Forty Four

Forty-Four

Joel

T here wasn’t a part of me that didn’t want to stay with her because, in reality, that’s the only thing that can truly keep her safe. We think we’ve got everything covered, but Emil Renard is one clever, fucked-up son-of-a-bitch. Every second of every day since we found out he was still alive we’re looking over our shoulders. It’s a game of cat and mouse now, but I can’t tell Ana that.

“I leave you for five fucking minutes and all hell breaks loose.”

I jump up from my chair at the head of the table in the chapel as Skip saunters in, like he’s never been away. “Jesus, Skip, what the fuck are you doing here? I thought you were in Sweden?”

“I was. And now I’m back.” He looks around him, hands in his pockets, and sighs. “I miss this fucking place.”

“What are you doing here?”

His slightly narrowed eyes meet mine. “You think I can settle when Ana might be in danger?”

I throw my head back, and it’s my turn to sigh. “Somebody fucking told you, huh?”

“I might have left the club, Joel, but the grapevine is still well and truly up and running.”

“I’ve got everything under control.”

“I’ve no doubt you have. As under control as it can be. Right?” He lifts an eyebrow, and I sigh again, a little heavier this time.

“Shit, Skip, are you fucking kidding me? Do you know what this looks like? It looks like you’ve come back to bail me out because I can’t fucking cope.”

“That isn’t why I’m back.”

“It’s what it looks like!”

“Hey, come on, take a minute. You’re too involved here, Joel.”

“And you’re not? We both want the same thing, don’t we? We want Ana safe.”

“And she will be.”

“She already was.” I lean back against the table and cross my arms, dropping my head. “I should have sent her back. Made her go. If anything happens to her…”

“It won’t be your fault. So, how much do we know?”

I lift my head, stare up at the ceiling, my arms still crossed. “We have no idea where Renard is right now. He was last seen in Oslo a few days ago, but since then, nothing. We have no idea if he’s intending to come for Ana himself, or whether he’s sending others to do it for him, we know he has men here, in Denmark.”

“Any idea how many?”

I shake my head, dropping it again. “Rik’s doing his best, but he has very little on the newly-resurrected Balke family. He’s in contact with colleagues over in Norway, but so far we have nothing. It’s only been a couple of days, though, but I hate having so little control over a situation. It’s fucking unsettling.”

“Welcome to my world.” Skip leans back against the wall and lights up a cigarette. “I’m assuming Renard hasn’t been anywhere near the house?”

“No. We’ve been watching it and it doesn’t look like anyone’s been there, not since everything happened.”

“And what about Renard’s connection to the Blackhawks?”

“He’s severed all links with them.”

“Yeah, well, we might have damaged their ability to function as they used to, but we couldn’t take them down completely. Maybe Renard will finish the job.”

“Is that before or after he’s taken us down?”

“No one’s taking us down, Joel. And shit like that shouldn’t be coming out of your mouth, you’re running this chapter now. It’s your job to rally our men, there’s no room for negativity.”

“There’s a difference between negativity and reality, Skip.”

“You know what you’re doing. You’ll deal with it.”

“So why are you here, then? If you think I can handle this?”

“I don’t think you can handle anything, I know you can. Because I know you care about Ana.”

He’s right. I do. “I’d bring the world to its fucking knees to save her.”

“You’ve never been scared of anything, Joel.”

I look at him, a man I call my brother, because that’s what he is. Family in all but blood. “I’m scared of what I feel for her , Skip. I’m scared of loving her, of losing her, I’m scared she’ll walk away, again, and I’m scared because I might not be able to stop her.”

“I get it.” Skip’s eyes lock on mine, and I believe him. I believe that he does get it. Because he loved Sofia. And if he felt half the shit I’m feeling right now, for Ana, I completely understand why he wanted to walk away from this life. “So, right now you need to be strong, for her. You need to protect her. You need to win this fucking war, for her .”

Skip’s words are like the push I needed to get out of my head; deal with this, once and for all, I’ve let myself be distracted for far too long.

“This will be over,” I say. “And it’s going to be over soon.”

“Then we can all move on with our lives, right?” Skip smiles, and I miss this man, I really do, but he’ll never be out of my life completely, not really.

“Right. We can all move on.”

The end is in sight. And for Ana’s sake, I need to make sure there are no fuck ups this time. This is on me now. It’s all on me. All of it…