Chapter 20

20

DAPHNE

F or the rest of the day, I was a little out of sorts for several reasons. The fire, obviously. The kiss, definitely. Not knowing what it meant, sure. The list kept going on and on, so when Rachel finally called, I grabbed my phone, grateful for the distraction.

"Hey, you?" I said. "What's up? How's our baby doing?"

"She's craving a Maverick's root beer," she replied, but I heard the worry in her voice. "We heard about the fire at the bakery. Want to meet me at Maverick's so I can see that you're okay with my own two eyes?"

I nodded, then cleared my throat when I realized she couldn't see me. "Sure. Now?"

"Yep. I'm climbing into my car as we speak," she said.

"I'll be there," I promised, getting up immediately.

Eric still hadn't returned my truck, but I didn't blame him. I had a feeling Sterling needed him today, so I'd dropped his off at his place and walked home. I'd been glad for it, too, thankful for the opportunity to clear my mind.

It hadn't worked, but it'd been a nice walk. As was the one I was taking now. It'd been raining on and off all day, but it wasn't freezing cold. A breeze had started up and it sliced through my jacket, but it wasn't too bad.

Since I lived in a guesthouse at the back of my parents' property, I could've asked to borrow one of their cars, but I didn't. If I had any shot at making sense of that kiss, it would be by walking. Besides, my parents' place wasn't far away from the local watering hole.

As I turned the final corner to Maverick's, I saw that the parking lot was packed. It was clearly a busy night, and even though I wasn't much of a drinker, I was happy to be joining the crowd this evening.

The vibe would be great thanks to the homecoming football parade and game being tomorrow, and if nothing else, at least being part of it would distract me a little bit. Rachel and I met outside and I smiled at her as soon as she saw me, trying to reassure her that I was fine.

As I walked up to her, she looked me up and down, searching for any visible signs of injury. I stopped walking and put my arms up at my sides, turning in a slow circle so she could see for herself that there had been no harm done.

"I nearly went into labor when I heard about the fire," she murmured when I finally reached her. Pulling me in for a tight hug, I felt the shiver passing through her as she held me. When I released her, I saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. "Try not to do that to me again, okay?"

I smiled, taking her hands and squeezing them tightly. "I'll do my best, and I'm sorry for giving you a fright, but I'm fine."

"Northfield Farms has become a death trap," she said, holding on to one of my hands but letting go of the other so we could head inside. "John seriously needs to fix that place up. How did the fire even happen?"

"They're not sure yet. It had something to do with the oven and the electrical outlets, but the fire department said they'd have to take a closer look to determine the exact cause."

She exhaled a long breath. "Damn."

I pushed open the door to the bar and gave her a bright smile. "We're here now, though. Let's just forget about it and get our baby that root beer."

She nodded, but her chest rose on a deep breath as she followed me inside. We approached the bar together and Jackie, the bartender, immediately hurried over to help us. She passed us our root beers a couple minutes later, and together, we made our way through the throngs of people, eventually finding a small table in the back.

Once we were settled in, she took a long sip of her drink before looking at me from across the table. "You're really okay? Do you promise?"

"I promise," I said. "My eyes burned a little bit when I got out and I couldn't smell anything but smoke for a couple hours, but I'm okay now. Sterling got me out of there pretty fast."

"Sterling?" Her eyebrows shot up. "I thought he didn't go to the bakery?"

I shrugged. "I think he heard the fire alarm. He also said something about seeing smoke."

I debated telling her that these revelations had been followed by him kissing me, but since I didn't have any answers to the questions she was going to ask, I decided against it for now. Besides, it felt like something that belonged only to us.

For the time being anyway.

The other thing holding me back was the fact that Jake was her husband. If I told her, she might feel obliged to tell him and he, in turn, would feel he owed it to my brother to tell him. So no. For now, it would remain my little secret.

Until I figured things out at least a little bit.

Rachel asked a few more questions about the fire until finally she managed to muster a smile. "Are you excited for the dance tomorrow night?"

I shook my head. "I'm chaperoning. I'm basically the booze and hormone police."

She giggled. "Do you at least have a nice dress?"

I shrugged. "I have a dress. It'll have to do."

Sighing loudly, she reminisced about homecoming back in our day for a while, but it wasn't long until I saw her starting to fade. As soon as her root beer was finished, I drained what had been left of my own and offered her my arm.

"Let's go, babe. You're tired and it's getting real loud in here."

"I'm sorry I'm such a mood ruiner these days," she said but accepted my arm and let me help her up.

"You're not a mood ruiner. You're in the final stages of growing a baby. Exhaustion is to be expected. Besides, I don't mind. Really. It was a long day for me too."

She nodded, but I saw the longing look she shot at the bar as we left. "One of these days, I'm going to be able to join the party again."

"Excellent. I'll babysit when you come out," I offered happily.

She rolled her eyes at me. "We don't need to drink to be part of the celebrations. The music was good in there."

"It was, but we can listen to it at home too," I said. "At a volume that won't hurt our ears."

After I walked her to her car and said goodbye, declining a ride home in favor of walking again, I took off, sliding my hands into my pockets and tucking my chin into my collar. Night was falling fast now and it was getting chilly. Thunder rumbled in the distance once more.

I couldn't wait to get home, planning a long soak in the tub once I got there. I'd hardly made it to the end of the block when I heard someone calling my name, though. The voice was so achingly familiar that my heart skipped a beat, but I didn't want to believe it was really him until I turned and confirmed it for myself.

Sterling North was jogging toward me. His black hair was messy. The scent of whiskey mingled with his masculine cologne when he caught up to me. "Thanks for waiting."

"Sure," I said easily, noticing that despite the whiskey, his eyes seemed clear enough. "How are you doing?"

He waved me off, falling into step beside me when I started walking again. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Where's that?" he asked.

"Same place it's always been," I replied, frowning when he kept walking with me. "I'll be fine. You can go back to the homecoming celebrations."

"Nah. I'm good. I'd rather talk to you." It started drizzling again and I groaned, upping my pace. "I could go get the truck."

"It's fine," I said. "We're almost there."

He kept up with me easily, still walking while I was almost jogging at this point. "Do you really still live with your parents?"

"Yes and no," I said. "I moved into the guesthouse at the back. I pay rent."

"Thanks for telling me, but it's not really any of my business."

"No, I know. I just don't want you to think I'm some kind of freeloader." Or gold-digger, for that matter. "Do you want to come inside for a minute?"

We'd reached my place already. As we stood under the little awning outside my front door, his gaze hooked on mine and he nodded. "Sure. It's pretty chilly out here."

He seemed conflicted about it, though. Moving slowly in after me, he stuck close to the door, his hands in his pockets and his damp jacket remaining on even as I slid mine off.

"Would you like something hot to drink?"

Eyes on mine, he shook his head but watched me closely. I flicked on the lights in my little living area and drew the curtains so we had some privacy. Still feeling him being torn about being here, I finally wrapped a blanket from the couch around my shoulders and sat down.

"Are you sure you're okay? You can come in, you know. You can sit. You can have something to drink. I'm not going to accost you. I just want to know that you're okay. For real okay."

"Honestly? I don't know if I am," he admitted after pausing for a beat, taking a few more steps into my living room and taking a slow look around.

I sighed. "The farm will be fine, you know. Insurance will pay for the repairs to the bakery and?—"

"I shouldn't have kissed you," he said, interrupting me to let me know that I'd been dead wrong about what was bothering him.

I frowned, arching an eyebrow at him. "Why not?"

"You're Eric's little sister, for one," he said. "Two, I live in New York City. I can't stay here, Daphne. I can't move back to my hometown. I needed to get out of here for a reason and I can't have this holding me in place now."

My head jerked back. He was rambling a little bit, rattling things off as if he was reading from a mental checklist, but what he said was offensive—and it also broke my heart a little bit.

"Is that what you think of me, then? That I'm just someone who's going to hold you back? Or that I've been held back by our hometown?"

"That's not what I'm saying, Daph." He came a little bit closer, finally making it to within three or so feet of me.

I stood, unable to bear having him look down on me while we had this conversation. "What are you saying then, Sterling? That I'm just Eric's little sister who's stuck in a town you can't stand?"

"No. It's not that. I love it here. I just can't stay."

"I didn't ask you to," I said, exasperation winding its tentacles around my organs and squeezing. "We kissed. I didn't ask you to marry me and I'm not expecting you to give me a ring because of it. It was just a kiss."

"It was not just a kiss," he said vehemently and I frowned. "I've kissed a lot of people, Daphne. And that? That was not just a kiss."

The air between us charged as he moved closer. I started to melt despite the fact that we were in the middle of some kind of weird spat, but Sterling shook his head. "Is that what kissing someone is supposed to feel like? Did you feel it too?"

"I did feel it, and I don't know," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not sure what that was, but I do know that I'm never going to be the same again."

His handsome features contorted as if he was in pain, a soft groan escaping from him. It sounded like he was being tormented, but his gaze dropped to my lips and I was sure he was going to kiss me again.

We got so close that I could feel the heat of his lips on my own. My eyes closed, my heart skipping a beat in anticipation, but then suddenly, all that electric energy vanished.

When I opened my eyes again, Sterling was gone and my door slammed shut behind him. I was left reeling and confused, sagging back down on the couch and dropping my head into my hands.

My heart ached, his words racing through my head like they were trying to hurt me all over again. Sterling North had kissed me, and in doing so, he'd changed me. I didn't want anyone else. Didn't even want to look at anyone else ever again, but it seemed he didn't feel the same way.

I wasn't naive. I'd always known he wasn't about to date someone like me, let alone throw away his glitzy life for a simple one in Allisburg with me.

The problem was mine. Because now that he'd kissed me once, all I wanted was to do it again. And again, and again, and again. But I knew it wasn't going to happen. I just didn't know exactly how I was supposed to move on from it.