27. Twenty-Seven

27

TWENTY-SEVEN

M y anger had teeth, and I wanted to take a bite out of somebody. The only target was Miles, however, and he hadn’t technically done anything wrong.

The Leo from a month ago would’ve attacked him anyway. I was hurting, so why not burn down every bridge I could on my way out? I didn’t do that, though. Instead, I headed for the door.

“What are you going to do?” Dexter asked.

I hadn’t even realized he was still there. I thought he’d left. Apparently, he’d circled around and come back.

“I don’t know.” That was the truth. Sam had given me my out. I could finish shooting Evermore. They would kill me off in the finale, making it a huge cliffhanger. I didn’t even like the show. Although … was that really true any longer? It didn’t feel true. Somewhere along the way I had become invested in the show.

You’re invested in Sam. That pesky inner voice of mine wanted to have an entire conversation right now. I simply didn’t have the energy.

“I need some air,” was all I said to Dexter.

“Okay. Congratulations on the movie, man. That’s a big deal.”

It felt like a death sentence more than an opportunity. “Thanks,” I replied dully.

The sky was overcast when I emerged from the warehouse. Storms were imminent. I didn’t even know if I could make it back to the hotel before they hit. I also didn’t care.

By the time I made it to Essex Street, the rain was coming down in a torrent. I put one foot in front of the other, my head down—there was no foot traffic to avoid—and plodded toward the Hunter Hotel.

What was I going to do? I couldn’t keep putting off making my decision. I’d been doing that for days and look where it had got me. If I’d just told Sam the truth, even though she would’ve been hurt, she would’ve helped me figure things out.

There had to be a way for both of us to get everything we wanted. What was it, though?

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t recognize a car had stopped next to me until I was ready to cross to Hawthorne Boulevard. The mechanical sound of the window rolling down had me jerking up my eyes. There, I found Alexander watching me.

“What are you doing here?” I blurted out.

“Get in,” was his response. He inclined his head toward the backseat.

More therapy? That sounded painful. And yet he was all I had at this moment.

I wordlessly opened the back door and climbed inside. I didn’t bother with a seatbelt—and Alexander didn’t prod me—and stared forward as he pulled away from the curb.

“What happened?” he asked. “Did you make your choice?”

I told him about how things had played out—there was no reason to make myself look better in the narrative, so I was honest—and when I was finished, I sank into the seat and closed my eyes.

“It’s over,” I said in a hoarse voice.

“What’s over?”

“All of it.”

“Well, that’s a bit dramatic. I would expect nothing less from you, though.” Alexander didn’t take me to the hotel. He kept going into the residential area on the other side of the hotel. “What are you feeling?”

“I’m not feeling anything. I just … it’s over. I’ve lost her.”

“That’s also dramatic. You haven’t lost anything now … unless that’s what you want.”

“How can you say that?” My temper came out to play. “She’s gone. She walked away from me.”

“I thought you weren’t feeling anything,” he challenged. “That’s what you just told me. Obviously, you’re feeling something. Actually, you’re feeling a whole lot of somethings. Why not tell me what that is?”

“I … don’t know what you’re even saying!” I was at the end of my rope.

“Yes, you do.” Alexander wasn’t having it. “Stop being a baby and tell me what you’re feeling.”

“What kind of therapist are you?”

“The kind that gets results. Now tell me what you’re feeling.”

I could’ve screamed at him and hopped out of the car. I could’ve burned everything down inside his vehicle. I could’ve reverted to the old Leo. I didn’t, though. Instead, I just stared. Then I sighed, and it sounded more like a sob than anything else.

“I feel empty,” I replied. “I feel as if she built everything up inside of me, and then by walking away she hollowed everything out again.”

“That was a very good answer.” Alexander pulled to a stop in front of a huge Victorian house with a “for sale” sign on the lawn. He put the vehicle in park and then turned to face me. “Why didn’t you tell her about the job?”

“Because I was afraid.” I was laying myself bare now. I had to. If anybody could help me figure a way out of this, I knew it was Alexander. Somehow he’d magically dropped into my life at the right time, and as annoying as he was, he also had an unerring ability to read a situation.

“What were you afraid of?”

“Of hurting her. That was the last thing I wanted.”

“Why did you think it would hurt her if you guys agreed that there was an expiration date on your relationship?”

“Because she told me it would. She said she was going to develop real feelings for me—she could already tell—and that she didn’t want to feel the pain of losing me. She told me that before we got together the second time.”

“And yet you guys got together anyway.”

“We couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t stay away from her. She made me feel things I’d never felt before.”

“And she felt the same way?”

“We didn’t talk about it. We were careful not to talk about it.”

“Because maybe she was afraid too?”

I cocked my head. “What was she afraid of?” I asked finally. “I mean … other than the obvious.”

“You guys insulated yourselves in a cocoon and made it so you were the only two people who existed. That worked for a time because you could essentially shut the outside world out. That was never going to last, though. You realize that, right?”

“That’s why I’m here. She’s gone.”

To my surprise, Alexander chuckled. “Not that part, you nincompoop. I’m talking about the cocoon. That was the part that wasn’t real. Inside of that cocoon, you guys were as real as possible, but you were on borrowed time because you can’t live outside of the real world forever.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning decisions were always going to have to be made.”

“She made the decision. She walked away from me.”

“Geez. Seriously, turn down the drama machine. All she did was run to her hotel room so she could cry without anybody seeing her.”

The words were like a shot to the heart. “Do you really think she’s crying?”

“Are you being serious right now?” Alexander gave me a dubious look. “Of course she’s crying. She just doesn’t want you to know that she’s crying because she’s afraid she’ll be piling guilt on you. She promised to let you walk away when it was time, and that’s what she’s doing. She’s crushed, though.”

I wanted to believe him. Desperately. “How do I make it so she doesn’t cry?”

“First you have to make your decision.”

“I don’t want to give up the movie.”

“Okay. Then that’s your decision.”

“I don’t want to give her up either. I can’t. I … love her.” I had never said that about anybody in my life. Not even my parents before everything had gone to hell. The second I said it, I knew I meant it with every fiber of my being.

“Do you think there’s a way you can have the movie and her?”

“I don’t know. I need to figure it out. I was hoping she could help me do that but…”

“But you wimped out and now you have almost no time to make your decision,” Alexander finished. “Yeah, I’ve got it. What if you have to choose?”

“Between her or the movie?”

He nodded.

“She wins. Hands down.” I didn’t trip over the words as they were coming out. I didn’t even have to think about my answer. “There’s always going to be another movie. There’s only one her.”

“So, that’s your answer.”

“She left me, though.”

“She ran away to protect her heart,” Alexander countered. “Don’t give her grief over that. She’s allowed to save face.”

He was right. I couldn’t hold that against her. “So, what I need to do is figure out if I can keep this job and do the movie.”

“Is that possible?”

“I think so. I need to break it down.”

“Know anybody who is good at scheduling?”

“Actually, I do.” I managed a watery smile. “Take me back to the hotel.”

“I haven’t earned my fee yet. I still have three different realizations I want to lead you to where Sam is concerned.”

“I don’t need you to lead me to them. I already know. She’s my future. She’s … it for me. She’s what I want.”

“It’s kind of annoying that you figured that out on your own.”

“Yes, well, I’m becoming a better man. Thanks to her.”

“Aw, that’s kind of cute.” Alexander pulled away from the curb. “Who are you going to get to help you?”

“Two people who know a lot about scheduling.”

“And what happens if you can get everything you want?”

“Then I’m going to take it … and never let it go.”

“That sounds like a good plan.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

DAISY AND JAX WERE GAME TO HELP ME figure it out. Daisy used the white board she reserved for difficult parties to break things down.

“Okay, from the information you’ve given me, it looks as if you’re going to spend three months on the movie set,” Daisy said. She had a ruler in her hand, and I was legitimately worried she was going to smack me with it. “The second season—if you guys get one—is likely at least nine months away. How is this going to work?”

I’d already worked the bulk of this out in my head. “We’ll leave from here and go to the movie set. The shoot starts in Vegas and then moves to Vancouver for the final two months.”

“And you want to take Sam with you, correct?” Jax pressed.

I nodded. “Yeah. I want her with me. She’ll be done filming the show. I know she loves this place, but we’ll be back. I’ll promise her that we can come back just as soon as the movie shoot wraps.”

“And you’ll follow through on that promise, right?” Daisy pressed.

“Basically what my fiancée is saying is that if you take Sam from her, she’s going to hurt you,” Jax volunteered.

“I’ll hurt you so bad,” Daisy agreed. “There will be pliers … and electrodes … and bikini wax.”

I cringed. “Well, thank you for that visual.”

She smirked. “I’m just saying. I don’t want to lose her.”

“We’ll have to come back to film the second season. I mean … if it happens.”

“What are the odds it will be picked up?” Jax asked. He was a practical guy. He liked all the facts.

“I think they’re good. The script is strong. The gossip has people talking. I think it will definitely be picked up.”

“Okay, what if it’s not, though?”

I held out my hands. “This is the sort of business where you can’t guarantee anything. I’ve seen shows that everybody thought would be hits coming out of the gate, and I’ve seen shows nobody thought would do anything last for ten years.”

“Sam will understand that part of it,” Daisy interjected. “Leo is right. He can’t control everything. He just needs a plan to present her with.”

“So, she goes with you to film the movie,” Jax pressed. “What then?”

“Then we do whatever she wants,” I replied. “It’s about getting both of us what we want.”

“And if Sam wants to come back here and find a place to live and spend the six months until you start filming again skipping along the waterfront?” Daisy challenged.

“Then Sam gets what she wants,” I replied without hesitation. “I’m not trying to take everything from her and not reciprocate. I want her to get everything she wants too.”

“What happens if the movie is a huge hit?” Jax asked. “Will you leave the show for another movie down the line?”

I’d already considered it. “I want to stay on the show. With Sam. I thought maybe the compromise would be one movie in the offseason. The rest of the time is for whatever she wants.”

“It sounds like a fair compromise to me,” Jax noted.

Daisy rolled her eyes. “Of course you think that.”

“You believe differently?” he challenged.

“This is a negotiation,” Daisy replied. “I’m trying to get my girl everything she needs.”

“Here we go,” Jax muttered under his breath, forcing me to swallow a smile.

I would need Daisy on my side if this was going to work, so if she had hoops she wanted me to jump through, I was ready for them. “What do you think she’s going to want to sweeten the deal?” I asked, bracing myself.

“Don’t say a proposal,” Jax warned. “Don’t even go there.”

Daisy shot him a disdainful look. “I wasn’t going to say a proposal, so just chill out. It’s too soon for that. Don’t propose until you’re done with the movie shoot,” she warned me. “The whole point of that shoot is for the two of you to get to know one another better and be out in the open for a change.”

“I wasn’t considering a proposal,” I assured her. “Not yet anyway. I just want to take care of her.”

“Then what else might she want?” Daisy asked primly.

“I was thinking maybe we could get a place here,” I replied. “If the show does as well as I think it will, then we’ll be spending at least half of the year here. Now, a house isn’t practical to start with,” I cautioned. “We need a place with a property manager.”

“Like a condo with a view of the water?”

“Actually, that sounds perfect.” I narrowed my eyes. “Why? Do you know of a condo on the water that’s going to be on the market?”

“Actually, I do,” Daisy replied. “Jennifer Granger is going to be selling her condo, but not for about four months or so. The timing might work out because you would be finishing up your shoot around then.”

“What’s the place like?”

“It’s a condo on the water,” Daisy replied. “Does it matter? It’s nice, though. She didn’t have any pets and she’s a nonsmoker.”

I ran the idea through my head. “I’m not buying a place until Sam and I are on the same page,” I warned her.

“I’m just saying it’s an option. You can have it in your back pocket when Sam fights you … and she is going to fight you at first.”

My brow furrowed. “What makes you say that?”

“She wants you more than she’s ever wanted anything,” Daisy replied. “She’s afraid to want you, though. Also, she’s a giver. She’ll hurt herself if she believes she’s giving you what you need. You have to prove to her that what you need is her.”

It made sense when I thought about it. “She is what I need. If she doesn’t want to go with me to the movie set, I’ll give up the movie and stay here with her.”

Daisy shook her head. “She’s not going to want that either. You guys need to have balance. Her needs are important. Yours are too. She’ll want to go to the movie set with you.”

“And, in return, you’ll be coming back here for the show because it’s what she needs,” Jax said. “It’s a good compromise.”

“Okay.” I dragged a hand through my hair. “How do I tell her? Do I go upstairs and knock on her door and blurt it all out?”

“No way.” Daisy looked appalled. “It’s grand gesture time.”

“Grand gesture time?” I looked to Jax for help.

“You need to give her everything she wants in a way that she can’t question it,” Jax explained. “I think that means you have to do it on set or something.”

“You mean in public,” I realized.

“You hid yourselves away,” Daisy volunteered. “That was what you needed at the time. Now, though, you have to bring your relationship into the light.” She leaned close. “If you tell her everything she wants to hear in front of an audience she’s more likely to believe it.”

I thought about it. “I don’t want to do it on the set,” I said finally. “That’s too … weird. Besides, Bethany and Sylvia ruin everything they touch right now.”

“You should probably talk to Miles,” Jax said. “Make him know you’re not leaving. Commit to that decision before you do anything with Sam. That way she’ll know you’re serious.”

Daisy snapped her fingers. “That right there is very good.”

A plan was starting to form. “Sam and I have a night shoot tomorrow … although I’m not sure how that will go given the fact that we knocked off early today. I’ll do it then.”

“Where is your night shoot?” Daisy asked.

“The cemetery.”

“Luckily for you, Sam will think that’s a romantic setting. I like it.”

“I’ll talk to Miles first thing in the morning,” I said. “I’ll commit to the show for its duration. Then I’ll make plans for tomorrow night.”

“Tell Miles what you’re going to do,” Daisy said. “Something tells me he’ll help.”

“Yeah.” I thought about it. “Although, he did try to date her.”

“I don’t think he put a lot of effort into that,” Daisy said. “Tell him the truth. He’ll understand. Then get your head in the game. You need to be prepared to stand strong, because her first instinct will be to cut you loose for your own good. She’ll turn herself into a martyr.”

“She will,” I agreed. “It’s going to be a fight. I have to prove that it’s okay for her to have faith in me.”

“She wants to have faith in you, Leo,” Daisy said. “Trust me. That’s what I saw that first day on the tour. The other thing I saw was that you wanted her to have faith in you. At the time, you just didn’t realize it.”

“I want her to believe in me more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life,” I agreed.

“Well, then make it happen. You have the tools at your disposal. Now you just need to go big.”

“Then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”