18. Chapter 18

I was lightheaded from nerves when I walked to the center of that room. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Cain was still with me and reached my hand back to take his. As soon as I felt his fingers brush against mine, my soul settled, and I felt a satisfying confidence wash over me. I was holding gold record music in my pocket—no matter what the hell they thought about it.

"Anyone miss me?" I asked and swung my arms out wide.

Ward was the first to grab hold of me and wrap his arms around my waist.

"So fucking good to see you, man," Ward said, slapping my back. "It feels like it's been six months."

"Not quite that long," I laughed. "A little less than two months—give or take, but who's counting?" I kissed the side of his head.

Then Ross—or Speck barreled into me with his dreadlocks flopping around on his head. "It's been too fucking long, brother," he said boisterously. "I thought you might not return."

"No way, I just needed to find my muse, that's all," I answered as he stepped out of our embrace. My head turned toward Kenny who stood about three to four feet away looking stiff and unyielding, like he had a boulder-sized chip perched upon his shoulder weighing him in place. "Kenny, get over here and hug your daddy." I was going for levity but Kenny wasn't having any of it.

Kenny finally approached and then gave me a half-hearted hug. "You're looking good—rested," Kenny commented.

"Rested? That's impossible," I said. "I don't think we've slept more than four hours over the last five days. The long hours paid off, though, we brought some amazing pieces for everyone to listen to. But before we do that, first things first." I explained and quickly went into introducing Cain. "Guys, I want you to meet the man who helped collaborate with me and mold my rambling notes into magic. Cain Bennington, this is Kenny Costello, Ward Pinecrest, and Ross Spector."

"Collaborator," Kenny scoffed. "You always said collaborators only poisoned the natural process."

"That is something I used to say," I admitted while the other guys quickly reached over to Cain to shake his hand. "Until I hit a wall with the writing this time around. I threw up a white flag and in walked Cain. He was an enormous help with every one of these compositions."

"Funny how that worked out," Kenny spouted almost under his breath.

What the fuck was his problem?I couldn't let his shitty attitude slide and opened my mouth to give Kenny a verbal slap for being such a condescending prick but movement near the back of the room drew my attention away instead.

Ray stepped forward and reached out to shake Cain's hand. "Good to see you both back on the West Coast," he said and squeezed my shoulder.

Well, at least Ray had had a change of heart since we last saw him in New York. I shook Ray's hand and then proceeded to remove the thumb drive from my pocket and plug it into the external port of a laptop Ray had supplied for me to use.

"I've already sent copies of the audio files to each of you," I explained. "You can continue to work your way through the song list after we leave here today. But for now, I'm using the thumb drive."

Everyone grabbed the wireless headsets left out on the tabletop and took seats around the music source. Cain and I chose to stand. I was far too nervous to sit right now. A couple of seconds later, music flowed through the room's sound system as well as through the individual headgear.

The first song was a high-octane arena rocking piece that I knew would get their creative juices flowing. Everyone kept one ear cup pressed to their ear while listening to my verbal notes with the uncovered one.

"Right there," I shouted. "Drum solo followed by four measures of guitar riffs then boom, we slide into the first chorus."

The guys nodded while their heads bobbed to the rhythms. I walked around giving instructional prompts and waving my arms like I was a conductor of a symphony. The second song began and I offered my verbal notes the same as I had during the review of the first piece and our process continued. We made it through half a dozen songs and I paused the audio for a moment.

"Are you hearing your own parts in your head?" I asked my guys.

"Definitely," Ward said with excitement. "I can't wait to start laying our tracks to this."

"I'm impressed," Ross said. "These pieces are dope."

"Dope?" Kenny said snidely. "I'm not sure I'd agree. It sounds a bit on the light side for an Iris album."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I asked Kenny, meeting his glare with one of my own.

"It means we're known for our foot stomping battle cries," Kenny stated and shrugged. "Some of this stuff just sounds weak to me, like more in the category of ballads—which we don't typically do."

I wanted to lunge at him but Cain grabbed onto my shoulder before I had a chance to move toward him. Cain's touch grounded me and calmed my heart just a bit, too. I didn't understand how he was able to do that for me, but I was grateful for his presence at my side and in my life.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ward said to Kenny. "I like this new material. Yes, some of it sounds a little different but it's different-good, not what you're implying."

Kenny put his hands up in the air. "I'm just offering my opinion," he said. "Nothing more."

Four hours into this process the guys were getting itchy to jam with the new songs and picked up their instruments. Almost immediately I could hear genius bleeding into the material. Each of them had their own special sauce that when added in just the right doses really did sound like magic. Ross was working on some incredible rhythms that I loved and Ward was adding flourishes of riffs that were so fucking good it was making my heart race. I was bouncing on my toes at a few points, disbelieving how the music was flowing and coming together.

"Hold up for a minute," Cain directed, and everyone stopped playing. "Go back to the bridge again. Bend the first note and ease into a minor chord for the next phrase. That's how Gage and I heard it when we wrote this piece."

Ward quickly tried Cain's suggestion and smiled broadly when he nailed it. "Nice work, Cain! This sounds epic."

"Seriously, Ward? Don't be such a suck up," Kenny complained. "A minor chord there is going to fuck up the major chord two phrases later. But what do I know? I've only been working in this business for the better part of twenty goddamned years."

The room fell quiet. "Why are you acting like this?" I asked to break the awkward silence that hung like a heavy fog in the room.

"Like what?" Kenny asked.

"Like a petulant brat who's annoyed someone else has a better idea than he does," I blurted.

Ward moved closer to me at the same time Cain did while Ross hid behind his drum kit.

"His idea isn't better," Kenny argued. "I'm not even sure it's musically correct, never mind being better. I think it's more about personal preference. You're choosing to hear brilliance where I'm not sure it exists."

I set my guitar down in its stand. "If you opened up your closed off mind a bit you might actually hear something other than your own arrogance."

"Is that so?" Kenny said. He glanced at the wall clock before he quietly put his bass guitar back into the case on the floor. "We've been at this for almost six hours. I'm done for today and I think it's probably best that we all take a break and come back at this fresh in the morning, maybe hit it first thing around eight or nine and get in a full day."

My brows shot halfway up my forehead. It was after midnight and Cain and I hadn't slept in fuck knew how long. There wasn't a chance in hell we'd be rested enough to be back there for work that early in the damn morning.

"We can't make it that early," I seethed at Kenny. "We haven't slept in close to thirty-six hours. Make it noon at the earliest or don't bother coming back at all."

"So, now our work schedule is dictated by how much sleep you and him get?" Kenny groused.

Ray stepped closer and snapped his fingers between us. "Knock the shit off—both of you," he hollered. "Everyone go home and sleep and be back at one o'clock tomorrow afternoon ready to work."

Kenny immediately began walking toward the exit of the room until Ray's booming voice stopped him in his tracks. "Oh, and Kenny," Ray yelled. "I suggest you leave your attitude at home when you come back."

Kenny flipped his middle finger up in the air at us and left the room. I deflated as soon as the door slammed behind him.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked no one in particular.

"He just needs to cool down," Cain said quietly beside me.

Ward came over to where I was putting away my guitars. "You need to fix this, man," Ward pleaded.

"Fix what?" I asked, although I had a pretty good idea what he was going to say.

"The bullshit going on between you and Kenny," Ward explained.

I ushered Ward over to a quieter area of the studio and got into his face. "The bullshit is on Kenny's end," I said. "I have no idea what his problem is but I'm getting really tired of his shitty attitude when it comes to Cain and me."

"Jesus, you don't fucking see it, do you?" Ward said and shook his head.

"What am I missing, Ward? You tell me!"

"Kenny's in love with you, always has been—pretty much since the early days of the band," Ward said. "I saw it happen right before my eyes."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked. "Kenny and I have been as close as brothers since we were kids! He always knew I was straight—until Cain."

"And there it is," Ward said. "How do you think it made Kenny feel to see the straight man he's pined over for decades suddenly fucking around with a guy? One day you're straight and the next day you're hanging all over a man who is obviously more than a hook-up."

"Kenny doesn't care about that," I said.

"Oh, really? Were you paying attention to him after your big reveal earlier?" Ward questioned. "It's obvious he fucking cares, Gage! It's why he stormed out of here the way he did. He's struggling with this."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"I'm being as serious with you as I've ever been," Ward said, "and like I said, you need to fix this or it's going to spill over into our music."

Ward waited until I nodded with acknowledgment that I'd heard what he'd said and then he turned away and started packing up his own equipment. I stood there a moment and watched Ward do his thing, my mind a jumbled mess by what he'd said about Kenny. Was my oldest friend in love with me? I had no idea how that was possible. Sure, over the years Kenny was always teasing me about how good sex with men was and at times he'd even offered to "take my edge off" in a variety of gay ways, but I never thought much of it. Maybe Kenny had been serious with his suggestions. If that was the truth then it was on him. I never once gave him any indication I was interested—because I wasn't. Kenny was a very nice-looking guy but I honestly never looked at him even remotely the way I looked at Cain. I just didn't think of Kenny that way. But for the sake of keeping my band happy and united, I'd have this uncomfortable talk with Kenny.

"I'll let you finish with your stuff," I said to Ward, "and I'll talk with Kenny. I promise."

"The sooner the better," Ward said. "You need to talk to him, one on one and get it out in the open."

"It's almost like he's resentful of Cain helping me with this album," I said.

"I think that's part of it, for sure," Ward agreed. "But I know it goes deeper and that's what you need to discuss with him—asap. Are you hearing me?"

I held Ward's steady gaze and nodded after a beat. I really didn't know what was going on with Kenny and there really was just one way to find out. I had to make the time to talk to him.

Cain and I left a few minutes later and after a short stop to pick up some takeout sushi for dinner, we were finally able to go back to my place. We were both practically sleeping on our feet but after chowing down our meal I still managed to give Cain a better tour of my three-story home built into the side of a hill overlooking Los Angeles. Cain walked through the rooms with his mouth hanging open. I'd seen the spaces so many times it had honestly lost its wow factor for me but seeing it through Cain's eyes was pretty amazing. He loved the trophy hallway I had which was connected to an in-home recording studio on the lower level. It showcased the gold, platinum, and diamond albums Iris had achieved. Both sides of the hall were loaded with framed mementos hanging with special lighting to enhance visibility. I also had special shelving to hold the Grammy awards that Iris had earned through the years. I was proud of every one of these achievements, but I was humble enough to keep everything in the basement near the music room, versus having it on shelves upstairs for every visitor to see.

He also loved the infinity pool and hot tub with patio area around it and cabanas with cushioned lounge chairs I couldn't wait to get him on. But I saved the best room in the house for last and that was my bedroom. When the smog wasn't too thick, my bedroom afforded me an incredible view of the city below right from the bed. Just outside the wide glass doors that went to the terrace I had a private hot tub and a narrow lap pool that I sometimes used first thing in the mornings to wake me up.

But the shining glory of this room was indeed the bed. It was built on a one step marble platform which electronically spun to accommodate the view I wanted to see on any given day. I could look at the city or the surrounding hillside. Both were incredible sights.

I walked into the primary bathroom and turned on the multi-spigot shower built into a corner of the room. It was constructed with two walls made of stone which were surrounded by two more walls encased with glass. Water spilled over the top of the stones that looked like a waterfall, in addition to several other water sources pointing at either of us or hitting us from above. Once I had the water ready for us, I stepped out into the main room of the suite. Cain was lying on his back at the side of my big bed, eyes shut, and arms stretched over his head.

"Don't fall asleep yet," I said. "I want to wash the last forty-two hours of travel off you before we crash."

Cain lifted himself up on his forearms and looked at me standing in the doorway of the bathroom. "Strip for me, rock star," he teased. "Give me a proper incentive to haul my tired ass off of this incredibly comfortable bed."

In just a few seconds I was down to skin with my cock unrealistically standing upright, tall and proud, like it had all the energy in the world. Apparently my dick didn't care if we hadn't slept in like forever and was ready for action I doubted either of us could follow through with. Nonetheless, I applauded his efforts by wrapping my fingers around my thick shaft and pulling off a stroke. Before I could complete a second tug of my cock, Cain was up and moving, shedding his clothing as he walked.

We practically fell into the shower, our mouths dueling for control. I rocked my hips into the slick crease where his hip met his groin and moaned into his throat. My body was buzzing with lust for him and suddenly I felt rejuvenated—ready to pull off a marathon session of sex with Cain. I licked a searing path up his neck and bit his earlobe.

"Baby, I want to do everything with you," I whispered beside his ear.

"Mmm, me, too," Cain replied with both his hands squeezing my ass cheeks then spreading them open for the water to trickle down over my hole. I shivered in his embrace and attacked his mouth again, my tongue diving inside as deeply as I could manage.

I finally came up for air and stared into his eyes. Water dripped from his lashes making his eyes shine in such a beautiful way it stole my breath.

"Will you fuck me?" I asked, unsure of myself but wanting this connection with him more than logic could explain.

Cain froze for the briefest of moments before he loosened his muscles and wrapped me tighter in his hold. His fingers trailed down my crack and over my sensitive entrance and I gasped.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked.

I nodded enthusiastically, my hand sliding between us to play with his cock and balls. "I want it so much I can barely think straight," I said.

Cain spun me around and pressed my chest to one of the glass walls. Then he dropped to his knees behind me and began teasing my hole with his tongue. Spearing and licking until I thought I'd lose my mind.

"Cain, please," I pleaded. "Take me to bed."

A moment later the water shut off and Cain stepped out of the shower to grab two towels for us to dry off with. He wiped my back and then tossed our towels onto the floor before he tugged me by the hand back into the bedroom.

"Get comfortable for me," Cain directed. "Do you have supplies?"

"Side table," I said and moved into the center of the bed. Nerves were setting in and Cain must have seen the shift in me.

Once he collected the lube and a condom from the end table, he rolled in next to me and began kneading my shoulders and chest muscles. I was starting to relax again when his lips found mine and I turned to putty. The way he lit me up from nothing more than a kiss blew my mind. No one had ever managed to set me on fire the way Cain did.

He continued to tease my lips and tongue with his and I was thrumming with need. My brain barely acknowledged the snick of the tube of lube being opened and by the time he'd warmed the liquid on his fingers and moved them into position at my entrance, I was naturally spreading myself open for him like I'd done this a million times. He'd fingered me before while giving me head but this was the first time I knew this would be going further than just his digits inside of me. The idea of him moving inside of me like his fingers were doing had me close to combusting into flames.

"How many fingers are you using?" I asked.

"Three," Cain breathed against my partially opened mouth.

"I want more," I requested. "Try using your cock."

Cain tipped my head and caught my gaze. "Yeah?"

I nodded again and smiled. "Only one way to find out if it's going to fit."

"It'll fit, Gage," he said. "The question remains if you're going to like having me inside of you."

The visual his words created in my mind had me moaning loudly. I impaled myself deeper onto his fingers as if I could somehow get more of his hand in there.

"Fuck, I need you, baby."

Cain slowly eased his fingers out of me and I hated the emptiness immediately. I watched as he tore open the condom packet and then sat back on his heels to roll the latex down his shaft and slick himself with a nice coating of lube. Then he was back between my thighs and notched right at my opening.

"Ready?" Cain asked.

"So fucking ready," I answered and exhaled slowly when I felt the pressure of him trying to slide inside.

He hovered right above me, intently watching my expression for signs of distress but there were none to be seen. As soon as he started to press inside and I felt the stretch it only made my need for more spike higher. This was the oddest and most exhilarating feeling I'd ever felt but I gave myself over to it completely and opened myself to the invasion. I wanted this more than my next breath. I wanted him to own me in ways no one ever had or ever would. I wanted this with him and only him.

I bent my legs at the knee and shifted my feet up as close as I could get them to my ass while Cain continued to slowly push inside. The moments of pain were brief and were quickly snuffed out by pure desire to be filled.

"Goddamn, you are so tight," Cain whispered against my lips. "Are you still okay?"

"Fucking hell. . . yeah," I hissed. "Give me more."

Cain pushed in deeper and I held my breath. I was impossibly stretched but all I felt was pleasure. My gaze never left his and I smiled brilliantly up at him when he finally hit bottom. Cain stopped moving and kept himself snug inside. I could feel his heart beating with every throb of his cock. It felt like I could float out of my body and watch us fucking from above. Every sense I had was on overload. The warmth of his breath on my face was enough to make me shiver. This was bliss and love and the feeling of finally having something I always wanted but didn't know existed, all rolled into one euphoric sensation.

And then he started moving and I saw stars. Thousands of them all sparkling inside my head like brilliant spots of light.

Cain moved slowly at first, an easy glide in and out with his impossibly hard cock rubbing against the insides of my channel. I felt every glorious inch he had and it had my nerve endings thrumming. Then he changed the angle of his thrusts and nudged against my prostate.

"Holy fucking hell," I shouted. "Oh god, that's it!"

Cain rocked into me with perfect precision, and I was already tumbling toward release—much sooner than I wanted but it felt too damn good to try and fight it.

"Baby, I'm not going to last," I huffed.

"Good, because I'm almost there myself," Cain replied with a sexy grin.

"Go faster," I said, and Cain quickly obliged. "Yes, yes—ohhh yesss!"

And suddenly I was flying. The gates to something spectacular opened and I freely floated right through to a state of bliss that was completely new to me. This was better than anything I'd ever felt. I started unloading between us without anything more than the friction of his stomach. My orgasm was so damn intense that I almost missed it when Cain slammed into me and arched his back to bellow his release. I stilled then and felt him pulsing at my core like a profound type of Morse Code that only special lovers shared. Cain had brought me to this beautiful state of nirvana and I couldn't wait to visit again.

Cain collapsed on top of me, desperately trying to catch his breath. I was in a similar way and huffed away beneath him while my fingers ran through his hair and down his sweaty back to rest on his hips. I valiantly tried to push him deeper inside of me but his softening cock prevented that from happening.

"You good?" Cain asked.

"I think my head exploded," I said and laughed.

"You and me both," Cain said. He carefully pulled out of me and rolled to my side, then discarded the condom into the trash basket beside the bed. "I think you liked me topping you."

"What gave it away? My epic orgasm or the loud moaning leading up to it?" I asked with a grin.

"All of it," Cain answered and ran his fingers over my chest. "You're a natural, opened right up for me like you'd done this a hundred times."

"Nope, definitely a first for me," I said. "You had the honor of popping my cherry—in the best of ways."

"Best indeed," Cain said, "and it is an honor that I don't take lightly. I'm so happy you enjoyed it and I hope you'll want to do it again."

"If I wasn't so exhausted from being awake for two days, I'd suggest we wait a few minutes to reload and do it again, but we need sleep," I said.

"Agreed and your ass is going to be tender. You may need time to heal, so it doesn't hurt you when I try and get back in there," Cain said with a wink.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him flush to me. Our legs instinctively wrapped around each other, and we both shared the same dopey smiles. That right there was everything I ever wanted with a partner, this pure emotional connection that had me flying high. The enormity of that thought had tears stinging my eyes.

"I truly love you, Cain, like deeply, in ways I don't know how to explain," I whispered to him.

His fingers pushed my damp hair out of my eyes. "I feel exactly the same way about you," he said. "I don't know what I did to deserve this kind of happiness but I'm so grateful it happened."

I pressed my forehead to Cain's and listened to our breathing settle and then drift into a sated sleep along with Cain, the need to clean-up all but forgotten.