Chapter 12

"You okay?" I asked softly. I put a hand on Cole"s shoulder. He was looking out the window, but his eyes were glazed like he saw nothing.

He startled slightly and turned his face toward me. "Yeah, everything"s fine. I just…"

"Regret sleeping with me and Toby?" I spoke as gently as I could. I didn"t want him to have regrets, but if he did I wanted to help him deal with them. If he'd let me.

"No," he said quickly. "I was hoping neither of you would." His eyes flicked toward Toby, who was in the kitchen making bacon and eggs for breakfast. He"d insisted he didn"t need any help, so we left him to it. "I mean, neither of you know me well. People do things in the heat of the moment and then…" He shrugged one shoulder and returned his gaze to the street below.

"I have absolutely no regrets," I said. "I sincerely doubt Toby bothers with them."

He seemed like the kind of guy who lived his life without looking back over his shoulder. He was along for the ride and intended to enjoy every moment of it. "Maybe we can get to know each other? I"ve always thought you were cute."

He let out a surprised half bark, half laugh. "I don"t think I"ve been called cute for a long time. Not since?—"

A heavy silence fell.

"You don"t have to tell me, but not since what?" I asked gently. "When?"

He turned around to face me and cupped my cheek with his hand. "Not since I was a kid. My mother used to call me that. But then my father started to laugh at her for doing it. He said she was babying my brother and me. He said we"d end up girly. He wanted us both to be, you know, manly men. My brother did, I guess, but that"s not me. I'm not like him."

"Firstly, there"s nothing wrong with being girly," I said. "Whether you"re a girl, guy or non-binary. Secondly, I"ve met plenty of manly men." I used air quotes. "They"re usually loudmouth assholes." The team had their share of them. Hell, Opal Springs had its share of them.

"Like Saxon," Cole said.

"I wasn"t going to name him specifically, but if the rugby jersey fits." I offered an apologetic smile.

"Loudmouth asshole sums him up pretty well," Cole agreed. He glanced down. "I worry about anyone he gets involved with. He"s so much like our father."

I"d dealt with more than enough victims of violence at work to recognise one when he was standing right in front of me.

"It"s up to you if you want to talk about it, but I"m guessing your father got rough?" I leaned into his hand and looked up into his brown eyes.

"Yeah, he did," Cole whispered. "I"ve never told anyone about it until I told Toby. He has that way of making people want to open up to him." His cheeks went pink again. "Figuratively and literally."

My own face heated slightly too. "He definitely does." I swallowed to get my brain back on track. "I"m sorry your father did that to you. You don"t deserve that. No one does."

"I used to think I did," Cole said. "He told me I provoked him. Then I got older and realised Saxon got away with worse things than I did. I thought my father hated me, but I got older and realised he was a bully." He ran his thumb up and down my cheek. "I"m sorry, I shouldn"t be dumping all of this on you."

"I don"t mind at all," I said. "I like that you feel you can open up to me." After a moment I added, "Literally and figuratively."

He chuckled. "I"d open up to you any time. I"ve been wanting to get to know you for ages."

"Same to you," I said. "I told my friends you have the most grabbable ass I"ve ever seen. I just thought you weren"t interested in me." Or anyone else, that I'd noticed.

"I wasn't good enough." Before I could correct him, he added, "I didn"t feel good enough."

He continued after a long pause. "If my father was good at anything, it was making me feel like I wasn"t as good as everyone else. I"ve been working on it for a while, but I've been busy with the team. I thought if I was busy enough I wouldn't have to think too much about…anything. Especially when I was working a full-time job and training."

"What were you before you were a professional hockey player?" I asked.

He looked like a guy who was good with his hands. He"d proven that last night, and then some.

He grimaced. "I was a plumber." He closed his eyes and his grimace deepened. "Like my father. There was a time when I thought if I followed in his footsteps, maybe he"d start to give a shit. That probably sounds all kinds of fucked up."

"That sounds perfectly normal to me," I said. "I"ve done plenty of things in my day to get my parents' attention. We"re pretty close, but they wanted me to be more ambitious in life. As if I would have been any good as a doctor or a lawyer." I snorted.

"You give great examinations." His voice was low and husky. "I might need more of them. Just to be safe."

"We wouldn"t want you to be unsafe or unwell," I said with a smile. I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to his. Something about kissing him felt comfortable and familiar. As if we"d known each other in a past life or something. He and Toby. I could easily have known them for as long as I"d known Oliver.

And yet, I knew very little about either of them.

"What"s your favourite colour?" I asked.

"Orange," he replied. "I know, no one else"s favourite colour is orange. I think I chose it because my father hates it so much."

"Secretly a rebel, I like that," I said. "Mine is blue. Star sign?"

"Aries. Saxon is a Taurus. I was born a few minutes before midnight and he was born a few minutes after. Our birthdays are on different days."

"That"s cool," I said. "It would be funnier if you were born in different months, or different years."

"Sometimes it feels like we were," he said. "Like I was born five years before him, not five minutes."

"The curse of being the oldest child." I gave him a sympathetic look. "I"m the classic youngest child. Got away with all sorts of things. I have two older brothers who raised hell. I was basically an afterthought."

"I doubt that," Cole said. "No one could ever forget anyone as beautiful as you. But I can imagine what that would have been like. I have two older brothers too. They both left home around the time I started school. Were you close with yours?"

"If by close you mean was I the lookout every time they wanted to get up to shit, then yes," I said. "I was always forgiven because my parents said I was too young to know any better. I totally knew better." I grinned.

"Why do I get the impression you were the one raising hell?" he asked.

"Who, me?" I fluttered my eyelashes. "I"d never put a toe out of line. Much."

He laughed softly. "You didn"t tell me your star sign."

"I"m a Scorpio," I said. "Classic, mysterious, sensual and loyal to a fault." All of the things Oliver said he loved about me. That was something I was going to have to explain to Cole. I liked him too much to keep that a secret from him. The question was, could I trust him not to say anything?

He cocked his head at me. "What"s on your mind? I can see the thoughts tumbling around."

"Am I that obvious?" I asked. I fucking hoped I wasn"t. I couldn"t be, or Eden and Cat would already know, and if they did, one or both would have confronted me about it by now. And Cat would have confronted her father.

"I"m good at reading people," Cole said with a shrug. "You don"t have to tell me."

"Yes I do," I said. "Because I like you and because you opened up to me. It"s the least I can do, but if you want to walk away, I"ll understand."

His brow creased. "You eat pizza with egg on it?"

I pretended to gag. "What? Hell no. No offence to people who do, but yuck. It"s nothing like that." I took a deep breath and told him how I was fucking my boss and best friend"s father. I told him about Cat and why no one could know, for now.

Cole listened and nodded slowly. "I remember when Cruz and Easton used to talk about her in the locker room. I wanted to punch them both in the face." He looked like maybe she was crazy for forgiving them, but that was up to her. "I won"t tell anyone. Kids deserve the best start in life, including having mothers who don"t lose their mind over what their fathers are doing."

"You think it"s wrong?" I asked.

"Let me ask you this." He moved his hand from my cheek to my shoulder. "Do you think your relationship is based on what power he has over you as your boss and an older guy?"

I thought about that for a moment. "This might seem really fucked up, but yes. That"s what I like about it. I like it when he takes control. With him, I can let go."

"Can you say no?" he asked.

"Yes, but I don"t want to," I said. "I want him to use my body however he wants to. I get off on it."

Cole swallowed. "So if I wanted to?—"

My whole body was suddenly trembling with need. Throbbing and aching to be touched. "I"d do it. Whatever it is."

He hesitated for a moment before he grabbed my hair and turned me around. He pushed me to the back of the couch and bent me over it. His hands were on my pants, undoing the button before pulling them and my panties down.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice breathless.

"Yes. Yes." I kicked off my pants and stuck out my ass.

He worked his pants down just far enough to free his erection. One hand in my hair, he guided his cock to my entrance and slammed right into me from behind.

I cried out in a combination of pleasure and pain, slightly taken aback the conversation had taken such an abrupt turn. At the same time, loving every moment of it.

He pounded into me over and over, harder and harder, his fingers gripping my hips so hard they"d leave bruises later.

I was vaguely aware of Toby stepping out of the kitchen and coming over to watch us as Cole fucked me relentlessly.

I closed my eyes as a surge of pleasure grew so fast it threatened to overwhelm me. "I"m going to come."

"Do it," Cole ordered.

I tried to hold back, but I couldn"t. My orgasm washed over me in a rush. My vision went black and all that was left was his cock thrusting hard enough to wreck my pussy, and the feeling of pure bliss.

Cole followed a moment later, falling still as he came inside me, spilling hot cum into my body.

He sagged over me, trying to catch his breath before sliding out of me and letting go of my hair.

"Fucking hell." He staggered back, pulling his pants back up. "I"m so sorry. I shouldn"t have?—"

I straightened up. "It"s okay. I told you I wanted you to. I liked it. Every minute of it."

He shook his head. "I"ve never been rough like that."

Bare from the waist down, I stepped towards him, hand out like he was a wild animal. His cum trickled down the inside of my leg.

"I promise you, I liked it," I said. "I like you. I want you to fuck me like that again. When you"re ready." This was clearly not a side of himself he"d let loose before. I hoped he"d let it loose again.

He looked stricken. "I"m always so careful. I don"t… I don"t hurt my partners."

"If you never want to do that again, I"ll understand," I said. "But if you do, I"m here for it. You don"t always have to be in control. Sometimes it"s okay to let go and let the other person be in control." When he looked confused I added, "If I asked you to stop, you would have. Wouldn"t you?"

"Of course," he said quickly. He glanced at Toby like maybe the other player should have stopped him.

"Marley was in control the whole time," Toby said. "She was the one calling the shots and letting you fuck her like that. All you did was let go and let your body guide you. It"s good to let go a little. Or a lot. This is a safe space, the three of us. If you want to explore all sides of yourself, you can. If you ask me, I think it"s healthy to be rough in positive ways. Like a good, hard fuck. Ain"t no harm in it. Now, who wants breakfast?"

"I do." I offered my hand to Cole, hoping he"d take it. I understood his reservations, but he was not his father. If I could, I"d help him to understand that.