27. Liam

Istride into Niko’s, heading straight for the bar. I don”t know why I bother. There is no amount of booze that can fix what”s wrong with me. I can”t regret giving in to my desires, both emotionally and physically, over the last couple of days to immerse myself in Kate. But it”s making the withdrawal from her all the worse. I”m going to have to go through the rest of my fucking life with a hole in my chest.

”When are you going to end this thing?” Lucy demands.

”Tone it down, Lucy,” Niko says as he moves to his desk.

”It ends now.” I down my drink and turn toward Niko and Lucy, who are standing with Donovan. ”But I need your help.”

Lucy glares at me. ”We”ve been helping you this whole damn time.”

Donovan”s hand rests on her shoulder. ”Let”s cut him a little slack. It”s not like he hasn”t been doing anything.” Donovan turns his attention to me. ”Have you gotten that cabin of yours upstate rebuilt?”

I”ve hardly given that cabin a thought since Babichev blew it up. ”No. I”m as frustrated as you are, Lucy. I’m beginning to think there”s a traitor in my midst.”

All their brows rise in surprise.

”Any idea who?” Niko asks.

I roll my shoulders because I have no proof of anything, only good guesses. ”For some reason, Babichev has been like smoke. I get a whiff, but when we get there, he’s gone. On the other hand, he”s been able to find me and Kate. How is that?”

Lucy”s eyes narrow. ”You”d better not be thinking it”s one of us.”

I glare at her. ”I know that you don”t like me, and I have no problem with that. But don”t ever question my trust in Niko and Donovan. They’re my brothers.”

Lucy purses her lips at me, but there”s a noticeable relaxing of the tension she”d been directing toward me.

”So, who, then?” Donovan asks.

”I”ve gone through all my men, and I just can”t see any of them betraying me. Of course, I can”t absolutely rule everyone out.”

“What about Robbie or Artyom?” Donovan asks. “I never would have guessed Lou was a rat. You never suspect those close to you.”

“Makes sense,” Niko adds. “Without you, Robbie is next in line.”

I shake my head. “Not them. I think it might be someone at the FBI.”

Once again, all their brows rise to their hairlines.

”The contact you have?” Niko asked.

I nod and pour myself another drink. I feel like such an idiot to have put so much trust in him. In many ways, he’s like I’d been, an agent focused on organized crime who on occasion helps them rather than hinder them. For me, it started because of my friendship with Niko. A friendship that started in childhood and grew into a brotherhood. For my contact, his reasoning is financial. He’s paid well to protect the Bratva.

Because of my ties to the Bratva, I stayed away from it as much as I could, except for the few times I let my uncle know about investigations. But when he died and Igor took over, I stayed away and a new agent filled my place.

Now, I’m wondering if he’s the one who warned me that the FBI was on to me. And I can”t help wondering if he”s the one who outed me. All this time, I thought he was helping me search for Babichev, but perhaps the truth is that he’s working for Babichev. Like a fucking idiot, I hadn”t considered it soon enough.

”That sucks,” Donovan, always ready with an understated one-liner, says.

”So, what”s the plan?” Niko asks.

I begin to explain what I have in mind, and almost immediately, there”s pushback. But I have no other choice. I can”t continue to chase smoke and have a traitor expose Kate and the baby.

”This is the best way and you know it.”

They reluctantly nod.

“I also ask that you protect Kate as if she were mine?—”

”Why don”t you marry her already?” Donovan says in an exasperated breath.

His words tear through my heart because there”s nothing I would rather do. ”Because her life isn”t with me.” I turn my attention back to Niko, cutting off any further discussion.

”I”m asking you as a brother, Niko, to please look after her. I know your instinct is not to because of Elena and the babies’ safety. But I have never once asked you?—”

Niko put his palm up to stop me. ”I already said that I would protect her. And I’ll do everything I can to follow your wishes so that she can live a normal life away from all this. But if the ultimate goal is to keep her safe from our enemies, it”s possible that she will have to stay within Mafia protection.”

I hate that. Especially if I”m not here to be a part of it. But I also know that what he is saying is true. It”s quite possible that Kate”s life is already too enmeshed with ours to fully separate from it. All I can hope is that if this plan works, she’ll effectively be cut off from me, one way or the other, and no one would care about her. She has no value to them.

”Are you really not going to be part of your child”s life?” For once, Lucy’s tone isn”t acerbic. It almost sounds as if she cares.

”I”m doing what”s best for Kate and the baby.”

”Yeah, man, but… that”s fucked. I can”t imagine going through life without knowing my kid,” Donovan says.

“You don’t have a kid,” I quip.

“If… when…” He glances at Lucy. She keeps her face impassive. Mostly. I think I see a little glint in her eyes.

”What would you do to protect Lucy and any kids that you might have?” I ask him.

Donovan”s expression turns fierce. “Any fucking thing I have to do.”

I nod. ”Well, that”s what I”m doing.”

The door bursts open, and Niko’s sister, Aria, pokes her head in. ”I”m just here to tell you what a rotten brother you are and how much I hate you.”

She pulls her head away and slams the door shut. We all look at Niko, who lets out a long sigh. ”She”s pissed at me.”

”Gee, I wonder what gave that away,” Donovan says with a chuckle. ”She”s acting like a petulant teenager.”

Niko shakes his head like he’s ridding the problem of Aria from his mind. ”She”ll get over it.”

I wonder what it”s all about. Niko is my friend, so I feel compelled to ask him considering the big favor I had made him promise me. ”Is there anything I can help with?”

He waves my offer away. ”She just thinks she”s in love. But she”s too young for all that.”

I arch a brow because in my mind, Kate and Aria are about the same age. In fact, Elena isn’t much older. Perhaps it”s not her age that”s a problem, but the fact that he’s protective of his sister. Or maybe he doesn”t like her choice of potential mate. I frown because I have this sense that Aria has a crush on Luca Conte, Lucy”s former stepson from when she was married to Giuseppe Conte.

”She got over Luca?” I ask.

Donovan and Lucy both give me slight head shakes, telling me not to go down that path. That tells me Aria is still in love with Luca, and now I”m wondering why that”s a problem for Niko. Luca Conte”s family is in alliance with Niko. So maybe the problem is that Luca is in Italy, and Niko doesn”t want his sister so far away. But then again, that doesn”t make sense because Niko had sent Aria to live in Europe.

I stare at Niko, but I can”t bring my mind around to delve into whatever issue is going on with him.

”That”s not a problem for us to think about right now,” Niko says, standing. ”Right now, we need to take Babichev down.” He comes around his desk and puts his hand on my shoulder. ”I don”t like this plan of yours, but you”re my brother, and I trust that you know what you”re doing. You have the full help of the Leone family?—”

”And the Fiori-Ricci family,” Lucy adds. Donovan nods in agreement.

There is some sense of relief because I trust these people with my life. I trust them with Kate and my child”s lives. ”I need to go.”

”Not without saying goodbye to Kate,” Lucy reminds me.

I don”t want to see Kate. Well, that”s not true, I do want to see her. I want to see her and grab her and hold her for the rest of my life. But I have to walk away, and seeing her again will only make that harder. But Kate asked me to say goodbye, and it”s one final thing I can give her.

”I”ll do that now, and then I”m heading out.”

Niko embraces me, a gesture he doesn”t do very often. But the weight of the moment is heavy in the room, and I accept his embrace.

I exit Niko”s office and start back toward the sunroom. Rosa steps out and says, ”If you”re looking for Miss Walsh, she is upstairs in her room. It”s the guest room overlooking the garden.”

For a moment, I think I won”t go up, knowing that she”s probably resting. But since I don”t want her to go the rest of her life hating me for not saying goodbye, I turn and head up the stairs toward the guest room. When I reach it, I knock on the door and open it.

She”s lying on the bed, but the minute I enter, she pops up and sits on the edge. ”Hi.”

My heart is breaking in a million pieces. I shut the door behind me, walking to the middle of the room. I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out for her. ”Hi.”

Her head tilts to the side, and then she rises from the bed and comes to stand in front of me. ”Are you leaving now?”

I nod. ”I”ll be gone for a couple of days.” Inwardly, I kick myself because that makes it sound like in a few days, I will be back with her. And I know that she takes it as such when her eyes light up with hope.

”So, I”ll see you?” She looks down at her fingers that are fidgeting together. ”Because I was thinking that maybe?—”

My hands come out of my pockets, and I put them on her arms, stopping her from finishing her statement. I”m having a profound sense of déjà vu of being in the situation of having to leave and her asking me to stay.

”I need you to promise me something, Kate.”

She looks up at me, and there”s pain in her eyes. She”s insightful enough to know that I”ve interrupted her on purpose. I”ve interrupted her so that she won”t ask me to stay.

”I need you to promise me that you will live your life to the fullest and give this child a full life as well.”

Her breath hitches and tears come to her eyes. ”You sound like you don”t think you”re going to come back.”

I”m trying to be delicate about this. ”You and I both know that our lives cannot be entwined for you to live the full life that you want.”

”But that”s what I?—”

”I don”t know what”s going to happen, Kate. Whether I live or die, promise me that you will live a full life. I’ve provided for you?—”

“Liam—”

“The thing is, for you and the baby to be safe, you may need to stay under Niko”s protection. Do you understand?”

She stares up at me, and I see such longing in her eyes. But then finally, she nods.

”Good.”

It”s time for me to break away and leave, but I have to soak her in one last time. My gaze roams over her, from her gorgeous auburn hair and beautiful eyes, her luscious lips, and then to the round belly where she carries her child.

I press my hand over her belly and return my gaze to her eyes. ”I”m not going to make you promise this, but it would be nice if you told our child how much I love him.” Fucking hell, I’m about to lose it. I clear my throat. “Tell him how much I love him and his mother.”

I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and then abruptly leave the room because I’m precariously close to breaking.