Chapter Nine

Lavinia couldn't believe she was lying in a wildflower meadow, tucked in Elliott's arms somewhere on Wynneham Hall land, minutes after she'd finally enjoyed a coupling with him. Finally, after fifteen years of wondering, she knew what being claimed by him felt like, and it lived up to every expectation she'd ever had.

For long moments, she stared up at the clouds scudding across the sky. Before too long, they would block out the sun, for there was a hint of rain in the air. She could feel it on her skin, taste it on her tongue, then the fact that she was naked sank into her and she giggled.

"What's funny?" The low rumble of his voice sent tingles through her chest.

With a look at him, she continued to contemplate the sky. His arm made a fine pillow, but the intimate press of his equally naked body against her arm and side had another layer of awareness washing over her. "I'm nude."

"Oh, I'm well aware that you are." So saying, he drew his hand up her side from where it rested on her hip. When he came to her breast, he brushed his knuckles over her nipple, chuckled when she gasped at that sensitive tip hardened.

"Do you know long it has been since I've had a man in my bed… for anything?" She kept her voice low, mostly because it was difficult to force the words out of her tight throat.

"In all honesty, this is not a bed," he countered as he inched his hand back down her side to rest lightly on her hip once more. Then he plucked a ladybird from her hair and flicked the beetle away. "Let us hope we are not discovered."

"Why, because of the scandal?" Her chest tightened. Was he worried that he might be forced to marry her? "Don't fret. I am a widow and enjoy certain freedoms over an innocent." When she made a move to leave their little nest, he stayed her flight by snaking an arm about her waist and pulling her fully against his body.

"Stop." That tiny note of command in his voice stamped him as an earl more than anything else. One of his knees went between her thighs, and that little bit of friction set off renewed throbbing through her core. He cupped the side of her face, feathered his fingers into her hair and tipped her head back until their gazes connected. "First off, I am not concerned about scandal. Never have been. And secondly, whatever occurs between us from this point forward is because we both will it, not out of obligation or societal pressure."

That was unexpected, and the response disarmed the annoyance from seconds before. Lavinia let herself relax in his hold. "All right." The mat of hair covering the upper portion of his chest tickled her skin but enhanced her already sensitive nipples. "How long did you wish to remain out here where anyone can find us?" There was something thrilling about the threat of discovery, of being sans clothes with this man, that made her want to do unspeakable things to him merely because they were essentially lost to the world.

"I haven't decided yet, but there are worse places to be, don't you think?"

"I do." She rested her cheek against his chest. The steady beat of his heart beneath her ear reminded her that both he and she were alive and that they had already wasted much time hiding behind hurt feelings, pride, and grief.

Yet he hadn't spoken of a future that included her. Perhaps hinted at it, or what if his words had meant coming together physically? Now that they had done that, scratched the itch so to speak, would that be the end of their association?

With her spirits in free fall, Lavinia racked her brain to find something they could converse upon. "You'd spoken of perhaps retiring from the Home Office. If you do that, would you stay in London or move to Wynneham Hall permanently?" She couldn't imagine being in Town knowing she would never have the opportunity to run into him by chance on the streets or in the shops or even glimpse him at a society function.

"I haven't decided that either." Up and down, he stroked his fingers along her spine, leaving tingles of acute need in his wake. "However, I do still have a seat in the House of Lords, so that is a responsibility which requires me to not leave London. Surrey is close enough to Town that I could always travel back and forth for weekends or other things."

"You are truly serious about making a go of being a landowner." It wasn't a question.

"I am. There have been far too many years when I pretended my life was nothing but frivolity and roguish behavior when I wasn't involved with Home Office duties." Over and over, he swept his fingers down her spine as if he were playing a harp. "Now I'm looking for more meaning in my existence, and I want to do something that forces me to focus on someone else beyond myself."

How different he was from the man she'd known all those years ago, and she admired that about him. "You will be a wonderful earl, so put all the doubts from your mind. I'm proud of how far you've come and…"

"Yes?" His hand paused at the curve of her bottom.

She squeezed her thighs on his leg as delicious throbs played through her core. "Adam would be proud as well. He always told me how much potential you had, if only you would settle down and realize it."

"Adam was a wise man." Elliott squeezed her buttock and chuckled when she uttered a low squeal. "I miss him." His lips brushed her temple when he talked. "In fact, I talked to him earlier today."

"What?" When she raised her head, she bumped it on his chin. They both laughed, but she couldn't help the shock that scudded through her chest. "How is that possible?"

"Easy, Livi. No one has pulled an elaborate prank on you, though that sort of thing has been known to be done." He eased her back down into his embrace. "I only meant that I found an old cemetery on the property earlier, and it seemed a good place to be alone, to talk things out with Adam." For the space of a few heartbeats, he was silent. "To tell him all the things I was too big a prick to say years ago."

"And?"

He shrugged. "My soul is no longer heavy. We came to an understanding, him and I, and I fully believe he forgave me. What's more, I had the strange sense he was urging me onward in the plans I have for the future."

"Oh?" Had he talked to Adam regarding the same things that she had?

"Indeed." But he said nothing as to the topics of their conversation.

"I, uh, did the same thing last night before you joined me." She hid her face in the crook of his shoulder. "There were a couple of things I'd felt guilty about for years I needed his forgiveness from, and other things I wished to speak of with him to sort my thoughts." In the process of sighing, she pressed her lips to his skin. "Sometimes I feel better when I talk to him as if he's still with me."

"There is nothing to be ashamed about, Livi. I felt the same way. Adam was a big part of both of our lives. In many ways, he still is, for you wouldn't have come to Surrey if it wasn't for him."

"I suppose that is so." Though her quest for revenge or merely to vent her spleen had crumbled once she'd actually talked to the earl, she couldn't help but wonder what exactly her purpose was in remaining. But then, there was only one day more of the house party, for the ball would go off tomorrow night. After that? Truly, she had no idea. Hot panic rose in her chest. How could she go away and consign Elliott to her past after everything they'd shared?

For long moments, they lay in the meadow where the soft drone of flying insects met her ears and blended with the low buzz from late season bees. Occasionally, birdsong would break out through the air, or the birds would fly over their location. Did they wonder why two humans were lying amidst the grasses and flowers without a stitch of clothing on? When the sound of ambient conversation drifted through her cognizance, she gasped. Would they be found out?

"Quiet. It's merely someone passing by on the road farther down." Elliott's whisper in her ear both comforted and aroused her. "They can't see us from there, especially if we remain lying down."

"Oh, but I'll worry every second until they go away," she whispered back, her words muffled by the side of his neck.

"I'll have to do something for a distraction." Then he claimed her lips in a series of gentle, fleeting kisses that had the power to see her undone. Eventually, he broke their embrace to pause and listen. "I don't hear them any longer."

"Good." Though her heartbeat had accelerated, Lavinia wasn't entirely certain it was from merely the threat of discovery. Being with Elliott was far too enjoyable. "Perhaps we should linger here for a bit longer to make sure."

He chuckled, and the vibrations from that sound tickled through her chest. "Perhaps we should." Again, his hand slipped down her back to cup her arse cheek. Too much more of that and he'd be on his back. "My sister Lily will be a mother in a handful of months."

"I don't know her all that well but I'm happy for her. That's such a lovely time, waiting for a babe to be born." Her voice broke. "I hope she carries the babe without incident and is delivered of it without extreme pain or worry." Would that ever be her lot in life? Again, she hid her reaction by burying her face in the crook of his shoulder, but he must have sensed her distress, for his arms tightened around her, and he held her until the storm inside subsided.

"Things are changing all around me and I fear I'm being left behind."

That was a surprising confession. Lavinia lifted her head. "How so?"

His sigh sounded as if it came from his toes. "Lily is going to be a mother soon. Thad gave up his position and livelihood in order to win her. He's a consultant for the Home Office now, and it was damned impressive what he did for her." Then he released her long enough to nudge her over onto her back. "I'm an earl in need of a wife, and even I am considering retirement, so I will have more time if I should marry."

"That isn't such a bad thing. You have prepared for this, are in a financial position to do so, and I'm certain whomever you marry will appreciate that new focus." She shivered as the chilly breeze sailed over her exposed skin, but Elliott came over her and acted like a wind block as he nuzzled her shoulder, explored beneath her jawline with his lips.

When he lifted his head, confusion clouded his eyes. "It's all so intimidating. A wife sounds cold and businesslike. I want a friend, a companion, someone who challenges me, who won't go along with my opinion merely because I'm an earl. My life has changed simply because I've been given this title; I owe much to many people and wish to be a better man now that I have more responsibility than ever. Since this house party opened, I've been mired in confusing thoughts and feelings."

"In that, you and I share that experience." Did he truly not understand that she would marry him in a heartbeat if only he would ask?

"You always did understand me, Livi, even when I didn't know myself." When he dipped his head and licked one of her nipples, a stifled whimper tore from her throat. "However, if I do find that woman, I suspect I would want everything to happen quickly, for I'm not a young man."

Will you choose me now? Even though the thought of marrying again terrifies me? Perhaps she was naught but a silly goose indeed, since the feelings she'd had for him before they'd coupled hadn't died. In fact, they had planted their roots deep, but were they merely carried over from the past, or was there room for them to grow and expand into the dreams she'd recently had of her and Elliott together? Or worse, had she coupled with him in the hopes that he could replace Adam due to loneliness?

Not knowing, and with her thoughts growing more maudlin with every passing minute, Lavinia pushed him away and sat up. "You are not old, Elliott. You are merely seasoned. Any woman would be delighted to be your wife, but you must know that time is precious. The people around us are more dear than they were before, especially after we've experienced the loss of someone close to us. I wouldn't delay in making a decision, especially if you already have the answer to your question."

There, she'd thrown down her hint. Would he realize the woman he sought was right in front of his nose?

"You have given me much to think about," was all he said.

Apparently, he would not. Cold disappointment circled through her guts. She raked her gaze over his form, and with a sigh of regret, she reached for her shift. "We should go back to the house. Someone will eventually come looking for you."

If he truly didn't want her in his life for more than just a quick tryst, she needed to return to London as soon as possible, before her heart became any more engaged than it was now.

In silence, they both dressed. Once they were presentable and he'd donned his top hat while she pinned up her hair and tucked it beneath her bonnet, he offered her his arm, and she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. They strolled through the meadow and then up the lane until they reached the terrace at the back of the house.

"Well, thank you for a lovely afternoon," Lavinia said in a voice choked with tears. Had she made a mistake giving herself to him or thinking they might make a go of it, finally?

"I don't believe it's over quite yet." With a glance about the area, he tugged her into his arms, chuckling when she squealed.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you a dance before the actual ball tomorrow." Mischief twinkled in his eyes along with an emotion she couldn't read or didn't wish to for fear she was wrong. "Didn't you tell me you missed such exercise?"

She lost a piece of her heart to him in that moment. "Yes, I truly do miss dancing." When she rested a hand on his shoulder, his other one found a home at the small of her back. "There is no music, though."

"We don't need any." With a grin that sent flutters through her lower belly, the earl set them into motion in a modified Continental waltz. Then, as he held her gaze while leading her through the steps until she was confident enough that she wouldn't stumble, he proceeded to hum a popular tune that could be found in any ballroom across England.

"Who are you and what have you done with the Elliott I used to know?"

He chuckled. "I told you I'm a changing man, and that means in all avenues of my life." In a showy flourish, he spun her about before resuming the steps.

A rush of excitement pushed through her form, tingled through every nerve ending as she gladly gave herself over to the impromptu waltz. It was thrilling, doing this—doing everything they'd done this afternoon—with a man she might have chosen for a husband all those years ago. Adam hadn't been much for dancing, said it made him too self-conscious, that he wasn't built or bred for it, but Elliott, oh, he moved as if were second nature.

Every glide and turn had her molding herself to his frame. Each step and twirl left her breathless and wanting more. The touch of his hands, the brush of his chest against her breasts all added another layer to the charm he wove around them. So easily could she imagine him in a glittering ballroom, doing the pretty with all the ladies in attendance.

His gaze never left hers; he gave her an easy grin she'd only seen from him when he was in her company, and in those stolen moments on the terrace where no one knew they were there, suddenly the dark veils covering the path that led to her future dropped away. Possibilities glimmered there, and they made her as breathless as that young girl she used to be when she'd had to decide between excitement and stability.

All these years later, Elliott was both, yet was she enough for the world in which he resided? He was an earl, and her grasp within the ton had always been tenuous at best.

She would try and puzzle that out later. For now, in this one moment where no one else existed except for them, she would enjoy what he freely gave and worry about everything else later.