Chapter Eight

October 29, 1819

The afternoon sun tried its best to peek out from between scattered clouds in the sky, and for the moment it was winning, but Elliott suspected rain would win out by dinner. To take advantage of the fair weather, he'd removed himself out of the house merely to hear himself think.

His guests were fairly well occupied with various events inside with parlor games and the option to help with decorating the ballroom with fall bounty. If they didn't wish to partake in any of that, they were left to their own devices for the afternoon. Tea would be served in a few hours, but the whole company would assemble again for dinner.

He couldn't stand the noise of the group any longer, and he simply needed a moment or two to calm his nerves as well as order his thoughts. Additionally, the urge to talk with Adam had grown with intensity over the past couple of days, and now he couldn't avoid it. Especially after his most recent chat with Lavinia and the sweet kisses she'd given him yesterday that had a feeling of longing behind them and left him with an unanswered question.

That had led him outside as he headed to the small family cemetery on the Foxborough property. Of course, he didn't know any of the people that had been buried in the small plot beneath a few large oak trees, but the sentiment was quite the same. Besides that, it was more of a symbolic gesture on his part.

Time had ravaged some of the gravestones and monuments. There was a stone vault as the final resting place for someone whose name had been struck from the stone by the elements, but he hoped whoever rested there now had found peace, not only in death but in his life as well.

That is what I want for myself.

As he wandered amidst the weed-choked graves and markers, he found a spot in the shade of the oaks with their browning leaves still clinging heroically to the branches. They made an eerie scratching sound in the breeze, but that only added to the affect, and he was well enough away from the manor that he couldn't be seen from windows or prying eyes unless someone was on a walk as well.

It was a perfect spot for the task ahead.

After he'd brushed off a flat grave marker, Elliott settled upon it and sat with his legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles while he stared up through the leaves of the oak tree. "This is a conversation that has been a long time coming, I think." If it felt odd to talk aloud to himself, he couldn't help it. His pride and arrogance had kept him from voicing the words he'd needed to when Adam had been alive. They were necessary now, and he liked to hope that Adam could hear them.

"When we first met Lavinia, it was clear she made an impression on us both." That had been a defining day for him. "However, for me, there was an immediate connection between her and me that changed the foundation of my life."

That had been true. Regardless of whether Adam had been ready for marriage and Lavinia had needed a husband at the time, Elliott had never forgotten her. Hell, there was no use denying the truth now. Fifteen years had passed, and he was certain that Livi had been the only woman to infect his blood enough that he'd fallen for her.

"God, I hated that you'd won her affections back then, hated that you were the man she'd chosen, hated that you would be the one to soothe her fears, protect her from all the horrid things in life, that you would be the one to make her smile, to learn the secrets of her body."

It had been a bitter pill to swallow indeed, but there had been nothing to be done, except throw himself into his work in the military and later, to take assignments as a spy that put miles between him and England.

But fate always had a way of putting him back within the orbit of her and Adam. He'd retired from the spy game to take the position with the Home Office, and through the years worked himself up the ladder as the man assigning cases and missions to both Bow Street principal officers as well as men who'd chosen to act as spies for England.

"Honest to God, if I had known your last mission would have been the beginning of the end to your life, I would have never given it to you. I merely wanted you out of England and away from Lavinia, even if she was still your wife and I had no right to any part of her." It was one of the reasons he'd taken so many mistresses over the years—to help forget about the one woman he couldn't have, the woman he'd lost.

The woman I've loved from the first.

The breeze abruptly changed directions and it was much like a slap to the cheek. Perhaps it was Adam attending the soul-felt talk.

Elliott grunted. "Yes, I know you would have taken the mission anyway. Coin is coin, and you had a wife to support, the thought of a family gnawing at the back of your mind." His voice broke on that last bit. "I'm sorry about the loss of your children before you and Livi ever had the chance to hold them. To my dying day, I will hold myself responsible for that."

Again, the breeze gusted over him, this time hard enough to knock the top hat from his head. It tumbled to the ground, and for the moment, Elliott left it there.

"I suspect you knew of my feelings, or you had come to know of them after you married her." Moisture welled in his eyes, but he let the tears come. This was a time for healing. "It was neither your fault nor mine; it just was. That was the reason I'd stayed cross with you so long. I was jealous, envious, that you had everything I'd ever wanted." Yet he'd been a coward and reckless back then, didn't deserve that life. "You might have won her, might have been the better man in that moment, but I never stopped loving her."

Shock went through his chest from the admission. It was as simple as that. He loved Lavinia—the young lady she'd been fifteen years ago as well as the woman she was now. Those feelings had matured and changed over the passage of time, but they had burned steady.

For long moments, he remained silent while letting his tears fall and his soul cleanse. The breeze riffled through his hair, and oddly enough, he liked to hope Adam was there with him, for once upon a time, when they would tease each other, they'd get each other in a headlock and destroy the styles their valets had worked so hard at doing.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to visit; I should have after all the difficulties you faced with Lavinia, and now you've been gone for over a year, I have never missed you more." He mopped at the moisture on his cheeks with the back of his sleeve. "She was right to come here and give me a dressing down, to accuse me of sending you to your death, for if I had been the bigger man and had congratulated you on winning her, perhaps you would still be alive today."

The breeze kicked up a bunch of fallen leaves in a small whirlwind and threw them over Elliott's feet. Apparently, Adam scoffed at that assessment.

He allowed himself a small grin. Perhaps he'd been forgiven. "All of that is in the past, though. I have changed, am ready to make the commitment I should have all those years ago, but I want your blessing, my friend." His voice hitched, and after a few deep breaths, he regained his composure. "I wish to court Livi, ask her to marry me." A lump of emotion lodged in his throat, and he swallowed it down. "I've lost so much time—we have all lost so much time—but I can only do my best and live the remainder of this life to the fullest. And I want Livi by my side. She challenges me, pushes me like no other. I need that. Do I have your permission to go ahead with those plans?"

For long moments, only silence greeted him, then the soft cooing of a dove from somewhere overhead in the tree branches reached his ears. Seconds later, a white feather drifted downward to land on one of his knees. "Dear God." A white dove was often used as a symbol of forgiveness. White feathers given from one person to another were a sign of friendship and trust. With a shaking hand, Elliott picked up the feather and then tucked it into his waistcoat pocket. "Thank you, Adam. I won't disappoint you, and you have my solemn promise that I will love her and keep her safe until my last breath."

The breeze washed over him like a soothing balm and brought a feeling of peace to his soul. For long moments, he remained in the cemetery, continuing to think, then he retrieved his hat, stood, and continued his walk.

It was time to step into his future.

Perhaps it was fate, but it was quite serendipitous that he met Lavinia in a meadow located to one side of the property, well away from the manor or the harvest fair. It was filled with autumnal yellow hawkbit flowers and Michaelmas daises scattered throughout like splashes of white, purple, and yellow dabs of paint amidst a green backdrop of tall grasses from an artist's brush. It was simply perfection with the lady standing among the blooms in a dress of sage green and the same cream-colored pelisse from before.

Never would he forget that sight, for his heart squeezed and he lost a few pieces of that organ to her in that moment.

"I hadn't expected to see you here of all places," he said in lieu of something more erudite, for truly, he was speechless, breathless suddenly in her presence.

"Oh? That is too bad, for I set out to find you and perhaps have you all to myself for a while." If he didn't understand the meaning of her words, the come hither look in her eyes would have betrayed her intent.

A shiver of pure need slammed down his spine to land in his stones. "Careful else that interest you don't try to hide will turn into passion." Elliott slowly closed the distance between them as he dropped his voice. "Soon, you might find yourself on your back and under a man's body." Would she object to his blatant suggestion?

"Mmm." Her eyelids flickered and her lips parted as if she waited for his kiss. "That is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as it is your body I'm under… or over, depending on the mood."

Well, damn. Perhaps he wasn't the only one who had made peace with the past this week. "Ah, Livi, what are you doing to me?" he asked softly as he snaked a hand about her hips to rest at the small of her back. "I am only so strong. If you wish for a tryst, I need to hear you say it, to give me permission else we shall have to return to the house."

Her breathing hitched. She rested a palm on his chest, and he swore the heat of her seared right through his clothing. "I want you, Elliott. Need to feel your arms around me, your lips on mine. To do the things we ached to do years ago but couldn't."

His rapidly hardening shaft pressed urgently against the front of his breeches. This moment was at least fifteen years past due. "I can no longer deny you anything." How easily he tugged her into his arms and lightly kissed her, but then the need to be closer to her assailed him, so he knocked her legs out from beneath her, cradled her body as they both tumbled to the ground. Then he maneuvered himself so that he sat behind her, keeping her framed between his splayed legs. The tall meadow grass and wildflowers all around them seemed appropriate, somehow, for this new direction. "You wish to go forward?"

"Yes." When she wriggled against him, the friction shot sensations through his length, and he gasped. Lavinia giggled. "You wish for this too."

"I do, but unless we can find a different secluded spot, the meadow will serve as our bed." He pressed his lips to the side of her neck, which both set her ablaze and heightened her anxiety. "Do you mind?"

"It's perfect." She drew a hand along the outside of his thigh and knee; her every touch left heat behind. "For too long I've waited for this."

"So have I." Not wishing for any more words, Elliott kissed a path along the side of her neck. All the while, he continued to stroke a hand up and down her arm. When she shivered, he brushed the fingers of his other hand along the top of her bodice. "It's almost sacred."

"Perhaps." When he dipped a finger beneath her neckline to graze a hardened nipple like he'd done the night before, Lavinia sucked in a breath. "Yes. Oh, Elliott, yes." Before he could move, she reached up a hand and hooked her fingers about his nape, gently pulling his head closer. "Show me you never lost that passion for me."

"Gladly." As soon as she turned her head, he captured her lips with his, and for several minutes, they spoke with kisses and fleeting caresses.

It boggled his mind how once they'd both decided this was happening how rapidly they shed their clothing. There was no shame, only excitement that made his hands shake and put a blush in her cheeks. Then he once more settled her between his legs as he sat behind her. The chill in the air was a bit shocking, but the moment he roved his hands over her satiny skin, the heat of desire chased away the coolness.

"Gorgeous," he whispered against her neck, and ever so gently he drew his fingers along her sides, played her ribs, gauged how far she would let him play before she broke. Though he'd been with many women over the years, none of them had ever made him as nervous or as peaceful as he was in this moment.

"Not nearly as much as when I was young." Her eyes fluttered closed, and she reclined into him, completely at ease.

"You are in your prime." Her breasts were slightly fuller than when he'd gotten up to scandal with her all those years ago, but as he took them in hand, his moan mixed with her gasp. "I never forgot you, how you felt." With a shuddering sigh, he kissed the side of her neck.

"Neither did I." A sigh escaped her as he rolled the nipples from the roots to the tips. "Oh, yes, more of that."

How adorable was she for knowing exactly how she wanted to be pleasured? "Ah, Livi, this is well worth the wait." It was heaven to glance his palms over her erect nipples, and his chest tightened when a shuddering moan left her throat. She arched her back which put her breasts more firmly in his hands, and he gladly manipulated those mounds of flesh. "I can't have enough of you."

"There is far more I would offer you, but I need so much more first." Lavinia wriggled her bottom, brushed her body against his painfully hard shaft, and he bit back a groan.

Bloody hell but she felt simply amazing in his arms, and the tiny plea she uttered set fire to his veins. Fate had brought their paths crossing, and as he caressed the perfect globes of her breasts, he couldn't believe his luck. With each pass of his hands, each stroke and twist of his fingers on those pert pink nipples, she moaned and arched her back, clutched his knees with her hands. Clearly it had been years since she'd been intimate with Adam, and if she was this responsive, it wouldn't take long for her to fall over the edge.

"Elliott…"

"I know." As he slipped a hand down her torso, past the soft swell of her belly, over her mons to delve his fingers into the curls between her thighs, the tiny sounds she made went straight to his shaft. It was only a matter of time before he embarrassed himself by spending too soon, but he gritted his teeth and ignored the throbbing discomfort to concentrate on her. "So ready."

"Quickly," she urged while parting her legs to allow him greater access.

"We'll get there. Patience." He used the same word she'd told him the night before, and grinned as he spread her folds to uncover the swelling pearl at her center. Lavinia whimpered. She held his other hand to her breast, pressing it to the nipple. "How fast will you shatter, I wonder?"

"Stop teasing and find out." A bit of desperation wove through her statement.

He grinned as he strummed his fingers over her flesh. The shiver that went through her delicious body transferred to him. When he repeated the gesture, she gasped and pressed his hand tighter to her button. Elliott circled that tiny bundle of nerves, experimented with varying levels of friction as he worked it over, and all the while, he kissed the side of her neck, plucked and rolled her nipple, whispered words of encouragement into her ear.

Now he knew why he hadn't won her the first time around; he didn't properly appreciate all that she was as he did in this moment, this time of life.

"Oh, yes." She writhed against him, and his hardened length pulsed with a need of its own. "The sensations are too much. I'm going to shatter."

"That is the purpose of this play." But he left off working her nubbin in favor of slipping two fingers into the honeyed heat of her passage as a brief refrain from overstimulation. Damn but he couldn't wait to claim her; she was warm and tight, and as he stroked into her, her body greedily sucked at his digits. "Let go and break, Livi. I want to give you so much more." In and out, in and out he thrust his fingers into her passage.

"It's there, just out of reach." Her body shook, her fingers clenched on his knees.

"Then obviously I am not doing it right." Renewing his attentions at her breast, Elliott pulled his fingers out of her warmth only to bedevil her nubbin with greater purpose. "There were many nights when I wished you were in my bed, next to me, moaning in the night from my hands on your body."

That must have unlocked something inside her, for a shiver racked her frame, but he didn't let up on the friction on both her button and nipple.

"Sometimes at night I would—Ah!" A low keening cry left her throat as her body stiffened and she dug her fingernails into his knees. Then she relaxed. The play of expressions on her face tugged at his chest as release crashed over her, and her eyes shuttered closed. Her eyelids fluttered, and the way her lips formed an "O" of surprise stole his own breath.

"Yes, you are quite gorgeous," he whispered seconds before he pressed a kiss into her temple. As soon as she came back to herself, he urged her around, so she straddled his waist. Now that he was able to rove his gaze over her body straight on instead from behind, his arousal grew more acute, but he tamped on the need to immediately claim her. Those perfect breasts, swollen and flushed with arousal swayed slightly from the movement.

She looked at him with desire in her darkened eyes. "And you are quite delusional."

"Ha." Why couldn't he stop staring at her? With her hair half escaping the pins holding it up, the flush over her skin, the flare of her hips, and riot of color in the flowers around them, it was as if she'd tumbled out of an enchanted woodland to tryst with him. Putting his hands on either side of her neck, he drew her to him and kissed her, slowly at first because he was in awe of her, and then once urgent heat roared through him, he deepened the embrace.

"You are driving me mad." Lavinia broke it to explore beneath his jaw with her lips. She nipped the skin there, licked everywhere she'd just kissed, and one of her hands drifted to his chest. "This is much better than my dreams."

He needed to know. "Did you touch yourself during those nights when you dreamed of me, send yourself flying?"

"Oh, yes." There was no shame in her response. "More than a few times." Then she flicked the flat disc of his nipple with a fingernail, and his world tilted sideways. "Shocked?"

"Perhaps, but I am only more intrigued about you." The fact she'd had scandalous fantasies about him added fuel to the fires already pushing through his blood. Once more, he took her breasts in his hands, rubbed the pads of his thumbs along her nipples, and as they hardened, he rolled those pebbled tips until she moaned her approval. "I want you." Slowly, kissing various portions of her body on the way down, he laid her backward amidst the flowers.

"There is nothing stopping you from claiming me." With a wicked gleam in her eye, Lavinia took his painfully rigid shaft in her hand as she stared up at him.

"Livi…" A warning growled through his voice. That touch nearly had him shooting off his wad. Need shuddered down his spine.

"Tit for tat, hmm?" She stroked her hand up and down his length. Bliss was so close and held literally in her palm. At his gasp, she giggled, slipped her free hand about his nape, and when she tugged him down, she pressed her lips to his. Just when he would have taken control and kissed her senseless, she released his shaft.

With a feeling of relief that quickly vanished into urgent need, Elliott fit the head of his member to her opening, and holding her gaze, he slowly pushed into her honeyed heat until he'd fully penetrated her. "Dear God." Her body was nothing short of heaven, and with an unmistakable feeling of welcome, a hint of moisture gathered in his eyes. After wandering for years, he was finally home. He gripped her hips and withdrew merely for the wonder of thrusting into her once more. "You feel so good."

"This is well worth the wait." With a sound akin to a purr, Lavinia shoved her hands up his chest, and when she clutched his shoulders, she pulled him ever closer. A moan escaped her while wild sensations flooded him. "So large and filling." The words were breathless as she wriggled beneath him, which allowed him to go even deeper.

"I'm glad." Pausing inside her, he spent precious minutes kissing her, caressing every portion of her body that he could reach in an effort to bring her flying close to that edge again. Barely had he had his fill of teasing her nipples with his mouth when she'd sneaked a hand between them to fondle his bits. Need tingled through his stones, and the gentle teasing she gave him added another layer to the already frenzied urgency surging along his nerve endings. "Livi, leave off."

She giggled. "You are not the only one who can tease, you know," she whispered against the side of his neck. "And we will revisit this soon, but finish me before I go insane."

"So needy." He adored her even more. When he glanced at her, caught the soft smile curving her lips, the plea in her eyes, his heart trembled. He'd been so damned fortunate to be with her right now, and it had surpassed everything he'd ever dreamed about. Then his mind was gone, for he thrust deep into her welcoming sheath once more. His groan mingled with hers.

This is perfection.

"Oh, yes, Elliott. Give me more of that."

The enthusiasm in her voice, the way she held onto his shoulders caused the hold on his control to snap; he could keep back the inevitable no more. Again and again, he stroked into her, and every slap of his body against hers was a revelation. Once they discovered a rhythm, she canted her hips, met each of his pushes with one of her own. Hot, frantic need slammed through his shaft. Over and over, he claimed her, showing her with his actions that he'd always wanted her—loved her—had never stopped over the years even if she'd felt he'd abandoned her.

Then she wrapped her legs about his waist, and he leaned over her. The new angle was apparently pleasing, for she caught her breath, dug her fingernails into his skin. "Amazing."

"Livi…" All too soon, the unrelenting pressure came due. Tingling need went through his stones and shaft. "I can't last." It didn't matter that it was a poor showing, this was merely the beginning of his future with her.

Hopefully.

He pistoned his hips faster, thrust into her, went impossibly deep. "Elliott! When she drew out the word, her hold on him slipped. With a cry her body stiffened. She contracted around his length so intensely that it pulled him into his own release. With one more strong stroke, he shattered hard. A strangled shout left his throat, for the release might kill him, and then he tumbled through a void of bliss before he collapsed into her.

"Hell's bells, Livi, that was beyond everything I'd hoped for." He wrapped his arms around her, content to hold her, and with something akin to awe, he pressed tiny, feather weighted kisses to her cheeks, her chin, her forehead, her closed eyelids. Salt came away on his lips; she was softly crying. "Did I hurt you?"

"Of course not. The coupling was lovely." Lavinia slipped a hand to his nape, pulled his head to hers, and kissed his mouth. "It has been a long time since I did this last with Adam." Her voice broke. "A long time since I wished it could have been you."

"Our lives have been intertwined for a while. Perhaps this was bound to happen, but I'm glad that it did," he whispered into the side of her neck. Never would he have enough of that satiny skin. Would she consent to a courtship with marriage in mind?

"As am I." Amusement and exhaustion threaded through her voice. She pulled back enough to meet his gaze. The wicked gleam there spelled trouble for him. "If I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind another go."

Renewed interest shivered through his shaft. "Ah, Livi. There is no one like you." He kissed her forehead before rolling onto his side, where he tucked her against him with an arm beneath her head and the other slung across her hips. "Allow me an hour to rest, for I am not a young man any longer."

"I am well aware, and I will put the experience you've gleaned over those accumulated years to good use before we are through." Then she laid her head on his chest while his mind reeled with the possibilities. "For the moment, I am content to lay here and enjoy your arms around me."

Elliott lost another piece of his heart to her, and a lump of emotion rose in his throat. After his emotional conversation with Adam's spirit, followed by a much-anticipated coupling with the woman he'd lost to a rival years ago, exhaustion was his lot, but now there was hope, and he hadn't felt that in far too long.