Chapter 21

21

STERLING

T he homecoming parade was in the parking lot of Allisburg High. As always, the atmosphere was jovial and festive, the music from the band loud and upbeat, and the floats decorated in the school's red and gold colors.

This was the first time I was attending it after I'd graduated, and it was bittersweet but also painful. The last time I'd been to this thing, I'd been playing in the game after and my mother had been standing there, watching with the rest of the crowd.

Dad had been here too, grinning at me with his arm around her shoulders and cheering me on when we'd run onto the field. When I closed my eyes, it almost felt like I was back there, in that time when things had been so much better than I'd realized.

There were several very real reminders that I wasn't back there, though. One of which was the epic hangover I was nursing. I'd never drunk the night before homecoming—until last night, when I'd tried to drink all the alcohol Maverick's stocked.

I wrapped my fingers around the front of my cap, groaning as I tried to breathe past the pain in my head. My brain felt swollen, my mouth tasted like shit, and my right hand had this annoying tremor that wouldn't quit.

It'd been years since I'd felt this bad, but I'd overindulged after I'd gotten back to the bar from Daphne's last night and I was paying the price for it. Thankfully, Eric hadn't found out that I'd gone after his sister.

He and I had been sitting at the corner of the bar, and I'd only just caught a glimpse of Daphne on her way in and out. She and Rachel hadn't stayed long, and when they'd left, Eric had been talking to some people at the pool tables and I'd hadn't been able to fight the urge to go after her.

Ultimately, I'd known I needed to apologize for kissing her the way I had, but she hadn't reacted to the apology how I'd thought she might. I'd been out of line when I'd kissed her and I knew it, but she'd acted like we hadn't done anything wrong.

I also definitely hadn't expected to get into a fight with her. A little one, but it had been a fight all the same. As I thought back to it, I shook my head at myself and refocused on the parade.

Jake and Rachel were around here somewhere. They'd asked me to sit with them for the game, but I would find them later. I was grumpy, tired, feeling withdrawn, and confused. I just wasn't good company today and I'd hoped some time alone would help. No luck on that front so far.

As the cheerleaders strutted past me and the marching band stomped by, the bittersweet ache from before returned to my chest. My mom used to love homecoming. Personally, I felt like this was nothing compared to the fall festival parade in two weeks' time, but I stayed and watched for her, knowing she was probably looking down on all this.

She had never missed homecoming.

Next weekend was our reunion, and any day now, people from our class would be coming to town in droves. Many had already arrived, but I knew the real onslaught would happen this week. Those who had come so far were the people who made their annual pilgrimage home this time of year and those who'd come to help with the planning.

This week, however, would be the week when the masses arrived. To say I wasn't looking forward to it was understatement. Back when they'd known me, I'd always been on . I wasn't on now. I'd never been more off .

When it was time for the game, I made my way to the bleachers with everyone else, feeling stunningly out of place watching from here instead of playing or being involved at all. Eric had told me I was welcome to watch with him, but he was the coach.

I would just be the weird alum on the field, the has-been football star who couldn't let go of his glory days. I didn't want to be that guy, so I sought out Jake and Rachel, finding them already seated in one of the front rows right on the center field.

Jake had told me they would probably make their way to the bleachers early, and I was glad they had. Thanks to them, we had pretty good seats. It was as close to the action as I would ever be again.

Scoffing at myself over the thought, I joined them, sliding past knees and dodging hot dogs and beers as I made my way to my seat. I grinned when I reached them. "You guys ready for this?"

Jake grimaced as he looked up at me, sympathy softening his features. "Yeah, but I hope you brought noise-canceling headphones. You look like hell, man. Eric said you guys really tied one on last night."

I shrugged. "I'll survive."

"How are things at the bakery?" Rachel asked, munching on some popcorn as I took a seat next to Jake. "Do they know what happened yet?"

I shook my head. "Not as far as I know. That building is old, though. So is the wiring and everything else. I'm pretty sure that's what caused it. We need to have it looked at."

Jake glanced at me, sticking the straw of his soda between his teeth and speaking around it. "Has your dad given the go-ahead yet?"

"Nope, but let's stick to our plan. Start when you're ready. I'll deal with him. Obviously, it's not safe for people to work or hang out at the bakery. And once we start looking, I'm convinced we're going to find dozens of other hazards. It needs to be fixed. Whether Dad likes it or not."

Jake nodded and turned his attention to the field, and Rachel looked at me with surprisingly kind eyes, for the first time since I'd been back.

"I'm sorry about the bakery," she said gently. "We know how much it means to you. If there's anything we can do to help with the clean-up or to get it back in shape, just let us know."

She rubbed a hand absently over her swollen belly as she said it, and jealousy burned through my veins. I swallowed it down, knowing I had no right to feel the way I did.

"Thanks," I said instead of fixating on how much I wanted my literal dream to be real right then. To have Daphne sitting next to me, her own belly heavy with my child. God, I'm an asshole.

"I'll let you know," I said. "I appreciate the offer."

She nodded, then suddenly grinned and waved at someone over my shoulder. My heart yanked. That has to be Daphne.

I twisted in my seat, so eager to see her, but it turned out to be her parents instead. Her mom, Janet, zeroed in on me, tossing her arms around my shoulders. She got all misty-eyed as she pulled back to look at my face.

"Oh, Sterling, honey. It's so good to see you." She sat down next to me. "We've missed you."

Marty, Eric and Daphne's dad, reached past his wife to shake my hand, sending me a beaming grin of his own. "Welcome home, buddy. This must be quite something for you, huh? Sitting up here when the game is happening down there."

Marty and Janet had been like second parents to me growing up. Janet had been best friends with my mom and Marty had always had a way of seeing right to the crux of a matter. He liked to say it was because he was a dentist.

He could identify the source of pain without looking around too much because, once he started looking, it was always too easy to find more problems. So he focused on the stuff that was causing the issue right then.

In my case, he clearly thought that was the football game. He wasn't wrong either. He just didn't know that there was a second half to what was bugging me—the fact that his daughter wasn't here.

"It's weird, alright," I agreed, chuckling in an attempt to hide the turmoil raging through me. "This team is good, though. This is their time. We've had ours."

"Fair enough," Marty agreed, settling into the seat beside Janet's. He waved enthusiastically at Eric when he appeared on the field.

Janet seemed more interested in catching up with me. "How are you, honey? You must be missing your mom today. I know I am. She would've loved that you're here right now. Gosh, I just wish she was too."

I jerked my chin in a nod, conflicted but understanding where she was coming from. She and my mom had attended this very school together. They'd watched every homecoming parade and game together since they were kids, until the very last one my mom had been alive for.

It had to be hurting her at least as much as it was hurting me. I reached out and gave her a sideways hug. "I do miss her, but I know she's watching too. She wouldn't miss this."

Janet chuckled, her gaze rising slowly to the sky. "That's so true. What a wonderful way of thinking of it."

A slight smile tugged at my lips. Part of me felt better for knowing I wasn't alone in missing my mother today and it was nice talking about her for a change, but the other part was still wondering where Daphne was. I couldn't leave things between us the way they had been when I'd left last night.

After chatting to Janet about my mom for a while, I finally found an in to ask about her daughter. "Where's Daphne? I thought she'd be here with you guys, cheering on Eric and the team."

"Oh, she wanted to be," Janet assured me. "She hasn't missed one of these before, but she wasn't feeling well."

Worry ripped through me. "Is it the fire?"

She shook her head. "I think she's just tired. She's been burning the candle at both ends lately. We'll check on her again when we get home and she said she'd still chaperone the dance. It's nothing serious."

"Of course," I said, waiting as long as I could stand to after our conversation so it wouldn't be obvious where I was going, but when I finally got up, I had every intention of going over to her little house to make sure she was okay. "I'll see you guys after. I just remembered about something I need to do."

"Something you need to do right now?" Jake asked in disbelief.

I nodded. "Yeah, unfortunately. I'll give you a call when I'm done."

Marty and Janet watched me with sympathy in their eyes, and I was pretty sure they thought this was just too hard for me. Being here but not playing. Attending one of my mom's favorite events but not having her here.

As I left, I saw Janet moving into my seat and bending over to talk to Rachel, but I didn't really care what they thought. It was too hard to be here, but I would've stayed anyway if I hadn't been so damn worried about Daphne.

She'd worked her ass off to help everyone with the preparations for today and then she hadn't come? That didn't sit right with me.

Especially considering she'd inhaled all that smoke yesterday.

Breaking into a run, I reached the parking lot and made my way through it, happy I'd parked down the street so I wouldn't be caught in the hullabaloo around the school. Just as I walked out of the gate, I noticed a gaggle of women walking in my direction.

They seemed vaguely familiar. Then one of them stepped to the side and my stomach dropped. Appearing like a ghost right from the center of their group was none other than Fiona Marksmith.

My ex.

I hadn't seen the girl in ten years, but she hadn't changed much. She had the same halo of long, shiny red hair and the same wide, glittering green eyes. She still seemed to have a penchant for too high heels and micro-skirts.

And when her eyes met mine as she stepped out between her friends, she gave me that same possessive grin I'd always hated. Fuck.

I'd known she was coming for the reunion. I just really hadn't wanted to see her again. Especially not right then.