Forty Three

Forty-Three

Ana

W hen I wake up, for a second I’m disorientated, and it takes me another second to realize I’m back, in that dangerous world I tried to leave just over a month ago. Because Joel shot me. By accident. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine, but it scared me. I’ve had time to think, though, and Cady was right, I had to leave to know that I needed to come back, if that makes sense. It does, in my head. But still, facing Joel again makes me nervous. He’s President now, he has more responsibilities, more pressure, maybe me coming back isn’t something he wants on his plate right now. And I’m slowly heading toward another solo pity-party so I get up, shower, get dressed, but I give myself a little more alone time before I head downstairs. Neither Freja nor Dag asked too many questions last night, but they might today.

Down in the kitchen, Freja’s made fresh bread rolls, I could smell them from upstairs. Also on the table are a plate of freshly baked pastries, butter, jams and a pot of coffee. And as I sit down and reach for a roll I realize how much I’ve missed Freja’s breakfasts. How at home I’d started to feel.

“Did you sleep well?” she asks, pouring me a coffee.

I nod and tear the roll in half, spreading butter over one of the halves, watching as it melts into the warm bread. “Thank you, Freja. For taking me back in.”

“This is your home,” she says, squeezing my shoulder. “You can come and go as you please, we don’t ask questions here.”

I bite into the warm bread and sit back, staring out of the window and wishing I could just sit here all day eating Freja’s food and doing nothing in particular.

“Are you going into the shop today?” Freja’s voice drags me back into the room, and I reach for some lingonberry jam to spread onto the other half of my roll.

“In a bit, yes.”

“Cady’s really missed you.”

I look at Freja and smile. “I’ve really missed her, too.” It’s like I’ve never been away. I was expecting to come back to a barrage of questions but that hasn’t happened. The only one they’ve really asked is, am I okay? Which I am. I think. Still a little confused, maybe, but I’m hoping that’s going to pass.

“Where’s Dag?” I ask, realizing he’s not here, and he usually never misses breakfast.

“He’s at the club.” Freja leans back against the counter and crosses her arms. “Joel’s called everyone in, and it’s nothing to worry about–”

“Has something happened?” I interrupt as mild panic sets in. “Is everyone okay?”

“Everybody’s fine, it really isn’t anything to worry about.” She waves that comment away with a swish of her hand, and I watch her face closely. Is she lying to me?

“Does it have anything to do with what happened to my dad?”

Freja looks away, and this time there’s something in her expression that tells me she may have said too much.

“Freja…?”

“It’s nothing, Ana. Really. They’re dealing with it.”

The sound of a motorbike pulling up outside interrupts that conversation, and I get up and go to the window, my stomach twisting up into a knot as I see Joel climb off his bike and stride up the path. And there’s a part of me that wants to run, because I’m not sure I’m ready to face him just yet, but I stay rooted to the spot as I hear him open the front door; come into the kitchen. And the second his eyes meet mine I feel everything, all at once. Pain. Regret. Frustration. Fear. Love…

“Hey,” he says, and there’s no hint of a smile on his face, and I feel that knot in my stomach tighten.

“Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

I nod, and when he looks at Freja her expression makes me all kinds of nervous.

“Can I have a word with Freja, alone?” Joel looks at me again, and I nod, again, and head out into the hall. But I don’t go far. Something’s wrong, and I want to know what. So I move quietly toward the closed kitchen door and press my ear against it in the hope that I can hear what they’re saying, anything that might give me a clue as to what’s going on, because something is. And now I’m wondering if Cady knows…

“I’m sorry, Joel, I think I said too much…”

I can hear Freja quite clearly, she must be standing closer to the door, but Joel’s voice is more muffled. Distant. Or maybe he’s just keeping his voice down because he knows I might be trying to listen in. I don’t know. I’m paranoid as hell now. And then the door swings open, and I jump back.

“We need to talk,” Joel says, grabbing my hand, and I glance back over my shoulder at Freja who nods and smiles but her eyes are telling me a different story.

Once outside, Joel leans back against the wall and drags a hand through his slightly unruly hair. It’s grown a little since the last time I saw him, hanging down over his eyes, his jaw covered with a thick stubble, and I’m surprised by how dishevelled he looks.

“We knew where you were, Ana. It wasn’t hard to find you.”

I lean back against the porch railings, so I’m facing him. “So why didn’t you come get me?”

“Because I was doing what I thought was best. I was letting you go. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

His eyes have a hard edge to them, and I cross my arms in an almost defensive stance. I’m protecting myself, I just don’t know from what, yet. “I thought it was.”

“And now?” He turns his head away, staring down this non-descript, ordinary street. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve already spoken to Cady.” He flips his gaze back to me. “Your timing was spot on.”

“Timing?” I frown. I don’t know what he means by that.

“Shit happened, and we needed to get to you before he did.”

“What’s going on, Joel? You needed to get me before who did?”

He takes a breath and turns his head away again. “Your father isn’t dead.”

“I… What?”

This time, when he looks at me, his eyes are cold; serious, and I feel my stomach turn over, and then crash to the floor.

“He isn’t dead. I was so shocked at what I’d done to you that I just assumed Skip had taken him out. He wasn’t moving: Skip said he couldn’t find a pulse, and maybe we should’ve took another second to make sure, but in my head we didn’t have that second. We needed to get you out.”

I don’t understand any of this. It’s crazy! “But – don’t you have people who clean everything up? Make sure there are no loose ends? Didn’t they realize he wasn’t dead?” I’m still appalled at how blasé I am, talking about shit like this as though it’s an everyday occurrence, but I guess I picked up more than I thought during my time with this club.

“Your father paid them off. The fucker was lying there with a bullet in his gut, and he managed to manipulate people we thought we could trust into turning their backs on us. Fuck knows where they are now, somewhere far away with the money he paid them, I’m guessing.”

“I – I don’t get it. I don’t understand… What does this mean? What’s going on?”

“He didn’t try to contact you when you were with Lars and Lea?”

I shake my head and bite down on my lip. “When did you find out? That he was alive, I mean?”

“A few days ago. We had word from our brothers in Oslo that he’d been seen in a bar there. And from what we can gather, he’s now got the Balke family back up and running with him still at the helm. And he wants to move in on our territory here in Denmark. He wants our blood. And he wants you nowhere near us.” Joel sinks to his haunches, pulls a cigarette from the packet in his top pocket and lights up, dragging deep, blowing smoke up into the air. “That wasn’t a problem, when he thought you were settled with Lars and Lea. His work was done on that score, you’d walked away from us just like he’d wanted you to. He thought he could come for us safe in the knowledge that you wouldn’t be harmed, but now you’re back…” He rakes a hand through his hair again, sighing quietly. “We got word that he’s going to do his utmost to take you away from us, Ana. But this time he isn’t going to talk you round with promises of a safer life, he’s just going to take you.”

“Take me?”

His eyes burn into mine. “Kidnap you. Abduct you. You want me to put it in plainer terms?”

My head’s spinning. I thought all of this was over, and now I’m being told it isn’t, and this time it’s worse?

“But I – I only made the decision to come back last night? How – how could he have found out so quickly? How is this moving so fast?”

Joel drops his head, his shoulders sagging, and when he looks back up I suddenly realize how tired he looks. How exhausted he is. “It just is, Ana. Because your father is a fucking dangerous bastard. But so are we, and we have more people looking out for us than he realizes, and that is why this is moving so fast.” He pulls himself to his feet, takes one last drag on his cigarette and drops it to the floor, grinding it into the ground with the heel of his boot. “I’m taking you to one of our safe houses.”

“Hang on… Joel, I don’t want to go–”

“Get on the bike.” He tosses me a helmet and climbs onto his bike, but I hesitate, because I’m still confused, still trying to get my head around what the hell is going on here. “Get on the fucking bike, Ana!”

I pull on the helmet and climb on behind him, holding tightly onto the grab rail as he pulls away. I have no clothes, nothing with me, he didn’t give me any time to grab anything, and all I’m feeling now is numb.

It feels like we’ve been on the road for ages when we pull up outside an ordinary one storey house on a residential street somewhere in the suburbs, but when I check my watch I see we’ve only been on the road for about twenty minutes.

“This is the safe house?” I ask, frowning as I climb off the bike.

“Better to put you somewhere out in the open. Makes it less likely he’ll try to do anything on a street like this, it’s too public.”

“My old house was on a street like this. It didn’t stop you and Skip coming for him .”

He ignores that and strides up the front path, opens the door and goes inside. I follow, closing the door behind me.

“Cady will be here soon with some things for you, clothes, toiletries, all that stuff.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, looking around the bright and airy hallway. It’s a small house, but it’s incredibly cute.

“Listen, Ana…” He comes toward me, but stops before he gets too close. “All of this, it’s fucking with my head because I am tired of losing you. I’m tired of not having you here, and the fight is exhausting but I will keep on doing it until you are safe. Do you hear me? I will never stop fighting for you, whether you want me or not–”

“I want you.” The words spill out of me before I have any time to think about it, but I mean them. I absolutely mean them. “I want you,” I repeat, just to make sure he heard. And then he smiles, and for a brief moment the weariness in his eyes disappears, the exhaustion dissipates, and he pulls me into his arms and holds me, and I cling onto him. I don’t ever want to let him go. When he kisses me I forget everything, for a second, and I wish we could stay this way, just for a little while. But we can’t, I know that, this fucking nightmare isn’t even close to ending. And as tears start to fall down my face I’m both angry and scared and there’s a part of me that just wants to run, again. But I can’t. I won’t. It’s time to stop being rebellious and let Joel take the lead.

“Hey, don’t cry.” He smiles again and gently wipes my tears away with his thumb, and now I’m scared for him, too. Scared my dad is going to do something to this man because he’s protecting me. “It’s going to be okay, Ana, I promise you. And this time that promise won’t be broken.” He rests the palm of his hand against my cheek, his forehead against mine, and I close my eyes and breathe him in and realize I’ve missed him so much more than I was ever going to admit. “This time I mean it,” he murmurs, his thumb stroking my skin, and again I grasp at another moment of peace with this man. A moment that’s short lived as a knock at the door brings us crashing back to a harsh reality.

“Hey, guys, it’s Cady!”

Joel lets go of me and opens the door to let Cady in.

“You okay, kiddo?” She smiles at me and drops a holdall down on the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this last night?” I ask her, and I don’t mean to sound accusatory, but I probably do.

“Because it wasn’t my place. He didn’t want it to come from me.” She jerks her head in Joel’s direction. “Besides, we didn’t have all the information until the early hours of this morning. I have to say, though, Ana, your timing couldn’t have been better.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Cady’s going to stay with you,” Joel says, his tone back to being matter-of-fact. Our moment is well and truly over.

“What about the store?” I ask.

“There are plenty of people who can look after that place for a few days.” Cady heads off down the hallway toward the kitchen, and I follow her. “I’ve brought a couple of the other club girls in to take over, temporarily, of course. Hannah and Daisy have both got retail experience, they know what they’re doing… I could do with a drink, have we got any whiskey in here?”

The small but modern kitchen is all decked out in the best Ikea has to offer. It’s warm and cozy with sage green walls and under cupboard lighting and just enough space for a foldaway table and two chairs. Cady finds a bottle of whiskey in one of the cupboards, opens it, and takes a couple of glasses from a shelf on the wall. I hear Joel out in the hall, it sounds like he’s going from room to room, making sure everything’s safe…?

“Do you want one?”

Cady’s voice makes me jump, I guess I’m more on edge than I thought, and I look at her. “Sorry?”

“Whiskey. Do you want one?”

“No. Thanks. I’m good.”

Cady pours herself a drink and takes a sip. “It’s all going to be okay, Ana. Joel has everything under control.”

“Does he?” I change my mind, pick up the whiskey bottle, and pour myself a large measure. “Does he know where my father is?”

Cady just looks at me. “It’s under control.”

“Then why am I here? Why can’t I just stay at Dag and Freja’s?”

“You know why, Ana, don’t be na?ve.”

“I’m scared, Cady, that’s what I am. I thought he was dead, I thought he was out of my life. I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“I know. And he will be out of your life, soon.”

“She’s right.” Joel comes into the room, casting a quick glance in my direction. “Because I’m personally going to take the bastard down. And this time I’ll make sure the job’s finished.” He pours himself a whiskey and downs it on one. “This house is safe. You two will be safe. And this will all be over soon, okay?”

Cady nods. I drop my head and take a deep breath.

“Ana?”

I feel him move closer, I can smell his cologne; a deep, almost woody scent that’s comforting and familiar. And I lift my head, our eyes locking. And I nod; smile slightly. He tucks a finger under my chin, tilts my head up and kisses me, and it’s another moment I try to enjoy, but there’s a fear bubbling away inside of me that I’m not going to be able to shift until this is over.

“Just, be careful,” I whisper, and he smiles a smile that reaches his eyes but that still doesn’t make me feel any better.

“Always, kiddo.”

He turns away and says something to Cady that I don’t hear, because I’m not really listening anymore. And then he’s gone. Cady heads out into the hall, and I hear her check the front door and pull the chain across.

“Fancy watching a movie?” she asks, her voice light and bright and I decide I’ve got no other choice but to go with this. “I brought popcorn.”

I smile and shrug. “Why not?”