5. CHAPTER 5

5

JULES

Kai’s shoulders slump as he enters the house before me. This is obviously a frequent occurrence, and again, I feel bad for not being around.

“No hug from my big sister?” I ask Jenny with wide open arms and a grin stretched across my face. I never realized how much I missed her until now, as she throws herself into my arms. For a brief moment, we can forget the past that has tarnished us, focusing on getting Kai’s life in order. I’ve spent so many years consumed by my work and meaningless fucks, that I’d forgotten what affection felt like. This hug is like being revived back to life, memories from our childhood surging through my mind. Kai needs me. He’s a purpose. A purpose that I swear to never defer from, to love and protect the only family I have left, even if it kills me.

“Thank you for coming back,” she whispers into my shoulder, and I feel the wet from her eyes seep through my shirt. I squeeze her harder, reveling in the warmth that my big sister always provided when I was a child, but was then torn away because of our asshole parents.

Jenny pulls herself back and grabs my face with both of her gentle hands. She looks so tired. She’s forty years old now and still has her beautiful mane of dark hair and perfect pale skin. The lines around her eyes tell the story of sleepless nights and worry that has taken over her life. But I’m here now.

“Look at you. A grown man. Always knew you’d be handsome.”

“Stop trying to embarrass me.” I laugh as I playfully slap her hand away. She grins at me with that hint of playfulness in her eyes that used to be a daily thing when we lived at home together.

“Gotta make up for the missed years of teasing you,” she says with a weary giggle.

A loud thud grabs our attention, and I turn to see an irritated Kai slumped in one of the wooden dining table chairs. Such a pouty little brat. His arms are folded across his chest as he glowers at his mom like she’s the one who has done something wrong. I can understand some of his frustration, but the little fuck’s sass from back at the diner still has me wound up tight. I detest that kind of attitude and sense of entitlement. He’s gonna be harder work than I thought. I also didn’t miss the little glances he threw my way when he thought I wasn’t aware. Little does he know I’m always aware, even when I’m not looking. It’s how I’m programmed to survive. But fuck does he intrigue me. I spent most of the journey over here trying to work him out, while also admiring what a handsome man he’s become. I’m not gay, but I can appreciate an attractive guy. Really appreciate it. Christ, why am I arguing with myself about this? Do I find him attractive or am I attracted to him? Hmmm, interesting .

“Get that petulant look off your face, Kai. You’re in no position to be pissed off,” Jenny scolds him.

Kai scoffs and shakes his head, looking between us both like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“After all these years, he comes back like he owns the place, and you plan to send me off with him. Of course, I’m pissed. I’m sick of being treated like a kid.”

“You are a fucking child! Every goddamn week I get a call from the cops or someone in town about you. Do you know how much they let you get away with? You should be in prison for the shit you’ve pulled over the years. It’s the end of the line now. You’re twenty-two years old. It’s about time you acted like it.”

“Let me get away with? Oh please. Officer Tim scumbag only does it ‘cos he wants in your pants.”

Jenny is so fast I don’t process that she has hit him until the loud slap from her palm against his cheek echoes around the room. Complete silence follows and I’m stunned. What the fuck has been going on here?

“You little shit. I’ve been friends with Tim for years. He cares about me, about us, and sees what you could achieve, but you’re so fucking happy playing victim that you can’t see it. I’m done, Kai. Leave with Jules or don’t. But I’m done. No more bailing you out. I love you, but you’re slowly killing me.”

Tears fall down Jenny’s face while Kai stares at her with eyes so wide in shock and regret as the red handprint on his face darkens. Fuck, what a mess. As I go to speak, Kai stands and storms down the hallway and slams what I assume is his bedroom door behind him.

“What the hell was that?” I ask. She scoffs at me, a small sneer tries to work its way onto her lips. The unspoken tension we never mention rearing its ugly head.

“Always forgot how perfect the golden boy was.”

“You know nothing, Jenny. You asked me here. And for the record, I was far from a golden boy in our parents’ eyes. Them kicking you out ended that.”

Jenny breathes deeply before hiding her face in her hands, her face softens as she looks at me. The mask back in place.

“Oh god , Jules. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that and I shouldn’t have hit Kai. I’m a bad mother. Our parents were right, I was never going to be a good parent,” she cries. I want to reach out to her, I do. But it feels like I’m walking on a tightrope of emotions that neither of us is ready to face, as I stop myself from reacting.

“Listen to me, I’m sorry we drifted apart for a while. But I’m here now, and I promise to help make this right. This isn’t Kai and I bet he’s in there regretting what just happened,” I say.

“I should’ve had more control. I’ve never hit him before.”

“No, you shouldn’t have hit him. But what’s done is done. Let me go talk to him.”

“Okay.”

“And who is Officer Tim? Is it the bald guy at the station?” I ask, intentionally trying to lighten the heavy mood.

Jenny chuckles, and a slight flush of pink tints her cheeks.

“No, that was Larry. Tim is away visiting his daughter at college. And no, we aren’t together. We’re just friends.”

“I didn’t say anything. Although, it’s good how he’s trying to protect Kai. And you.”

“He’s a good man,” she says, refusing to discuss this Tim guy any further. I won’t give her any shit.

I make my way down the hallway to where Kai disappeared, and knock on his door before opening it and closing it softly behind me. I’m saddened at how bare his room is. I wouldn’t have thought this was anything other than a guest room with the lack of pictures or anything personal. A small double bed is pushed against the middle of the far wall, with just a small chest of drawers next to it and a small closet on the other side of the room. Devoid of any life or hint of who Kai is.

The young man in question is standing at his window, looking out into the backyard.

“Go away,” he says, croaking on the words. I ignore him, and move over to stand behind him.

“Kai. Look at me.”

I rest my hands on his shoulders, and after a few moments of hesitation, he turns to me with tears running down his face. His beautiful eyes are so open and lost. Vulnerable. I gently rub the wetness away with my thumb. His breathing slows as he closes his eyes, calming at the touch. Zaps of electricity cover my skin as I touch his face, a connection that I don’t want to acknowledge because it’s as foreign as it is concerning. After only being in his presence for a few hours, I’m questioning certain things about myself. This sensation of desire blankets me as I look at him, akin to meeting a mysterious stranger in a darkened corner of a bar. I don’t understand it. Ugh, this is stupid. Even having these thoughts feels like I’m taking some kind of advantage of him while he navigates the whirlwind he has himself swept up in. Jenny would have my head if she knew I was even thinking like this. I need to focus. Focus on getting Kai away from here, then maybe he can move on in his life and all this confusing shit that’s starting to fill my head will shut the hell up.

“You’re going to come with me, and we’ll make this right. Your mom didn’t mean it,” I say with a gentleness to my voice I never knew I possessed. Years of being violent and angry, toughened to deal with the scum that is embedded in my life with what I do, has erased all memory of when I was loving and affectionate. Life stopped being full of color when Jenny left home, all I see is a world covered in different shades of gray.

“I deserved it. I’ve never spoken to her like that. I hate myself, Jules. I don’t know what to do,” he sobs, and I grab the back of his neck and pull him into my chest. His hair smells of coconut, and it settles into my soul, creating a core memory that signifies comfort—a drifting sense of peace. The soothing scent has my body automatically relaxing into his arms.

I’m surprised how he clings to me. We’re all fucked up. The three of us hardened to affection that has slowly destroyed us piece by piece in some way. As we stand locked together, all I can think is that I will protect him with everything I have.

“Pack only what you need, go make peace with your mom, and then we’re leaving,” I say, regretfully pulling away from him and leaving the room. Like a mantra, I remind myself that he’s family, and it’s my job to look out for him. I completely ignore my hard dick that’s been begging for attention since I smelled his hair. And his equally hard dick that was pressing into my thigh.

Don’t go there, Jules, you sick fuck .