Chapter Fifteen

Tessa

Two days have passed and I haven't mentioned leaving again. I'm a hypocrite, I know it, but the thought of stepping outside these walls and into the unknown is scary. So, when Pit comes into the room holding out some new trainers for me, I eye them warily. "Put these on."

"Why?"

"Trust me." I scoff, and he relents. "Okay, don't trust me, whatever, just put them on. I have a surprise."

"I don't like surprises," I mutter, pushing my feet into the trainers and standing.

He takes me by the hand and leads me downstairs. I feel like everyone's eyes are on me as we pass through the main room and head outside. He stops by his bike and pulls out the spare helmet before putting on his own. He senses I'm hesitant. The last time we did this, he took me to a murder scene. I shudder, and he smiles sadly. "It's a good surprise, I promise."

I get on behind him and the bike jumps to life. We ride for ten minutes before he's stopping outside a small semi-detached house. I climb off and hand him my helmet, looking around and taking in the quiet street. I follow him up the path, where he produces a set of keys and unlocks the door.

Inside, the place is beautiful. It's cosy, with a lived-in look. "What are we doing here?" I ask.

He holds out the keys to me, and I frown. "It's yours," he tells me.

I gasp. "What?"

"I'm not saying you have to leave the club. In fact, when you do, I'll be . . . well, it's your choice," he mutters, "but when you're ready, I wanted you to have a place you can call home."

"You bought me a house?"

He nods. "It's safe here. The street is mainly nosey old people, and it's a cul-de-sac, so no traffic will flow through. There's a top-of-the-range house alarm as well as a panic alarm connected right to the police."

"Why would I need a panic alarm?" I ask, my mind reeling with questions.

"You won't, but I wanted you to feel safe."

"Pit, this is all too much," I mutter, not taking the keys.

He places them on the side. "At least take a look around."

"I can't live in a house owned by you," I snap.

He pulls an envelope out from his jacket pocket. "I don't own it, Tessa, you do."

I stare wide-eyed. "Why would you do that?"

He shrugs. "Guilt. An apology. I dunno, Tess. All I know is I need you to be happy."

"I can't take this," I say firmly. "You've lost your mind."

"I think . . ." he begins, pausing and sighing, "I think I've fallen in love with you." I freeze as the words pour from him, my mouth slightly ajar. "And I know you don't feel that way about me, and after everything, I don't ever expect you to feel that way. But I need you to forgive me, Tessa. What I did to you was terrible, and I can't sleep properly or even eat because the guilt is ripping me apart."

I want to forgive him. My mind is screaming at me to tell him that I think I feel the same, but my heart aches. I've seen the man he is and I can't be a part of that. I take the envelope and give a slight nod. "I'll stay here for a short while until I get back on my feet. But I don't want your house, Pit." I pause before adding, "And I don't want you."

He briefly closes his eyes before pressing his lips into a firm line and nodding in acceptance. He heads for the door. "Look around. I just need some air."

I take my time walking around the property. It's freshly decorated in creams and light greys. It's bright, and every room has a huge vase of flowers. When I finally step outside, Pit is sitting on his bike with his helmet in place. When I stop beside him, he lifts the visor and forces a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "All good?" he asks.

I nod. "It's kitted out with everything I could ever need," I say.

"Yeah, I had the women do all that. It's not really my area."

I smile gratefully. "So, I was thinking, maybe I could stay here now, as in today."

My words sink in and his expression tells me how hurt he is, but he nods anyway. "Great idea."

"And I have a panic button in case I get scared," I say with a small laugh.

He pulls out my mobile phone and hands it to me. I hadn't even bothered with it since I went back to the clubhouse. "My number is in there," he tells me. "Anything, no matter how small, just call or text me."

"Right."

He then pulls out his own mobile. "The pictures," he mutters, and he shows me the photos of me on my knees by the dead body, "I don't need them." And then he proceeds to delete them one by one.

"I appreciate it," I say, unsure how to feel about it. "And this isn't goodbye, right? I mean, you're gonna be my landlord for a short amount of time."

He gives a stiff nod. "Yeah."

"So, I'll be in touch."

He starts the bike and flips the visor down. I watch as he turns the bike and speeds away. Why does it feel so final?

I don't know why I thought this would be easy alone. As I sit in my new bedroom, with the small lamp glowing and tears soaking my cheeks, I realise this is the first time I've been properly alone in months. It's almost two in the morning and I've lost count of the times I've picked up my mobile to call Pit but then slammed it back down and gave myself a pep talk. I'm a grown woman, and I have to do this because whether I like it or not, I'm all alone in this world.

My mobile vibrates across the dresser, and I jump with fright. Reaching for it, I see it's a text from Pit, and my heart immediately speeds up.

Pit: Goodnight, sweet dreams, Tess x

I smile as more tears blur my vision. Surely, if he texted me first, it doesn't count, right?

Me: I wish. I can't sleep. X

His response is immediate.

Pit: Me either. Fancy company? X

I hold the phone to my chest for a second. I do want company. Badly. It's my first night, and I can be more independent tomorrow.

Me: Okay x

Pit: I'm outside x

I frown, slipping from my bed and grabbing a shirt I'd stolen from Pit. I rush downstairs and unlock the door to find him already there with his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking sheepish. I smirk. "Ummm, stalker much?"

"Guilty as charged," he murmurs as I open the door wider for him to come inside. "I brought gifts," he adds, picking a bag up from the floor. "Hot chocolate powder and milk."

My frown deepens. "And you just happened to be in the area with that stuff?"

He grins, heading for the kitchen. "I went for a ride cos I couldn't sleep. Stopped at the twenty-four-hour shop to grab these and headed here in the hope you'd be awake to keep me company."

I take a seat at the table while Pit sets about heating the milk in a pan and adding the chocolate powder. "How come you couldn't sleep?" I ask.

He shrugs. "A lot on my mind."

"Me too."

He pours the hot chocolate into two mugs and joins me at the table. "Maybe speaking to someone would help?"

"Maybe," I say, "but the thought of telling a complete stranger everything that happened . . ." I shudder. "I just wanna forget about it."

"I'm so fucking pissed," he eventually says, meeting my eyes. "Killing them once wasn't enough. I wanna do it over and over again."

I reach across and place my hand over his. "I'm glad they're dead."

"They didn't suffer enough."

"I just have to find a way to move on."

"How?" he asks, shaking his head slightly and staring down at his mug. "How the fuck can you move on from that shit?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Luna said it all fades with time. Eventually, I won't feel them or smell them." Pit's fists tighten around his mug. "But they're the last men to have touched me," I add, feeling shame wash over me. "How do I erase that?" I bite my lower lip, scared to make the proposition that's on the tip of my tongue. I take a breath. "Maybe if we . . . yah know, if we just . . ."

His head shoots up, his eyes wide. "No," he says bluntly, and I immediately recoil like he's slapped me.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," I rush to say, feeling even more disgusting.

Pit practically jumps out his chair and rushes to me, grabbing my hands in his and kneeling before me. His eyes search my own. "Te, I didn't mean I don't want to—of course, I do—but it's too soon, and who knows what will trigger you?"

I push to stand, and he drops my hands. "It's lack of sleep," I say, forcing a laugh to lighten the mood. "But I feel much sleepier after the drink and . . ." I shrug again. "Maybe you should go."

He stands too but doesn't move out of my space. "Don't do that," he whispers, hooking a finger around mine. "I'm not rejecting you."

I nod. "I know. I just feel so embarrassed right now," I mutter. "Make it easier on me."

"You don't need to feel embarrassed. Your emotions are all over the place, it's not surprising."

"Still, I'd rather die of embarrassment alone," I say with an awkward smile.

He gives a nod and heads for the door. I follow, willing my cheeks to stop burning. "Goodnight," he whispers, cupping my jaw and lightly kissing me on the forehead. A friendly kiss, just to make his message clear.

"Goodnight," I say, avoiding eye contact.

Pit

It's not how I wanted to leave things. I didn't expect her to say what she said, but fuck, I get it—she doesn't want those fuckers to be the last ones who touched her. And, for whatever reason, she trusts me. Fuck knows why after everything I've done.

"Did you go and see her?" asks Axel from his office as I pass.

I pause, leaning in the doorway and shaking my head. "Couldn't bring myself to tell her, Pres."

I don't miss the sympathetic look on his face. "Maybe text her when you've gone?"

I give a stiff nod and head upstairs. Axel was right about one thing—I need to hit the road. The anger and pain inside me will result in a shitstorm, and I can't put Tessa through any more. She needs to find her own way with people just like her, who have families and meet friends for dinner. I can't give her the stability she needs, and I certainly won't ask her to sacrifice her dreams for me.

I toss and turn for the remainder of the darkness, and the second the sun rises, I get up and take the dogs for a walk. For the first time, I'm leaving them both behind, and I hate that, but right now, I just need to take care of me.

When I get back to the clubhouse, I head into church, where Axel is keen to get started. "We all know Pit hates being around us," he jokes, and some of the men laugh. "Today, he's hitting the road and who the fuck knows when we'll see him again. He's leaving his crazy dogs behind, and the prospects will take care of them. And as usual, any work you've got outside the area, run it by me and we'll send it Pit's way."

Once church is over, I shake hands with my brothers, and they take turns wishing me well. And then I find King and Gigi, burying my face in their furry necks to say goodbye. Usually, I'd be back in a couple months, but right now, I don't know how I feel about coming back.

I've been on the road for six hours when I finally stop and pull into a hotel. Just being alone with my thoughts is already making me feel better. Once I'm in the room, I pull out my mobile and turn it on. It beeps twice, and I open the messages from Tessa.

Tessa: Pit, I'm so sorry. I feel mortified whenever I think about it. I just wanted you to know I'm not some sex pest or a freak. I just needed normal and you gave me that. Sorry x

Tessa: Now I'm overthinking. Are you avoiding me? Oh god, do you hate me because of it? I'm so ashamed. x

I smile. Trust her to overthink everything.

Me: Relax, we're cool, Tessa. X

Her reply is almost instant, like she's been waiting for my message.

Tessa: I got out the house today. I went to the shop all by myself. I didn't even cry once. I hope you're proud of me. I am. X

My heart twists. I am proud. So fucking proud. But also worried. Because every time we text, I feel myself wanting her more. I turn my phone off and chuck it on the side. I need sleep, because tomorrow, I'm heading for Ireland.