Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

PETE

Riding on the high of a good work call, Pete glanced at the clock on her laptop, which was precariously balanced on her knees. It was just after 3 a.m. — she'd made sure the call time was convenient for Budi, her Balinese contact, but was seriously regretting making it such an odd hour for herself. Now that she was feeling excited and hopeful for the future, it was hard to turn that off and go to sleep. Her time in Bali had been incredible, and she was beyond thrilled to be able to continue working with the organization she'd partnered with.

Pete stretched, her fingertips grazing the rails of the top bunk immediately above her as she looked around her room. Maybe she should take a melatonin gummy and try for a few hours of sleep before Izzy inevitably made her wake up and hit the slopes again.

She made a few quick notes on her computer before setting it aside, standing, and stretching the tightness in her legs. Snowboarding all day was tiring enough, but trying to stand and balance another person on the snow in stiff snowboarding boots was a whole different level of exhausting. Despite the soreness, spending that time with Danica felt incredible.

Her stomach grumbled, and she mentally calculated that it'd been over seven hours since she'd had anything other than alcohol. Her mouth felt a bit sticky at the thought, and she grabbed her water bottle. What really sounded good was ice cream, and she was in luck, because there was some in the freezer from a local creamery in town. That would hit the spot. She grabbed a hoodie and slipped out of her room and up the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid waking anyone else up in the house.

A light from the living room made her pause, and then the light... turned toward her? Pete squinted, trying to make out what she was seeing and also avoid being blinded. Her hand shielded her eyes and she made a confused noise halfway between huh and why.

"Sorry," a voice said in a hushed whisper. Danica's voice. A wave of nervous excitement washed over her at the sight of Danica, yet she composed herself with a deep breath, feigning nonchalance.

The light moved, pointing down, and Pete stepped closer, her eyes adjusting to find Danica sitting on the couch wearing glasses, working on her cross stitch by the light of a headlamp.

"I didn't want to wake anyone by turning on a light," Danica explained as she saw Pete's confusion. "But I had this headlamp and it's been working okay." She pushed at the bridge of her glasses self-consciously.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," Pete said, stuffing her hands into her hoodie pocket awkwardly.

"They're just readers. Cross stitch is small," Danica said, brushing a few strands of her chestnut hair away from her face.

"Wow, Grandma Wendell," Pete teased. "What are you doing up?"

"My sleep schedule is a little weird," Danica said, shifting in her seat. "Working overnights has kind of made it hard for me to sleep more than a few hours at a time, even on my days off. That, and 2 a.m. seems to be some kind of witching hour for my brain. It decides to be awake almost every night between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m."

"That sounds awful. Is that like a menopause thing?" Pete asked, wanting to recant the question immediately.

"First of all, how dare you?" Danica said, looking up at her. "Why do people keep asking me that? We're 37. I know I may be wearing readers and cross stitching at 3 a.m., but I'm not on my deathbed just yet."

Pete grinned. "No, I just mean, my sister went through menopause early, and that nighttime waking was one thing she always complained about."

"How is Lillian?" Danica asked with a smile.

A trip planned by Pete when she was in college led to Danica and Lillian, her foster sister, becoming close. Peas in a pod, those two. It made Pete grin to remember how they’d spent the entire week ganging up against her and bonding over Settlers of Catan.

"She's good," Pete said, clearing her throat.

"Good."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence stretched between them where Danica set down and picked up her cross-stitch project three or four times. Pete wanted desperately to talk to her about the moment in the hallway, when her sky-high confidence after multiple drinks had collided with her intense, unyielding desire to kiss Danica.

"Why are you awake?" Danica finally asked.

"Couldn't sleep," Pete lied. She turned toward the kitchen. "I was just getting up to make a snack."

Danica waved her hand in the air. "Don't let me stop you."

Talk about hot and cold. Feeling dismissed, Pete turned toward the kitchen and flipped on the under-cabinet light. She could feel Danica's gaze upon her as she grabbed the ice cream container out of the freezer. Chocolate chip cookie dough, her favorite. Danica's too, if she remembered right.

"I forgot we had that," Danica said.

"Want some?" Pete asked, holding up the carton in question.

Danica twisted her mouth, considering. "The sugar might keep me up more."

"Okay, Grandma Wendell," Pete joked, setting down the carton and carefully taking a bowl from the cupboard to avoid clattering the dishes together. She glanced back toward Danica, and in the light, she could see that Danica's eyes were still on her as she scooped out several spoonfuls of ice cream into a bowl. "Mind if I sit on the couch?" Pete asked, while putting the container away and grabbing a spoon.

"Um, sure," Danica said, moving a blanket from her lap and scooting over on the couch.

"What are you making?" Pete asked, nodding toward the cross stitch in her hands. Danica had always been crafty. She had hemmed all of their jeans back in college, and made very impressive Tour de Fat costumes for the niche beer and bike parade held in their college town every Labor Day weekend.

"Oh, it's this cute tradition on my unit. We all cross stitch a square for a baby blanket when one of our nurses is pregnant," Danica said, looking down at her design. Pete could make out a giraffe and some words.

"That's very wholesome," Pete said, taking a bite of her ice cream.

"Yeah, the night nurses are all super into cross stitch, so I just started last year. I'm not very good at it yet, though," Danica said. "It's one of those hobbies that really makes you question if you can count properly."

Pete grinned. "And were you prepared for that answer to be no?"

"I was not," Danica said with a sigh.

"You hate not being good at things right away," Pete commented.

Danica narrowed her eyes, but then shrugged. "Yeah, maybe." She eyed Pete's bowl of ice cream, then looked back at her giraffe. "I mean, who likes being bad at things?"

Pete considered as she took a bite of ice cream. "I don't mind it. I bet even Taylor Swift was bad at the guitar at first."

"No, I'm pretty sure she popped out of the womb singing the world's catchiest songs and looking like a goddess," Danica quipped.

"You're smart. You'll master it soon, I'm sure," Pete said. Danica was the smartest, most capable person she knew.

Danica brows pinched together as she dipped her head and softly said, "Thanks."

Had she just embarrassed Danica with the compliment? She let her ice cream bowl rest on her lap for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Listen, about earlier... I'm?—"

Danica's eyes widened like she was immediately worried about what Pete was about to say. All the more reason for Pete to apologize, she supposed.

"It wasn't right of me to talk to you like that," Pete said firmly. "I respect you and I'd never want to be the reason you and Eddie?—"

Pete wasn't sure if the snort from Danica was a sign of amusement or anger; the mention of Eddie had clearly struck a nerve, the silence heavy with unspoken feelings.

"I'm sorry, Wendell."

Danica took a deep breath, pressing her lips into a firm line. "I... Well, thank you for the apology. There's nothing to apologize for, though."

"Okay..." Pete said slowly, watching the expression on Danica's face change from uncomfortable to sad. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You’re upset.”

"No, I’m not.”

Pete took a bite of ice cream, watching Danica. “You look upset.”

A muscle in Danica’s jaw tensed. “No, I don’t.”

Pete studied her. “If you say so.”

Danica looked back at her for a long moment, then exhaled a long, slow, resigned sigh. "Eddie and I broke up."

Pete nearly dropped her ice cream as she pivoted in her seat, not surprised by the admission itself but definitely surprised by the timing of the admission. "What?"

Danica nodded. "Yeah. I mean, a while ago. Over a month. He broke up with me, originally, but then he called earlier this week and I just… I still feel…” She shrugged, trailing off like she was unsure how to finish.

Pete stared at Danica, her mouth slack with shock. Over a month ago? "Oh, fuck him." She moved to put the ice cream bowl on the table. "Are you okay? Wait, dumb question. Of course you're not." She rubbed a hand over her face. Part of her felt unexpectedly hopeful but part of her ached at the thought of Danica being hurt. Most of her wanted to punch that dentist in his stupid, too-bright, perfectly-aligned teeth.

"I'm… I don’t know." Danica tossed her cross-stitch hoop onto the coffee table. "Maybe it's just shock, but I feel fine."

Pete nodded, not quite understanding. “I mean, in the short-term that definitely seems preferable to the alternative, right?”

"Yeah, and he's... um. Sorry, this is probably kind of weird for you to talk about," Danica said, fidgeting with the edge of the throw blanket.

"It's not. I care about you and I'm happy to talk about anything with you," Pete responded gently.

Danica continued fidgeting with the blanket. "He's not what I actually wanted in a partner."

Pete's voice was low as she asked, "What do you want in a partner?" Her stomach was doing twirls and flips of hopeful excitement, despite her best efforts to respectfully support Danica during such a tumultuous time.

With a small shrug and a frown, Danica let out a breath, the weight of her decision heavy in the air. She looked unbelievably adorable when she did that. "I'm not sure. I just know what I don't want."

Pete raised an eyebrow. "That’s hard for me to believe.”

"Maybe I'll just adopt one thousand cats and live alone for the rest of my life," Danica said, leaning forward to take Pete's ice cream bowl. "Can I have some of this?" She was asking the question as the spoon was halfway to her mouth.

"Uh, yeah. Of course. Have it all," Pete said, waving the bowl toward her.

Pete bit her lower lip as her eyes lingered on Danica’s mouth for a moment before looking away. So, so many inappropriate thoughts swirled through her brain while watching Danica’s lick the spoon clean.

Danica’s eyes lifted to meet Pete’s as she opened her mouth to say something, but stopped herself.

"What is it?" Pete asked as casually as she could manage.

"You made me realize that, you know," Danica said, not meeting her eye as she took another bite of ice cream.

Pete cocked her head in confusion. "Realize what?" She leaned, tucking her cold feet under herself.

Danica looked at her for another long moment, shaking her head, the spoon held in her mouth. She paused, placing the spoon back in the bowl. "You made me realize what I didn't want."

Pete felt like she'd just been punched in the gut. Her heart sank. "Oof, Wendell. I'm glad I could help you with that, but ouch."

Danica's mouth fell open in horrified realization. "No, not like that. I meant..." She gestured while trying to gather her thoughts, concern on her face.

"What did you mean?"

"Wait, please don’t be upset. Can I start over?" Danica said in a rush. In the low light, Pete could tell she was flushed.

Pete was torn between dropping the subject to saving Danica's pride and her intense curiosity to know what Danica actually meant. Judging by the way she had reacted, Pete guessed that Danica hadn’t meant to insult her, but she didn't want to speculate about what Danica could have actually meant.

In the end, she crossed her arms over her chest in what she hoped was a good impression of being stern. The mood needed lightening immediately. "Nope, I'm offended until proven otherwise," she said with a long inhale and shake of her head.

Danica watched her as though deciding what to say. "I don’t want to get into it."

Pete narrowed her eyes in faux-contemplation. "I don't believe you," she said. It didn't seem like she was going to get an answer out of Danica tonight, but she hoped to learn more later. Despite Danica's seemingly unaffected demeanor following her breakup with Eddie, Pete could remain a good friend, even though the word friend had always had a loose definition between the two of them. What was one more blurred boundary? She turned to grab the remote. "You still like bad reality TV?"

Danica nodded, stifling a smile. "Guilty.”

They sat in silence as Real Housewives played on the lowest volume possible on the TV. Pete was aware of every move and shift of Danica’s body Danica, even though there was an entire couch cushion between them. As they were watching a particularly silly argument between two rich women, Pete shivered and began looking around for another throw blanket. It seemed like Danica had the only one. What kind of mountain condo only had one throw blanket? She supposed she could get up and turn on the gas fireplace, but she wasn't sure how loud that would be, and Kiera's room was just on the other side of the wall.

"We can share this one," Danica said, pointing to the blanket covering her legs.

"Oh, that's okay," Pete replied, not wanting to make Danica uncomfortable.

"It's fine. I don't mind at all," Danica said, her tone light as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Pete shifted, lifting the edge of the blanket and placing it over her lap gingerly.

"I'll listen if you want to talk about it, you know," Pete said, not looking away from the screen. She could see Danica glance up at her from the corner of her eye.

"Thanks," Danica said quietly, adjusting the blanket so there was more coverage on Pete's lap. “Just… I’m not ready for everyone to know just yet, okay?”

“Of course,” Pete answered. Why didn’t Danica want their friends to know she’d broken up with Eddie? Was she afraid they’d judge her? After moving closer together to share the blanket, Pete could feel how tense Danica was.

Pete wished there was something she could do to help relieve the hurt Danica must be feeling. Even the hurt to her ego alone, being broken up with by a dentist , and such a boring one at that. Especially brutal. Even while wanting to support and be present for Danica, she couldn't stop thinking about that near-kiss. Danica had wanted to kiss her, she was sure of it. She could feel the heat of Danica's body, could feel her thigh through her thin pajama pants. It was like her body was on high-alert, noticing every shift in Danica's movement. She couldn’t not notice her.

Pete took a deep breath and forced herself to relax, letting her head rest against the back of the couch as another episode came on. Bless Real Housewives, there was no shortage of content to enjoy.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed before Danica's soft snores began. To make Danica more comfortable, she shifted Danica's head and propped it up with a small throw pillow against the arm of the couch until the snoring stopped, grinning about how adorable it was that Danica had fallen asleep. She remembered the hours she’d spend in the late nights and early mornings, watching Danica sleep so peacefully, and her nostalgia ached for that easier time. Her own body felt heavy and warm and there was no way she was making her way back down into the freezing basement where the bunk beds were. Pete tucked her hands into her hoodie pocket and let her heavy eyelids close, feeling more content than she had in a long time.