Chapter 41

41

STERLING

M y feet pounded across the flagstones that made up the path through the LaSalles' garden. For a guy who'd said he wanted to talk, Eric wasn't giving me the opportunity to catch up. He was storming away, shoulders pulled up almost to his ears and his arms stiff at his sides.

It had been a while since I'd known him almost as well as I knew myself, but from the way he'd been looking at me in Daphne's bedroom, I knew that he was livid. Beyond livid, even. I'd never seen a look like that from him—and certainly not aimed at me.

I raced after him, my heart constricted as if it'd shrunk in on itself. It wasn't even hammering. The sensation was more like a thrumming as my fingertips tingled and my cheeks grew hot. Shit. What is wrong with me?

This felt like more than just shock, but I knew it was just that. I'd felt it this intensely once before—the morning I'd gotten the call about my mom having been in an accident.

This was the feeling I'd had when I'd lost one of the people who had been the most important to me, and it wasn't completely unexpected that I was feeling it again now. As I ran to catch up to my best friend, it felt like my head was detached from my body and my eyes were swelling.

Memories of Eric and me as kids played through my head, like a highlight reel reminding me of what I had just lost. Working backward from our days running out on the football field at Allisburg High together, I remembered the fishing. Taking our bicycles out at six a.m. in the summer and not coming home until the streetlights came on. Late nights building forts out of blankets and the secret clubhouse we'd made in the hayloft of Dad's barn.

I wasn't an easy guy to get along with. Notoriously closed off, naturally prickly, and abrupt, I had allowed very few people to get close to me over the years.

So few that I could count them on one hand. My mom. Eric. Jake. My dad, until he and I had started drifting apart. And Daphne.

That was it. Those were the only people I'd ever truly let in, and my mom was gone. My dad and I were on shaky ground. Jake had recently forgiven me, but when he found out about this, there was no doubt that he'd take Eric's side.

Daphne? I didn't really know what I was going to do there. And Eric? I was pretty sure he was never going to trust me again.

A heavy weight wrapped itself around my shoulders, like a grizzly bear trying to force me to my knees, but I couldn't surrender. I needed to catch up with Eric, have it out with him, and hope like hell that he and I could eventually get past this.

All the years I'd had away from here had dulled me to what it felt like to be close to people, but Eric and even Jake had pulled me back. They'd reminded me that there was more to life than being alone and guarded all the time.

These last few weeks, I'd been laughing and joking. I'd remembered camaraderie and goofing off existed and how damn good it felt to break out of my mental cage. It'd given me hope for a future in which I might be happy —because I'd forgotten what that even felt like.

Eric had reached the end of his parents' drive when he finally spun around to glare at me, glacial ice where there used to be warmth and laughter in his blue eyes. I slowed before I stopped only a couple feet away from him.

"I can explain," I started, but he sneered, scoffing as he cut me off.

"Do me a favor and don't tell me that wasn't what it looked like." He tossed a hand out in the direction of his parents' house. "You slept with her. The other morning when I was here, you were here too, weren't you?"

"Yes."

"Jesus." He groaned and scrubbed his palms over his face repeatedly, his head shaking before he squared his shoulders and looked at me again. "How long?"

"Not long," I said, doing my best to remain calm and keep my eyes on his. "We reconnected after I got back and one thing led to another."

He snorted. "Yeah, I got that part. Thing is, she's my little sister, North. I thought you were my best friend. I thought I could trust you with her. What the fuck happened to the bro code? What happened to all the unspoken rules about going after anyone in the whole fucking world except for your friend's baby sister?"

"Daphne is an adult, Eric. She has the right to make her own decisions and so do I. I'm pretty sure that part of the bro code was invented to keep your friends from screwing with your sister while they're all just raging hormones as teenagers. This isn't that."

His head reared back. "What is it, then? You're headed back to New York next week, Sterling. It's not like you're staying in town and trying to build a life with her."

"Would that have been better?" I asked. "I get that you're pissed about this, but it's not like I was putting the moves on just to get into her pants. I wasn't using her and I wasn't just trying to pass the time, but can you really tell me you'd have been less angry right now if you'd walked in on me proposing to her?"

"No, but if your relationship had progressed to the point of you proposing to her without me knowing about it, at least I'd have known for sure that you're not just going to hurt her. It would've hurt me a hell of a lot more, but obviously, you don't really care about that anyway. What I care about is my sister and the fact that you're walking away from her in less than a week's time. Unless that's changing?"

As his head tilted and his teeth ground, I felt like someone had switched on a spotlight in the sky and they were pointing it directly at me. What he wanted to know was the exact same thing I'd been wrestling with for weeks.

I wasn't sure if that was changing. I had a job and a life back in New York. I had some friends there—sort of. But this place was home and I hadn't even realized it until I'd gotten back.

Eric was really ripping into me though, tearing at the fabric of my being for not only focusing on the fact that I was sleeping with his sister, but because he felt like I was toying with her heart—and I was. I was toying with my own too, but that wasn't really what we were talking about.

Indecision rocketed through me. I wanted to tell him that I was staying here. That my mind was made up and that I was quitting my job at the firm, but I couldn't do it. Before Henry's unexpected visit, I might have, but now, having been reminded of how long and how hard I'd worked for this, I just didn't know if I could toss it all away.

If I left that job now to become a farmer, none of what I'd done in my life so far would have mattered. Not all the hours I'd put into my studies. Not all the nights I'd spent in the office. Not all the days I'd missed out on life because I'd chosen work every single time.

As those thoughts tumbled through my mind, Eric nodded. "Exactly, Sterling. That's not changing. Not only did you fuck her, but you're going to break her heart and you knew you were going to. The first time you even looked at her as more than just my little sister, you accepted that you were going to hurt her and you did it anyway."

"No, I?—"

He shook his head, those eyes still ice cold where they rested firmly on mine. His arms were crossed now, his eyebrows arched. "It's decision time, North. Either you're committed to staying and trying with her, or you're leaving and you're taking her heart with you."

"It's not like that," I argued. "Daphne is all grown up now. She knew I was leaving. It's not like I lied to her about it."

"Sure, but she isn't just something fun to play with until you go home, if that's what's happening. Unless you can tell me that you're serious enough about this to stay, I want you to leave. Today."

"What if I do stay?" I countered. "Is that suddenly going to make you okay with this?"

"No, but I've already told you that this isn't about me. Clearly, my feelings about this don't matter to either of you. I'm fucking furious and I'm hurt, and it's not going to change anytime soon, but right now, this is about protecting my sister from yet another asshole who's just going to break her fucking heart."

My eyebrows shot up. "You're not seriously comparing me to Peter."

"So what if I am?" he retorted. "Hurting her is hurting her. Sure, one is criminal and the other isn't, but from where I'm standing, neither of you deserve her and neither of you can be trusted with her heart."

My own heart was tearing itself apart, the indecision more intense than it'd ever been before. Not only that, but I was having a really hard time conveying my feelings and that just wasn't going to cut it.

What I felt for Daphne was so different from anything I'd ever felt before. My past relationships had been nothing compared to this and it scared the shit out of me.

Torn between defending myself and trying to explain to him that I hadn't intended to hurt her, I opened my mouth, but what came out didn't really help my case. "Who she gives her heart to is none of your business. Daphne knows what she got into with me, and she and I will figure it out. We've talked about it and we agreed to work it out together."

He scoffed, his head shaking again as a cruel smile spread on his lips. It was as ice cold as his eyes as he narrowed them on mine once more. "Do you love her?"

Fuck .

"I can't answer that." And he knew I wouldn't be able to. "It's early days and?—"

"Get off my parents' property," he snapped, lifting a hand that was trembling with rage and pointing it at my chest. "If I catch you talking to my sister again or coming anywhere near her or here, we're going to have problems."

His voice rang with finality and my chin dropped, defeat racing through me. I didn't want to get between her and her family, but I also didn't want to let her go. At the same time, I knew that he'd just dropped the ax on whatever had been left of our friendship and it fucking hurt.

Everything suddenly just hurt. I wanted to fight for her. I didn't want to leave things like this with either of the LaSalles, but until I sorted through my own feelings, anything I said was only going to make it worse.

Sometimes, you had to concede the battle to win the war, and that was what I did. I threw my hands up and nodded, walking away. I would figure all this out. I just hoped I wouldn't have lost them both for good by the time I did.