19. Pups Are What?: Todd

Next to teaching people about my blender drinks and sex with Larry, pup-play was my favorite thing in the world. Maybe more than the drinks. And especially when Larry helped me get my gear on. I kept it simple with my favorite yellow mask, matching MMA gloves and knee pads, tight tank top and biker shorts. When I was ready, I bounced out to the mat where Royce was already rolling around in his pup persona, Boone.

I jumped on him, and we rolled around together. He snuffed at my neck and back and let out a little bark. Then Jax, in his pup gear as Jay-Jay, pounced on us. We quickly had a three-way wrestling match going.

Egypt and her handler couldn't make the trip, but Marshall and Dallas were there. Marshall had his black and white spotted Dalmatian gear on, while Dallas was in Cowboy blue as usual. Dallas barked and sat up in the begging position. Neither of them had handlers, but Ward seemed to take on the role of Alpha-handler quickly. Our actual Alpha pair from Tam-PAH wasn't on the cruise with us, either, but I suspected Ward had been training as backup. Jay-Jay was not suited to be alpha, though. He was way too hyper and more like a puppy. Boone was my pick for our next alpha, but Quinn wasn't great as a handler. He was a super daddy for Royce, but for a pack, not so much. Perhaps this combination of Boone and Ward, though unconventional, would work for us.

Ward handed out treats to Dallas, Marshall, and Jay-Jay while Royce went to Quinn for water and pets. I sat there staring at Larry, wondering what he would do. Would he be as into it as he seemed to be the last time?

"Sunshine. Come on, boy," Larry called to me and snapped his fingers. I crawled over, though slowly, questioning. "Here. I have some treats for you, boy." He stretched out his hand, palm up, offering a pretzel bite. I snuffled it, and he helped me get it in my mouth. "Good boy."

Ahh…there it was again. Those words turned my insides upside down and backward. Larry was getting involved. Trying to be a handler for me. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I rolled over on my back and let him rub my tummy for a few minutes. Then he helped me get a drink from a water bottle before we all dashed back out to the mat with Boone in the lead.

We chased Boone around until Ward tossed out some toys, distracting us. It was so much fun playing with the other pups. But it also wore me out, and eventually, I crawled back over to Larry. He sat on a folding chair off to the side. I put my head in his lap, and he played with my sweaty hair that stuck out the back of the mask.

Larry helped me get my gear off and handed me a bottle of water. While I drank, he stared at me, holding my mask.

"What?" I asked.

"Isn't this all a little degrading? I mean, you're not into that, right? I've heard about, like, uh…humiliation play? I don't think—"

What the fuck was he talking about? I had no clue. Degrading? Humiliation? He had the wrong idea, and I was so fucking tired. I didn't want to have this conversation. "Fuck! Larry, I thought this could work, but you're not accepting. You're not into this. You said you liked it to get in my pants. Right? That's all? And now you're wondering how far you're going to have to take it to keep fucking me? That it?"

"I don't understand." He held his hands up, one of them still holding my mask.

"This is a part of me." I snatched my mask back. "That's all you have to understand. Get it? No, I don't think you do." I tucked it under my arm and started walking, not giving him a chance to explain himself.

"Waid, Todd. Let's go back to the cabin and talk."

"And have more sex, you mean. Well, that wasn't supposed to be on the table, was it? What exactly do you want from me?" I wasn't thinking clearly. I was angry. Tired and frustrated. And I felt used.

"This is the same old argument, Todd. I want to get to know you, want to see if this can work, but you have to let go of your insecurities and take a leap of faith."

"So do you."

"I'm trying."

"Not hard enough." I walked in the opposite direction of the stairs, not sure where exactly I was going, and Larry kept pace right behind me, but I wanted to be alone.

"Todd. Todd, you're not being fair here." He grabbed my arm, but I jerked away.

"Forget it. Leave me alone."

When I stormed off again, he didn't follow. This whole fucking thing was a disaster. I had been fooling myself. It would be better if we ended it now. I circled around back to the stairs and headed up to the room. I needed to change and figure out where I could sleep for the night. Because it sure as fuck was not going to be with Larry.

I quickly changed into comfortable shorts and an oversized T-shirt. Then I took my contacts out and grabbed my glasses before heading out again. Luckily, Larry didn't come after me. I didn't know how long I could hold out if he kept pushing because, despite everything, I wanted him.

I found Jax and told him we'd been in a fight. He hugged me and tried to assure me we would work it out. But I didn't think that was the case. I should have explained that we weren't in a relationship to begin with, but that would have been admitting to the lie. I lied to my friends. And why?

I sighed. "I'm tired. Too tired to think about this." I rubbed my eyes beneath my glasses.

"I've got you. I only have one single room down by the crew. Do you want to go get your stuff?"

"No. Not now. Tonight, I want to sleep. I'll go get it tomorrow."

"What about dinner?"

"I'm going to order something. Okay?"

Jax hugged me again. "Of course it's okay."