Chapter Forty-One

Andy

Just like Leo had promised, after my first session with Harrison, we escaped to our place and bunkered down for the rest of the day. Wrapped up in one another, I felt relaxed and content. Happier than I had been in years. I expected Dad to come looking for us when dinner rolled around, but instead, he sent a simple text telling us that he had left food outside for us if we were hungry. And sure enough, wrapped up in his Tupperware, we found meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a pie for dessert.

I had reluctantly climbed from our bed when my alarm went off at four in the morning. Leaving Leo wrapped in the blankets when I really wanted to stay with him. But I had promised Pop that I would spend some time with him. He had sent me a quick message last night that he was home, and if I wanted to go with him to Panthers practice this morning, I was more than welcome. Once I had showered and dressed, making sure to kiss Leo before I left, I found Pop waiting for me on the front porch. He held out a coffee as he stood up and gave me a bright smile.

Now I was sitting in the passenger side of his truck while Pop hummed along to the country station playing on the radio. His fingers tapped out the rhythm on the steering wheel. When he caught me watching, he grinned.

"I know, I'm not the singer you and your father are."

I didn't discourage him from singing. Not like when I was a kid. I knew there would be a time in my life when I wouldn't have the luxury of hearing Pop's voice. Singing or not.

"You're fine."

"You used to get so embarrassed," Pop teased.

I chuckled. "I was just a kid and kind of dumb."

"You were never dumb, Andy." Pop's voice was coated with sadness. "Even though you're not a child anymore, you'll always be that scared little boy who cried in my arms when I told him I loved him."

A lump formed in my throat. "Pop," I croaked.

"I meant it then, and I mean it now, Andy. I feel like we failed as parents when I think about the shit you were carrying around. You could have come to us sooner. You know that, right?" He kept his eyes glued to the road in front of him, but I caught the way his chin quivered.

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, kiddo. You were trying to be strong. You might be twenty-one, but you're still our little boy, and we want to help you. No matter what." Pop slowed the car to a stop and shifted it into park once we reached the rink. His eyes were wet with tears when he finally looked at me.

My vision blurred. "I guess that I was scared. Worried about what you would think. You and Dad have been the most amazing parents I could have asked for. I love you both so much, and I turned out to be a fraud."

"Andy, son, you're not a fraud. Why would you say that?" Pop twisted his giant frame toward me.

I popped my jaw as tears began to spill down my cheeks. "Because people expect me to be perfect. And as hard as I try, I just don't feel like I am even close."

"Did your father and I ever make you think that's what you had to be? We only wanted you to be happy."

"What? No, never. And... I was happy. For a bit."

Pop placed his big hand on my shoulder. "I am incredibly proud of what you and your brothers have achieved. But if it doesn't make you happy, you don't have to continue. Dad knew when it was too much for him."

"It does make me happy, really, I just..." I sighed and watched out the window as my uncle, Tom, pulled his car up next to ours.

He blinked at me in surprise before a giant smile spread over his face. I tried to return the smile, but I wasn't sure my lips turned up. I wondered if I was going to be this miserable for the rest of my life. I quickly turned back to my father.

"I don't know why I feel like this. Why I'm sad and depressed. Why I made stupid decisions thinking they would make everything better. There's only one person who makes me feel whole, and that's Leo."

Pop squeezed my shoulder. "You're so much like your father sometimes."

"That's a compliment." There was no one I had wanted to be more like than Maverick Olson when I was a kid. Even after he became my father. He was golden in my eyes.

Pop smiled. "It sure is." He removed his hand. "We should head inside. Maybe you and I can put the skates on after practice. Have a little one-on-one time."

"I think I'd like that." I unbuckled my seatbelt, then followed him inside.

***

Watching the Panthers practice brought back a lot of memories. Pop teaching me how to skate, showing me all the ins and outs of hockey. Beaming proudly from the sidelines when I scored my first goal. I enjoyed playing, but I didn't have the passion that Pop and Tom did. It wasn't what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life. Music had always been in my blood. What I wanted to do.

"How's it feel to be home?" Tom skated over to where I was sitting on the bench. His dark eyes that matched Pop's sparkled with happiness.

I shrugged. "Fine, I guess."

"You guess?" Tom lifted his mask off and dragged a hand through his sweat-infused hair. "I thought that you and Leo worked things out and living together in the guesthouse."

The WAGs chat. Of course. "Leo and I are back together. I just..." I sighed as I tried to gather my thoughts together. "How did you manage to get back on the ice after..." I waved a hand in front of my face.

Tom had been in a terrible skating accident that left had him scared. Not to mention the PTSD that it caused him. If it wasn't for his husband, Blake, who knew where he might be? Hiding from everyone and everything.

"Therapy." He grinned before his face grew serious. "And Blake."

I grunted. "Of course, it was Blake. Because he's all sunshine and butterflies. Like Leo."

"He's both of those things, but he saved my life, Andy. He helped me realize I wasn't living by hiding away in Canfield. Blake would have still loved me. He would have married me, stayed in Canfield, hidden away from the world, but that wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted was this." Tom raised his arms. "The roar of the crowd, the smell of the ice. Standing in the crease and protecting the goal." He leaned closer. "The smile on my husband's face when I come home from being on the road for a few days."

I wrinkled my nose. "Gross."

"You think I'm talking about sex?" Tom roared with laughter. "I mean, okay, yeah, but it's the way Blake looks at me. He's the reason I decided to get my shit together. The man who makes me get up in the morning, and the reason I fall asleep with a smile on my face."

I could get behind that. "Leo makes me feel like that."

"Because you're soulmates." Tom knocked my shoulder with his gloved fist. "It's good to have you home, kiddo. I missed you, but not as much your fathers did." He tilted his head. "You planning on marrying Leo?"

I flushed. "I am." I still had the original ring I had given Leo. The one he threw back at me when I broke his heart. I wanted to have a few adjustments made to it before I slipped it back on his finger.

"Good man." Tom winked before he skated off. I watched as he stopped to talk to all his teammates, knocking his head against the helmets before he moved into the crease.

I glanced up when Pop came to stand next to me. He had his phone pressed to his ear, a big smile on his face and that look in his eye. The one that he saved for Dad. All starry and heart filled. His voice was soft as he spoke, and I couldn't stop the sudden rush of fear that gripped my throat and caused my stomach to twist into knots. I had to get out of here. I was suffocating and—

"Breathe, Andy." Pop's voice was in my ear. "I'm right here." He combed his fingers through my hair. "You're okay."

I struggled in his arms. "I can't.... Pop...I just..."

"Tell me three things you can hear," he murmured.

I felt like I was choking. "Your voice. The puck slicing over the ice. My heart thumping against my chest."

"Good." Pop cooed softly. "Now, three things you can smell."

I tried to calm my racing heart. "The ice." I opened my eyes. "Your aftershave. And the popcorn that they always make during the games."

"And three things you can see?"

"You, the ceiling, and Tom."

My uncle grinned when Pop turned at the sound of his voice. "Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you both were okay."

"Andy?" Pop's eyes were now full of worry and fear. I hated that I had done that to him. Again.

I nodded. "I'm good, Pop." But when he started to stand up, I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug. "Just give me a second."

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." Pop returned my embrace and held me as I gathered myself together.

When I finally pulled away, Pop gave me a small smile.

"Thanks," I whispered as shame mingled in my throat.

Even when I was a kid, I'd never acted like this. I had been forced to grow up early, take care of myself, and trusting people hadn't been easy. Until Dad and Pop came into my life.

"I'm always here if you need me." Pop brushed the hair from forehead.

I hugged him again because if I didn't, I might start sobbing like a fool, and I didn't want to do that here. Not in front of my uncle or Pop's team.

"I love you," I said, my arms tight around his frame.

"I love you, too, kiddo."