18. OMG Even More Cruise Stuff - Larry

The next day, we had a nice ordered-in breakfast, and then Todd got ready and went to do his drink class. I went with him this time, and he was fabulous. He flirted with the crowd and whipped up the best drinks. This time, I tasted everything. I had to admit, he was pretty damn good at this, and it had my brain churning. The most important part about it was the smile on his face. It lit his eyes and shimmied down his entire body. This—showing off his blender drinks—made him genuinely happy. As much as the pup-play did. I could see how much he loved it, and I had several ideas I wanted to share with him on how to make that a bigger part of his life. But we didn't have time to discuss that because there was another play date with pups before we arrived in Key West.

We went back to the cabin so he could change and grab his gear, and he allowed me to hold his hand the entire way, even when no one else was around. This felt more and more like a relationship and less like fake boyfriends. We had started out rocky, but it was rapidly moving to something more. I was excited about that and terrified. I still had a lot of questions about the pup-stuff and kinks in general. It still felt risqué and a bit forbidden, especially with my dad's voice in the back of my head whispering things about how much of a loser I was and other things about being a failure and how queers like me never amounted to anything.

I'd come a long way from that. Hudson had helped me probably more than he even knew. I had a lot more in common with Todd and Levi than Hudson and Jax and all those others. I grew up in a family who was barely making it and a dad who drank away whatever extra we ever had. I put myself through college with no help from them. And Hudson's friendship gave me the moral boost I needed to keep going.

He helped me find things I was good at and lean into those skills. He helped me invest my money and set me up for life. But none of that stuff was me. I credited my education to Hudson, his efforts keeping me on track and motivating me, and many other things, including luck. And now, faced with Todd and something meaningful in my life, I was terrified I was going to fuck it up. And that was what had my dad's voice whispering his doubts at me. I didn't want to listen to it, but it proved difficult sometimes.

But not when we both tried to squeeze into the little shower at the same time. Not when we were laughing together. Not when we fell into bed and kissed each other passionately. Not when he looked into my eyes, and his promised forever.

This thing could be the most meaningful relationship in my life. And for once, I was not going to screw this up.