Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

PETE

Pete was grateful for a quiet night staying in after their karaoke night full of drinking and poor sleep. The group sat around the dining table sipping drinks as Danica fussed over a white chicken chili across the kitchen island. Outside, giant snowflakes floated down from the sky, blanketing the world in a fresh layer of snow. Tomorrow would be a truly epic powder day if this kept up.

"My knees were shaking, I was so scared," Izzy said with wide eyes, recounting the tale of how they'd tried a few expert runs that day. “We were doing fine until Pete’s spectacular yard sale.”

“A what? Yard sale?” Maggie repeated.

“When you fall so hard your gear flies all around you, making the area look like a yard sale,” Pete explained. Her ass hurt and she'd probably need to stick to easier runs the following day, but what was the point of being at one of the most gorgeous ski resorts in the country if you didn't try something new? They still had two days of vacation left, three if she was counting the day they all had to head back home, and she had to get out her restless energy somehow.

Because constantly daydreaming about pinning Danica up against a wall and actually getting to kiss her. Letting her mind wander to what else might happen. Waking up beside Danica, albeit in an awkward position and apparently to an audience, had reminded her what it felt like to be close to Danica, to be pressed against her.

Danica probably needed time after her relationship before getting involved in something new, and Pete could give her that, but she wanted to be on Danica’s mind. Pete wanted to follow Danica’s lead and be ready whenever she was.

She stole a glance toward the kitchen where Danica was tasting directly the stirring spoon. They locked eyes and Danica gave her a wry smile as heat spread through Pete's entire body. With a playful wink and a secretive finger to her lips, Danica dipped the spoon back into the pot.

Pete grinned, sipping her wine and admiring the way Danica was in her own little world, dancing to the Shrikes album playing in the background while cooking.

The sight made her ponder what sharing a home with Danica could be like — cooking together, sharing jokes, dancing on the kitchen tile… taking a break from cooking to lay Danica back on the kitchen counter and?—

"Isn't that right, Pete?" Izzy asked.

Pete glanced back to the group to find three sets of eyes staring at her. "Yeah. That's right." She had no idea what she was agreeing with.

Kiera rolled her eyes and Maggie openly laughed while sipping a soda. So, she wasn't supposed to agree with whatever Izzy was saying.

"Happy thoughts?" Izzy inquired, looking innocent.

"Wh-what? No," Pete said, and she could feel her cheeks flushing. Damn wine. This was somehow entirely the wine’s fault.

"The Happy Thought run, weirdo," Izzy said, rolling her eyes. "We were talking about that run through the trees."

Pete shook her head to clear her thoughts, focusing solely on the rush she had felt while boarding through the Happy Thought woods, less of a run and more of a portal into a winter wonderland, weaving between gigantic evergreens laden with fresh snow. It had felt magical. Otherworldly. For a run called Happy Thought, the only thought in her mind the entire time had been Danica.

Distraction plagued Pete all day, and by early afternoon, Izzy's patience was exhausted, causing them to end their day after Pete made a rookie mistake and fell. They had come back to the condo and overheard Kiera yelling at someone on the phone. Kiera had sounded livid, and they’d hidden from her bad mood by taking naps downstairs in Pete’s bunk beds.

Danica and Maggie had come home in the late afternoon with shopping bags and wind-flushed cheeks. Danica had kept things short with her, going to take a nap in her room before coming out to dinner wearing a new sky-blue sweater. Maggie made her catwalk through the living room to show it off. It matched her eyes perfectly.

Izzy waved a hand in front of Pete's face. "Did you hit your head when I wasn't looking today or what?" she snapped.

"Sorry, I’m just tired," Pete said, sighing. She tapped her fingers on the table, her gaze resting on the exhausted faces of Kiera, Maggie, and Izzy. "We should play a game."

Kiera glanced around the room. "Maybe a puzzle, I don't think Aunt Jade has any board games."

"We could do an extreme puzzling session where we try to finish the puzzle in under an hour," Pete suggested. "They have these competitions?—"

"Pass," Izzy said, leaning back in her chair.

"We could play charades," Pete offered.

Kiera shook her head.

"Let's play truth or dare," Maggie exclaimed, looking mischievous.

"No way," Danica said from the kitchen. "Remember that time you dared me to run through the boy's floor in just my bra and underwear?"

"Oh my god, I'd forgotten about that.” Kiera turned to Danica, laughing. "Didn't you trip and fall?"

"Some idiot had left a big puddle on the floor outside of the bathroom, and I pulled an accidental Risky Business slide into the RA's door. I had a bruise on my cheek for days," Danica said, shaking her head.

"Which cheek?" Maggie teased.

"You know what, maybe we should play truth or dare. Maybe it's time for payback. This is a fantastic idea," Danica said, pointing the soup spoon at Maggie.

Maggie tapped her fingers together in an evil, plotting way. "Bring it on."

"I still can't feel my tongue," Kiera complained, chugging water.

Danica's soup had proven to be extremely spicy, but absolutely delicious. Kiera, Izzy, and Maggie had all added cream cheese to their portions to try to dampen some of the heat, but Pete scarfed a full bowl and went back for seconds.

Izzy was still wiping her drippy nose, eating straight out of an ice cream carton in an effort to quell the heat.

"Sorry, I guess I forgot you're all babies," Danica said with a grin. "Except Pete."

"I thought it was perfect," Pete said with a smile, looking toward Danica at the head of the table.

"Okay, Danica, truth or dare," Maggie said, leaning to take a bite from the ice cream carton Izzy had been hoarding.

"Let's lay out some ground rules," Danica said, holding up her fingers to count them off. "Nothing that will get Aunt Jade evicted."

"Very wise. I approve," Kiera chimed in.

"Everyone has a right to refuse their dare. We're nearly 40. We have free will," Danica added.

Pete nodded. "And if you don't want to do your dare, you have to either sing your favorite song at the top of your lungs or eat a spoonful of a mystery substance that the rest of us choose," she said.

The sound of Danica's giggle, sweet and infectious, completely captivated Pete.

"Only edible things for eating," Danica emphasized. "Okay, truth."

"You chicken," Maggie said. "Alright. Have you ever had a sex dream about me?"

A snort of surprised laughter escaped Danica's lips, a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "I have not."

"Your loss," Maggie said with a grin.

Danica nodded, feigning gravitas. "I'll try to remedy that as soon as possible, I promise. Okay, Kiera, truth or dare."

"Dare," Kiera said, looking ready for a challenge.

"Speak with a Scottish accent for the next three rounds," Danica said immediately, like she’d been waiting for this exact excuse.

Kiera laughed. "Aye, I will." It was a terrible accent in just three words, and Pete grimaced into her glass of wine.

Over the next few rounds, Izzy had to wear a clean pair of Danica’s neon green ski socks on her hands for the rest of the game, Pete had to dance in silence for a full minute while standing on her chair, and Maggie had to swish Danica's spicy soup in her mouth for thirty seconds.

The unspoken rules of the night seemed to be silly, low-stakes fun, with everyone fully clothed, a sense of playful abandon hanging in the air. That was, until Maggie leveled Danica with an intense stare. "I dare you, Danica Mae Wendell, to go make a snow angel on the deck in only your underwear."

A full-on Wild West showdown began, as Danica and Maggie stared at one another. Pete could have sworn the theme from some old Clint Eastwood movie began playing in the background as tension and phantom tumbleweeds filled the room.

Kiera sighed, glancing between Maggie and Danica. "Well, do you want to eat a spoonful of wasabi or do a naked snow angel?"

"I said her underwear could stay on! And her bra. I'm feeling quite generous," Maggie feigned innocence.

Slowly, Danica began to move with a resigned look on her face, her chair scraping dramatically against the wood floor as she stood, reaching for the hem of her sweater. Pete stood up so quickly her chair fell backwards, startling everyone into looking at her. "I'll be your proxy."

"What?" Danica asked, pausing, the skin of her stomach showing a few inches below the hem of her sweater.

"I'll do it instead," Pete said. "Sounds fun.”

Danica seemed confused. "It’s my dare. I can do it."

Izzy stood up. "I'll do it, too."

Kiera looked around the table. "So, we're all doing this? I thought we weren't getting Aunt Jade evicted."

"Group dare, I guess." Maggie laughed.

The women laughed as they turned off the lights — a concession they agreed to in order to stay in the neighbor's good graces — and stripped down to their underwear. A gust of wind blew snow inside as soon as Maggie opened the door, and all four made shrieked as they ran onto the patio.

Another stare down began as they all paused, arms clutched around themselves, alternating from standing on one foot and then the other, waiting to see who would go first.

Pete backed up from the group and let herself fall backwards into the snow, waving her arms and legs to make a snow angel. She heard squeals and yelps as the rest of the women followed her lead, Warm fingers brushed against hers and she turned her head to see Danica's open, grateful expression.

"Okay, that's enough of that," Kiera said after a few minutes, standing up to run back inside. Maggie and Izzy were almost immediately behind her, and then Danica was standing over her, holding out a hand. It was not lost on Pete that Danica was only wearing a thin bralette and a pair of white underwear, less opaque than they had been before. She took Danica's hand, jumping up to hurry them both inside.

Maggie tossed Danica a towel. "Truce?"

Danica laughed. "Oh, not even close."

As Danica handed Pete the towel, she saw Kiera watching them closely, seemingly curious about the shift in their interaction. Everyone took a moment to find dry clothes and change into pajamas, then agreed to get whatever extra blankets they could find in the condo to get cozy in the living room and watch a movie.

Danica was the last to return, and Maggie moved from where she was sitting beside Pete, shifting instead to sit in the chair, saying she could see better from that angle. Pete didn't think Maggie could be any more obvious at trying to make sure she and Danica sat together.

Izzy, Pete, Danica, and Kiera all sat on the couch, crammed together with their blankets. After an epic round of rock, paper, scissors, Danica picked a Wes Anderson movie they'd all wanted to see together in college, but it had come out after their graduation.

Izzy fell asleep almost immediately, and Maggie conked out right after her. Kiera stayed awake until about forty-five minutes into the movie. Pete sat as still as she could, not wanting Danica to move away with any kind of touch or contact. She was keenly aware of just how close Danica was, how her hair smelled like rosemary shampoo, how she awkwardly rested her hands on her thighs like she might also be afraid of accidental contact with Pete.

Danica laughed at a particularly silly scene in the movie and Pete couldn't help glancing toward her, taking in the way the reflected light bounced off her cheeks, making the long, elegant curve of her neck stand out. She was even more beautiful than Pete remembered.

Noticing Pete's gaze, Danica's blue eyes widened. "What?" she asked self-consciously.

"Everyone's asleep but us," Pete pointed out in a whisper.

Danica nodded. "Yeah, we should turn it off and head to bed, too."

"It's still early enough," Pete said, her voice still quiet. "I was thinking it might be kind of magical to sit in the hot tub while it snows."

Danica watched her for a long moment, then turned away, clearing her throat. "Sounds fun. Enjoy."

Pete's voice was barely audible as she leaned forward so Danica could hear her. "You don't want to join me?"

Danica crossed and uncrossed her arms, looking adorably nervous. "What do you want me to say right now?"

Pete’s gaze was steady as a wry smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “I think you already know what I want.”

"Let's get everyone off to bed," Danica said.

Pete wasn't exactly sure what that response meant. She shook Izzy's shoulder, ignoring her protests of being comfortable. Kiera claimed she hadn't been sleeping, but her groggy voice said otherwise. Maggie jolted awake, startling everyone, and then speed walked out of the room without a word. Danica got Kiera a glass of water and handed Izzy a few Ibuprofens for her incoming hangover, and as their friends shuffled off to bed, Pete turned toward Danica. They were finally all alone, standing in the dining room.

There was an awkward sort of anticipation lingering between them, like two people on a first date who didn't know how to interact with each other.

"I’m too tired to change," Danica said, glancing over her shoulder. "I might just go to bed."

"Hmm. Truth or dare?" Pete asked with a mischievous quirk of an eyebrow.

Danica frowned at her, then sighed. "Don’t you dare.”

“So, it’s a dare, then?” A grin tugged at the corner of Pete’s mouth.

Danica shook her head slowly, not breaking eye contact with Pete.

"I dare you to go skinny dipping in the hot tub,” Pete whispered conspiratorially.

"I thought we weren't getting Aunt Jade evicted."

"With the lights off, no one will see us," Pete said. "Unless you're too chicken."

Danica paused for a long moment, and appeared to be weighing the pros and cons of the situation. "Can I wear a beanie?"

"I suppose."

As Danica watched Pete, taking her time, Pete’s stomach flipped with anticipation of her 'yes'.

"I will if you will," Pete said.

Danica pulled at the hem of her shirt. “Alright. Fuck it.”

Pete laughed at Danica’s playful tone. "Done." Pete pulled her shirt over her head, only tensing her ab muscles a little bit as she did. She slowed her movements, feeling Danica's eyes on her. This was an interesting game they were playing, but one that Pete didn't want to concede. "I could have said naked snow angel," Pete said.

"Frostbitten vulva isn't on my bucket list." Danica began to lift her shirt, then paused, pointing at Pete with mock-confrontation. "No funny business.”

"Sure, Wendell," Pete said with a smirk. She shimmied her pajama pants over her hips, hooking her thumbs in her underwear to pull them down, too.

Danica turned around to pull off her shirt, but if she thought that would stop Pete’s eyes from roaming every inch of her shoulders and back, she was woefully mistaken. She tugged off her pants in a quick and inelegant maneuver, and Pete tried very hard to remain appropriate and not stare at Danica's ass, but, well, she could hardly be blamed. She'd seen Danica naked so many times before, but it had been fifteen years. Now, her body was lush, all soft curves.

"Don't forget a towel." Danica cleared her throat, grabbing one from a pile. She wrapped it around herself quickly, then grabbed a beanie from the table next to the door, pulling it over her head. "Ready?"

Pete nodded, not even trying to cover herself with her towel. It would only slow her down from getting into the warm water as fast as she could.

Danica's gaze trailed downward, but snapped back up to meet Pete's eye. "Ready?" Pete nodded, and Danica opened the door to let her go out first. She shut the door as quietly as she could, and they raced barefoot and bare-assed across the patio and rushed to take the hot tub cover off.

"Fuck, it's way colder than I thought it would be," Danica said, her teeth clenched as she held her towel with one hand and worked to remove the cover with the other one.

"Way colder," Pete agreed with a chuckle, shoving the cover aside unceremoniously. "Okay, get in, get in, get in." They dropped their towels and climbed into the hot tub, sinking down so only their heads were out of the water. As the water stilled Pete could hear the gentle shushing of the snow falling around them.

Danica was looking up at the sky, a soft smile on her face as snowflakes landed on her cheeks. Seeing her smile, completely enthralled by something so simple and lovely, caused a painful yet tender feeling to bloom in Pete's chest. Snowflakes landed on the wool of her beanie, the fluff of the pompom on top. Danica looked at her and smiled her soft, heart-melting smile. "It looks like you have a halo."

Pete reached up to touch the snow landing in her dark curls, then shook her head and watched the tiny droplets fly.

Danica laughed, a sound like bells in the winter night, her voice fogging the surrounding air. "I'm glad you made me do this."

"Me too," Pete said, leaning back against the side of the hot tub, finally warm enough to consider not being entirely underwater. She propped an arm up on the edge and watched as Danica's gaze trailed down to where the water covered the top of her chest, then back up again.

"I'm sorry I've been so..." Danica gestured in the air between them.

Pete raised an eyebrow. "Warm and welcoming? Bright and bubbly?"

"Awkward and standoffish?" Danica said.

Pete dipped her chin in acknowledgement. "Ah, that."

"I didn't know what it would be like to see you again," Danica said, her voice lower. She looked down into the water, tendrils of hair free from underneath the beanie and brushing against her cheeks.

"And? What is it like?" Pete asked, her heart thumping with expectant hope.

"I think sometimes I forget you were one of my best friends," Danica said, still looking down at the water where she was swaying her arms back and forth.

Pete made a sound of understanding and nodded. Maybe it was their proximity and their nakedness, but Danica still had a nervous energy about her. Pete remained still, watching the way Danica’s brow wrinkled as she seemed to weigh her words.

"I mean, things did end badly between us, but this week made me realize how much I've missed..." Danica paused again, looking up at the falling snow again. She squinted, as though looking for the right word.

Pete had never wanted to hear the word ' you ' so badly in her life. She wanted to hear that Danica missed her, that she'd never stopped thinking about her.

"Our friendship," Danica said carefully and slowly.

Ouch. Pete tried not to let the sting of the words show on her face. But she had missed their friendship, too. And if all Danica wanted was friendship, it might hurt, but she'd rather have Danica in her life as a friend than not at all.

"I've missed you, too," Pete said, the words tumbling out in a rush, betraying the carefully constructed composure she'd tried to maintain.

"Where have you been for the last fifteen years? I feel like you just disappeared," Danica asked, her voice thick in the cold night air.

Pete held out her hand to catch a few snowflakes as she contemplated what to say. There was just something really lame about saying that she'd been experiencing the world, or exploring, or that she was working tirelessly on building her nonprofit into something that would actually help vulnerable and parentless children.

"You don't have to tell me, unless you're a super-secret spy or something. Then you definitely have to tell me," Danica said, watching her closely.

"Not a spy. I've just been traveling and working," Pete said as honestly as she was comfortable with.

"What are you doing for work?" Danica asked.

Pete let her hand drift back under the water. "Odd jobs," she said, and that was the truth. She'd worked on organic farms in South America while waiting for an organization connection to pan out fully, and she'd been a ski instructor for rich kids in the French alps out of sheer boredom for two winters when things were slow with making connections in Europe. She'd always taken her time vetting new partner agencies and organizations, making sure they were really helping kids and not just taking the money for themselves.

Danica frowned. "Why are you being so cagey?"

"It's just not that interesting, I'm afraid. Tell me about your job," Pete said, trying to change the subject.

"Also not that interesting," Danica said with a shrug.

"Liar."

Danica watched her for a moment, then turned her face back to the sky. "It's hard. It has its rewarding moments but it feels really heavy sometimes. And the hours are hard for a relation—" She stopped herself, contemplation. "Well, I guess that's not something I worry about anymore."

Pete nodded, not wanting to break whatever spell was making Danica open up to her. "How are you feeling about that?"

Danica lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. "Weirdly... fine?"

"Do you think you'll get back together when you get home?" Pete asked, her chest clenching with concern.

"No, I don't... I don't want to. I know it's relatively new in the grand scheme of life, but it doesn't feel raw, you know? It doesn't feel like heartbreak has felt before, not like I just broke up with the love of my life or something," Danica said with a heavy sigh.

"Heartbreak?" Pete questioned before she could help herself.

Danica leveled her with a stare. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Pete's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Where’d that come from?”

"Oh my god, never mind," Danica said, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.

Understanding washed over Pete's as she watched Danica; the realization striking her with intense clarity. "Wendell," she said, her voice softening and lowering to barely a whisper. "You mean us ."

Danica glared at her, and Pete could have sworn she could see the bricks of her walls starting to rebuild.

"Hey," Pete said, leaning forward in the water to touch Danica’s arm, looking into her eyes. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Yeah, well... I did," Danica said, glancing away from Pete's intense stare.

Pete wished she was good with words. She wished she had some grand speech to explain to Danica that she wouldn't take back the world-crushing heartache she experienced, because it fueled her to work harder to achieve her dreams. She’d never prioritized a relationship because she never stayed anywhere long enough to grow roots. Instead, she’d blamed never having a deep soul connection with anyone on the fact that she was always leaving soon, always one foot out the door. Not because some part of her had always hoped she and Danica would find their way back to each other.

They had to break their hearts to grow up, to grow into better versions of themselves.

But she wasn't the kind of person who could say all of that aloud just yet. Instead, she said what she could manage in the moment. "Danica," she whispered, closing her eyes for a pause before opening them, looking directly at her. "I'm sorry for what happened between us then, but I'm here now. We're both here now."