19

Will

The space next to me in the bed was cold. I'd never run my hand over the sheets there before. But now that I wanted someone beside me, the emptiness felt overwhelming.

Not just someone.

Christina.

Rolling over to the nightstand, I texted Christian if he wanted to go for a run. Running always helped clear my mind and Christian was a good listener. He didn't ask a lot of questions. None of us did, but Christian, least of all.

He texted me back right away. "I'll be right out."

I changed into an old pair of army sweats and met Christian outside our building. He was already stretching.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

Those were the only words spoken before we both set out jogging next to one another.

The sun had risen, but it wasn't too warm out yet. The cool breeze over my face and legs felt good. The boys and I kept in shape with regular exercise, so this morning's jog wasn't something out of the norm. And still…

"So, what's going on?" Christian asked.

"Nothing much," I said, hoping this was just a general inquiry into my life.

Christian didn't reply. He simply pumped his arms beside me, our bodies moving in sync. He was a much bigger guy than I was, but I could always hold my own with him. It was one of the reasons we became close in the army. I was the only one willing to stand up and spar with him in the ring. Funny enough, I pictured my father's face every time I got inside of a ring. My father was bigger than I was as a child, of course, so Christian's size was therapeutic in a way. Every time I hit him, I envisioned hitting my father.

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing."

And this was why I'd chosen Christian today.

I smiled as we entered Central Park and took one of the trails. I inhaled deeply and let out as much frustration as I could. I didn't want to think about Christina leaving last night. I didn't want to think about how it felt that she didn't want to take things to the next level. She held me at arm's length and wouldn't let me in. I needed to tear down her wall, but I had no idea how.

"I know I don't say much, but I can't be this fucking annoying, can I?"

I nearly stumbled over a pebble. "What?"

He shook his head. "I've been out of it lately, but you've never been this quiet on a run before. Is it something at work?"

"No," I said. "Yes. Well, sort of."

"Yeah. That answer is about as fucked up as I thought it would be. What's going on, Will?"

"It's nothing."

"Well, if nothing is eating you up, then I'll let it go."

I was relieved that Christian wasn't pushing. Except, when five more minutes passed, and the words clawed their way up my throat, I couldn't hold them back any longer. "I just don't understand women."

He stopped running and put his hands on his hips. "Shit. I was hoping it wasn't that."

"Why?"

"Because neither do I, brother."

I smiled and wiped the sweat forming on my forehead. "I just don't get what she wants from me."

"What do you mean?"

"I planned this perfect date. I hired Haruto to cook us dinner at my place. I bought her a fancy purse and an expensive piece of jewelry, and when I asked her to stay the night, she picked up her clothes and left. What did I do wrong?"

Christian crossed his arms and sighed. "Damn, Will. You sound like buying her those things would buy her love or something."

I shook my head. "No. I didn't mean it like that."

"Well, then how did you mean it?"

I inhaled and thought about my words. "I guess I wanted to show her how much I cared about her. That I wanted to give her everything she could ever want."

"But maybe that's not her love language."

"Her what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Her love language. Maybe she's not into gifts, maybe she wants to be shown love in other ways."

"Like what?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. You were making sense. I thought you could give me the answer or something."

"Nah. You've got to talk to her about it. Sounds like something is holding her back."

Then he looked at me. "Are you sure you've told her everything about yourself?"

I thought about my parents and knew the answer. "Why would that matter? I show her how much I love her."

"Yeah, but if you've not been open with her, how do you expect her to be open with you?"

Shit.

Christian didn't talk much, but all of us knew when he did, we listened. The thing was, I'd never told anyone about my parents. I wasn't sure how I would even bring that up with her.

As we walked back to our apartment building, I remembered that Christian still hadn't taken on any assignments since his last one. "Now that you've called me out, I think I owe it to you to do the same. What's going on?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, opening the door for me. "I don't have any woman trouble."

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it. Why haven't you been back at work?"

His jaw ticked as he pressed the button for the elevator. "I've had a lot on my mind."

"You know that's not healthy. You've got to get right back into things, otherwise these thoughts are going to fuck you up."

"I did fuck up, Will. I let my client down. That's why I'm not back at work."

I shook my head. "No. You didn't. How many times do we have to tell you that?"

"You don't have to say it anymore. I'm over it. I just need some time to collect myself. That's all."

I nodded. "All right, brother. I'll get off your back. But I won't let you fall. You hear me?"

He nodded. "I hear you."

"Good."

***

After showering and shaving, I called Christina, but she didn't answer.

I tried texting her instead. "I'd like to talk about last night." Still no answer.

I went to work and focused on our next assignments. Jake would be back from protecting his mother-in-law soon and I could put him with a businessman that was coming in this week. I could take the assignment myself, but I wasn't sure what was happening with Christina. If she would only just call me back.

Hours went by until finally, she texted me. "Yes. We should talk. Come by my place tonight around seven."

I checked my watch. It was only noon. How the hell was I supposed to get through the next seven hours?

I put my head down and got to work. But after I'd responded to all my emails and returned every voice message, I still had two hours to kill.

I checked my phone. Tina still hadn't gotten back to me. I texted her to see how she was, and apologized for interfering, but she was ignoring me, too.

"Jager, I'm heading out," I called as I walked past his office.

He swiveled in his chair. "All right. Keep me posted on the Graff case. Hope that piece of shit gets what he deserves."

"Yeah. Me, too."

I hadn't heard anything from the police yet. I knew it would take time before this all played out.

Maybe I should swing by the bar to make sure Tina was OK.

I pulled out of the parking lot and headed straight for the bar. Tina's car was parked in the lot, but her boyfriend's wasn't. I parked my car next to hers and walked inside. A door chime rang when I opened the door and a pop song played on the radio. The place was hopping since it was after five and its busiest time.

If Tina noticed my entrance, she didn't acknowledge it. She was busy taking an order for a large group at the back. I nodded to the bartender and ordered a scotch. "Coming right up," he said.

He poured me two fingers of the amber drink and placed it in front of me. "Thanks," I said and handed him a tip. His eyes widened when he noticed the amount, but didn't argue.

Leaning back against the bar, I surveyed the room. The after-work crowd was louder but not rowdier than the after-dinner crowd. People laughed and drank and ignored those around them. I'd never been one to ignore my surroundings, even before entering the military. My father taught me that. I was aware of his presence even when I was at home—especially when I was at home.

Tina returned to the bar to place the order and waited for the drinks. She ignored me, avoiding my eyes as I stared at her. I was tempted to walk up to her and ask her if everything was OK, but instead, I finished my drink and left.

I'd done what I'd come here to do. I came to check if she was all right. Having seen her myself, I knew it to be true. She knew how to reach me if she ever needed me again.

I hoped she would never need to. But judging by the way she ignored me; I was sure she'd gone back to him. Just as I was sure she would call me again.

***

By six-thirty, I was done waiting, and I climbed inside my car and drove to Christina's house.

I wasn't sure what led me to drive by my old house, but I did. The porch was still the same light gray as it was when I'd painted it the summer I turned sixteen. It was the last thing I'd done to the house before I moved out a year later.

New blinds replaced the old curtains and a brand-new SUV sat in the driveway instead of my dad's beat-up truck. Still, something inside of me wanted to walk through those doors and call out her name, hoping she would be there.

But I knew better. So, I drove on ahead.

Christina's house stood out amongst the others. She had planted rose bushes in front of her porch and a birch tree. Her front door was painted red and her window panes were black. It was elegant and modern and most definitely reminded me of the woman who lived there.

My stomach knotted as I walked up the steps. I wasn't sure what to expect from this conversation. When she left last night, I'd been disappointed, but not angry. A little hurt, but not exactly upset. After all, she hadn't promised me anything.

I wondered what she was feeling. Was she angry that I'd asked that of her? Did she regret not staying? I couldn't wait to end this agonizing uncertainty.

I rang the doorbell and a few minutes later, Christina opened the door.

She wore tight jeans and a short white T-shirt. I bit my lip as my gaze roamed up her body. When it reached her face, she raised her eyebrows and put a hand on her hip. "If you keep staring at me like that, the neighbors are going to think you're a creep."

"I don't care what the neighbors think. You look beautiful."

She smiled. "Thank you."

Then she opened the door wider. "Come in."

As I walked inside, I noted the changes she'd made since the last time I'd been to her place. There were fresh flowers inside a vase and a new painting on the wall.

She followed my gaze. "I haven't had a chance to fix a hole those asshole bikers made, so I covered it up instead."

The painting was a sketch of a woman in the nude, wearing only red high heels and sitting on the floor. I swallowed. "I think that was a good choice."

She smiled as my blood pounded through my veins. Even her artwork was unpredictable. I was not ready for Christina. But I wanted her, anyway.

"Do you want something to drink?"

I shook my head. "I had one before I came here."

"Oh," she said and narrowed her eyes. "You went to a party?"

"No. The bar."

"Interesting," she said and poured herself a glass of wine.

"It's not what you think."

"It's not?"

"No. I was just checking in with a friend."

"I see." She paused. "A male friend?"

I stopped smiling. Knowing that my answer would seem like something more than it was. But not wanting to lie to her, I said, "No."

She nodded and pressed her lips together. I knew how this sounded. "It's not like that."

She smiled. "Of course not."

Was she being sarcastic?

"So. You wanted to talk?" she asked.

I leaned against the door frame and watched her sip her wine. This wasn't how I pictured this conversation. But there was no use delaying it. "I came here to apologize. For last night."

"Apologize?" she asked, putting her glass down. "Why do you need to apologize?"

I thought about how asking her to stay had ruined the night after having come inside of her harder than I ever had before. "I—"

My cell phone rang, and it distracted me momentarily. The ring was one that I'd programmed. It was Tina.

"Do you need to get that?" she asked.

"No." I pulled out my phone to silence the call when I felt her eyes on me.

"Who's Tina?"

I shook my head. "No one."

I didn't want to get sidetracked from this conversation.

After ending the call, a message chimed through.

Christina folded her arms. "Sounds like no one really wants to get a hold of you. You should check it."

I should. For a moment, I worried that something had happened to Tina. "Just give me one second."

I swiped up on my screen and read the text. "I'm sorry about last night and ignoring you earlier. Can we talk?"

When I looked up, I caught Christina staring at my phone.

"Now, who the fuck is Tina? Did you go to her last night? Or did you try to? Is that why you're apologizing to me."

Her eyes blazed hotter than fire. And, while I may have escaped Simon's house unphased, I knew this one would burn me badly.

Christina crossed her arms and waited for my answer. Her chest rose and fell with every breath, but I couldn't read her expression.

"Maybe we should sit down," I suggested, walking toward her sofa.

"I'm fine right here."

I inhaled and exhaled slowly. "All right."

She folded her arms the other way and cocked her hip.

"Tina is a server at a bar I go to after work sometimes."

"Did you fuck her?"

"No."

"Then why is the woman texting you?"

I exhaled again, louder this time.

"It's not that hard, Will. If you didn't do anything wrong, why can't you answer the question?"

"Because it's not that simple, either. It's not my story to tell."

Her brow furrowed, and she dropped her arms, only to place them at her hips. "What are you talking about?"

I sat down on the couch and explained. "Tina's boyfriend is an asshole. I've personally had to drag his drunk ass out of the bar and throw him into the backseat of a car. I suspect he's laid hands on her, but she's never admitted it to me."

Christina blinked, then after a moment, came to sit next to me. "Go on."

Dropping my forearms onto my knees, I continued. "Last night, before you came over, I received a call from Tina. She was having trouble with him again, and when I wanted her to do something about it, she didn't. I got a little frustrated and left. I'd never done that before, but it reminded me…"

I stopped. It was a habit. I never talked about my mother.

"It reminded you…"

"Of my past."

I felt the sympathetic stare without having to look up at her, and I hated it. "I went by the bar today to apologize, but she ignored me. That's it. That's everything. There's nothing between Tina and me."

She nodded and bit the inside of her cheek.

I turned my head to look her in the eye. "I'm telling you the truth."

She kept nodding and ran a hand through her hair. Then she stood up. "I believe you."

I blinked. I hadn't expected her to say it quite like that. I expected more shouting and some hurt feelings.

"You do?" I asked skeptically. "Just like that?"

"I'm a lawyer, Will. I accept what people tell me at face value. But then I go and check it out myself." She grabbed a set of keys by the doorway and a sweater.

"You're going to the bar now?"

"Yup."

My jaw tightened, and I couldn't explain the feeling. It wasn't quite anger but, perhaps I was the one feeling hurt. "So, you don't trust me?"

"I wouldn't look at it like that, Will. I don't trust anyone. It has nothing to do with you, personally."

For some reason, it felt personal.