34. Travis

Mom hasn’t spokenthe whole drive home, it took me a while to get her in the car. But after telling her I would never lose her again, so, she had two choices: she came home with me, or I moved in with her at the hospital. Mom was quick to get in the car then, telling the doctors they were not to give me one pill.

“Mom, we’re home.” I tap her leg, waking her up a little. She looks at the house and smiles. “Aunt Lizzie is here too,” Logan called his mom, telling her she needed to be at the house, but he didn’t tell her why. Seeing my mom will be just as important as it is for me to have her back.

Opening the door for mom, I place my hand out for her to help her into the house. “Will Tessa be here?” It’s not the first time she’s asked about Tess, and I don’t think it will be the last time. But for right now, I’m going to smile and say nothing.

“Not today,” I smile. Mom gives me a nod, and we make our way into the house.

I take a deep breath as I open the door and smile when Aunt Lizzie is the first person my mom will see.

“Oh…My God.” Aunt Lizzie takes a step forward but stops, hands to her chest. “Cara?” Aunt Lizzie turns to me. “Travis?”

“I found her, Aunt Lizzie. I found my mom.” I choke on the words because this is all I’ve ever wanted since I was a little boy: my mom.

Aunt Lizzie power walks over to me and wraps her arms around me. “Travis,” she stops, not knowing what to say to me. Pulling away from me, she turns to my mom, who can’t stop smiling. “Cara?” Aunt Lizzie hugs her, and I look over at August and Meadow walking into the sitting room to join us. “So many years, so many years, and I never-”

“Lizzie, haven’t our boys…I mean, look at them.” Mom takes my hand in hers and pulls me closer to her, kissing my cheek. “You still look like a model,” she says.

“And you still look like a million dollars.” Aunt Lizzie hugs Mom again, and I look over at Quinn running down the stairs. I take a step away from my mom because this doesn’t look like it’s going to be a friendly chat.

“You said you’d protect her; you’re breaking her!” Quinn shouts and pushes me hard. Fuck, he has some power in them arms; I stay quiet for now, letting him say what it is he wants to.

I’m not happy he’s doing it in front of my mom, though, and I will punch him in the face for that; it might be now if he pushes me too far, or I’ll save it for another day.

“She needs you, and you’ve thrown her away-” he pushes me again, and this time I do let out a chuckle. “She’s having panic attacks, and the only person she wants has pushed her away,” Quinn shouts, but I don’t say anything; my head is hurting, and this is the last thing I want tonight. “She did everything for her mom, the mom who pro-”

“And I will spend the rest of my life repaying her,” I shout to stop him from mentioning Tessa’s name because I don’t know what my mom will do. I don’t know which memories will come to her or how she will be about it.

“You’re treating her like she means nothing to you-”

“No.” Quinn stops when my mom shouts the word. “No, he would never.” She shakes her head, looking over at me. “My son wouldn’t.”

“He would, and the proof is the woman sitting in the corner of his bedroom, shaking,” Quinn shouts at me. Yet, I don’t say anything to him or move from where I am until Quinn takes a step closer to me and swings. Quickly ducking out of the way, I grab his arm, bringing it around his back as he swings again.

“Now, I don’t want to kick your ass, but if you try to hit me again, I will.” I push him away from me; the further he is, the better at the moment. He’s pissing me off, and he’s stressing my mom out, not what I wanted the first day I got her home.

“Travis, she needs you.” Quinn snaps, and I lick my lips.

My mom needs me; I’ve got her back, and it’s her I need to be with.

“Travis Parker-” I turn to my mom, who’s rubbing her head. “- Please tell me you haven’t hurt a girl.”

“No, it’s just-”

“He has.” Quinn snaps towards me, then turns to my mom, who is staring at me like I’ve broken her.

“After everything, I made you promise me…did you break my promise?”

“Travis, promise me. When you are dating a girl, you treat her right, and when you find the girl you know is the one, promise me you’ll make sure she knows she’s your everything.” She says through sobs, and I feel her tears on my t-shirt, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her closer to me.

“I promise,” I whisper the words.

I stay quiet because I remember that promise. I was only little, but I still remember the one promise she had asked of me.

“I’m not leaving, Travis, but you care for this girl, so you go fix it. You don’t break a girl’s heart-” Mom walks closer to me and cups my face. She searches my eyes for something, but I’ve become good at hiding things. “You love her, yet you’re hurting her. Well, you can’t hide anything from your mom, even though she has been in my life for almost fifteen years. “Go talk to her,” Mom whispers.

Taking a step back from her, wondering how do I tell my mom why I can’t face her yet, but I don’t think she is ready to know who the girl I’m dating is either. I look up the stairs, shaking my head as I make my way to see her.

Opening my door, I see that the bed is empty. Closing the door behind me, I hear sobbing coming from the corner of the room. I walk over to Bea and sit in front of her, wrapping my arms around her.

“Hey, Firecracker.”

“I’m… I’m sor…sorry.” She continues to cry as I rub her back trying to calm her down. “I was never meant to fall-” She finally looks up at me, her eyes are bloodshot red, from crying for god knows how long. And I did this to her, I’m the reason she’s broken. “-in love with you.”

“I fell in love with you, and I never thought the woman I love could-”

“And I can never say sorry enough to you. I’m so sorry-” I cup her face, and she stops talking.

“Let’s freshen up”

“No!” she shouts at me.

“Bea, what’s wrong?” I know she sounds broken right now, but the way she said no wasn’t broken; it was fear. “Bea, I’m here.”

“I…I tried to get in the shower.” She stopped and started taking a few deep breaths; I could feel her shaking. She’s scared to get into the water.

Picking her up, I make my way to the bathroom. Sitting her on the counter, I put on the shower, waiting for the water to warm up, and I get back to Bea. Moving her hair out of the way, she looks up at me, and I give her a small smile.

“Bea, I can’t forgive you for hiding my mom from me, but I can’t let you walk away. I love you, and that’s all I care about. I love you so much it hurts just thinking of letting you go.” I start undressing her to get in the shower, wiping her tears away. “All I can promise is I will never let anyone else hurt you; I will do everything I can to forget all this, as long as you’re standing next to me-” Picking her up, she wraps her legs around my waist. “- Are you with me, Firecracker?”

“Never want to leave,” she whispers as I lower her down by the shower, her back to my chest, and she begins to shake even more than before.

“Breathe, I’m here.” I place my hand on her stomach and take a step forward, pushing her into the shower, but I don’t let her go. I’m still fully dressed but don’t care if she needs me to be with her, so I will be there for her.

Her heart is thudding so hard in her chest, and her body still hasn’t stopped shaking. Bea’s grip around my t-shirt gets so tight I can’t even take a step back from her; breathing is becoming out of control as she cries into my chest.

“I’ve got you, Firecracker. I’ve got you. I’m never going to leave you.” I kiss the top of her head as I wrap my arms around her, letting her know I’m here.

I knew I could never walk away from her; I just needed the time to get past what she did. I might not forgive her today or tomorrow, but I will forgive her because I love her.

The woman in my arms has become my world, and I don’t plan on my world breaking anytime soon.

“Did you sleep at all, Travis?” Aunt Lizzie pulled out the bar stool next to me and poured herself some coffee, which I had freshly made twenty minutes before. “That’s a lot to read there,” she points to the Doctor’s notes.

I didn’t sleep last night. I finally got Bea to sleep, which took longer than I thought it would, but she panicked while she was awake and then through her sleep, too. When I got downstairs, Aunt Lizzie and Mom had gone to sleep, and I wasn’t going to sleep, so I started looking through the Doctor’s notes.

“Not even halfway through. Dad made sure that if Mom got out, he would ensure she was messed up. Dr. Sanders came and finally stopped the medicine, but-” I stop talking because I shouldn’t be talking about my mom the way I’m about to.

“Travis, you can talk to me, you know that. And I’m here for you.” She pats my hand a few times, and I move my left hand through my hair.

“Was I too late? How much damage has it done to her?” I shake my head, thinking about how much my mom has lost.

“And what is that?” She points to the laptop.

“I can’t live here with my mom, the guys want their college life-”

“And you don’t?” She cuts me off, already knowing where I’m going with my sentence.

“I want my mom more,” I whisper to myself, but Aunt Lizzie hears me, places her coffee on the table, and takes my hand in hers.

“Travis, your brothers won’t let you leave. They will live here with your mom, but I agree this isn’t the best place for her.” She looks over at the stairs, hearing noises up there, before turning her attention back to me. “I love you the same as I love Logan and Blake. I watched you grow up into men who care and look over each other. Now let me do this one thing: Cara will live with me-”

“Aunt Lizzie, I can’t ask you to do that. I don’t know how much work it will take to look after mom.” I love Aunt Lizzie for saying she would help, but how can I ask someone else to take on responsibility for my mom?

“It’s a good job you didn’t ask me. I’m taking my best friend, telling her all the old stories I can tell her. Get her memory back to what it was. Tell her about how you three are the reason for my gray hairs, and how you loved her every day even though she wasn’t there, how you wished-” Aunt Lizzie stops and wipes the tears away from my cheeks. “How her son wished every birthday that his mom would spend one day with him.”

Mom hasn’t lost her memory, but it’s all clouded by all the medicine she’s been taking, so everything is fogging for her at the moment.

“I can’t lose her again. I’ve found her; he knows I have her; I can’t lose her, Aunt Lizzie.”

She cups my face and again wipes the tears away. “You won’t lose her. Your dad won’t get her. Cain has my house protected better than the White House, I think. No one but Logan, Cain, and you can come in. But being with me, I think, will be better not just for Cara but for Travis. You look tired.” She looks over at Blake and Logan walking down the stairs and straight to the kitchen for coffee.

“How’s the reading going?” Blake pulls the papers towards him as he sits on the other side of the counter.

“What’s this?” Logan snaps as he shows Blake the laptop. “And we don’t get a say in this?”

“There is nothing to talk about yet. Aunt Lizzie and I were just talking. When there is something to talk about, we’ll talk.” They both stare at me, and I drink my coffee, hearing the girls coming down behind me.

“You leave, I’ll kick your fucking ass.” Blake snaps, which makes me laugh; the asshole would too.

Blake nods for me to look behind me. I don’t need to know it’s Bea. Leaning back on the bar stool, I watch her walk over to me wearing my sweatshirt and a pair of leggings. She’s beautiful, like always. I’m not sure how much she’s slept because she still looks tired.

“Coffee, Firecracker? Or more sleep?” I ask her, and she pulls the sleeves of the sweatshirt down. My girl’s broken, and I’m unsure how to fix her. Bea stands next to me, and I pull her closer. Her body isn’t shaking like last night, but I still feel it trembling a little. “Bea, are you okay?”

“Yes, no, yes. Just…I think some coffee will be good.” She takes my mug off me, takes a sip, and hands it back. “You need some coffee with your sugar.” Making everyone laugh, Aunt Lizzie hands her a new mug of coffee. “Thank you,” she whispers.

“You need anything, even to shout at him, you call me.” Aunt Lizzie tells her, and I shake my head; she’s meant to help me.

I quickly get off my stool when I see Mom walking down the stairs. She’s smiling, so that’s good, I hope.

“Mom,” I say, hugging me. I relax as I hug her back. “Are you good?”

“Yes, I’m with my son, and of course, I’m good.” Mom kisses my cheek and smiles; the little boy in me is smiling so hard right now. She looks over my shoulder, and I know she’s looking at Bea, as she met everyone else last night. “Is this her?” Mom asks. “She’s pretty.”

I turn around to face Bea, and she leans closer to Aunt Lizzie. She will feel guilty about hiding my mom, but she needs to know I will never tell my mom; I haven’t even told Aunt Lizzie, and they will never know.

“Mom, this is Bea. Bea, this is my mom.” Bea takes a step closer to us as I pull Mom closer to Bea.

“So nice to meet you, I wish-”

“Bea,” my tone comes across as a warning not to tell my mom anything. She gives me a nod and smiles at Mom.

“I wish I were dressed better,” her comment makes my mom laugh.

“You are beautiful-” Mom turns to face me. “-she makes you smile.”

“She does. Mom, you know her; who’s your mom, Firecracker?”

“Carol Foster-”

“Oh Carol, she’s a wonderful woman.” My mom places her hands on her chest, and the smile is so.

“Yes, she was.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” Mom takes Bea’s hands and pats them a few times, but Bea’s face has dropped. Her mom took pain for years to protect Tessa, and I have to work out how or if I’m going to tell her about it. “Is Tessa coming today?” I press my lips together and glance over at everyone who has stopped in their movement.

“Mom, shall we go sit down.” I walk over to the sitting room, but still in view of everyone. I have no idea how Mom is going to react, but something in my gut tells me it’s not going to be good. I have no idea where to start with this; what do I tell her? Mom sits on the couch, and I sit on the coffee table in front of her, and she takes my hand in hers.

“Travis?”

“Dad is an evil man, you know that. When you left, things happened-”

“What happened?” Mom asks.

“Nothing you need to know,” I answer quickly, and she pushes my hands away.

“Travis?”

“Mom, nothing you can change and nothing you need to worry about.” This time, my voice was a little louder, so she knew I was not going to tell her, and at that second, I regretted it. “Dad used to beat me every time I asked about you; if it weren’t for Tessa, I wouldn’t know anything about you. We protected each other, there for each other, but-” I stop when mom starts freaking out and shouting no a few times. Now I have to think: do I tell her Tess killed herself, or I guess Dad did it? “Tess died-”

“I let her down, I let you down, I let my family down.” She stands up, pulling on her hair a few times and pacing the length of the couch. “Why didn’t you protect her?” She shouts at me as she stands in front of me. “She was your sister; you should have protected her!” The sting of a slap hits my cheek. “She was my baby, and you-”

“Cara, that’s enough!” Aunt Lizzie shouts. Mom walks away from me and back up the stairs. “Travis-”

“It’s okay, Aunt Lizzie. It’s nothing I don’t shout at myself every day. I wake up every day, blaming myself for not protecting my sister.” I take a deep breath and sit back down on the table. It’s one thing to blame myself, but hearing my mom say it hits me so much harder.

“Travis-”

“Can you check on Mom, please?” I don’t need Aunt Lizzie telling me I shouldn’t blame myself because, no matter what, I will.

When the fuck am I going to get a break? One thing after another, the last two weeks. When am I going to get my fucking happy ending?