Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

DANICA

Something cold and wet startled Danica awake, and she opened her eyes to find that the cold and wet thing in question was Pete. Worse, it was a massive drool spot on Pete's shoulder, where her head had just been. She was so sore and so stiff; she could barely move. Well, that, and Pete's arm was wrapped around her, their legs entwined. She assured herself that they'd probably ended up in this position for warmth under the thinnest throw blanket in the Rocky Mountain region, but that didn't make it less startling.

She’d said a little too much the night before. Had she still been a bit drunk when Pete had come into the living room? Of all the people for her to confess to, why had she told Pete about her and Eddie?

Pete looked so peaceful like this, her cheek squished adorably against the back of the couch. It was annoying how attractive Pete had remained, how she still had high cheekbones and a perfect jaw, with only small wrinkles at the edges of her eyes, like she smiled enough to create permanent reminders of her joy. Freckles smattered across her nose and cheeks, barely visible except for the fact that Danica was looking at her from three inches away.

"Stop staring at me, Wendell," Pete murmured, her eyes still closed.

Danica startled. "I wasn't."

Pete's eyes fluttered open, heavy lidded, as she looked up at Danica. "It's not time to wake up yet," she said, sleepily wrapping her arm tighter around Danica's shoulders to draw her in. "You're so warm." Pete nuzzled Danica’s neck, sending a jolt of ticklish pleasure through her body. Her toes may or may not have curled, but that could have also been from how cold the room remained.

Ignoring the way her heart was fluttering, Danica placed a hand on Pete's chest to create some room for herself. "We fell asleep on the couch. We should go back to our rooms before anyone notices." She tried to pitch her voice low while also attempting to aim her morning breath anywhere but at Pete.

Pete rubbed at her eyes, her eyebrows drawing together in sleepy confusion. "Sorry, yeah, you're right." She pushed at her dark curls that were falling over her face and sticking in a million directions, like a charming yet freshly electrocuted baby bird. She shifted back away from Danica, swallowing and rubbing at her face.

Footsteps drew her attention, and Danica glanced up just in time to see Kiera walk into the great room toward the kitchen. Kiera was probably on a mission to get coffee, and maybe if Danica was lucky, or if the universe was finally on her side for once, Kiera would walk right back to her room without glancing toward the couch where Pete's face was still only inches from her own. From how they were struggling to pull apart their sore limbs and smooth their clothes and hair, she could only guess what it looked like they'd been doing.

"You guys want coffee?" Kiera called quietly from the kitchen.

Danica cleared her throat. "Uh, yeah. Coffee sounds good. Didn't get much sleep."

Pete choked on a sudden laugh, the sound abruptly cut short by a death-glare from Danica that made her hastily clear her throat. "Yeah, we fell asleep watching TV."

Maggie walked into the room, showered, completely clothed and ready for the day, her arm still in its navy-blue sling. Cheerfully, she wished them both good morning without a moment's hesitation or a judgmental look. She sat down on a chair next to the couch, reaching for the remote to change the channel from Bravo to MSNBC.

"Not the news," Pete groaned, and Danica found herself agreeing. "It's like 4 a.m., you monster."

"It's 7 a.m. and I've been up for an hour. I've been waiting for you little cuddle bugs to wake up so I can catch up on last night's Maddow," Maggie said.

A wave of mortification washed over Danica as she ducked her head, not meeting anyone’s eye.

"Coffee for the cuddle bugs," Kiera said with over-the-top sweetness as she brought two mugs of coffee and set them on the table next to where Pete’s feet rested.

"Oh my god, are they finally awake?" Izzy groaned, walking into the living room, still in her pajamas, to sit down on the couch on Pete's other side. Pete threw a casual arm around Izzy's shoulders and Danica stifled the flare of... was that jealousy? Or possessiveness? Either way, she made herself look away, and picked up her steaming mug of coffee.

"You know, you could have just woken us up," Danica said, looking around the room at her friends who were doing their best impressions people who were trying very hard not to see them.

Maggie waved her free hand. "You two were the picture of cozy. Who was I to ruin that?"

Kiera settled on the floor near Danica's feet, glancing at Danica's cross stitch project discarded on the floor near her. "Dan, does this really say You Bet Giraffe I'm Cute ?"

"It's for a baby!" Danica said quickly.

"I should hope so," Kiera said, shaking her head and grinning. She leaned back against the couch next to Danica's legs. "Aunt Jade needs a sectional. I can't believe she only has one three-seater couch and a chair."

"And she also needs more blankets," Danica added, stretching and realizing just how sore she really was. Snowboarding had made her use muscles she hadn’t thought about since med school.

"Well, Maggie's off the slopes today. What should the rest of us do?" Danica asked, glancing around the room. "I think I need a day off, too."

"We could walk around town," Kiera offered.

"We could walk around town and find a spa," Maggie said, and Danica nodded excitedly.

"I want to get as much boarding in as possible," Izzy said.

"I'll go with you," Pete offered, and Izzy smiled at her in response.

Again, Danica stared down into her coffee, forcing herself to take a larger, burning sip, just to replace one uncomfortable feeling with another as the liquid scalded over her tongue. What was going on with her? Maybe it would be nice to have some space to think about what she was feeling, and why. Maybe Kiera and Maggie could help her wrap her head around all of the events of the past 12 hours.

"Alright, well, that settles it. I'll book us massages at a spa and we can walk around town until it’s time for our appointments," Danica said.

"And facials!" Kiera added.

"And pedicures," Maggie joined.

"Wow, that really escalated," Danica remarked, glancing toward Pete and Izzy. "You sure you don't want to join in on this self-care party?"

"Nope. Today's the day I'm going to get through Little Rose without fear," Pete said. "You up for the challenge, Iz?"

Izzy nodded. "You bet. And then Millions and Dynamo after and we’ll see how we feel at the bottom?"

"Aren't those expert runs? Like expert-expert?" Kiera asked.

Pete shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

The idea of Pete on an expert-expert run made something squeeze with worry inside her chest. "Be careful," Danica said.

Pete gave her a thoughtful look, as if trying to figure out the meaning of Danica's tone. "We will be. I promise."

Danica awoke in a strange place for the second time that day, except she was face down on a massage table and a stranger was gently patting her shoulder. Dammit, falling asleep during a massage was the worst. Despite the relaxation, the lack of a tense-to-relaxed transition left her feeling unsatisfied.

"I'm going to step out while you get dressed," the soft-spoken massage therapist said before stepping through the door.

Danica sat up, feeling much less sore than she had that morning. Stretching, she felt a lingering tightness in her abs, a welcome contrast to the loose, amazing feeling in her shoulders and legs. She was a different woman than the Danica that had hobbled into the shop earlier, wincing with each step.

She dressed and checked her phone, noticing that her colleague Annie had sent her a positive update about her favorite patient. Smiling to herself, she turned off her phone and wiped at the drool on her cheek, before the massage therapist came back in to escort her to her pedicure. Skipping the facial for an extra thirty minutes of massage had sounded like a great idea, but really, she'd just paid to have a nap.

Keira already sat in one of the pedicure chairs with a magazine across her lap. "Well, good morning, sunshine," she said, smiling as she looked at to Danica. "Have a nice nap?"

"You could tell?" Danica questioned, flattening her thick, sleep-tousled hair, feeling self-conscious.

"You have your woke-up-cranky look on your face," Kiera said with a knowing grin. "Which means you probably feel unsatisfied about missing out on the whole massage experience, if I know you.”

Danica shook her head, climbing into the pedicure chair beside her friend and placing her feet in the warm, bubbling water. "If you ever get tired of being a middle school science teacher, you should be a detective."

"Nah, fuck the police," Kiera said blandly, flipping a page in her magazine.

Danica snorted a laugh. "Maybe a private investigator. A professional stalker, if you will."

Kiera appeared thoughtful, her brow creased. "That does sound appealing. Maybe I missed my calling."

The nail technician offered them both beverages, and they ordered mimosas for themselves and Maggie.

Maggie walked through a doorway from a small room on one end of the salon. Her dewy skin was pink and moisturized, and she walked over to the pedicure chair on Danica's other side. "There's our Sleeping Beauty,” she said. “I could hear your snores for my entire facial."

"Could you really?!" Horrified, Danica looked from one friend to another, and Kiera smiled at her, shaking her head gently.

"I'm kidding. You think I could hear anything over the Enya playing in that room?" Maggie said while adjusting settings on the pedicure chair and turning on the massagers.

"Not all spa music is Enya," Danica corrected, flipping through the nail color booklet hooked to the side of the chair.

"Yeah, but all Enya is spa music, so, like, am I really wrong?" Maggie said.

"She does make a good point," Kiera said, flipping another page in her magazine. Two technicians brought the women mimosas, then sat down at Kiera and Danica's feet to start their service.

"So, I think we'd all like to know what exactly is going on with you and Pete," Maggie stated, rolling her pant legs up further as she settled into the foot bath.

"Nothing," Danica said, the single word hanging heavy in the silent air.

Maggie watched her with a knowing look. "Kiera said you guys were making out at karaoke."

"We were not," Danica protested, her voice pitching embarrassingly high.

Kiera playfully scowled at Maggie. "Maggie! You weren’t supposed to talk about that.”

"I had an abortion in October," Maggie said, holding up her glass. “There, how’s that for things we’re not talking about?”

Danica took a moment to study Maggie’s face, watching her friend for any sign of feeling. "Are we sorry or are we... okay?" At 21, an abortion would have been an easy choice for any of them, but Maggie was 37 and married to a woman. Therefore, any pregnancy was likely intended and wanted.

“I’m okay,” Maggie said, though her smile didn’t touch her eyes.

“What happened?” Kiera asked quietly.

"Gwen and I wanted to have one more baby, and so we did a few rounds of IUI, and I got pregnant," Maggie said. "There were some complications, though.”

“What does… that mean?” Kiera asked slowly. Danica glanced from Kiera to Maggie, trying her hardest not to put on her doctor’s hat and begin speculating.

“We had chromosomal testing that showed Trisomy 18, so after a few more scans and tests, we made the decision to terminate the pregnancy," Maggie explained. She looked as if she had explained the situation enough times to take the initial sting out of the words, but the weariness in her face was plain to see.

Danica’s heart sank. That kind of testing usually came after the ten-week mark, so Maggie would have been nearly in her second trimester.

"Fuck," Kiera said, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry, babe."

"Yeah, I’m still working through it," Maggie said. "It’s hard not to blame yourself for something like that, even though I know in my rational mind I did nothing to cause it. It gets scary when you surprise doctors, you know?”

Danica gave her friend a sympathetic smile. “I get that completely. But you made the right choice. Trisomy 18 is so scary.” Birth defects were nothing new to her as a neonatologist, but Trisomy 18 haunted her with its seriousness. She reached to grasp Maggie's hand, her heart aching for her friend. "No one takes that decision lightly. How’s Gwen doing?”

Maggie nodded. “It’s been hard on her, too, but she’s really committed to working through it in grief therapy and it’s been good for her.”

"We both support you completely," Kiera added. "That’s such a difficult kind of pain. I’m so sorry you and Gwen are going through that.”

Maggie nodded, her chin quivering like she might burst into tears. Instead, she looked up at the ceiling and blinked quickly. “Thanks,” she said in a choked voice. “I was a fucking mess for a while. I was so sad I could barely get out of bed for a week after.”

“That’s completely understandable. What you went through is horrible, and I’m so sorry,” Danica said.

Kiera nodded, adding, “I think I’d be the same way.”

"Me too. Do Pete and Izzy already know or would you rather keep this private?” Danica asked.

Maggie wiped at her eyes, composing herself. "Izzy already knows. She flew out to Austin to help me with the kids after the procedure.

Caught entirely off-guard, Danica stared at Maggie. "Really?"

"Yeah, she was great. I begged her to move in and be my nanny," Maggie said with a smile. "She even offered to carry for us if we wanted to try again, but I don’t think I’m ready for that anytime soon."

Danica nodded, still shocked beyond words, but Kiera seemed to speak for both of them. "Izzy Izzy? Our Izzy? Isabel Tierney?"

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Yes, our Izzy."

Danica squeezed Maggie's hand again. "I wish I had known. I would have flown down there in a heartbeat."

"I know, but you're big and important and I knew work was stressful and you were working overtime. And I wasn't going to take Kiera away from the girls to babysit me," Maggie explained.

"I would have made it work," Danica said. “And I’m still around if you ever want to talk it through. I know that our social workers have the names of a few support groups, if you or Gwen ever need.”

Maggie squeezed her hand again. “I do think when I’m ready, it’d be nice to talk to other folks who have gone through the same thing.” She sniffled, then wiped hastily at her eyes. “Okay, tell me something salacious so that I don’t cry through this entire pedicure.”

Danica paused, basking in the calf massage part of the pedicure that had just begun. She was warring with whether to jump in with the news about Eddie, but didn’t know if it was really the right time. What Maggie had shared was so heavy, and she was resistant to turning the spotlight on her instead.

Kiera sighed heavily, speaking first. "Well, while we're sharing, I'm next. I think Alex is cheating on me," she said, taking a sip of her mimosa. Her tone was the same as someone remarking on unremarkable weather, casual and bored.

Danica paused, her own drink halfway to her lips. "What?” Her mouth hung open in shock. Kiera and Alex had been married for nearly ten years and had two kids together. Kiera was beautiful and smart and funny and who in the world would cheat on such an angel of a person?

"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't say ‘I think.’ I know. I went through his texts on the iPad." Kiera stared down at her feet, watching the pedicure technician start with the nail polish.

The image of Kiera poring over texts on an iPad sent a pang of heartbreak through Danica. She reached to her other side, taking Kiera's hand.

Maggie shook her head slowly. “Oh, Kiera. I'm so sorry. That’s awful. Do you know… who?”

"A coworker.” Kiera swallowed visibly, a muscle in her jaw working.

“Damn,” Danica said solemnly. It was always a coworker. Danica's mind briefly wondered if Eddie had ever had feelings for a coworker, but she didn’t even feel jealous thinking about it. As a dentist, he was surrounded by female assistants and hygienists, but teeth made for a pretty unsexy work environment. She couldn’t remember what Alex actually did for work as a Civil Engineer.

Maggie chimed in. "Do you need help hiding his body or would you prefer an alibi?"

At least that brought a small smile to Kiera's lips. "Neither. Yet. But maybe in the future. I'm not sure if I should just not mention it and pretend it never happened, or confront him so we can work through it. Divorce seems so... exhausting. And the girls are so young. I can't traumatize them like that."

Danica’s immediate reaction was to realize If she ever found out Eddie was cheating on her, she would have left him immediately. Hell, if she found out Pete was seeing someone else, it’d be over. Wasn't that just common sense? She supposed people worked through affairs all the time, but she never thought that her best friend was that type of person. Danica spoke up, adding, "As a child of divorced parents, I can assure you it sucks but it would have been worse to see my parents fight and be miserable all the time." Her own parents had divorced when she was six, and her father drifted in and out of her life after that. She never blamed either of them for the divorce, though. Sometimes relationships just didn't work out.

Kiera shook her head. "I don’t want a divorce."

Danica's eyes widened in surprise as she glanced back at Maggie, whose own expression mirrored her astonishment at the unexpected statement.

That wasn't like Kiera. She was stubborn, sure, but she wasn't a doormat. The Kiera she knew was strong and independent. Danica nodded, carefully trying to phrase her response. "Okay. I'm here for whatever you need, and I'll support you through anything. How are you doing? Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I think I’m okay? I’m still… figuring it all out, I guess, which is why I hadn’t told you sooner.” Kiera chewed on her bottom lip.

Danica nodded. “I can understand that. And if you want me to tap Alex with my car, I'm ready at a moment's notice."

"I'll be in the passenger seat," Maggie added.

Kiera's mouth formed a sad smile. "Please don't run over my husband."

"I only said tap." Danica held her palms up in defense.

Maggie added, "You said you didn't want a divorce, but you never said you were opposed to being a widow."

Kiera rolled her eyes.

If she was ever going to admit to being single, now was the time. With her friends' vulnerability fresh in her mind, her pulse roared in her ears. But as she opened her mouth, Maggie squealed with delight at the glittery pink color on her big toe, and Danica just… stayed silent. She felt like a fraud and a coward as she forced herself to laugh along with her friends.

Their pedicure service wrapped up, Danica choosing a subtle nude, Maggie going with cherry red, and Kiera choosing neon green. As they walked out of the spa and salon, Danica stopped them both on the street, grabbing each by an arm of their ski jackets. “I really love you both.”

"Is this a group hug moment?" Kiera said with a quirk of her lips.

"This is definitely a group hug moment," Maggie said, launching herself to wrap her one free around Kiera as she collided with Danica.

Danica laughed, despite her lingering discomfort about keeping her own secret.

"Should we grab lunch?" Maggie asked, pointing toward a faux-rustic sandwich shop next door.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go back to the house and call the girls and then take a nap," Kiera said, her tone more withdrawn than Danica was used to hearing

"Suit yourself," Maggie said flippantly, linking her non-sling arm through Danica's.

"You'll be okay getting back? Do you want to take the car and we can call a ride?" Danica asked, touching Kiera's elbow gently.

"I'll call an Uber," Kiera said. "It's no big deal."

"Share your ride location with me so I can be sure you don't get murdered," Danica instructed. Telluride to Mountain Village was a short Gondola ride, but the ride the night before had taken awhile.

Maggie grinned. "I'm glad you never stopped being our mom, Dani."

Danica smiled, patting Maggie's head and then pinching her cheek.

"Alright, ride info is shared," Kiera said, looking at her phone.

"Want to come back and join us after your nap? We can Après without the whole skiing part," Maggie said.

"Maybe," Kiera said noncommittally. She looked up from her phone toward where a car was pulling over. "That's me. See you guys later."

"Text us," Danica said. "To let us know you got back home safely.”

Kiera gave her a nod and climbed into the back of the car.

Maggie and Danica hurried inside the sandwich shop to get out of the cold, stomping their boots on the mat near the door. They ordered at the counter and found a seat near the window.

Danica unwound her scarf and wiped her nose with a tissue. Cold air always made her nose run in a very unattractive way. "Is it just me or did Kiera just sprint away as fast as possible?" she asked, glancing at the taxidermy elk head staring at her from behind Maggie.

"She's going through it, it sounds like," Maggie said, turning to follow Danica's gaze. "Oh, hello. That thing is like, way too close to my head. Didn't know this spot was already taken."

"Imagine its judgment if you’d ordered the elk burger," Danica said. "I just can't figure out why Kiera would stay with Alex. Would you stay if Gwen cheated?"

Maggie shook her head. "No, but I can see why someone might stay because of the kids. Kiera has a job, which would make leaving easier, but leaving a partner when you're the homemaker? I’d have a hard time leaving Gwen if I needed to, since I feel so reliant on her financially, even though I trust her completely. If I didn’t trust her and still depended on her like that… It sounds so daunting."

"That’s a good point, but you’d still find a way to leave, wouldn’t you?" Danica asked, knowing Maggie was taking time off from her career to raise three kids, which sounded like a fuller-than-full-time job.

"Yeah, but Gwen and I have a pre-nup. You and Eddie are probably planning on having one, right?" Maggie asked, glancing up as a server placed their beers on the table, assuring them their food would be out soon.

Danica wasn’t sure how to answer that… Instead, she lifted her vanilla porter to her lips to give herself a moment to think.

Maggie eyed her critically. "Haven’t you been engaged for almost two years?"

Danica sipped her beer again. "Uh, I mean. Yeah. But that's not that long. We still have plenty of time to plan… everything.”

"You haven't planned anything in two years?" Maggie pressed, sipping her own milk stout.

Danica shook her head, her guilt and awkwardness from lying was weighing even more heavily on her. She opened her mouth to say something but Maggie cut her off.

“I don’t think you should marry Eddie,” Maggie said directly, watching her closely for a reaction.

A gasp escaped Danica's lips as she stared, utterly taken aback. “Wh-what? Why?”

“You don’t love him.” Maggie pressed her lips into a firm line, looking at Danica as though she was piecing together a puzzle. “I can tell. I have seen you in love, and you don’t love him. Eddie just isn’t right for you.”

Danica blinked, tears welling up in her eyes.

With an unnerving persistence, Maggie continued to watch her, her gaze unwavering. "How long have you…" she trailed off, her hand gesturing vaguely, a silent question hanging in the air.

"Wh-what do you mean? I'm not—I mean, why would you even say that?”

"Did you cry when you broke up?" Maggie asked, her tone gentle, like she was holding Danica’s hand as she dragged her out of the dark cave of her lie.

"Goddamn, Margaret. Yes, I cried." Danica shook her head, grimacing as a wave of discomfort washed over her.

“Wanna start at the beginning?” Maggie continued with the gentle tone.

Danica glanced up toward the ceiling, trying to avoid Maggie’s eye. She took a deep breath, then let it all spill out. She detailed the engagement, the breakup, the aftermath, and the phone call earlier that week.

When she was done, Maggie squinted in concentration. "Let me recap. You’re not actually that upset about the break up? Dani, it’s okay if?—”

"Where are you getting that?" Danica asked, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence. "Are you psychoanalyzing me?"

"No, I know you. You feel things very deeply. You always have. And to be honest, I've never gotten the sense that you've been madly in love with Eddie," Maggie looked at her with a pitying stare.

"Just because we were a bit more subdued with our affection doesn't mean we weren't in love," Danica insisted.

"When did the sex stop?" Maggie asked, apparently not feeling even an ounce of shame as their plates were being set down, and they could be easily overheard. She picked up a potato chip and tossed it casually into her mouth.

Danica tried to roll her eyes. "That's not an indication?—"

"Six months?" Maggie interrupted.

"Eight," Danica croaked, then finished her beer in one large gulp. "Eight months."

Maggie's mouth formed into something resembling a "yeesh" grimace.

"Sex isn’t everything, you know?” Danica was really fighting for her life in this damn sandwich shop.

Maggie nodded, not saying a word as she picked up her turkey Reuben.

"I thought we were talking about Kiera's issues, not mine," Danica grumbled, lifting her veggie burger with both hands.

"Kiera isn't here to defend herself. You are," Maggie stated as if it was obvious. “So, what happened? Are you okay?”

Danica nodded, staring down at the burger in her hands. "Okay, fine. I felt relieved. When he finally broke up with me, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And when it was over, the first thing I thought was..." She paused, not sure if she wanted to continue. "I don't know."

"Your first thought was Pete," Maggie said around a mouthful of sandwich.

Danica glanced away with a huff of exasperation. "No." She set down her burger, suddenly losing her appetite. She wiped her hands on her napkin and fidgeted with her silverware. "It wasn't."

Maggie's soft expression was non-judgmental as she watched Danica.

"Don't look at me like that," Danica said, looking up at the elk instead. Its glassy eyes and nose were shiny in a discomforting and uncanny way.

Maggie wiped at her mouth with her napkin, then took a deep breath. "Look. I was there in the beginning. I remember how you and Pete were together."

“We were young.”

“And I see the way Pete looks at you now,” Maggie continued. “And the way you look at her.”

Danica flushed. “I have no idea what you mean.”

Maggie smiled back at her. “Just think about it.”

With a sharp shake of her head and a flat tone, Danica declared she would do no such thing. "Let's hold off on telling Kiera about this for now, okay? With all of this affair and Alex stuff, I don’t want that to be on her mind.”

Maggie gave her a small, sad smile. “Your friends should help you through the hard times.”

“Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black,” Danica said, but her words didn’t carry any sting.

Maggie waved a hand dismissively, but her eyes twinkled with a teasing gleam. “Yeah, yeah. ‘ Do as I say, not as I do. ’ Oh, look who else can deflect with an adage?”