Chapter 29

29

H e caught her before she hit the ground. 'Twas becoming a habit he thought gone with her pregnancy months ago. Robert recognized the terror as her face drained of blood and her eyes rolled back in her head. If he had not witnessed it before, he would not have believed the speed at which she went from awake to unconscious. Scooping up her slight weight, he laid her carefully on her bed. He drew the edges of her gown together and tied them more securely so that her breasts were covered.

After tossing a sheet over her and then a blanket, he pulled one of the chairs close to the bed and sat to wait. Holding his head in his hands, Robert took some deep breaths and blew them out. His body still hummed with the passion she'd aroused. He was hard, rock hard, but that was dwindling by the moment. The sight of her face as some memory returned to haunt her was something he would never forget. And he hoped to never see it happen again.

The pounding in his head began anew and he thought about lying down. Looking around he realized that the bedding he used was not pulled out yet. He smiled half-heartedly as he comprehended that she meant her words—he was not welcome there. Robert reached under her bed and pulled the blankets and piece of carpet out, intending to place them before the hearth. Her gasp alerted him that she had awakened.

Before he could sit back up, she had scooted back up against the headboard on the other side of the bed and had dragged all of her covers with her. Her eyes were filled with fear as she watched him. He decided to wait and say nothing until she had calmed down. Every move he made startled her, so he sat as motionless as possible on the chair. Finally, after several minutes had passed, she whispered his name.

"Robert?"

Her breathing was still ragged and her face had not regained its color. Clutching the covers like a shield to her, she pushed the hair back from her face and looked around the room. He could see the confusion on her face.

"Aye, Anice. 'Tis me. How do ye feel? Would ye like something to drink?" He began to stand until he saw her shaking increase. He sat back down and waited.

"What happened? I remember your kisses and then the blackness. What happened to me? Oh, dear God, what did I do?"

Her question ended with her voice cracking. She started to cry and it broke his heart to hear. She had tried, she had tried for him, and now her pain was so clear and visible to him that he wanted to sob for her.

"Ye did nothing wrong, Anice. Truly, the fault is mine for trying to force ye to do something ye are plainly no' ready to do. Can ye forgive me?"

"But you did not force me, Robert. I wanted to try... I wanted to try for you and..." Her voice descended into sobbing once more. "Wait," she yelled, kneeling up in front of him. "I know what it was! Your teeth! You bit my shoulder and the blood..."

She grew nearly hysterical now, grabbing and tugging on the laces he had just tightened. Tearing the gown from her neck, she rubbed her neck and shoulders and looked at her hands. Obviously, she did not believe what she found, for she repeated it over and over until she was shaking and sobbing so badly she could no longer control her hands. Realizing that she was far past his abilities to help, he strode to the door and walked into the hall, calling for a servant. Sending the man off to bring Moira as quickly as possible, he returned to find her still rubbing her neck and still examining her hands.

"Anice, I have summoned Moira to help ye. All will be well, I promise."

She rocked on her knees and clutched her hands to her chest. The only word he could understand was blood. He could only imagine, and only if he forced himself to it, what Sandy had done to engender such a reaction in her to the touch of his teeth on her skin. Robert knew without a doubt that he himself had not bitten her. His teeth did nothing more than rub over her shoulder, something that women in his past had found to be pleasurable. Some memory of some horrible act had flooded back to her in that moment and brought the terror alive in her again.

Not for the first time, he wished Sandy were alive so that he could kill him in some torturously slow way. His hands clenched to fists as he continued to watch her frantic motions. He would like to hold her securely in his arms until Moira arrived, but he feared that an embrace of that kind would scare her even more.

After what seemed to be an eternity, he heard a soft knock at the door. Anice was kneeling, still mumbling, on the bed. He crossed quickly to it and opened it for Moira to enter. Pol nodded to him and did not try to enter. Closing the door, he pointed to the bed across the room. Moira looked at him for a moment and then walked to where Anice was on the bed. Using that calm, commanding tone of hers, she asked Anice what had happened.

"He bit me, Moira. Can ye no' see the blood on my neck and on my hands?" Anice held out her hands to Moira. There was nothing on them.

"Let me see yer neck, lass. Here now, I will clean it for ye."

Robert watched grimly as Moira went through the motions of cleaning a wound that did not exist. He clenched his teeth together, all the while fighting the urge to roar out his own anger.

"He tore my skin, Moira. With his teeth. He bit until I bled. Promise me ye will stop him. Ye canna let him do this again. Struan promised me...." She rattled off the words, never pausing, and with an accent that he had not heard from her before. Robert realized that she normally spoke in a very unaccented, formal Gaelic, but she slurred her words now as most people he knew did.

"Sit back, Anice. I will fix ye a brew to help ye with the pain," Moira directed as she poured a cup of wine from the pitcher on the table and took out a packet of herbs from the leather pouch she wore around her waist. "Drink this, lass, and let it rid ye of yer pain." Moira lifted the cup to Anice's mouth and Robert watched as she drank every drop of it without resistance.

"Will ye have to stitch it again, Moira? Haes he torn it open?"

He shivered at her words. She was clearly in the past, reliving the days after her wedding. She did not look at him at all, focusing only on Moira. 'Twas a good thing, for he was not certain he could even speak to her. He crossed his arms to control his own horror.

Nothing could lessen his guilt.

He had brought her to this state. Oh, he had never expected something like this to happen; he truly would never want her to suffer in this way. But his lust for her and his demand that she try to be a real wife to him had caused this. He was just as responsible for her pain now as Sandy was all those months ago.

"Nay, lass, no' this time. 'Twill heal quickly enough," Moira reassured her. "Lie back now and let me fix the covers around ye so ye can get some rest. Let the brew warm ye inside, Anice."

He watched as Anice followed the healer's instructions, first sliding back and climbing under the bedcovers and then lying quietly. He watched in silence as her eyelids started to droop and some of the tension left her face. She still mumbled words that he could not understand, but somehow he knew it was better that he not. Sometime later, only the sound of her breathing, now low and easy, could be heard.

Moira checked her several times before gathering her supplies together. She made several small bundles of herbs and left them on the table. Then she turned to him.

"We thought this was past."

"This haes happened before?"

"The night terrors leave her confused and reliving some of what happened to her. It haes been months since anything like this. "

Robert walked to the chair and sat down in it. He lifted one of Anice's hands and smoothed out her fingers from the fists she held. The herbal concoction must have helped for there was no resistance in her at all.

"'Tis my fault, Moira." He could not look at her as he spoke.

"I dinna believe that ye bit her, Robert."

"I pushed her too fast. I wanted her and I did no' think about the problems it could cause her."

"Robert, ye put too much guilt on yer own shoulders. This haes happened before and I fear it may happen again. Some small word or some small gesture simply brought back the memories to her."

"But I...."

"Ye would not force yerself upon her, Robert. I ken ye too well to think that of ye. Give her some time to adjust to ye and yer marriage and things will be fine."

He let out a long breath and nodded his head. Moira was probably correct—Anice simply needed more time. He would not pressure her again about his desires.

"Now, I should go. If she wakes during the night and is distraught, mix one of these packets in a cup of wine and make her drink it. She should sleep through until morning, though, so dinna expect her to wake."

"My thanks for yer help and for coming so quickly to her aid."

"I was here treating Struan's stomach pain so 'twas no inconvenience to me,"

Moira walked to the door and he rose to follow her. She stopped him and saw herself out. Robert sat just watching Anice sleep for a long time. Then he realized that he should tell Emma to keep the bairn for the night. Standing and stretching, he circled the room and blew out most of the candles before leaving.

"Robert?" she whispered. "Is that you?"

"Aye, Anice. I am here."

"Keep me safe, Robert. Please?"

He knew by the turn of her head and her breathing that she had sunk back into a deeper sleep. And he swore then that he would keep her safe even if it meant from him.

The sunlight shining through the window above her was a good thing. The bitter aftertaste of one of Moira's brews was not. She pushed herself up onto her elbows and looked around her chambers. Firtha sat off in the corner with Craig on her lap, singing to him about his toes and tickling them as she sang. He obviously enjoyed it, for he giggled right along with her words and touches. Anice smiled at her son's antics.

"Yer pardon, Anice, if we woke ye?" Firtha asked when she saw her sitting up.

"I think it is time for me to rise. How far past daybreak is it?" She slid to the side of the bed and stood. A bit unsteady on her feet, Anice held on to the bedpost and waited for the dizziness to pass.

"Well, we finished the noon meal sometime ago."

"What? And no one woke me?"

Firtha stood and positioned Craig on her hip. Coming closer, her companion offered her a cup of water.

"Robert gave orders that none were to disturb yer rest. He said ye were no' feeling well and should be left alone. Ye look well now."

"I feel better, too, Firtha. Is he ready to eat yet?—for I am surely ready for him." Her breasts were full and hard from the length of time that had passed without a feeding.

"The little piglet will eat anytime ye offer it to him, Anice. Let me help ye to a chair. Or do ye wish to see to yer needs first since he is no' pitching a fit yet?"

"Can you keep him for a few minutes longer? Let me wash up a bit first."

Anice quickly used the garderobe and washed over the basin in her room. Many questions about last night pressed into her thoughts, but she refused to think about them now. After she saw to her son's needs would be soon enough. She was settled down, feeding her son, when Firtha gave her the message.

"Robert asked if ye would join him outside, if ye felt up to it."

"When?"

"He said I should ask ye when ye awoke if ye felt up to a short walk with him out in the yard. If ye do, he said to come out when yer ready. If no', he will speak to ye later."

She did not know if she could face him yet. He must be shocked by her behavior. She remembered only patches of it when the terror came upon her and knew that she completely lost control during those times. Usually it happened at night, so only Firtha and Moira and Struan were aware of the hysteria she suffered from. But now, Robert had seen it and he must be horrified by it.

Anice did not dwell on it, fearing that thinking too much about the cause might bring it back. She hoped that Robert would not either, for she was not certain how to explain the madness to him. He had gained many more problems in their marriage than even he had bargained for; he surely knew that now. And with her inability to grant him his marital rights, he must be regretting ever getting involved in this.

"I do feel like taking a walk, Firtha. If you'll help me dress, I will meet Robert as he requested."

She found him standing not far from the keep, leaning against the fence that surrounded the stable yards. The late summer breeze blew across the open expanse between the buildings and caused his hair to blow in his face. If he noticed, he gave no sign of it, staring off into the distance at something she could not see. Anice walked quietly to his side, trying not to disturb his thoughts. Although she thought he'd stiffened at her approach, he gave no sign of noticing her presence. Until Craig gurgled at the sight of him.

Robert turned and faced her then, first a quick glance then a thorough one from her head to her feet. Then he smiled at her and reached for the babe.

"Here, ye must be tired out from carrying him all this way." He took Craig and led them both to a spot in the shade of a nearby tree. "Would ye like to sit? "

He held out his hand to her and she took it, holding on as she knelt down then sat on the ground. He sat down and placed Craig on his lap as though it were the most natural thing for him to do. She watched him with her son and felt such love for him that her heart felt as though it would burst. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized that she loved him for all that he meant to her. He met every need she had and never forced his own on her. He cared for her and her son through injury and illness and never asked for a return. And she loved him with everything within her.

She rubbed her eyes to hide the tears. Looking away, she took a few slow deep breaths, trying to accept the emotion she now recognized within her. She could never tell him about it for he would feel even more responsible for her, but it was there in her heart.

"Are ye well, Anice?" he asked in a soft voice. His concern nearly forced the tears to her eyes once more.

"I am well, Robert. Just some dust in my eye, 'tis all." She wiped at them again and had the feeling that he saw through the weak excuse.

"I wanted to speak about last night," he started. "I am certain that ye are as uncomfortable as I am in bringing it up."

"Robert, you do not have to say..."

He held up his hand to stop her. "In spite of what Moira said, I feel responsible for yer... attack last night. I can accept that I did no' mean for it to happen, but my actions caused it."

"No, Robert, 'twas not your fault."

"I pushed ye too hard for what I wanted and did no' give ye time to adjust to our marriage."

She turned to face him. "Robert, I wanted to be your wife in all ways last night. I did. Truly."

He lifted his hand and rubbed her cheek lightly with the back of it. "I think ye did, Anice. But some part of ye is no' ready or the terror would no' have seized on ye as it did."

She wanted to argue with him; however, he was right— something inside was not ready. "How will I know, Robert?"

"Ye will ken the time of it, Anice. And I will be waiting for ye to come to me. I will wait for ye to take the first step. Dinna fear that I will push ye in this again. "

"Another man would not be so tolerant."

"I canna answer for any other man, Anice. I only ken that forcing ye before yer ready would make me no better than the monster ye married first. And I could no' live being that kind of man."

No, he could not. He was honorable and kind. He put her concerns before his on a regular basis. No other man could come close to him. And he was her husband.

"Will you be in the hall for dinner or should I have something kept for you?" She had to change the subject or she risked sobbing out her love for him.

"If ye would like, I can join ye there."

"Please?" Robert looked at her and nodded his agreement.

"Now, I should take the piglet inside for his nap." She stood and reached down to him. "I'm certain you have things to do?"

He stood and straightened his plaid. "Aye, I do. So, I will see ye in the hall."

She watched as he walked away. She watched the wind blow his hair wild and the long stride he took when he moved. And she loved him more than she had just minutes ago.