Clav

I drop another fireball bottle to the floor in my mother's office. It's been two whole fucking weeks since Mother Terra kicked me out of the fae realms. I woke up in my own bed on a Saturday morning and padded to the kitchen where Dad was having breakfast.

"‘Morning," he said, setting the morning paper down where he's been working on a crossword. Dad never worked on crosswords. He'd always been too busy worrying about demons and studying the King James version of the Bible.

But the bigger surprise was, Dad didn't seem at all surprised to see me, almost as if I'd never been gone. My stomach tightened, but I played along. After all, Mandi and I left him searching the woods for demons, and we never returned.

"Where's Mand—Mom?"

He took a sip of his coffee. He was still in his bathrobe. I have never seen him in his bathrobe this time of day.

He should have been out fighting demons.

"Left." He took another sip and studied his crossword. "They went to some conference."

Okay. So Mandi must have returned and glamoured him… or something. Either that, or everything that happened since that night with Aden was a fucking nightmare. Maybe I got so hungover after the Ren Faire that I returned home and passed out.

I cleared my throat. "What day is it?"

"October third."

Mean Girls Day. But also, it'd been two weeks since the Ren Faire, which meant I would have been passed out for two weeks if it had been a nightmare. I raced to the calendar, looking for the full moon icon. October seventeenth was the next full moon. Two weeks from now. Assuming the faerie land full moon was the same as ours. Who the fuck knew?

My heart was beating too fast, my hands slick with sweat. The possibility of it all being some sort of hallucination sent me into a spiral of panic.

"Why aren't you fighting demons?" I asked Dad.

"It's been two weeks since I found a demon on our land, ." He grinned at me and set his mug down. "I think I did it. I think I finally scared ‘em off."

I immediately set out to the portal after that. I leapt into the swamp, only to be met with a soggy, muddy pond floor. I scoured that pond, dug holes in every inch of its bottom until sunset, with no proof that it was a gateway to the fae lands.

When I returned home, I showered and tried to call Mom's cell, but there was no answer. I dug through the papers in their desk, ransacked their whole office, but found nothing about how to open portals to the fae realms. At one point I was able to quiet my mind enough to spirit journey to the fae realms, but was only met with complete darkness…and that familiar cackle of Mother Terra echoing in the darkness beyond.

After several days of panicking, I tried to find some semblance of normalcy. Dad and I watched the tv series Lost until he fell asleep. And once I felt alone again, I switched off the tv and sat frozen on the couch, the silence pressing in on me while panic roared through my veins. After what happened with Tarsus and Abaddon and Aden, nothing would be normal again. If I don't find a way back, they'll all be gone for good.

I stayed up half the night and eventually passed out, only to be met with nightmares. Not only nightmares of my old life—my abusive father, my careless mother, of Tarsus and Abaddon and human sacrifices followed by blood-curdling screams. But nightmares of Aden being one of those humans shoved into the mouth of the volcano, his own screams swallowed up by the canyon.

Depression, anxiety, panic—they all followed me the next few days. When no one came back to get me, I was starting to doubt anything really happened. If I could just get a hold of Mom—Mandi—they could tell me if any of it was real.

But I couldn't shake the feeling that it was all very real, and that in some alternate universe, there was a continent about to be destroyed by a furious volcano, and the only way to stop it was for the man I'd come to love to throw himself into her fiery pits.

I knew I had to get back before it was too late.

A week later, after spending every day scouring the ten acres of our land for a portal and trashing Mom's office, I took my own trip to Louisville, Kentucky. I drove up to meet with a professor of fae mythology, mainly to talk about portals and how to find them. He told me about ring rocks and how you could see things from the fae world that mortals couldn't see if you look through them. He even gave me one of my own. But when I returned home and scoured our forest again, there was no sign of any fae creatures or portals near our home.

I took a drive that night. I was so angry and scared that maybe I was going crazy. Maybe Dad passed his illusions on to me. Driving eighty down a curvy country road wasn't the best idea. Music was blasting, and when Olivia Rodrigo's song Get Him Back came on, I was hit anew with memories, to the point that I nearly flew off the road.

I remember Tarsus' pissed face every time they looked at me. The hatred burning in their cold, silver eyes, like they couldn't drive their sword through me fast enough. I almost miss their brooding face. I remember how they made love to me. Our fucking might have started out with control and hatred. But in the end, it was gentle and sweet. Tarsus loved me in those moments. But they hated me in others. Tarsus wanted to get me back. But they also wanted to get back at me for the horrible things I'd done to them in my fae form.

Tarsus wanted me all along, but they also wanted to make me pay.

Cracking open another fireball, I recline on the leather couch in Mom's office, and down the small bottle in several hard gulps.

Two weeks. Two weeks have passed since I left the fae realms and exhausted myself trying to get back. As of the past several days, liquor has been the only thing helping me get through the day, much to Dad's chagrin. He tried to be firm at first, but when I threatened to leave, because I'm a fucking adult for God's sake, he eased off, just checking in with me every now and then, and watching several episodes of Lost with me in the evenings, as if he knew that was the only tether keeping me from completely losing myself to insanity. I know he's just waiting for Mom—Mandi to return from their conference, so they could ease me off the proverbial cliff. If only they would return.

But Dad is going to soon learn that Mandi is gone forever.

My watering gaze snags on the unfinished tapestry lying on Mandi's desk, the only thing I didn't touch. Small bones form a spiral on the black fabric, traveling from the outside to the center. Mandi told me it represented the inner journey, the journey to discovering self. The problem is, so many parts of myself are missing. How the hell am I ever supposed to find them without my memories?

My eyes track the spiral, slowly following the trail from the edge, journeying in, in, in. And as I follow the spiral, my third fireball already giving me a good buzz, I realize something.

I'll never be complete without my full self. I'd always felt something missing within me, but I thought everyone felt that way. Now I realize, there's a whole past I'm missing, and no matter how far I run from that past, how much I want to resist this cruel, angry fae who lurks deep within my bones, my fae self and my human self have to be reconciled together in order for me to become whole again.

I have to face my past with the knowledge that the Prince of Ruin isn't all that I am. I was him, but I'm also , a certified booknerd with ADHD who lives in the human realms.

If I ever want to move forward, I have to face my past. I have to accept all of me.

There's only one way to do that, and I'm fucking terrified.

My hands are clammy as I pick up Mom's bodhrán. I use the tipper to beat the drum, creating a beat that steals me away from the depressing quiet that's haunted me these past two weeks. Spirit journeying isn't only for escaping to alternate realities or for meeting with the gods. It's also a way to get to know your inner self. And I think it's time that Sovereign icle and I had a proper introduction.

Closing my eyes, I reach deep within myself, searching my mind for that being who is quick to anger, who pulls red over my eyes when someone pisses me off. That cruel fae with a tragic past, whose hands are covered in the blood of all the humans he sacrificed.

I call through the echoes of my mind, walking down dark halls that I never dared set foot in, walking down, down, down the spiral stairwell that leads to the darkest pit of my mind. The walls are bare here, the floor cold black marble under my feet. I approach the large pale door made of bone at the end of the stairwell. With trembling fingers, I unlock it. The hinges creak and groan as I pull the heavy door open.

In the chambers of my mind, beyond the beating drum and the empty marble halls, I hear footsteps, proud and clear, like hunting boots on polished marble floors. In my mind's eye, I see a shadow stretching across the black marble floors, with a tall, slender form and large antlers reaching toward the ceiling.

Cool wisps tickle my lobes when I hear him say, "It's about damn time you let me out, human." And then icy fingers—my own icy fingers—close around my throat as the drum slips from my fingers, crashing onto the floor.

Tarsus

The sound of chanting pulls me out of a deep sleep. The side of my head is pounding, and a sharp pain cuts into my wrists. I look down to find shackles cutting into my skin. And when I look up, I realize I'm in the bat cavern.

I'd traveled here shortly after Aden was taken, knowing they wouldn't perform the sacrifices until the full moon, when all the sources of energy would be aligned. But, of course, I'm only one fae, and the bats are many. I could have prepped an army, but the truth is, it didn't seem fair to make the armies fight when winning this war would unleash the fury of Mother Terra and kill them all.

I'm not really sure why I showed up alone, except that maybe I was hoping there was a way to reason with Abaddon, or Mother Terra, or…something. Maybe I just wanted to be with Aden in his final days.

Abaddon allowed me that, at least.

We spent the next seven days in each other's arms. Abaddon treated us kindly, despite the copper collar he forged around my throat to keep me from using my magic. But he did feed us hearty meals, giving us a comfortable room, even if guards surrounded every foot of it to keep us from running. He told us several times he wished there was another way. But he has to look out for his colony, and I guess I can understand that, though I'll never forgive him.

But when it was time to take Aden, I fought against them with everything I had in me, and that's when one of the bats struck me against the head and knocked me out.

Maybe it would have been better if I'd stayed knocked out.

Because from my place on a divot in the cavern wall, I can see all the bats' reveling at a glance. They're chanting like they used to do at the human sacrifices of old, climbing over each other across the ceiling and the cavern ground. So many bat-folk in one place, it's unnerving.

Standing at the ledge of the pit that leads to a river of lava, is Aden. Naked. His hands bound before him. I don't know why they stripped him down, except that's how we'd always performed the human sacrifices, and I guess they're not taking any chances in changing the tradition, even if it means letting Aden keep a little bit of his dignity before he dies. Abaddon stands behind him, a wall of power blocking Aden's only way of escape.

"Abaddon!" I shout, my voice raw with emotion as panic claws at my throat, but my voice is drowned in the loud chanting of the colony. Tears are streaming down my face, and I scream Abaddon's name again, followed by Aden's. Abaddon is reciting some old script they used to use for the sacrifices, though I can't hear the words through the noise or my thrashing heartbeat. Then Abaddon stretches out his wing and presses the curved part of his talon to the middle of Aden's back, forcing him to stumble closer to the river of lava and I. Fucking. Can't.

Unable to watch, I drop my head, tears streaming down my face into my robes, and wait for it to be over—when a loud thunder, like two boulders crashing against one another, roars through the cavern, silencing every bat screech, every cheer, every sound until only only footsteps can be heard echoing through the chamber.

"Do not make another move, Bat."

I blink my eyes around the room. I know that voice. The epitome of authority. The very definition of cruelty. It haunts my nightmares. Fills my dreams. I've heard some version of it over the past few weeks, but this one is real. Authentic. Powerful.

This one is him.

Sovereign icle strides into the cavern. His body is still mortal, still very human, with a short, slender form, black rimmed glasses, pink hair with no antlers. But the purposeful way he walks and the determination in his eyes is every bit a pissed off fae Sovereign.

The bats part to let him pass. They're nearly twice his fucking height, their fangs long enough to rip his throat out, yet they actually flinch when he speaks again. Not that I'm one to speak. My heart is palpitating in my chest at the sight of the man who single-handedly destroyed my life.

icle's footsteps seem to make the ground tremble as he marches through the parting bats until reaches the pit and faces Abaddon head on. "Back. The. Fuck. Off."

Abaddon must recognize the real icle, too, because he stumbles back, the fear in his black eyes visible even from my place at the edge of the cavern.

"Sovereign icle," Abaddon says in a low voice, bowing his head. "You're back—the real you." He gestures toward Aden. "I have our sacrifice prepared. If you would like the honors—"

Aden is staring at icle with a wild look in his eyes. He senses the shift in energy too, that limitless power that radiates off icle in waves, even though he never knew the true icle. My heart jolts when the Spine Sovereign, known for his disregard of humans, reaches for Aden, and I wait. Wait for him to shove the love of my life in. But instead, he grabs Aden's arm and tugs him away from the ledge before wrapping his arms fiercely around the other human.

I blink, my mouth dropping open. Is this a trick? Is he messing with my Aden before killing him? I don't trust him. Not one bit. But icle sets Aden aside, behind him, away from the pit, and looks Abaddon in the eye.

"When I am finished here, you will deliver Aden and Tarsus back to the Skull Palace and leave them both alone to live peacefully." He scans the cavern as he speaks. "Is that understood?"

His order is followed by immediate agreement. He may be the Spine Sovereign in human flesh, but the bat colony is still sworn to him.

"Good." He turns toward the pit now, and everyone watches silently as he stares into the fiery depths of the volcano.

"You said that humans must pay in blood if they want to live in this realm," he shouts into the Heart of Faerie, addressing Mother Terra herself. He removes a knife from his belt and drags the blade across his wrist, not even flinching from the gesture. Crimson blood drips from his hand into the pit. "Every ounce of my blood is human blood. But I am also fae." His voice grows steadily louder, echoing through the cavern. "The most powerful fae sovereign, you called me. I have a foot in both worlds. I am the bridge that combines them both, and as such, I have the authority to say that humans are welcome in this world, to live freely, without a blood price." He bares his teeth and sneers into the cavern. "But you are hungry for blood, aren't you, Hag? You want your sacrifice."

The cavern walls hum in response, the ground trembling beneath us. I tug my hands in the shackles, desperate to grab Aden and get the fuck out of here before icle pisses Mother Terra off for good and the mountain collapses on us, but my hands are bound too tightly.

"You want a human sacrifice?" he shouts into the cavern. "I'll give you a human sacrifice. A sacrifice to end all sacrifices. An atonement for all the wrongs you believe humans have done against you. To make up for all the human sacrifices you missed, I offer myself."

I blink, and he's throwing himself into the fiery pits of the volcano, disappearing beyond the ledge.