26. Kate

Two days. Two perfect days is all I get with Liam. Not the dark Liam, but the one I first met a year ago. The kind and generous Liam. The sweet and caring Liam. The sexy as hell Liam. We’ve laughed and played games… in bed and out. We’ve talked and sometimes just hung out quietly. When I slept, he worked. When I was awake, he was focused on me, and now, two days later, I don’t want it to end.

Of course, I knew this day would come. I just hoped this time would have lasted longer. Then again, the more time we’re together, the less I want to be without him. So many moments in the last two days, I’ve wondered if I could be like Elena and Lucy and live a life centered around crime. The truth is that’s how I grew up. My father was a cop. But he was against crime, or was.

But the decision has been made. In fact, I’m certain that if I told Liam I wanted to stay with him, he’d refuse me. I also know that if I asked him to leave the Bratva to be with me, he’d refuse that too. It isn’t fair that I’ve found a man I love, I’m having his child, but we can’t be together. As my father often told me, life isn’t fair.

So today, my bag is packed, and Liam and Robbie are whisking me to a small airport where we board a private jet. I’d bask in the luxury if I weren’t so sad. Liam is busy talking to Robbie as the flight takes off, but every now and then, he glances over at me, giving me a wan smile.

Less than forty-five minutes later, we land on Long Island. Liam is taking me to Niko and Elena’s Hampton compound. I’m surprised by this as I couldn’t imagine Niko would want me anywhere near Elena and the babies. Perhaps Niko owes Liam a favor.

I’m ushered into a dark SUV, and we drive to the compound. As we go through the gates armed to the teeth, I reflect on the last time I was here. I’d been saved from Elena’s father, who kidnapped me the first time to ransom me for Elena. When Liam saved me, he first brought me to a safehouse and made arrangements for me to go into Witness Protection. Then he drove me here, where I could see Elena and say goodbye. It’s when I met her sister Lucy as well.

Liam’s hand covers mine. “You’ll be safe here, I promise.”

“What are you going to do?”

He gives me his sad smile. “I’m going to get your life back.”

At what cost?

We pull up to the house, and a servant opens the door to let me and Liam out. His hand settles low on my back as we enter the front door.

“Liam, Kate, welcome.” Niko greets us in the foyer, with Lucy and another servant in the background.

“I should slap you.” Lucy’s eyes glare at Liam, and his hand falls from my back. Then she looks at me. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Elena is in the sunroom with the babies. She’s looking forward to seeing you,” Niko says. His voice is kind, but I also note an order underneath it. I’m supposed to leave them to their work.

I look up at Liam, who gives me a nod.

“Rosa will show you the way,” Lucy tells me.

Rosa smiles. “This way, Ms. Emer—ah, Walsh.”

I don’t want to leave Liam. I don’t want him to leave me. “Will you find me before you leave?”

Storms brew in his eyes. He wants to say no.

I put my hand on his arm. “Don’t be cruel, Liam.”

He sighs. “Life is cruel, Kate.” But he gives me a nod that I interpret to mean he’ll find me before he leaves.

I follow Rosa through the large mansion to a window-filled room where Elena is nursing one of the babies.

“Oh, Kate, you’re here.” Elena unlatches the child from her breast. “He’s sleeping.” She sets him in a bassinet next to his sister who is also sleeping. “Rosa, can you bring us some coffee? Are you hungry, Kate?”

I get the feeling that Elena is babbling. Like she wants to make me feel okay.

“I had something earlier. But water would be nice.”

“Right away,” Rosa says, and then she exits.

I look down on the babies. “They’re growing.”

“Yes, they are.” Elena takes my hand and pulls me to the couch. “You didn’t say anything about being pregnant. Are you okay?”

I rub my hand over my belly. “Yes.” I feel I should apologize to her for not sharing such important news, but my resentment flares up and I don’t say more.

She studies me and her eyes turn sad, regretful. “This is all my fault.”

“We’ve talked about this before.” And we have. She’s apologized profusely nearly every time I see her.

“I wish I could know that you forgive me.”

I rise from the couch, needing space. “I have. It’s not your fault.”

“Is there something else upsetting you?”

“There’s a part of me that envies you, Elena. The man you love loves you back?—”

“Liam loves you. I know he does.”

Irritation snakes through me. “Even if he does, it doesn’t matter.” I give her a pointed stare. “How can you live like this?”

Her brow furrows. “Like what?”

“Your husband is a criminal. Your life, your babies’ lives, are always in danger. Why would you choose this, especially after you so desperately wanted away from it?”

She straightens, and her chin lifts as if she’s defending against an attack. “I wanted away from my father and anyone who didn’t love or respect me. I’m not an object, a pawn for Niko. I love him and he loves me.”

“He’s still a criminal. He kills people.”

“I killed someone.”

I let out an exasperated breath. “That was self-defense.”

“Liam is going to hunt down and kill someone?—”

“That’s to protect me.”

Elena cocks her head to the side. “You think they kill just for fun?”

“There are tons of businesses out there that don’t require murder to function.”

“Your father carries a gun. I bet he’s killed people. Are you against him too?”

“That’s different.” Except if he used it in service to the Mob, I suppose it’s not different.

“The government kills people.”

I can’t understand her. “That’s how you justify all this? Equating organized crime to the law enforcement or the military?”

“I don’t have to justify anything. What Niko and Donovan and Liam do isn’t anything new. They’re businessmen like any other businessmen.”

“Oh, come on.”

“It’s society who says what they do is a crime.”

“Trafficking shouldn’t be a crime?” I’m agape at her defending such heinous acts.

“Yes. But they don’t do that. They’re involved in gambling, which apparently is okay in a state lottery or at a casino, but for some reason, not when they run it. Real estate and construction, food industry, entertainment… organized crime is involved in all of those, but for some reason?—”

“They commit fraud or extort or take advantage of people?—”

“And corporations don’t?” She arches a brow.

I can see that I’m not going to win this argument. I turn away.

She’s quiet for a moment but then sighs. “Kate, I don’t condone bad acts, but I love Niko and my children so much that I’d do anything to be with them. Perhaps it’s easier for me to live in it because I grew up in it. I understand it. But my world doesn’t have the market on bad behavior. You’re na?ve if you believe your normal, regular world is squeaky clean.”

It”s not the same, I tell myself, and yet, I know there’s a kernel of truth to what she’s saying.

“If you really are so against Liam’s work, you need to go to him right now and tell him to take you home. Get out of it. Call the police to protect you.”

My stomach clenches because I know that right now, my safety relies on Liam and Niko. She’s telling me to put up or shut up.

“It also means we can’t be friends, which would really hurt because while I know you resent me for what happened, I’d never had a friend, a real friend, until you, and I’d hate to lose that.”

Tears well in my eyes. I’m overwrought emotionally.

“Oh, honey.” She walks over to me, her arms outstretched to hug me. I give in, letting her hold me. “I’m sorry I was so defensive. I know this is scary and difficult. And with the baby, you must be exhausted. Why don’t I show you to your room, and you can rest?”

I nod as I step back and wipe the tears from my face.

“Let me get the babies?—”

“No. Don’t disturb them. I’ll have Rosa show me,” I say.

“Are you sure?”

I muster a smile. “Absolutely.”

She studies me like she isn’t sure but then goes to the sunroom door. Opening it, she calls for Rosa.

“Can you take Kate up to her room?”

“Of course.” Rosa leads me upstairs and shows me to an opulent room with a window seat.

When she leaves me alone, I sit at the window, wishing I could sort my life out. Do I love Liam enough to look the other way regarding his work? Is Elena right and his work’s not so different from other business? Corruption is everywhere, right? Am I just looking for an excuse? And if I am, does it matter? Elena doesn’t seem to care that her excuses are justifications. She loves Niko. There’s no doubt that he’s completely devoted to her. I can hardly blame her for choosing to be loved like that.

Feeling tired, I move to the bed and lie down. The last two days run through my mind. I’d never been happier than with Liam… laughing, playing, making love. And it happened knowing about the man he is.

The truth becomes crystal clear. I want what I had the last two days. I want it for the rest of my days. The more I acknowledge that, the more I want it. The more I don’t care about the rest. Is that how it is for Elena?

I squeeze my eyes shut as tears come again because I know Liam won’t care about what I want. He’s singularly focused on having me go back to my old life. But I can’t, I realize. Even without Liam, my life is forever changed. I’ve seen and experienced things that I can’t undo, and the thought of living the rest of my life without him is unbearable. To never feel his touch. For him to not know his child. That’s not how life should go.

What can I do to change his mind and make him decide to stay with me and the baby?