are only a couple of weeks away, and he was so excited to play with the team. I wonder if he'll even bother at this point. Hoffman might not even let him play.

I stagger toward the waiting car once we deplane. I say my goodbyes and jump into the back seat, collapsing against the cool leather. I close my eyes, hoping a quick nap will relieve the ache between my temples.

It doesn't.

When the driver pulls up to my condo, he gets out and hands me my bag. I walk up the front steps of the building, stick the key in the lock, and head inside. Standing in front of my door, I run a hand through my hair.

How the hell did I let things get so out of control?

Or maybe a better question is, can I ever get them back under control?

I twist the handle and push open the door, expecting Ella and Nick to come running at me, especially since I texted them that I was on my way home.

But there are no feet padding across the floor.

No greetings yelled from the second floor.

It's only silence that meets me in my foyer.

I drop my bag and walk into the kitchen. It's dark, so I flip on the light.

"Hey."

I jump back, blinking fast as my eyes adjust to the light… and the image of my brother Aaron sitting at my kitchen table.

I don't think my jaw could slam any harder onto the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I look around. "And where is everyone else?"

"Krista took the kids out after your text came through." He leans forward, pressing his hands to his forehead. "She let me in. Thought you and I needed some time alone before it turned into a big family reunion."

"Family reunions are usually celebrations of families wanting to be together," I bite out. "How the fuck does that relate to whatever the hell kind of reunion this is?"

Aaron looks at me, his hazel eyes remorseful. "I know you're mad at me."

"Mad?" I let out a sharp, humorless laugh. "Are you fucking kidding me? How could I possibly be mad? Mom and Dad died in a horrific fire, and you took off and only dropped whenever you needed cash, then you wrote us off for the better part of the past two years." I throw my hands in the air. "Why would that make anyone mad?"

"Look, Lucas. I get the sarcasm. I fucked up and I'm sorry. But you don't know why, and that's why I'm here."

"What the hell could you possibly tell me that will make everything better? You tore yourself out of our lives for no fucking reason. But my money was good enough for you until you decided you didn't want anything from us anymore."

"I had a really hard time dealing with what happened that night, okay?"

I slam my hand onto the table. "Like it was easy for us? I fucking risked my life to help our parents while you were high as fuck and passed out, completely goddamn useless. So tell me why I should feel bad for you."

Aaron's eyes cloud over. "Because the fire was my fault in the first place, and I couldn't live with myself a day longer without telling you the truth."

A shock of pain assaults the back of my skull. "What are you fucking saying?" My voice drops, my fingers white from gripping the back of a chair.

Aaron runs a hand through his messy brown hair. "I was in a bad place. I know you think I was just a screwup who couldn't be counted on, but it was more than that. I was jealous. So fucking jealous of you because of who and what you are. Always the shining star, always the golden boy, always the one most likely to succeed. You cast a pretty big shadow, little bro. And I grew up in it, choked by everything I'd never be."

He stands up from the chair and paces the length of the kitchen in beat-up Nikes. He's always been tall but lanky. He looks heavier than the last time we saw him, though. And that's when I take a closer look at my brother. His eyes aren't sunken in anymore. There aren't any dark-purple stains streaking the skin below them. His skin has color. And he's dressed in clean, neat clothes. Nothing crazy, but he's at least put together, which is more than I can say for the last few times we saw him.

"I remember that night like it was yesterday. Mom found some weed in my desk drawer and went nuts on me earlier that night. She and Dad laid into me pretty bad. Dad screamed about why I couldn't be more like you, why everything I did was never enough, why I didn't care about my future the way you did, why I was wasting my whole life." He shakes his head. "It was always like that for me. I just never fit into their mold."

"Aaron," I say, taking a step toward him. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Like there's anything you could have done about it. What, were you going to start sucking at everything to make me feel better?" He snorts. "Hell no. And I did a lot of damage to my life and our family because I couldn't handle the constant sense of failure."

"Why do you think the fire was your fault?" My mind trips back to that night, when I had to drag Aaron out of his bed because he was so out of it, he'd have never made it out himself.

Aaron drags a finger over the wood grain of the tabletop, avoiding my eyes. "After that fight, I took some pills. Don't know how many. Didn't really care. I lit up and passed out from whatever I took. The joint is what started the fire that night. I started the fire that killed our parents and could have killed the rest of us."

His voice cracks and his eyes shine with tears.

I walk over to my brother and place a hand on his arm. "That what's kept you away all this time? The guilt? The jealousy?"

"All of it. I went into a downward spiral after that night. Fucked myself up really good. Almost died a couple of times. After the last time I saw you guys, I knew I needed to stay away, to get my head screwed on straight. I needed to clean up and make something of my life. But I was afraid to come back, that seeing you guys and telling the truth would send me back down that rabbit hole. I knew if it happened again, I wouldn't come out of it."

A lump forms in the back of my throat. "Why did you come back now?"

He furrows his brow. "I've been following everything that's happened between you and Jase Maxwell a few weeks ago. The beatdown outside the bar, the suspension, the community service. I knew you needed your family around you, and I promised myself I'd be strong enough to support you. That's why I'm here. I need to make amends, Lucas. It's part of my treatment and my path toward redemption."

"I can tell you right now that guilt is fucking useless, especially for you. The fire wasn't started by a joint. The fire chief who got the results of the investigation said it was electrical. Bad wiring in the walls."

He gasps. "You never told me that's what started it."

"You weren't around long enough to tell." My lips curl into a small smile. "The fire wasn't your fault. So you don't have to carry that around with you for another second, okay?"

He grabs me into a bear hug, his chest quaking with sobs. I try to suck in a breath, but the grapefruit in my throat is too damn big. I clap him on the back. "It's good to see you. I wish you'd come back sooner so I could have supported you. Because that's what family does."

He tightens his grip, and we stand there for a few minutes, wrapped up in our own thoughts but still comforted by our family bond.

"I'm really glad you came back. I've missed you."

And I really have. Aaron leaving left a big, gaping, unnecessary hole in our lives. A shudder runs through me.

I almost died.

We could have lost him, too. Forever.

All because he decided to bolt instead of having the tough conversation.

"I missed you, too." He wipes his eyes and struggles to smile.

I walk over to the refrigerator and pull out a bottle of alkaline water. "So I hope you didn't do something stupid like get a hotel room because you're staying right here with us, for as long as you need."

Aaron shakes his head. "I wouldn't expect you to?—"

"Stop." I hold out a hand. "The past is in the past, okay? As of right now, it's forgotten. Let's focus on the future instead."

The front door opens and footsteps pound on the floor of the foyer.

"Lucas," Ella yells.

I exchange a look with Aaron and then jog over to the foyer. "El, I'm here. What's wrong?"

Krista's face is tight, her eyes facing downward. Nick looks panicked and Ella… she's red-faced and practically hysterical.

She holds out her phone. "Is this true? Are you… did you… did you do this?"

I grab the phone from her hand and stare at the screen, my mouth falling open for the second time in less than an hour.

Holy shit.

How the fuck did they even find out?