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Chapter Fourteen

Tessa

I can't shake the images of Steven Kendal from my mind. The way he sneered as he took what he wanted from me. I shudder, wrapping my arms tighter around myself.

The bedroom door opens and Lexi pops her head in, offering a small smile. It's sad, like she knows everything, and I hate that. It makes me feel more exposed. "How are you doing?" she asks, then she winces and steps farther into the room. "Stupid question, sorry."

I rest my chin on my raised knees. I've always hated uncomfortable silences, but since coming back to this clubhouse just a few hours ago, I can't muster up the words I need, not even to settle the questions Pit kept throwing my way.

Lexi sits on the edge of the bed. "Look, I know you must be in hell right now, but Pit's going out of his mind with worry. Do you need anything? Food? Water?" I stare at the opposite wall. How can I eat a damn thing when I feel so sick? "Okay, maybe I'll just bring you something, a biscuit even?" And why the hell should I push myself to ease Pit's guilt? Fuck him.

I close my eyes, relief flooding me when I feel her get up from the bed and leave the room . I picture my mum sitting on her bed, combing her curly hair. I feel my lips lifting into a smile as I recall the softness of her voice. Sometimes, I had to really listen hard to hear her because she was so softly spoken.

My mum tips her head, smiling my way as she scrunches her curls into a bounce. And then I hear him, and her smile fades. She shoves her brush into the drawer and stands quickly, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the wardrobe. I frown as she shoves me inside, throwing clothes over me to bury me and slamming the door.

I hear my breaths coming in rapid spurts and my heart hammering loudly in my chest. My ears get that whooshing sound until I can just about make out yelling. I jump in fright at the sound of flesh hitting flesh and my mum crying as he lays into her.

"Tessa? Tessa?" My hands are being pulled from my ears, and I open my eyes, staring directly into Pit's concerned ones. "Shit, are you okay?"

I take a steadying breath and pull my wrists free from his grip. "The dark," I mutter, frowning. "She used to hide me in the dark." And then my tears fall as large sobs wrack my body.

Pit pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me. "You're okay," he soothes, "I'm here."

His words bring me back to reality, and I disentangle myself from him, wiping my eyes with my hands. I shuffle to the edge of the bed and push to stand. "I want to leave."

Pit looks alarmed. "And go where?"

"I don't know," I whisper. "Away from here."

"Tessa, it's late. Sleep on it."

"Sleep?" I scoff. "You think I can sleep?"

"No," he says, shaking his head. "Probably not. So, just sit. I'll sit with you. And when the sun comes up, we'll talk about it."

I lower back onto the bed and twist my fingers together. "How did you find me?"

"I remembered his name," he tells me. "Steven's. And when Axel mentioned him, I realised what might be going on. We paid his wife a visit, and she shared his location."

"You remembered," I whisper. I'd only mentioned his name briefly, but Pit had remembered.

"I'd committed it to memory," he says bitterly.

"Why?"

He fixes me with serious eyes. "Cos I was always gonna make him pay, Te."

More bloodshed . I want to be mad at his threat. But how can I be? He would have taken Steven out for me. "What if I'm pregnant?" I whisper, the fear of that thought gripping me. "What if I'm pregnant with his kid?"

Pit stands abruptly, his fists clenched by his sides. "I'll get the doctor." And he storms out.

Minutes later, Luna comes in. She's holding a vase with some bright flowers in. "Gemma chose them," she mutters, placing them on the side. "Pit asked me to keep you company." My heart sinks. He's probably disgusted being near me, knowing I let them do what they did to me. "I think he just needs a minute to cool off," she adds.

"He hates me," I mutter, wiping my wet cheeks. "I don't blame him."

"He doesn't hate you," she rushes to reassure me. "You confirmed his worst fears, and now, he wants to kill the bastard all over again."

I bury my face in my hands. "They didn't use protection," I whisper, "and all I can think about is what if I'm pregnant, or what if they've given me some fucking disease. All those years of being careful and protecting myself to end up like this."

She gently rubs my back. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, Tessa, but the memories will fade a little and their scent will go. You'll stop feeling their hands on you and things will just feel less . . . bad."

I glance at her, and there's a faraway look in her eyes. "It happened to you?"

She blinks, shaking her head like she's clearing her thoughts, and she forces a smile. "Like I said, it gets easier. Just take one day at a time."

"I'll never be able to trust a man again," I mumble.

She takes my hand and squeezes it. "You will. I promise."

"How long did it take you?" I ask.

"To trust?" She thinks over my question. "A while," she admits. "Grizz wasn't easy to trust at first, but he stuck around and that's what counts. Pit will too," she says, smiling. "He'll get you through this."

I'm already shaking my head. "I don't want him to. I was better off when it was just me," I tell her. "I thought I needed a man for stability, but it turns out I don't."

She pulls her legs under her, getting comfortable. "What did you do before all this happened?"

"I had a cute little one-bed flat," I say, smiling at the memory. "I worked a nine-to-five job."

"Were you happy?"

I wasn't, not at all. The routine I'd found myself stuck in was becoming tedious and boring. It's why I stepped out of my comfort zone—I wanted to get a life. Turns out a life isn't all it's cracked up to be. "Yes," I lie.

"So, have you still got your flat?"

I shake my head. "I was renting and the lease was up. The owners were selling it."

"What about money?"

I shake my head again. "I didn't have a lot of that either. The flat cost a lot to rent."

"But you married, right?" I nod. "So, whatever he had will be yours?"

Hope swells in my chest. "Maybe."

"Well, of course, it will be. I'll speak to Grizz and get him to talk to Axel."

Pit

I pace, inhaling a lungful of air to try to calm my racing thoughts. The second Tessa confirmed what I already knew, I saw nothing but darkness. I guess a part of me was hoping I'd walked in at exactly the right time, saving her from their disgusting hands. I was na?ve to even hope they hadn't spent the last twenty-four hours hurting her in ways I don't want to imagine.

Fletch steps out holding a bottle of Jack, which I take from him, downing a few mouthfuls. "Luna's got this weird idea that Tessa might gain something from all this." I pause my pacing to stare at him. "If Alec has assets, they'll transfer over to his wife, right?" I narrow my eyes. He's got a point. "Anyway, Axel's called church." And he heads inside.

I follow a few seconds later, taking my chair while still clutching the bottle of whiskey. Axel takes it from me, passing it to Grizz, who dumps it on the table behind him. "It's not gonna help," he adds with a shrug.

"Is Luna right?" I ask. "Will Tessa get everything?"

Axel gives a stiff shake of the head, and my heart sinks a little. "He's about to be dropped into the Thames with a weight tied to his neck. That fucker won't surface for years, and until then, he's not classed as dead. Even if she reported him missing, she'd have to answer a shitload of questions. According to Gemma, it's not worth risking."

"Besides," Coop adds, sliding a file towards me, "I did some digging, and he doesn't have much."

I open it and stare at the negative figure on the bank statement. "It was never a real deal," I mutter, slamming it closed. "He was just getting her for his stepbrother."

"Fucking sick bastards," says Coop.

"How is she doing?" Axel asks.

"Like shit. She won't talk. The doc's given her the morning after pill," I say bitterly, "and he took swabs and bloods to check for fucking HIV and shit."

"Luna thinks you should take her back to the farmhouse," says Grizz. "She's not ready to be surrounded by a bunch of men she doesn't trust."

"He's got a point," agrees Axel.

"She wants to leave," I mutter, scrubbing my hands over my tired face. "I convinced her to stay tonight, but she's set on leaving tomorrow."

"She's not ready," says Coop.

"Tell me about it," I mutter. "Can I go?" I ask, and Axel gives a nod. I push to my feet. "Thanks for helping tonight," I add. "I know everything you've done is for me."

I get to the bedroom and pause outside. The unfamiliar feeling of nerves flutters in my stomach, and I inwardly groan. I push the door open and inhale sharply at the sight of Tessa curled up asleep with King stretched out beside her and Gigi on the floor at the foot of the bed.

I shrug out of my kutte and place it on the hook on the back of the door, then I slip off my boots and take a seat in the reclining chair. King lifts his head, assessing me, and for a second, I think he's going to growl, but he settles again. I scoff, but deep down, I'm pleased he's guarding her. He senses she needs it.

I wake with a start and sit bolt upright. The bed is empty and panic fills me as I push to stand. King is at the French door whimpering, and I make out her figure standing on the balcony. "Easy," I whisper, stroking King's head. "Go lie down." And he does.

I slide the door open and step out. "It's cold out here," I say, pulling off my shirt. I place it over her shoulders, and she takes the edges and pulls it around herself. "Couldn't sleep?"

She shakes her head. "Yet I'm so tired."

"I can ask the doc for some sleeping tablets?"

She shakes her head. "No, I don't want to face the nightmares."

"You can't stay awake forever," I say with a small smile. "How about I lay beside you?" She's already staring at me in horror, and I hold my hands up, feeling like a dick. "I didn't mean . . ." I sigh heavily. "I sleep better when you're beside me," I admit. "I thought it might help. I didn't mean anything."

Her expression relaxes and tears fill her eyes. "See what they've done, making me think everyone wants one thing?"

"You've been to hell and back," I say, "and I haven't helped in that."

"Being with them almost made me thankful for being with you." She scoffs. "How fucked-up is that? I went from one prison to another."

"If I could take it back . . ." I mutter, gripping the rail tightly.

"Maybe I can get my old job back," she says, staring out into the night sky.

"What did you do?"

She smiles. "I was just a receptionist, nothing special."

"Hey, don't put yourself down," I scold. "Every job is important."

"They've probably hired someone now anyway."

"I could ask around, see if the club needs anyone."

She laughs, but it's empty. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"We're not bad," I say, wincing. "At least, they're not."

"Axel told you to take me and keep me locked up while he cut a deal."

"He was protecting the club."

"I guess it's hard to see any wrongdoing when you're in his protected circle."

"Ask Lexi or Luna, even Gemma. They all had some kind of run-in with the club. Lexi and Gemma were coppers trying to take us down."

"They crossed the club," she snaps, "I didn't."

"You're right," I say, nodding. "But after everything, they stayed and became part of the club. Would they do that if it was so bad?"

She rolls her eyes. "I can't stand here while you tell me how wonderful your precious club is. Not after everything."

"Where will you go when you leave?" I demand.

"I have no idea, but anywhere away from here." And she heads back inside.

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