Tarsus

An entire week has gone by.

Seven fucking days with no word from Aden. I'm almost positive he hasn't thrown himself into the volcano yet, because fucking clouds still hover in the sky. I've never been so grateful to wake up to another gray day in my life. There's been no word of whether Clavicle bothered coming back to save us. Nothing. Nothing…but time to think through every fucking choice I made and every gods-damned word I said—to both Aden and Clavicle.

I'm sitting in my bedroom, the sheets on the bed a mess because I won't allow servants inside. Not when I look like this. No fire roars in the hearth. It's too painful a memory, thinking of Aden curled on his favorite chair before the fire, a book on his lap and a cup of coffee in hand.

I would have gone back and apologized for losing my temper to Aden, but without Ash here to open the portal, and without Aden around to communicate with Wolfsbane with his Shadow Magic, there's no way to reach him. Not unless I take the week-long journey to the Terra Palace, which I'm seriously considering at this point. But I guess I'm hoping Aden will walk in at any moment, and I don't want to miss him.

Then again, will I even see him before he throws himself into the volcano?

The thought alone brings a fresh wave of grief over me, and I hunch over, covering my face.

A soft knock at the door, and I hear Ulna say, "Dinner."

I lift tired eyes and stare at the door. "Thank you, Ulna."

I've barely eaten anything all week. How could I, when I know the love of my life is going to die soon? If he's not already dead…. The thought is a punch to my gut, and I hunch forward on the bed, squeezing my middle.

I was a gods-damned fool to leave him behind with no way to get back to him.

The ground trembles beneath my feet. The tremors have become more frequent, and considering we're a seven-day's journey from the volcano, that's really saying something. I've received hundreds of letters—requests and pleas—from the people of the city, begging me to make an appearance and report the reasons behind the volcano's sudden uptick of activity.

What am I supposed to tell them? That the love of my life will throw himself in to save us, but I'm not sure when? To look uncertain would only cause more fear in the city. So I stay back, telling Ulna to have the guards assure everyone that we are safe, that the volcano is only going through a natural stage and it will be over soon.

And I sit in my room until the days run together, trying to think of what I could have done to make Clavicle more agreeable, to make him want to stay, to make him want to fight for the Five Empires. Because I'm starting to think Clavicle really didn't remember anything. Or, what he did remember, was just nightmares, like he told me. Why else would he choose to return to the human realms without his powers?

Maybe this was all too much for him. Maybe I was too much for him. I shouldn't have locked him up. I shouldn't have fucked him. I shouldn't have been so hard on him, and I should have fucking listened to him. Believed him.

The way Aden believed him.

How did I not see it sooner? Gods, I had Weaver chase him. My entire court was chanting and laughing and drinking when he thought he was racing for his life. Fury washes over me, followed quickly by shame deep enough to drown me, made worse only when I realize: I'm the monster here.

Aden pointed it out just before I walked out on him. The fact that I was willing to risk all Five Empires to save him…it's exactly what Clav was doing to keep me safe—keep us safe—from Elderberry, though my sacrifice would have been at a much larger scale.

I would have literally let the world burn for Aden.

I dig my fingers into my hair until I wince at my nails biting into my scalp. I've always prided myself on my ability to do the right thing. I had morals. I had a clear conscience. I trusted in my own strength and the timing of the universe for the good of all things to come together.

I was good.

I only wanted to protect Aden, but now I see myself as he must see me. How everyone in the Cadre saw me in that moment that I ordered Aden to follow me: a controlling, selfish bastard. I didn't trust him enough to make his own decisions. I always hated Wolfsbane for the way they looked down on humans, but now I see that I'm the insubordinate one. I'm the one who had two humans who loved me…and completely abused that love.

A cool wind sweeps through the window, bringing a chill with it. The same chill that's hung across the continent since Mother Terra demanded we toss Aden into her fiery depths three weeks ago. It's a prelude of what's to come if Aden doesn't let her have him. Maybe I've been selfish, wanting to keep him by my side while the world burns. Maybe I haven't been thinking of the good of all fae-kind when I refused to let him go.

The sound of wind and storms brings my attention up to Ash's portal expanding across the room. My breath catches in my lungs, and I stumble to my feet, rush across the room just in time to throw my arms around Aden the moment he steps through. A fresh wave of grief washes over me and new tears stream down my face as I hug him fiercely. I don't know if he's back for good or if he just came by to say goodbye, but I need him to hear two words before anything else happens.

"I'm sorry."

I pull away and search the field of his green eyes, study this beautiful human before me as the apology tumbles out of my mouth. "I'm so sorry, Aden. I should have never ordered you to leave with me, or to leave the room Clavicle was in, or to…not fight in the battle with the bats. All of it. Every time I thought I was protecting you, I was only hurting you, and I am so fucking sorry."

He stares at me a beat, his throat convulsing in a swallow, and braces my arms. "When you first found me, I was living out of my car and working at a coffee shop, because my parents had kicked me out of my house for being a boy. I was weak and scared when you found me, but you also helped me find my courage, my people, my self. You were always there for me, . How can I fault you for wanting to be there when it mattered most?"

I shake my head, my hands trembling. "The best way I could ever be there for you, would be to trust you to make your own decisions, and support you to the end."

The portal closes behind him, no Ash in sight. Which means she must be hanging back.

Which means Aden is going to be here longer than a few moments to say goodbye. My heart palpitates at the thought, and I draw him into another firm embrace.

"Come on," Aden says as he leads me to the bed. "We have to talk."

A stone sinks in the pit of my stomach at the notch in his voice. He's had a week to accept his fate of sacrificing himself to the volcano, and it's clear that decision has taken a toll on him. He's thinner than he was a week ago, with dark circles under his eyes. The light that usually shines from his shamrock eyes has dimmed considerably, and it breaks my heart.

That familiar urge to protect him, to force him back to the human realms until all this passes over, comes over me so strongly that I fear I can't resist it. But I keep my mouth shut. Whatever decision he's come to, I will respect it.

Aden sinks onto the double-king, four-post bed and tugs me so I'm sitting beside him. Threading his fingers through mine, he searches my eyes.

"I missed my period," is the last thing I expected him to say. "I'm, like, two weeks late." His hands are trembling. He looks at our linked fingers and takes a shuddering breath. "Ash took me to the human realms and I bought a pregnancy test."

My breath freezes in my lungs.

Aden licks his lips nervously and meets my gaze. "I'm pregnant, ."

I open my mouth, unsure which of my statements should make the first exit. Because humans can't get pregnant with fae sperm. We are simply incompatible when it comes to reproducing together. And considering we've been together for, like, five years…

"What, now?" I breathe. "The only way you could get pregnant is if you slept with another human, and you've never—"

Oh. Oh, shit. The realization slams into me like an ice-cold wave.

"It's Clavicle's," he confirms just as I come to that conclusion.

My mouth drops open, but I can't find any words. I've been looking at Clavicle as a fae all this time, even if he was trapped in a mortal body. But somehow seeing him as a fully human man who could reproduce with another human….

"Holy shit." Fresh tears blur my vision, but they're not the same ones I shed the past week. These ones are from joy, hope, a new start. Aden always dreamed of having a child. It was the one thing I could never give him, and I felt horrible for it. "We're going to have a baby." I study at Aden, a laugh escaping me—until I remember the volcano. Then terror seizes me. "What about Mother Terra?"

He spreads his fingers over his stomach and wets his lower lip. "I guess, now that I know there's finally a little human growing inside me, I kind of feel what you were feeling. Protective to the point that I have tunnel vision for one thing. One person, who I would protect at all costs."

I rest my head on his. "This is a helpless babe you're protecting, Aden. That's understandable. But you're a grown adult, and I had no right to try and control you or your decision. There's no excuse for how I behaved."

He releases a shuddering sigh, then leans back and lies on the bed. I recline beside him, pulling him into my arms so his head rests on my chest.

"Mother Terra will have to take me by force," Aden says. "Or risk losing all her worshipers when she wipes them out in her fury."

I run my fingers up and down his back. "We'll go to the human realms until everything blows over. Who knows? Maybe when you're gone, she'll decide to show some mercy. Either way, I'm here for you, Aden. Not to control you, but to serve you. And I swear by every god above and below that I'll protect your baby at all costs."

Aden nestles closer. "Our baby."

I smile into his hair and press a kiss to his temple. "Our baby." And, gods, how I wish Clavicle could have been a part of this little family. Not the ruthless prince I used to know, but the sweet, fidgety boy I've come to know. I wish he would have wanted it. That he wasn't as put off by this world as he is.

"I always wanted to be a seahorse dad."

I tilt my head and look down at him as he lies his head on my chest. "Seahorse dad?"

"Yeah. I mean, in our world, it's the male seahorse who carries the eggs while they develop, and it's the male seahorse who gives birth. So, when a transgender man like myself gets pregnant, they're called seahorses." His lips tilt into a small smile as he rubs his flat belly. "It's one of the reasons I never had reconstruction surgery. Because, despite being a man, I always wanted to have a baby, too. And now I'm carrying a baby, . I'm pretty fucking excited." His eyes are shining with a new light that fills me with hope.

But then his smile fades, his fingers curling into a fist on his stomach. "I only wish Clavicle would have stuck around."

My heart squeezes by the sorrow in his voice, and I wrap my arm around him.

"The Clavicle I knew would have rather died than returned to the human realms. This version of Clavicle wants nothing more than to live a normal life among mortals." I cover his fist with my hand, easing his fingers back out so both our hands are palm-flat on his abdomen where a mini-Aden grows. "I think he would have liked being a dad. But maybe not in this realm."

"You're on Team Clav now?"

I chew my lip. Sorrow tugs hard at my chest until it's painful. "You know…it might be better for you to go back with him, until all this blows over."

Aden snorts. "No thanks. He ditched us, . I'm not going to run to him and ditch you all like he did."

"Not even for your baby?"

He looks at his fist curled on his stomach. I link my fingers through his, unclenching his fist so his fingers link with mine, and give his hand a gentle squeeze. I wonder what Clavicle is doing now. It's been a week, long enough for him to realize that he's safe. No one's coming to kidnap him from his world again and demand he make bargains with their gods.

Closing my eyes, I imagine him sitting on a bench in the park, surrounded by autumn leaves, a smutty book in hand while the sun dances off his pink hair, his shirt buttoned low on his chest like it had been at the Ren Faire. I imagine him shoving up his glasses, one foot tapping impatiently on the pavement as he eagerly flips the page to find out what happens. That's the Clavicle Aden fell in love with. The Clavicle I now see clearly, who I've slowly come to care too much for, despite myself.

And for the first time since I banished him all those decades ago, I find myself hoping he lives a long, full life with no regrets. It's what he deserves after all the pain he endured in this world.

My eyes are just beginning to drift closed when I hear a bang at the window. My body tenses, and I leap out of bed just in time for the window to shatter. I have bars on my windows, specifically to keep bats out, but Abaddon has no problem placing his talons on two bars and pulling them apart, forming a gap large enough for his massive bat body to squeeze in.

I leap in front of Aden. "Get the fuck out Abaddon!" I feel that power burning in my palms, surging through my veins. I'm strong, I'm powerful, but my magic is dedicated to harming none, and now I understand Wolf's need to bear Shadow Magic. Because Abaddon uses one wing to easily throw me across the room. I land with a thud against the wall, the air knocked out of my lungs.

"Not this time, ," he roars.

I open my eyes just in time to see…to see…

"No!"

He's grabbing Aden with his clawed feet while flapping his wings to take flight, like Aden is nothing more than a rag doll. And all I can think about is the baby in his womb.

"He's pregnant!" I shout, and Abaddon pauses. He's not a complete monster, but he does have a colony to save. "Clavicle is the father," I add for extra measure. Because if Clavicle is the father…then—"that baby in Aden's womb is the future Spine Sovereign."

Abaddon's ribbed ears twitch, his wings whooshing in annoyance as he turns fully to face me. "You're lying."

I push myself to my feet, wincing. "It's all true."

Abaddon looks down at Aden clutched in his claws. He has to see the sickness in Aden's eyes, see how weak he's become.

"Let him go," I say. My voice is husky, on the verge of tears. I can't lose Aden again. I can't.

Abaddon's black eyes shift to mine, and I can see the regret in them. It fucking kills me.

"There are children in my colony too," he growls, his eyes hardening as he flaps his wings harder. "And Clavicle abandoned us." His voice hitches. "Our sovereign fucking left us, . All of us! So why should I care about his unborn child? My folk will all die if I don't do this. The children and infants in my colony will die." With Aden still clutched in his talons, he turns toward the window.

"Please! NO!"

But he's out the window, large wings flapping as he soars toward the night sky. Toward the Heart of Faerie.