Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Shiv

T he moment I enter the clubhouse, the rest of my brothers rush to greet me home. Damn, it really is good to be back. Despite the mess brewing inside my head over seeing my ex, I still feel good about coming home and don't plan on leaving again. But I won't have to. It's not going to take long before I have Chrissy packing her bags and hightailing it out of my town.

Rake offers me a drink from the bar, but I shake my head. "Nah, man. I'm good. How about a game of nine ball though?"

The prospect actually looks relieved by my response. Guess I can't blame him. That guy cleaned up one too many of my messes and was always the one having to make sure I didn't end up passed out on the street somewhere. Yeah, well, never again. I'm done being a sloppy-ass drunk, drowning my misery in a bottle. And Rake no longer has to babysit my sorry ass.

"A hundred on the win?" He smirks and I punch him in the shoulder. He's a motherfucking pool shark who's going to take my money and he damn well knows it. But that's okay. I've got money to burn, and God knows I owe him.

"Fine. Rack ‘em up."

We're only three shots in when a warm body presses against my back and roaming little hands wrap around my waist. Guess the sweetbutts missed me too.

"I was wondering when you'd be back, Shiv. I've missed our playtime together." Roxy's hand drifts down the front of my pants and I don't put a stop to it. I may not want to turn to booze to get out of my head, but a hard fuck is a good distraction.

Her hand strokes over my cock but it doesn't feel right. Then again, it never has in the past either, but I go with it. And by going with it, I garner up a picture of someone else, the image of one particular girl, to get my dick to rise for the occasion. I wouldn't want Roxy thinking I have a physical problem. Impotence is definitely not my issue.

"Oh, there he is. I can see my big boy definitely missed me." Her voice has my dick cringing away. She's not the one he wants, and she definitely wasn't missed, but I'm not going to argue the truth. Rox is sweet. She's a decent fuck. And when we're done, she leaves, which is all I ask. The ones that like to spend the night after piss me off. They're usually the girls who think sex is going to turn into more. And that shit is never happening. The more I wanted was only with one girl. The girl who tore my heart out. So, no, I'm never going there again.

"Who do you want me to be tonight, Shiv?" Rox smiles, knowing the drill. As fucked up as it is, I've trained her well. "Do you want me to be the sweet little girl on the side of the road? A damsel in distress, so you can be my hero and claim your reward? Or how about the cheerleader who crawls into your bed after every game and does a routine on your cock? Or do you want the innocent virgin who begs to be fucked by your enormous dick and can't wait a second longer to have him?"

Her hand grips me tighter, almost to the point of being painful. And again, nothing about it feels right. Shit. I'm not sure I'll be able to perform tonight. My head is such a fucked-up mess, and the girl who truly once begged for my cock has returned to my life, looking even better than when I last saw her. Fuck. The memory of the blonde beauty on her knees has my dick stiffening again, needing to fuck the thought from my head.

"No, babe. Tonight, I want you to be the spoiled brat who's cheating on her rich boyfriend with her boy toy from the wrong side of the tracks."

"Mmm…." Rox purrs and again gives me a squeeze a little too tight for my liking. "I'm definitely down for some bad boy dick."

I take her hand from my cock and turn toward Rake. "I'll need a rain check on the game, kid. Next time, two hundred is on the line."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Deal. Welcome home, man."

I lead Roxy to my room, and the second my door is closed, she gets into character. Or at least, I think she's in character. I hope she is, otherwise I'll be finding myself another sweetbutt to mess around with after tonight.

"You know I can't resist your cock, Shiv. I missed you so much." She makes quick work of unfastening my pants, shoves her hand inside my boxers, and grips ahold of my firm dick. "No one else fucks me like you do. That rich boyfriend of mine doesn't have a clue how to get me off. I have to fake my orgasms when I'm with him."

Good. She's in character.

"Give it to me, Shiv. Show me how bad you are."

I grip her hair and turn her around to face away from me. It spoils the fantasy when I have to look at her. Again, I'm no fucking prince charming but I never claimed I was. Rox knows this is just about the sex. And just as I'm allowed to imagine whatever and whomever the fuck I want, so is she.

I lift the back of her little denim skirt up and find her bare. Damn, she definitely came prepared tonight. The condom she hands me over her shoulder reinforces just how prepared she is. I tear the wrapper with my teeth and make quick work of dressing my cock up for the occasion. Thankfully, she isn't one of the girls who puts up a fight on the issue. There's only one woman I've been inside raw, and I only took the chance because I believed I was going to marry the girl. With everyone else, I make damn sure they're clean and damn sure I won't be sharing custody with a woman I just fucked for the fun of it.

Once I'm sheathed, my mouth is at her ear, the fantasy playing out, haunting blue eyes in the forefront of my mind. "I'm going to fuck you so hard, and when you go home tonight and cuddle up next to him, you're still going to feel me between your legs. I know he doesn't do it for you, or you wouldn't be coming to me." I reach my hand between her legs, rubbing through her slick folds. "I know if he made this little pussy of yours all nice and wet, you wouldn't be sneaking into my room every night and climbing onto my dick. Isn't that right…doll?"

Chrissy's name almost slips from my mouth, but I catch myself right before it stumbles from my lips.

"He doesn't compare, Shiv. God, I need it."

I run my cock up the slit of her ass cheeks, stroking between her crack. Teasing her into a breathless state. My fingers rubbing over her swollen clit.

"I've been waiting for your cock. Please, Shiv. No one else makes me come as hard as you do. No one makes my pussy so wet. Put me out of my misery. Fuck me, please."

Again, I'm pulled from my fantasy, wondering if Rox is still in character, or if she's speaking in truth. I'd noticed before I left town how I was the only brother she began seeking out for sex. She used to go to anyone—Trigger, Rake, you name the brother, she'd make her move. But after the night I made her play a role for me, she kept coming back night after night, wanting to play a new part, wanting to be whoever I needed. I'm sure it has to do with her having a kinky side and wanting to roleplay. I'm guessing not too many of my brothers have a constant need to be in a scene rather than in reality. Me, I never want to be present in the moment.

I press her forward against the door and spread her legs wide. I grip a chunk of her hair and yank her head back to my mouth, causing her body to arch and her ass to press into my groin.

"You're daddy's little princess, aren't you?" The moan she releases pisses me off. It doesn't match the one that's in my head, but I push past my irritation. "You're a prim and proper little lady who has everyone fooled, don't you? Only nod your head if I'm right."

She nods. Thank fuck. One more time hearing her voice and I'll be going limp and kicking her ass out. And I don't want the girl to feel rejected.

"That's right, doll. You have everyone thinking you're a well-behaved little girl. But they don't know what I do. They don't know how naughty you are when you're with me. Do they?"

She shakes her head, and my dick begins seeking her entrance.

"They have no idea what a dirty girl you are. They don't have a clue how kinky your little mind is. I bet that rich fiancé would piss himself if he knew the things you begged me to do to you. I bet it'd be too much for those prissy little ears of his."

"Oh, God, Shiv. I need your cock inside me. Let me be your dirty girl. Fuck me."

Her begging has me wrapping my hand over her mouth as I press my lips to her ear again. "I'll give you exactly what you want, little girl. But you have to stay quiet. Not a peep, or else our fun will be over. We don't want anyone to hear. Understood?" I'm playing off the pretense of the fantasy, but really, I just need her quiet.

She nods, following my order immediately, so I reward her with my cock. I thrust myself inside her body, trying to hold onto the image inside my head. Before my dick becomes aware of its surroundings and how Rox doesn't feel half as good as the one that's in my mind, I fuck her hard and fast. Of course, she doesn't seem to mind. She pushes her ass back to meet my every thrust, and as her walls start to tighten, I conjure up the one image that never fails to send me over the edge and pound into Rox even faster. It's a matter of seconds before I have us both coming loud and hard.

Damn. That's exactly what I needed. My body doesn't feel so wound up anymore. The tension is at least bearable. My mind is settled for the time being.

"Damn, Shiv. I missed you. It's never this good with anyone else."

Fuck. Maybe she is getting a little too attached to my dick. I'm not opposed to that fact, just as long as she doesn't think there's a string to my heart attached at the end of it, because there sure as shit isn't. Not for her. Not for anyone.

"Glad you approve, doll. And I'll keep that little secret to myself so none of my brothers get a complex."

She turns and smiles up at me. Her hand comes up to touch my jawline and the urge to smack it away hits me. But I don't. She didn't do anything wrong, so I'm not going to be a fucker and shove her out the door even though that's exactly what I want to do right now. I'll chat with her a few, and then, let her know I'm tired and she needs to leave.

"Where'd you go, Shiv? When you left?"

I take a few steps back and tuck my cock away. "I went on the road. Wanted to cruise for a bit."

"Were you running because things were getting too intense around here with all the happily-ever-afters taking place?"

I'm not sure how she picked up on that, and I'm definitely not sure I want to talk about it with her, but yeah, that's exactly why I took off. I was being strangled by the fact that my happy ending is never going to come true.

"Yeah, maybe one too many weddings and a need for a long drive motivated me."

She smiles and reaches her other hand around my neck. "I missed having you around."

I jerk back in her arms, and she shakes her head and laughs. "Don't worry, Shiv. I'm not a fool. I know she exists. The one you always want me to be. I know she's out there and that that heart of yours still wants her."

Damn, she really can see through me. I never pegged her for being so in tune and observant; I always just pegged her as a girl with a strong appetite for sex and a craving for kink.

"Yeah, so why do you let me use you then, Rox? Why haven't you ever called me out on my shit before?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said you're the best around, Shiv. I also like not being me in the moment. I like pretending I'm someone else. Someone sweet and innocent. Someone desired." She shrugs, playing it off, but I see it. She struggles with her own demons, and I'm guessing somewhere along the way someone made her feel unwanted.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her towards me. "Doll, just so you know, even though I'm totally fucked in the head, there are guys out there who aren't. And any one of them would be damn lucky to call you their woman. You shouldn't doubt how desirable you are. If you like role-playing, that's one thing. But if you think there's something wrong with you and you need to be someone else, you're dead wrong. There is nothing wrong with the beautiful girl I see before me. You got me?"

Her eyes are filled to the brim now with tears and I hate to see the girl hurting. I just hope I haven't made things worse for her. This entire time she's known I'm imagining I'm with someone else. She's known she's been playing a role and it was never her I wanted to be with. Fuck. Maybe sex should be off the table, too. The way I'm feeling right now is the same as I do after a night of drinking.

"Roxy, I'm sorry if I haven't made you feel wanted. I'm an asshole for not being up front with you and carrying on my little role-playing ruse."

She shakes her head, giving me a watery smile. "Don't be sorry, Shiv. Please. My tears are not about me. They're for you. Because whoever she is, she's stupid for choosing some rich prick with money over an incredible man like yourself. I hope you know you deserve better, too. I hope you'll open yourself up to love again one day and get your happily-ever-after."

I shake my head on a chuckle. "No offense, Rox. But I'm pretty damn sure the bachelor life is the way to go. Women can really suck. Not you, of course, but the majority do. And I'm just not interested."

A smile quirks her mouth as she runs her fingers down my chest. "Oh, Shiv, I definitely can suck." Her fingertips brush over my cock and he doesn't stir to life. She slides down to her knees and looks up at me with innocent eyes. The expression on her face telling me she's already in character. And now, I'm more than ready. Hell, if I'm not hurting anyone and all my cards are on the table, then why should I put an end to her fun? "You know I've never seen one before. Can I see yours?"

Roxy's question plunges me into the past with Chrissy. I'd been dating her for over a month and finally took her to my place. I knew just by looking at my girl's car that she was from money. Not every eighteen-year-old girl drives around in a Shelby convertible. So, I was embarrassed about her seeing my trailer. I knew she was accustomed to much fancier digs. But that day, I was desperate to be alone with her. I didn't want the noise or the distraction, so when she asked if we could go to my place, I agreed. I drove us straight to my side of the tracks and into my trailer park.

It was only a temporary place until my business got off the ground, then I'd be moving into someplace nice. But it worked. I'd gotten it on my own, and it was a far upgrade from the cot I'd been living on before. It wasn't fancy, big, or a mansion like she was used to— and I was nervous. But when my girl let out the biggest smile as we pulled up to it, all my insecurities faded.

"I love it, Sean. So much."

I turn and look at my girl, wondering if she's for real or just being nice. The sincerity is written all over her face. She really likes it. And if I didn't think I could fall any harder for the girl, I just did. A month of sneaking in daily dates, followed by hours of phone conversations every night, had me knowing that she's the one for me. But I still had my reservations. I still worried she was going to see where I lived and think I couldn't give her the kind of life she's used to. And when that reality hit, I thought she'd run. But the only thing she's doing is jumping out of my car and running to the door of the not so shiny tin box I live in.

"Welcome to my home, angel." I unlock the door, and she pushes her way past me, eager to get inside. Her smile is breathtaking as she gives herself a tour of my small living quarters. Why the fuck she likes it so damn much, I have no idea. But I'm so damn thankful she does.

"I truly love it, Sean. It's so cozy and warm, and it smells like you." Her teeth sink into her lower lip. She looks embarrassed by what she just said. I move in closer and tug her lip out from under her hold. I lick over the little impression she made on her plump skin before I steal a deeper kiss. Her innocence drives me crazy.

"I like the way you smell too, babe." I nuzzle into her neck, running my nose along her soft skin, inhaling her sweet scent. "You always smell like peaches and cream, and it's damn near irresistible."

My tongue gives a little swipe across her ear before I nibble my way back towards her mouth. The moment I get within reach of her lips, she pulls me in for a kiss. I love how she can't get enough because neither can I. Her kisses are all-consuming, and every time she pulls back to catch her breath, it takes me a moment to regain my bearings and for my surroundings to come back into focus.

"Sean…"

I'm not ready to release her mouth. I latch onto her tongue and groan my protest, but she still slips out of my hold.

"Please, Sean. I've waited so long to be alone with you. I need more."

Now this is what I've been waiting for. I was trying to take things slow with her, not only because she's innocent and young, but I didn't want her thinking this was just about sex for me. But if she's ready to take things further, she won't hear me arguing. I won't take things all the way with her because I want to wait until I know she's truly ready, but I will give her the relief she needs.

I reach for her waist, ready to take her to my bedroom, but she slips out of my hold, sliding down to her knees. Big eager eyes staring up at me, and my dick pulses with anticipation.

"I've never seen one before, Sean. Can you show it to me?"

My head drops back on my shoulders, and I whisper another silent prayer of thanks to the heavens.

"Yes, baby. You can see it whenever you want. All you have to do is take me out."

Her excited smile makes my cock dribble with excitement of its own. Her shaking hands begin to unfasten my jeans and I almost come right on the spot. It's not just her innocence that's a turn-on, it's her eagerness. It's as if underneath all that sweet softness is a wild little hellcat that wants to get let out of her cage and be set free. And I definitely plan on setting her free and letting her explore everything with me.

She reaches inside my boxers and lets out a gasp. I think my size has startled her, which has me biting back a smile. I'm long and wide, but she can rest assured that I'll fit. Finally, she pulls me out, releasing me from my confinement. When the moan slips from her lips as her eyes drink me in, the end of my dick starts pulsing.

"You like it, baby?"

"Mmm…yes. I love it." Her head lowers and she nuzzles in, rubbing her face against me like a cat rubbing against a post. Her soft worshipping attention is driving me to the edge. "Can I suck on it, Sean? I want to know what you taste like?"

Fuck me. The girl is begging to suck my cock. How the fuck am I supposed to last inside her mouth?

"Yeah, babe, you can suck on me. But only for a little bit because I don't want to come before my pretty girl does. Okay?" She nods emphatically and another drop of cum leaks free. She's so damn eager and so damn sexy.

Her tongue comes out for a little lick, and as soon as she gets a taste, she starts licking me like I'm the best damn ice cream cone she's ever eaten. And once she's got me all clean and drip free, she begins to pull me into her mouth, moaning for more. If I didn't know this was her first blow job, I'd be wondering if she was a porn star before we met, because the girl is a pro. But just like with everything else, she's naturally talented.

"Babe, it's my turn now. You need to let me go."

I reach for the side of her cheek, but she refuses to look up at me. She just shakes her head and suctions me tighter, making my balls seize up even further..

"Baby, I'm serious. I'm not going to be able to hold off for long and I want to give my little girl attention first." Again, she refuses to release me from her tight, wet throat. "You're being a naughty girl right now, babe," I hiss, barely able to speak. This time she does look up and the wicked gleam in her eyes tells me exactly what she's up to. I'll let her have her way for just a moment longer but then I'm giving her my warning.

A few more pumps of her mouth and it's all I can withstand without making a mess of her pretty lips.

"If you don't release me right now, angel, you're going to be in trouble."

Again, she only latches on harder and takes me deeper, moaning like she can't get enough. But if she doesn't stop right now, she's going to be choking on it.

"Aw, fuck. I'm gonna come. You need to release me, babe. Oh, shit. Fuck. That mouth. It's so fucking good. That's it. Just like that. Oh fuck."

I fucking explode like a tornado ripping through a barn. Everything swirls inside of me. Every nerve and sense obliterated with pleasure. She takes what she wants, swallowing me up and leaves me wrecked. It's nothing short of incredible, and it has some words surfacing on my lips.

"Wow, Shiv. I don't think you've ever come that hard before." Roxy's voice seeps through the wreckage that are my thoughts and I realize where I am and who I'm with. Fuck. I was in deep this time. She rises off the floor and stands before me. The look on her face has me curious as to what's running through her head. I just hope she's not upset by what just happened.

"You were lost in your memories, weren't you?"

I nod. There's no point in trying to deny it. She already knows my truth.

"Did you ever think of hunting her down and fighting for her?"

I shake my head. After I learned the truth, it was the furthest thing from my mind. But Rox doesn't know the full story, so I can't blame her for her question.

"Nope. There wasn't any point. She was engaged to some rich prick and just fucking me on the side, so there was nothing to fight for other than a lie." I leave off the fact that there would be no need to hunt her down either because Chrissy's right here in this town. In fact, she works at fucking Trigger's now. Of all the fucking places.

"Wow, that seriously sucks. So, are you going to tell me what actually went down between you two, Shiv? Or are you going to leave me guessing between all the lines of the script I've been given, and filling in my own blanks?"

I smirk, shaking my head, then tuck myself back in my pants and take a seat on my bed. I pat the spot next to me and she comes and takes a seat. Propping her knee up on the mattress and facing me. Then I tell her the nightmare that transpired. Chrissy in my bed swearing her love to me before she rushed home to have dinner with her dad. Me going to work that night and getting the pleasure of waiting on her happy family who happened to be out celebrating her engagement.

"Did you ever think maybe she felt pressure from her family? Like she had to live up to their expectations, and was just going along with it even though she didn't want to?"

My thoughts pull from Chrissy as I mull over Roxy's question. Sure, I thought of that. But even if that had been the case, I'd figured she'd make some kind of indication that night. Show me a sign that she was upset about me finding out. But all she did was smile at me and snuggle up to the man by her side. It didn't seem like she was struggling with her decision or being pressured into anything. It felt like she was rubbing in the truth, sending me a message. And I received it loud and clear. She was getting her fairy tale with her prince charming, and her time rolling around in the hay with the poor loser was over.

"Nah. She definitely gave the impression she was right where she wanted to be."

"I don't know, Shiv. She was young and na?ve. I mean the girl was only eighteen. Maybe you should look her up and see if she's happily married like you think. Hundred bucks says she isn't. She never would've been in your bed if he'd made her that happy."

Rox may not be wrong in her assumption. Chrissy definitely wasn't wearing a ring tonight. But it doesn't really matter what her outcome was. Married or not. Divorced or single. All I know is how that girl betrayed me. And how much that shit still hurts. And for that reason, I'm never diving back into the past with that girl. Our road is done, and my future is now paved in hell because of her.