19. Chapter 19

To say I was confused was an understatement. The other night, Cooper made it clear we couldn't do anything more than what we'd already been doing. While disappointing, I'd intended to call things off to salvage our friendship, but when he came home after his game yesterday, looking gorgeous in a form-fitting black T-shirt and ripped jeans with black Chucks, I reversed course. It was crazy how he turned me on with so little effort. Instead of ending things, all I thought about was playing around with him. And play around, we did. God, he'd been so hot down at my feet, worshiping my cock with his mouth, and when he painted my face with his cum, I wanted to get off again. I wished Cooper knew how fucking sexy he was.

Just when I thought I had a grasp of things, I woke up this morning with Cooper using my body as a blanket on the couch. We must have fallen asleep. My head rested on his chest, and I woke up to his steady heart beating in my ear, and his warm skin against my face. It was home. It was safety. I'd never slept so hard in my life. His body was a rock, but his warmth and his arms wrapped around me were protective and comfortable.

After a shower, I headed to my room and stopped in my tracks when I found Cooper standing there, holding Morpheus, making stupid little squeaking noises that made my heart beat a little faster. So damn cute.

"Your daddy is going to be surprised, isn't he? You better like it, though."

Morpheus' little whiskers twitched at a smiling Cooper. Why was that even hotter than sex? Everyone should be nice to pets, but him holding Morpheus and talking to him like they were the best of best pals made my heart fucking soar. I fell a little for him at that moment.

Cooper must have seen me out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to face me with a sheepish smile on his face. "Sorry, I meant it as a surprise. I bought it when I was out of town for the last away game, and I hadn't had a chance to put it together. I hope you don't mind."

I walked in with a towel still wrapped around my waist and held out my hand. He placed Morpheus gently in my palm, and I held my rat close. "Thank you. It's not even my birthday." Seriously, what was wrong with me? My insides churned from something unrecognizable. I didn't hate it either. That he thought of Morpheus at all was… I couldn't put it into words how amazingly sweet Cooper could be. Despite his struggles, he held on to this kindness he had no right to have based on how he was brought up.

He blushed and rubbed his neck. "It's no big deal. I just saw it and thought of you."

I stepped in front of the little house full of stairs, holes, and rooms with toys and put Morpheus inside. He scampered away, exploring and smelling.

"He likes it," I said.

I turned to face Cooper with my hands fisted, desperate to hug him for this amazing gift. "Thank you."

He rubbed his neck again and shrugged, unable to look at me. God, he was so fucking cute.

Screw it. I lunged my body at him and pulled him into a tight hug. "I love it."

Cooper was stiff for a second before he wrapped his arms around me, too. "You're welcome. It doesn't mean we're married or anything."

I quickly pulled away because I was getting strangely emotional, but I laughed at his corny joke.

"So, when is your birthday, Asp? I'm not sure why I never asked before."

"Oh, not until March 3rd. What about you?"

"January 23rd."

"Hey, that's not far away. We should do something."

"Yeah, I'd like that. Anyway…"

With that, Cooper walked off back to his room and shut the door behind him. I glanced back at Morpheus, having a great time in his new playhouse. "What do you think, little buddy? What's up with Coop?"

Morpheus completely ignored me, happy with his new house, while I was confused as hell and perhaps falling a little harder for my roommate.

I sat cross-legged on the stage with the guitar pick in my mouth, tuning my acoustic guitar while my bros set up the other instruments for the night. Sunday wasn't overly busy, but we would have a small crowd. If we wanted to play and make money, sometimes we had to take the dates and times bars were willing to give us.

Mac sat down next to me with his own guitar to tune. He wore his usual fedora and black T-shirt. "So, you gonna tell me why you've been so quiet the past week? And missed band practice?"

I pulled out the pick from my mouth and sighed. Why not tell Mac? He was the only one who knew about Cooper and me, and I seriously needed to talk to someone about it. "I've been… kind of stressing out. Well, maybe stress isn't the right word. I've been confused, so I needed to think about some stuff. Sorry."

He suddenly looked concerned. "What stuff? What's going on?"

I looked down and tweaked a tuning peg. "It's Cooper."

"Cooper? Your roommate that you've been doing bro-jobs with? Did something happen?"

"Well, something's going on with him, and there's definitely something going on with me."

Mac raised a brow. "Oh, boy. You've caught the feels, haven't you?"

"You make it sound like a virus," I scoffed, but bit my bottom lip and nodded.

He pressed a hand to his heart and smiled. "Well, I'm honored you're coming out to me first."

I rolled my eyes and snorted a laugh. "While I may be questioning my sexuality lately, it's not that big of a deal either. You know I don't like to label shit."

"Yeah, but you've never been into dudes before."

"I really like him, Mac."

He softened and smiled, but his eyes were full of understanding. "Let me guess, you haven't told him yet."

"Hold up a fucking minute. Since when have you been messing with your roommate, and since when have you been into guys?"

My stomach flipped, looking back at Zayne with Ethan standing behind me. Fuck. Well, the cat was out of the bag now. I thought I'd been quieter than that.

"Shit, you cannot tell anyone, guys. Seriously. Cooper made me promise not to tell anyone other than Mac."

Ethan gave a derisive snort. "Why does Mac get to fucking know and not us? We're practically family, man."

"I'm sorry, but I told Mac because he'd been through something similar. Hell, it was his story that started this damn thing."

"What thing?" Zayne asked.

"Bro-jobs," Mac replied.

Ethan waved his hands in the air. "Wait, wait, wait. You're doing bro-jobs with Cooper?"

"Shh," I snapped. "Keep it down, will you? No one's supposed to know, and too many people are familiar with him. But yes, we agreed to do that. I just… wanted to try it to see if I would like being with a guy. Cooper and I also needed some sort of release since we'd been struggling to find girls. I don't know, it just happened. We agreed, and it's been fun, but now… I want more."

"And he doesn't?" Mac asked.

"Well, I'm not sure. It's weird. I'm getting several mixed signals."

Mac shook his head as Zayne and Ethan sat next to us on the stage. "You haven't talked? That's not like you, Asp."

"I know! It's just on Halloween night, Cooper acted all sketchy and shit. He was pissed and ignored me. When I came home after work that night, I tried to question him, but we ended up messing around again. God, it was so fucking hot, too."

"But?" Zayne pushed, looking way too eager for this story.

"He gave me this fucking amazing kiss. Holy shit. It was nothing like kissing a girl. It was all hard and bristly and owning. One kiss, and I'm fucking addicted. Did you and your roommate ever kiss, Mac?"

He shook his head. "Never. It was only blow jobs."

I nodded. "Yeah, I thought as much. Anyway, after we had our fun, Cooper admitted he got jealous that I had been talking to this girl. Between the kissing and his jealousy, I assumed he was about to tell me he wanted more, and I was going to tell him the same, but he backed off and said it couldn't ever be more."

"That fucker. I'm going to kill him," Zayne hissed, making me snort a laugh. God, I loved my friends.

"Don't do that. Cooper has a lot at stake, a lot more than I do. I completely understand where he's coming from. He doesn't have accepting parents and friends like I do, and being an athlete into dudes can be problematic. Anyway, I kept my mouth shut about how I felt."

Mac shook his head. "I don't know, Asp. It's getting too complicated. And you literally start itching if you can't be open and honest. These things shouldn't be complicated at all. Only a bit of fun, and that's it. I would call this off before you two get hurt, especially you."

"I agree with Mac," Ethan said while Zayne nodded. "You're an open book, and Cooper is closing you all up. It's going to end badly."

They were probably right.

"God, I almost did end it when he came home from the game yesterday. That had been the plan, anyway. But he looked so damn hot, and he had won the football game, so I was all pent-up with excitement. And horny. Seriously, did I mention how hot and sexy he is?"

Zayne huffed a laugh and shook his head. "This is so weird. I'm used to you with girls, not dudes."

I raised a brow at him. "Is that going to be a problem? Because if Cooper and I call this off, I have plans to find another guy. I'm really liking it. Although, it would have to wait a while. It'll be hard to find someone who tops Cooper."

"Not a problem at all, Asp."

My stiff shoulders relaxed. "Thanks… sorry."

Mac leaned in close and eyed me. "You're going to tell him, right? You're going to call it off? This can only end badly. You two should've ended things right when the feels started."

I didn't want to end things at all. I wanted all those feels.

"But Cooper bought Morpheus a house."

Mac facepalmed himself. "So? Okay, that was nice of him, but that won't make up for the world of hurt you two are going to go through."

I didn't want it to be over, especially after Cooper bought Morpheus the house. It was so fucking sweet. But would I be satisfied with just messing around?

"Hold up," Zayne said. "While I agree that maybe they're getting in too deep, simply because they're both pretty straight, we can't say for sure they're going to get hurt. Or that it will end badly. Well, perhaps they're not as straight as they thought. Anyway, our Aspen here is honest and kind. He's good at working things out with people. I'm confident he'll come clean and they'll figure it out, whatever they decide."

"He held me last night?" I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince.

"What?" all three of my friends echoed.

I ran a hand through my curls, pushing them away from my face. "As we watched TV last night, we fell asleep, and I woke up laying on top of him and him holding me with the blanket draped over us. It wasn't an accident we were in that position."

All three looked at each other as if having a telepathic conversation.

"What?" I asked.

"He may actually like you, too," Mac said. "If he's getting jealous, he kissed you, he bought Morpheus a damn house, and he held you all night…"

Ethan nodded vigorously. "Yep, he likes you."

"But he said we couldn't do more."

Mac shrugged. "Probably because of the same reasons you can't talk about what you two are doing. He's worried about what others will think or how his family will react. And since you two dumbasses haven't talked about this, he could be assuming you don't want more. Not once did you mention you were into him. Or did you?"

I shook my head. "I haven't."

It all made more sense now. Still, I was reluctant to talk to Cooper about it. Not only was I having fun with him, but I didn't want to stress him out with sudden feelings. He had enough on his plate.

"Thanks, guys. It's something to think about. We better get ready to start."

Before they walked off to their instruments, I stopped them. "But please, do not say anything to anyone about this."

"You got it," they said.

Mac pointed at me. "Talk to him."