Chapter 16

Rainey

I usedto scoff at people who said they had a moment of clarity, an epiphany, if you will. Something that changed the trajectory of their life. It sounded as hokey and pie in the sky as saying soul mates were a thing. The school of hard knocks had taught me that life was merely what you make it. You want something, you work for it. Strikes of brilliance or the waving of a magic wand were strictly for fairy tales.

But as I looked up into Zeke's face, his jaw hard but his eyes soft, his body moving in me, over me, through me, making love to me when I was fighting his love tooth and nail…well, I felt it. That moment where all your life experiences coalesce into one shining example of the only truth that makes any kind of sense.

This man was the person I'd been missing all my life.

And as I tipped over the edge and he came with me, because that was all he'd ever been trying to do since I'd known him—be right by my side—a whole new world unlocked inside of me. That sacred trust I'd given to no one after my father abused me of the notion, was somehow pulsing with life again. The love I'd deflected out of fear was battering at the walls I'd put up to protect myself.

Zeke didn't say a word as we both lay there catching our breaths, but he didn't have to. He'd been telling me over and over again how he felt about me. I just hadn't been listening. Hadn't opened myself to the possibility of trusting someone else to the depth that I knew he wanted. The way he deserved. So as he bundled me into his arms and kissed the back of my head, slowly drifting into sleep, I lay there, wide awake, tears slipping down my cheeks and soaking the pillow.

I saw every hour on the bedside clock, catching a few minutes of sleep here and there, but fully awake when the pitch blackness of night began to ease. I slipped out of Zeke's arms and froze on the side of the bed until his breathing settled again. My thighs were deliciously sore as I silently stood, my body unused to being shared with someone else.

I didn't allow myself to look down at Zeke, knowing I wouldn't be able to do what I needed to if I saw his beautiful face. On tiptoe, I snuck around the room, grabbing articles of clothing I hoped were mine before patting Daisy's head when it lifted and hoping she wouldn't give me away. I dressed in the hallway and grabbed my wallet off the kitchen table. Sandals would have to wait until I got outside so as not to make any noise.

There was a chill in the air that I knew would fade quickly as the sun rose in the sky. My steps were quick, but my heart was heavy. Everything was more unsettled than before Zeke and I had sex. A temporary marriage was one thing, but consummating it? Even I was not dumb enough to think that hadn't changed things. And I didn't mean legally.

The downtown area of Blueball wasn't quite awake when I got to the bank on foot. A few people were hustling from their cars to their shops, unlocking doors and turning on lights. I sat on the bench outside the bank and watched the town come to life. I heard movement behind the window and I turned to see an aging teller getting the bank ready. Right on time, the woman unlocked the door and opened it, smiling warmly at me.

"Good morning. Come on in. I'll be with you in a moment."

"Thanks." I headed inside and shifted my weight from foot to foot until she reappeared behind the secure plexiglass and waved me up.

"What can I help you with, hon?"

"I'd like to transfer a lump sum from a trust account?" The lawyer I'd spoken with just days ago assured me that everything was done on their end, but I wouldn't believe it until the money was officially transferred into my account.

"Sure. Do you have the trust agreement and your identification?"

I pulled both items out of my purse and slid them through the slot. She clicked away on the computer for a bit and then asked me to swipe my debit card for the account I wanted the money transferred to. My hands shook, but I did as she requested, and not more than two minutes later, just shy of one million dollars was sitting in my checking account. The account that dipped below zero almost every other month as I tried to make ends meet.

"All done. Anything else I can help you with today?" The woman was smiling at me. I felt like I might pass out from relief.

"That's it. Thank you so much."

I turned and left, tucking my driver's license back into my purse. The sun had already turned the air warm outside as I exited the bank, now a much richer woman than when I'd walked in. I turned left and right, unsure where to go. When I'd dreamed of this moment of freedom, I always thought I'd be dancing in the street, or shoving my fist in the air, or whooping my way to the next town I wanted to explore. Reality was quite different.

Instead of doing any of those things, I headed toward the park, sagging onto a bench in the middle of the grassy field under an old oak tree. I carefully avoided looking at the bridge. I couldn't look at our spot and think clearly, and boy, did I need to be thinking clearly right now. There were important decisions to be made now that the entire world lay at my feet. I had options. So many freaking options.

On the one hand, I could leave town just like I'd planned. And I wanted to. Badly. The itch to run when things got heated was driving me mad. But then I pictured Zeke singing as he presented me with pumpkin pancakes. Or Daisy tackling us as we sat out in his yard and just talked. Or the way he'd touched me last night, so careful, so reverent.

I sucked in a deep breath and looked up at the leaves shimmering in the early morning breeze. I'd hurt him once and I refused to do it again. No matter how uncomfortable it made me to stay in one spot and work things out, I wouldn't hurt Zeke again.

"No iced coffee this morning?"

The voice right behind the bench startled me. I jumped, nearly falling off my wooden seat as I spun around. Lawson, the barista from Crazy Beans, held up his hands.

"Whoa. Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. I called your name." He moved in front of me but kept his distance.

I put my hand to my chest and tried to breathe. There were people out now. Not many, but enough that I could scream and get attention. I'd learned some self-defense over the years, so I wasn't scared. But I was alert.

His head tilted and then his mouth opened and closed as his eyes went wide. "I thought you looked familiar."

"Excuse me?"

He rubbed a hand over the scruff on his jaw. Then he bared his forearm to me, pointing to the tattoo I'd seen that first day in his shop. The one that struck fear in my heart.

"I was there that night. Took me a second to figure out why I knew you. You were Hawk's girl, right?"

Now I was officially scared.

I shook my head, gaze darting around to assess my exits. The town gym was the closest building. Lawson looked incredibly strong, but odds were good I could outrun him.

"I was never Hawk's girl." The words came out sharper than I intended.

"Hey. Sorry. I'm going about this wrong." Lawson put his hands up again. "I'm no longer with them. One stint in prison was all I needed to get my shit straight. I have nothing to do with that club, I promise you."

I eyed him warily, looking for a lie. He looked like he was telling the truth, but then again, I'd been a stupid girl trusting Hawk all those years ago. My judgement didn't exactly have a strong record.

"Listen, I don't exactly go around telling people about my history. I don't lie about it if someone asks directly, but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get a job after you've been in prison. It's why I opened my own shop. I'm my own boss and I keep my nose clean." Lawson's gaze turned to one of pity. "Did you get out okay?"

He was referring to a time I tried to never think about. My eyes glazed over with hot tears. Seconds ticked by with neither one of us speaking. Lawson finally nodded and turned to go.

"I was only eighteen."

His gaze snapped up to mine. "I figured. They liked younger girls."

I nodded. "I was so dumb. I hopped on his bike and zoomed out of here like I had any idea of what I was doing."

"That's what they count on. They're bullies, preying on naive girls and running drugs to make a living." Lawson took a tentative step closer. "Did you hear they were all arrested?"

I shook my head. "No." As soon as I'd left, only two weeks after ditching Blueball, I hitchhiked myself as far away as I could. Buried my head in work and made a life for myself, trying to forget those two weeks with Hawk.

"May I?" Lawson gestured to the seat next to me on the bench.

I nodded and he sat, running his hands against his jeans nervously.

"I helped take them all down, as part of my plea bargain, but I still feel guilty for not doing something about the women. I'm sorry I didn't help you get out."

I shot him a soft smile. "You didn't know me."

He shrugged. "Still should have helped."

We sat there and chatted about those times, filling in holes and sharing our nightmares. It was cathartic somehow, talking about the two weeks I wished never happened. It was the darkest part of my life, but without it, I wouldn't have grown up. Wouldn't have become the woman I was today. By the time Lawson said he had to get to work, we were laughing together. I knew I'd made a friend.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?"

"For being a good guy."

Lawson looked haunted by that statement. "I wasn't always, but I'm trying to be now." He patted my knee. "I'm glad you're back, Rainey. Blueball is a hell of a town."

I grinned, knowing exactly what he meant. The place grew on you. The people ensnared you with their kindness. "I'm glad I'm back too."

"What the hell, Rain?"

Zeke's angry grumble had both of us spinning to the right to see Zeke standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd stuck his hand on a live wire.

Lawson jumped off the bench and held his hands up again. "I think it's time I got to work."

"That's a real fuckin' good idea."

"Zeke!"

Zeke shot me a look so full of hurt and anger I snapped my mouth shut.

"It's okay. Nice to chat with you, Rainey. See you around."

"You too, Lawson."

Zeke glared at me while Lawson walked away. I wasn't sure what he was so pissed about. I'd actually never seen him look at me that way before. I opened my mouth to wish him a good morning, but he beat me to it, his voice punishing with his insinuation.

"That looked cozy."