13. Isla

13

ISLA

A s I open the door to Brewed Beginnings, the rich aroma of freshly ground coffee beans and the light jingle of the bell above the door greets me. I’m not a huge coffee drinker, but there’s something about this place that feels like a warm hug, which I desperately need right now.

Because I’m freaking the fuck out.

I grip the strap of my book bag as I make my way to a corner table. It’s tucked away from where most of the patrons are sitting, giving us some privacy in a very public space.

Part of me wishes I had asked to have this discussion before a team meeting or practice. That way, we would have a set end time, and I could escape. However, past me wasn’t as smart as present me.

I slide into the chair, and my leg immediately bounces under the table. I check my phone for the tenth time in the last five minutes. However, it’s the first time I’ve checked it here, so I’m not being obsessive.

Girl math.

Asher isn’t late, but I’m impatient, and my brain is jumping between wanting to get this over with or bolting out of here before he shows up.

I’m being ridiculous. It’s just a conversation. A much-needed conversation, sure, but still. I’ve faced tougher challenges than this, including the one I’m battling with my PCOS. There’s no doubt in my mind that I can do this.

As I wait for Asher to arrive, I check my phone and notice I have two emails. The first one is from my dad, reminding me about the team get-together at our house for hockey bonding this Sunday. The second one is from Bailey, asking if I can take photos at the volunteer event on the same day.

I can go to both things, just like I can have this conversation with Asher like an adult.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice someone approaching my table until they’re right in front of me. I look up, expecting to see Asher, but I find a girl with brown hair in a messy bun. She’s wearing a Brewed Beginnings apron, leading me to believe that she works here.

“Hey there,” the barista says with a small smile. “You’re the new team photographer, right? I saw you at the game last night.”

I blink up at her, surprised that she recognizes me. “Yeah, that was me. I’m Isla.”

“Nice to meet you, Isla. I’m Hailey, Levi Jamison’s girlfriend.” She extends her hand, and I shake it as it clicks into place about how she recognizes me. “I was just about to clock out, but I can grab you something quick.”

“Oh, that’s so nice of you to offer,” I say, my voice trembling slightly but enough that I want to roll my eyes at myself. The unexpected act of kindness has thrown me for a loop. I clear my throat before I continue. “But if you’re about to leave, I don’t want you to be waiting here on me.”

“It’s not an issue. I wouldn’t have come over if it was.”

“Uh, okay. I’d love a…. hot chocolate.”

Hailey gives a small nod at my request. “One hot chocolate, coming right up.” With that, she heads back behind the counter to make my drink.

While she’s busy making my drink, I return to checking my phone. No new messages, but the time indicates that Asher should be here any minute now. And that doesn’t do a thing to calm me down.

“Here you go, one hot chocolate.” Hailey sets the steaming mug down in front of me a few minutes later. “Can I get you anything else?”

I hesitate, touched by her offer, but not wanting to drag her into what is about to happen. “Thanks, but that’s it. Let me pay you.”

Hailey raises a hand and shakes her head. “No need, it’s on the house. And if you want to grab coffee or lunch sometime, let me know. It’d be nice to have another friend around who gets the whole hockey world thing.”

“Really? That would be great,” I say, surprised by the offer. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Perfect. Let me give you my number,” she says as she pulls out her phone from her back pocket. “Just shoot me a text whenever you’re free.”

“Oh, how about this Sunday?” I blurt out. How eager of me.

“That would be great.”

We exchange numbers, and Hailey gives me a small wave before heading back behind the counter to clock out. I wrap my hands around the warm mug, letting the heat seep into my skin as I take a hesitant sip. The rich, velvety chocolate coats my tongue, providing a momentary distraction from the thoughts clouding my mind.

Just as I set the mug back down, the bell above the door jingles again, signaling that someone is walking in or out of the coffee shop. My heart leaps into my throat as I look up to see Asher walking in, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hockey hoodie. Our eyes meet across the room, and for a moment, everything else fades away. A quick glance down at my phone confirms he is right on time.

He makes his way over to my table, and as he pulls out the chair across from me and sits down, I can’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes. I don’t remember seeing them the last time we saw each other. It makes me wonder if he didn’t sleep well the night before.

Join the club.

Not that his sleeping habits are any of my business...

“Hey,” he says. His voice is a little lower than normal. “Thanks for meeting me.”

I nod, my fingers tightening around the mug. “Of course. You are right in that we need to talk, especially since we’ll see a lot of each other now that I’m back.”

His gaze lands on the cup in my hand as I take another sip, allowing the warmth from the drink to soothe me. He studies me as I finish taking another sip, causing me to raise an eyebrow. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m good. I have my water bottle.”

Makes sense. “Hailey, Levi’s girlfriend, actually served me. She seems nice.”

Asher chuckles, and I hate that I’m transported back to a time when we used to laugh with one another. “She can be. Levi and she are ‘couples goals’ or something like that.”

I smile at his words. It’s a small, involuntary reaction that I quickly regret. Why am I sharing any of this with him? It’s because I used to tell him anything and everything before he broke my heart. Old habits die hard, I guess.

Instead of saying something else, I take another sip of my hot chocolate. As much as I want to act like things are like they used to be, I know I can’t. Too much has changed between us.

He ruined us.

Asher clears his throat, drawing my attention back to him. “So, about what happened when we broke up…” He trails off, his eyes searching mine for a reaction.

I set my mug down because it is nothing but a distraction, anyway. “We didn’t break up. You broke up with me and gave a bullshit excuse.” The words don’t come out quite the way I planned, but here they are.

Asher’s jaw tics at my words, but I can see he’s trying to control his emotions. “It wasn’t a bullshit excuse, Isla. I had my reasons.”

“And what were those, exactly? Because from where I was standing, it seemed like you just decided one day that you were done with me. With us.”

“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t just wake up and decide to end things on a whim.”

“Then explain it to me,” I challenge, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms over my chest. “Because I think I deserve an explanation after all these years.”

Asher drums his fingers against the table, and I can see the wheels turning in his head. “You’re right. You deserve an explanation.” He pauses, his gaze dropping to the table before he looks back up at me. “The truth is, I was struggling. With balancing hockey, academics, and things going on with my family. It was a lot of pressure, and I felt like I was drowning.”

I frown, trying to process his words. “But why didn’t you talk to me about it? We could have figured it out together.”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to burden you with my problems. We were just kids, and you had your whole life and college career ahead of you.”

I grip the edge of the table to stop myself from slamming my hand down on the table. Thoughts about whether people are watching our interaction cross my mind, but I’ve given up caring. “That’s bullshit, and you know it, Asher. We were supposed to be a team…. we talked about our future and what we were going to do when I came to Crestwood the following year. We were supposed to be in love!”

Maybe Brewed Beginnings isn’t the best place to have this conversation, but I’m doing my best to keep my voice low. The sounds coming from the espresso machines and the soft chatter of other patrons create a background noise that makes me think few people are paying attention to us. I don’t want the tide to shift, and we become a spectacle.

Asher’s gaze narrows at me. “I loved you more than anything. Don’t ever think I didn’t. Even with all the things that happened, never for a second doubt my love for you.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, it feels like I can’t breathe. I didn’t expect to hear the conviction in his voice or the raw emotion. The feelings I thought I did a good job of burying over the years rise to the surface, and I’m trying to hold back tears. I’m not sure if he is waiting for me to say something else, but I can’t find the words right away.

My hands reach for the mug again because it’s become a safety blanket for me. I take a minute to decide what I’m going to say, and while I’m worried about whether my voice will hold, I know it needs to be said. “How could you love someone and break their heart?”

Asher’s face falls, and I can see my words have hit their mark. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” he says quietly. “In my mind and heart, I was protecting you. The last thing I wanted was for you to be dragged into the chaos of my life, among other things.”

I shake my head as I tighten my grip around the mug. Chances are I can’t break it, but given the emotions surging through me, I might develop super strength. “You didn’t protect me, Asher. You left me with no explanation, no closure. Do you know how many nights I stayed up wondering what I did wrong to deserve this?”

“You did nothing wrong, Isla. It was all on me. I was the one who messed up.”

I laugh without a hint of humor in my tone. “You’re damn right, you messed up. But that still doesn’t explain why you did it. If you loved me as much as you claim, why would you just cut me out of your life like that?”

He takes a deep breath. “It is because of all the things I listed and because you’re Coach Johnson’s daughter. I was afraid that if he found out about us, my collegiate hockey career would be on the line. I couldn’t risk losing my scholarship, the potential at NIL deals, and my spot on the team.”

My mouth drops open and closed, probably making me look like a fish. I reel back, and my mouth falls open again because I’m in shock. “Are you serious right now? You broke up with me because of my dad? Because you were afraid of what he might do?”

“Yes, I was worried about what your dad might do if he found out about us. He’s always been protective of you, and I didn’t want to jeopardize my future. Hockey is everything to me, Isla. It’s my ticket to a better life. Hell, he helped me when I didn’t have housing when I first got here, and I repay him by dating his daughter behind his back?”

I stare at Asher as I think about his words. Part of me understands where he’s coming from. My dad can be intimidating, especially when it comes to Grace and me. But the other part of me is furious that Asher let his fear dictate our relationship without consulting me.

“So instead of talking to me and trusting in what we had, you just ended things? Without even giving me a chance to have a say?” My voice is rising as the hurt and anger I’ve had for years is making its presence known.

Asher runs a hand through his hair. “I know I handled it poorly. I was young and stupid, and I thought I was doing the right thing. But I’ve regretted it every day since.”

“I appreciate you telling me the truth, but you can’t just say that and expect it to fix everything,” I finally manage, my voice barely above a whisper. “You hurt me, Asher. More than I ever thought possible. And now you expect me to just forgive and forget?”

He shakes his head, his eyes pleading. “No, of course not, but I hope this is the first step for us to at least build a professional relationship.”

I agree with him. As much as I want to hold on to the anger and hurt, I know that since we’re working together, we must move forward.

“I appreciate your honesty, Asher. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it helps to know your reasons, even if I disagree with how you handled things. You’re right. We need to figure out how to work together professionally. But that’s all this is.”

“I get it, and I wasn’t expecting us to go back to how things were. I just want us to coexist without all the tension and awkwardness.”

“It’s going to take time,” I warn him. “I can’t just flip a switch and pretend like nothing happened. But I’m willing to try for the sake of the team and our jobs.”

“That’s all I can ask for.” He offers me a small smile. “Thank you for hearing me out, Isla.”

I return his smile as a mixture of emotions swirl inside me: relief that we had this conversation, anger that it took so long, and bittersweet nostalgia for what we once had and will never have again. “Thanks for explaining things.”

Asher nods, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “I should have done it a long time ago.”

“Well, better late than never, I suppose.” I finish my now lukewarm hot chocolate. “I guess we both had some growing up to do.”

“Definitely.” He chuckles softly. “Look at us, being all mature and shit.”

“Yeah, who would have thought?” I say with a small smile. The tension between us has eased a bit but is still very much present.

Asher’s gaze lingers on me for a moment before he speaks. “Now that we’ve mostly gotten that out of the way…how have you been? Besides the whole photographer gig.”

I shrug, tracing my finger along the rim of my mug. “Oh, you know, just living the glamorous life of a college student. Classes, homework, existential crises. The usual.”

He laughs at that, a genuine sound that brings back memories. “Sounds about right.”

I chuckle along with him. Relief is the only emotion I feel as we shift the conversation to something lighter after… that. “And what about you? How’s the life of a hockey superstar treating you?”

Asher shakes his head. “I don’t know about superstar, but it’s been good. Busy, but good. The team’s coming together this year.”

“I can tell. You guys looked great out there last night.”

Asher’s eyes light up at the mention of the game. “Thanks. It felt good to get that win, and hopefully, it’s a sign of good things to come this season.”

“I have a feeling it will be. You guys have a lot of talent, obviously. Made it easy to get some excellent shots.”

“I saw the ones posted on our social media pages. You did an excellent job.”

I shake my head, willing myself not to blush. “Only a few of those were mine.”

“My point still stands.”

“Well, I appreciate the compliment,” I say, trying to keep my tone casual. “I’m just happy to be a part of the team.”

“Do you still love Skittles? I know you used to eat them sometimes when you were shooting.”

My head jerks back. “You remember that?”

“Of course I do.” His gaze softens. “I remember a lot of things about you, Isla.”

The way he says my name makes my heart ache. I take a long breath before trying to steer the conversation back to safer ground. “Well, that was a long time ago. Things change.”

“Some things, maybe. But not everything.”

There’s an intensity to his gaze that makes me want to look away, but I force myself to hold steady. “Asher, don’t. We can’t go down that road again.”

He sighs, leaning back in his chair. “I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this weird.”

“It’s okay.” I manage a small smile. “We’re both still figuring out how to navigate this new…thing.”

“That we are, sunshine. That we are.”

I look back up at him, startled by the words he’s just said. However, it’s as if he doesn’t realize he’s said them. The nickname he gave me years ago rolls off his tongue as if he’s been saying it all of this time.

I debate whether I want to point out what he’s done, but quickly decide against it. I have to put an end to this. “Listen, I need to go, but it was great to get all of this out in the open.” I gesture to the two of us.

As I stand up from the table, Asher does the same. “Thanks again for meeting with me. I know it wasn’t easy.”

I nod, adjusting my book bag on my shoulder. “It needed to happen. For both of us.”

“Agreed.” He hesitates a moment before adding, “I really am sorry, Isla. For everything.”

“Thank you. Hopefully, this will be a step forward and go in the right direction.”

Asher gives me a quick nod. “It is, and maybe if you’re okay with it, we can be friends again someday.”

Friends. The word feels strange in terms of Asher and me, but I guess it’s a start. “Maybe someday,” I repeat, not wanting to make any promises I’m not sure I can keep.

“Anyway, I should get going.”

“Right, of course.” Asher steps back, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll see you later?”

“You will.” With that, I leave Asher standing in Brewed Beginnings, happy he doesn’t try to walk me out or to my car. The quicker I put distance between us for me to process what just happened, the better.