Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

Riggs

I thought I hated losing. That kick in the chest kind of feeling when I know we didn't win really fucks with me.

But nothing compares to how much I despise seeing the girl I love more than anything in this life cry.

Clara's face is flushed, big tears falling from her sweet, wide eyes. Eyes that are bloodshot as her little fairylike nose runs with snot. Her lips are pursed as she tries to hold in the sobs, but it doesn't work.

She's a mess.

A stunning mess.

My mess.

And my heart aches at her pain. I know I said I didn't want people knowing about us yet, but that doesn't stop me from gathering her in my arms and cupping her face in my hands.

"Shh," I coo, wiping away her streaming tears. "Baby girl, calm down."

A sob explodes from her small frame, shaking her poor body. The boys whine as Darcy howls for his mom. "Did I get downgraded? I thought I was your love," she says on a shaky breath, and my heart breaks at how tragically beautiful she is.

"No, no, no," I murmur, brushing my thumb along her trembling lip. "You're my everything, my love. Even upgraded, you get called past nicknames."

She nods slowly, her lips quivering. "O-okay. I didn't know the rules to all these pet names."

I hold back my smile as I hug her tightly, nuzzling my nose in her neck. She falls apart in my arms as I hold her tightly, like I'm trying to put her back together. "I wanted to tell you before, but I've never told anyone I've been with. Not that I'm ashamed. Or so I thought, because I guess I am. I don't know. I think that's why I'm attracted to older guys, because surely they don't want kids. But I'm sorry. I should have told you from the start because you would be a perfect dad, and I can't give you children."

My eyes drift shut as emotion hits me. "Shh, Clara, my love. Breathe, baby." She takes in a deep, shaky breath, her body trembling against mine. I hear her teeth chatter, and I pull back to look down at her. I wipe her nose with my thumb, wiping it on my slacks, as I brush more of her tears away. She just stares at me, blinking more tears down her face, and I give her a small smile. "You have to breathe, baby, because you're the reason I'm finally breathing again."

"Riggs," she sobs, and I kiss her between her brows.

"Breathe," I practically beg.

"You should be a dad," she cries, and I shrug. Her words hit me like a bucket of pucks and I'm a goalie with no pads in sight. As much as I wanted to be a dad when my dad was alive, that feeling died with him. I've never wanted to love a child, only to leave them at any moment the way my father left me. I know some think that the joys of raising children are worth the pain the child will experience, but that's not how I feel about it. I don't want my child to miss me or cry for me when I die. I don't want them broken like I was when my parents were put in the ground.

Then when I married Peppa, I never thought she was good enough to be a mom. She was very brash, unnecessarily mean sometimes, and she wasn't like my mom. Not like Clara. My love would be the best kind of mom. She would make everyone jealous and keep me in awe, but the fact that she can't have children doesn't change how I feel about her. She's so upset, though, her eyes still drowning in tears, and it's wrecking me.

I have to fix this for her.

Just as she's fixed me.

"I am," I tell her, and as if he knows, Gretzky jumps up on my hip, whining. He gives Clara a big, sloppy kiss, and she laughs. The sound eases the tension in my chest. "These are my boys, even your fool of a dog."

She gives me a sharp look. "Stop calling him a fool. He's a good boy, and you love him."

I nod, cupping her jaw. "He is, and I do. I'm just teasing." I kiss her nose, then her eyes before trailing kisses over her cheeks where the tears ran down. "Are you okay?"

She shrugs, leaning into me. "I don't know. I've never grieved not being able to have children until I saw you with Jessie. This pain came out of nowhere. I've never felt less than, but right now, I do."

I stroke her jaw. "There is nothing less than about you, my love. You are way out of my league, perfect in my eyes. The whole-ass package."

She quickly shakes her head. "I'm not, though, Riggs. I can't have kids?—"

"I don't need them," I tell her, pressing my forehead to hers, looking deep into her eyes. "I need you."

Her lip quivers. "But you look so good?—"

"And I know for a fact that I look great with you," I tell her, kissing her top lip. "I'm sorry you can't have kids, and I know you probably convinced yourself I needed them, but baby, my love, I only need you. Oh, and our mutts." At that, Gordie jumps up on her and kisses her while Darcy circles her legs with his leash. Gretzky is by her side, leaning his head on her thigh as he pants, obviously upset that my girl is crying. He loves her, probably as much as I do, if not more. "Please don't feel less than. You are everything. Okay?"

She searches my eyes. "Are you sure? As much as I don't want to let you go, I would."

I scoff. "Well, I wouldn't let you go." Her eyes sparkle, tears hanging from her long lashes. "As long as I have you, I don't need anything else."

She leans her hands on my chest and then her forehead to my lips. I press a kiss to her skin as she says, "I don't need anything else either."

I cup her jaw, guiding her gaze up so our eyes can meet. As I get lost in her watery gaze, I feel a small smile pull at the sides of my lips. "Are you okay?"

She nods. "Much better."

"Good," I say as relief burns through me.

She's still searching my eyes as she whispers, "Riggs?"

"Yes, my love?" A tear rolls down her cheek, and I catch it before directing my gaze back to hers.

"You know I love you, right?" she asks, pure emotion rocking me off my axis. "I'm in love with you. So in love with you, it hurts."

I wrap my arm around her waist, the other clutching her jaw. "Just say it."

Her eyes sparkle just for me, her lips curling up into that smirk I love. My little minx. "I love you, Riggs."

Her words wash over me like spring rain. I look deep into her eyes, my heart jackhammering in my chest, as I whisper something I haven't said to any human in over fourteen years. "Oh Clara, I love you too," I tell her, my voice breaking a bit. "I've been in love with you since the moment you smiled at me, and nothing will ever change that."

When the brightest, most stunning grin comes over my girl's face, I realize why I haven't had the urge to say those words to anyone before now.

Because I wasn't meant to say those three words to anyone but Clara Drew McDavid.