Chapter 28

28

S omeone was pounding on his head. Blinded by the light surrounding him, Robert tried to make his eyes open. Lifting his head only caused more agony and he moaned from the pain of it. He heard noises nearby that he could not identify and tried to turn towards them. His stomach rolled and heaved and he missed vomiting on himself by mere moments. Climbing to his feet, he stumbled to some bushes and aimed away as the contents of his belly were ejected.

"Ye deserve every moment of the hell yer suffering now, Rob. Every moment of it."

'Twas Robena's voice, but why did she curse him so? Forcing his eyes to open, he saw that he now knelt in the clearing next to her cottage. And it was day. And the village was waking around him. How could this be?

He struggled to his feet and entered through her small back door. Robena sat at her table, sipping from a steaming mug and scowling at him.

"Do ye have any idea of how much damage ye have done to me now? Lady Anice was kind to me and ye have to humiliate her and use me to do it? What the bloody hell were ye thinking?" She slammed down the mug, spilling the contents on the table and on herself.

He pushed the hair out of his face and tried to remember how he got here and what he had done. The last thing he remembered was sitting at the table and deciding that a cup of wine would help him face Anice after his disappointment. He did not remember anything after the first pitcher. Oh, dear God! Not a pitcher? He groaned once more, realizing now what must have happened .

"'Twas at least two pitchers of wine before ye disgraced her by hauling me out with ye."

"Please. I beg ye to tell me I did no' do that. No' in the hall with everyone watching."

"Aye, ye damn fool, ye did it. Now she will never allow me to step foot in the keep again. If I am lucky, I will simply be chased from the village and no' tarred like some of the other whores have been."

He walked slowly to the table and sat across from her. "I will no' let her banish ye for my sins, Robena."

She snorted at him. "As if ye will have any say in it. She is still the lady and her word about me is the law. Did ye no' stop to think?" She stood and went into her room, coming out a few minutes later completely dressed.

"Where are ye going?" he whispered. It hurt to open his eyes. It hurt to speak. Hell, it hurt to live right at this moment.

"I am going to beg her forgiveness. Mayhap she will see me and hear me out."

"Nay, Robena. Stay here until I send word to ye. If she will no' listen, I will send ye to Dunbarton."

"And I would be welcomed there? A whore who took the lady's husband? I think no'."

He frowned at her words. Something did not make sense.

"Did we...?" He pointed to the two of them.

"Nay, Robert. Ye were so drunk I almost carried ye here. I was tempted to leave ye in the dirt where ye fell the first time, but I couldna."

"So then Anice will understand. We did no' do anything."

"Ye are such a daft man, Robbie. 'Tis a wonder ye have made it this far in life. She does no' care whether ye tupped me or no'. She only kens that ye chose me over her in front of everyone last night. Ye have disgraced her before the clan."

He let his head thump down on the table, hoping the pain would clear his muddled thoughts and let him come up with some solution. He would have to do the begging. It would not be right for Robena to bear the brunt of Anice's anger.

He smiled as he realized that Anice would be angry. That was good. He could deal with her fury in a way that he could not face that desperation and fear that came over her at times. Mayhap she would even yell at him?

"What are ye smiling about now? There is nothing funny in this, Robert."

He stood up, a bit too fast, for he had trouble keeping his balance, and laughed in spite of the pain it caused.

"Aye, I hope she is angry. 'Twill be good for her to feel that again." She frowned at him and he explained. "She haes been walking lightly around me since our marriage, waiting for me to strike out at her. This may bring out the old Anice, which is a good thing."

He pulled her close and kissed her on the forehead. "Ye will no' suffer for this, Robena. I promise to make it right for ye."

Then he tugged open her door and walked out in the village. Now he had to find Anice.

Hours later, he felt like a dog chasing his tail. No one seemed to know where Anice was. Oh, many people gave him suggestions, but she was never where they thought she would be. He'd gone from keep to kitchens, to laundry, to stables, to the village, to the smithy and on and on without ever seeing any sign of her. He'd caught on to their game early. However he went along with them, accepting it as the penance for his foolhardy behavior.

He got the message—Anice would not talk to him until she was ready to and the people of Dunnedin were supporting her the only way they knew how. So, he hid in the workroom until long after dinner. Then he enlisted the help of the wet nurse he'd brought from Dunbarton. When he was certain that Anice had retired for the night, he went to their room. Knocking softly, he waited for her to open it. She surprised him by speaking through the door.

"Who is there?"

"'Tis I, Anice. Open the door." He tried to keep his voice down and not draw any attention.

"Go find someplace else to sleep, Robert."

He wanted to laugh out loud at her words. This was the old Anice stirring.

"Open this door now, wife," he said more forcefully through the door. He knew she hesitated on the other side. "If ye dinna, I will break it down."

He heard her gasp clearly and then he could tell she was moving around the room. He pounded on the door and spoke again.

"I dinna want to frighten the babe by breaking in, Anice, but I will if ye dinna open this...."

He stopped when he heard the scrape of the bar being raised inside. He lifted the latch and opened the door. He stepped back and Emma passed by him and entered the room. Robert motioned to Anice to stay as Emma lifted Craig from his cradle and carried him from the room. She looked like she wanted to argue, but kept silent while the servant was there.

"I dinna want to disturb the babe, Anice, and we have some things to discuss. Emma will care for him until we are finished."

He turned and lowered the bar into place, preventing any interruptions. She sat down in one of the chairs and glared at him.

"Why did ye lock me out of my own room?" He stood with his arms crossed in front of the door.

"You made it clear by your actions last night in the hall that you would rather sleep elsewhere. I was simply enforcing your decision."

"That is no' what I want, Anice, and ye ken it."

"Then why did you leave with... that whore?" He could feel her anger bubbling out. Her tone of voice was filled with it. Once it flowed, there was no stopping it. "How dare you humiliate me in my own hall before the clan? You married me. You promised your protection to me. Is this how you give it? By getting drunk and dragging the village whore with you as you leave?" She stood and pointed at the door. "If you plan to have her, you may as well go to her now, for you will not sleep with her and then come back here."

Robert fought against the urge to laugh out loud. He knew she would not understand how happy this tirade made him. It would not solve their problems in the run of it; however, they stood a chance if she did not cower at his anger when it happened.

"Does that no' feel good, Anice? To shout out yer fury at me rather than living in fear?" He waited for her reaction.

She was enraged and, by God, she had reason to be. Her tears had turned to rage once she realized that he had gone with Robena to her cottage. He had asked her to be a wife and when she could not, he simply discarded her and took up with a whore. The worst of it was that she'd believed their tale of being friends. She'd believed that Robena was different. She'd thought Robert was different than other men and their boorish behavior when it came to taking their pleasures. She'd been wrong and now she was angry at how her foolishness had been exposed before everyone there last night.

"I do not understand you, Robert. Are you pleased that you have driven me beyond control?"

"Ye are no' beyond control, ye are simply too angry no' to say it. 'Tis fine with me if ye do. I think we will deal better with that rather than the constant fear ye carry." She was not fearful of him. What did he mean?

"I do not fear you. I have not been afraid of you since the first week of your stay here."

"Then why," he asked in a softer voice, "do ye walk around me as though ye wait for me to strike out at ye? Ye did no' treat me this way before we left Dunnedin, Anice, and I would ken why ye treat me differently now?"

Did he speak the truth? Did she treat him differently? Of course she did—they were married now and he was her husband. He was not the same man who had left Dunnedin.

"You are my husband now. You are not the same as before." Saying it to him made her wince at the absurdity of it. She thought about his treatment of her and her son and realized that he had been the same kind and concerned man as before he'd left to return to the MacKillops. It was only her perception and her anticipation of the change in their roles that made her fear him.

"Have I done something to make ye believe I would turn on ye? Is there something I said that frightened ye?"

"Other than your horrible behavior last night? "

"Aye, other than that." His mouth moved into that enticing smile that made her stomach nervous. He stepped closer to her, yet remained a few paces away. "Would it help ye to ken that I did no' sleep with her? I was too drunk and have paid a dreadful price for my stupidity in turning to wine instead of having this talk then."

"So, you did not have her only because you could not? Now that the effects of the wine have passed, will you turn to her once more?"

"Anice, in truth, ye are the only woman I want."

Her breath caught and she could not think of anything to say in response to his claim. He stepped closer again.

"I have wanted ye for months now, even when I never dreamed it would be possible. And now that you are my wife, I find that I dinna want to face the rest of our lives with only part of ye."

"I told you, Robert...."

"I ken what ye said, but yer lips say something different to me when we kiss. Yer gaze is always on me, I can feel it when we are in the same place. I ken that ye are confused, Anice. Just say ye will let me try?"

Oh, how she wanted to give over to him. A part of her that had been buried deep inside was pushing for release. There was fear, fear of pain, fear of rejection, but there was a glimmer of hope and a glimmer of the passion that had lain dormant within her for years. She'd felt it once for the impostor; it had driven her to sneak into his room and offer herself to him. 'Twas only his self-control that had prevented a catastrophe that night. And the feelings, the heat, the passion lay waiting for the right man.

Could it be Robert? Was she strong enough to conquer the fear and take what he offered to her now? A true union, as Lady Margaret had said.

"I am terrified at the thought of it, Robert," she admitted. "I do not know if I can be a wife to you in this way."

He held out his hand to her and smiled. "Just take my hand and say ye will try. 'Tis all I ask, Anice. Just that ye be willing to try."

Her hand moved on its own for she had surely not made up her mind to agree to this. But once she saw his face brighten at the sight of her hand moving, she could not, would not stop it. The least she owed him for all he had done for her and her son was an honest effort on her part. She'd trusted him with her life countless times, could she not trust him with her body now?

Her body shook as he took the final step towards her. Lifting her chin, he leaned down and touched his lips to hers. The same heat that happened with his kisses burned inside her again. Waves of fire pulsed within her and the feel of his tongue against hers made something tighten deep inside her core. With every movement, his mouth caused the heat to increase until she thought she could not take any more. When he lifted his mouth from hers, she knew she wanted even more.

His eyes were glazed and she could feel that his body was ready, and yet he did not throw himself at her as Sandy had done. She found it difficult to breathe at a normal pace.

"I want so much to touch ye. May I?" He watched her and waited, not moving until she gave him the permission he sought. His voice, now husky and deep, enticed her further. She nodded her head and closed her eyes.

His mouth covered her again and as his kiss deepened, she felt his hands glide through her hair. It was thrilling in an unexpected way and it was the last place she thought he'd touch. In a way she was disappointed that he had not touched the place she thought he would first—her breasts. They ached and swelled, almost as though she was ready to nurse, but she knew this was different. His fingers combed down through her hair and she found it strangely exciting to feel the pull on her scalp. Just when her knees felt as though they would collapse, he stopped and looked at her.

"Are ye afraid? May I kiss ye again?"

"Aye. Nay." She heard the nervousness as she laughed. "I mean, I am not afraid." She did not know they could laugh while doing this and it felt good to do so. "Please, please kiss me again."

Robert leaned down but she met his mouth this time, eager to taste him the way he had tasted her. He was close enough for her to feel his body surge each time she slipped her tongue into his mouth. It was a heady, powerful feeling to know she affected him this way. She was so intent on his mouth that she nearly jumped when his hands glided over her shoulders, pushing her woolen shawl down her arms. Then she felt his fingers trace her collarbone and his thumbs moved down onto her breasts, tickling and teasing them as he went. The intensity of his touch on her nipples was almost painful and she drew in a breath as he moved over them.

"Not good?" he asked, lifting his lips from hers just enough for the words to fit through.

"Nursing makes them ache," she whispered back.

"But no' here?" He touched under her breast. "Or here?" He rolled his fingers around the fullness of her and drew circles around them.

The tingling grew until she knew her breasts were swelling in his hands. His touch was stirring sensations within her that she did not know existed. She arched towards him, increasing the contact between them and bringing her closer to the hardness of him. She raised her hands to his shoulders to keep him close.

He lifted his mouth from hers and traced the same path over her neck and shoulders, however this time he used his tongue instead of fingers. Hot and burning against her skin, it moved down and down as he unlaced her gown. She thought he meant to touch her breasts in the same way, but he stopped for just a moment between them and looked at her. She could hardly breathe or focus her eyes on him; the feelings that rampaged through her made concentration so difficult. She let her head roll back as heat exploded inside of her.

His hands on her hips began to slide down once more, so slowly that she felt something within her tighten more and more with every inch of her that he touched. She felt a gush of wetness between her legs and she waited, nay, she wanted him to touch there. As he moved his hands closer and closer, and his fingers began to slip into the curls there, he kissed her neck. A moment later as his fingers slid deeper into that heated, aching cleft, he nipped at her shoulder, letting his teeth graze lightly over her skin there.

It was as though icy water had been thrown on her in that moment. Worse than that, flashes of Sandy and their wedding night poured into her mind, terrifying her with memories of his teeth on her skin. Bites and cuts and blood filled her vision until she could only scream out against them.

"No, please, no!" she screamed as she pulled from his embrace and ran to the other side of the room, backing up against the wall, as far away as she could get. Robert's face changed into Sandy's and back again until she felt as though she would faint. He approached slowly, holding out his hands to her, but her mind could not make out which one stood there before. Terror wracked her with tremors until she could not see anything at all in the room. The blackness covered over her.