11. Asher

ELEVEN

Though my hearthad lurched and my unquenched lust had soared at his invitation, the day's slow passage of time chipped away my longing for him and left me furious. How did he even dare put me in this spot? Why had he made it my choice?

Life would have been simple if he had never offered to wrestle me. Or if he simply took the thing he wanted. I didn't want it to be up to me. I didn't want to choose between him and our parents. And he was cruel for making me.

Jordan was missing from that night's dinner table. He hadn't returned from the lake, but he had texted George to tell him he would stay and enjoy the sunset. Our parents didn't worry. They picked a bottle of red and took it to the front porch rather than the backyard, played music for themselves, and left me in my sullen silence.

I stalked back to my room. I paced. I showered. I paced some more. I was restless. My heart moved from one end of the spectrum to the other, never even bothering to linger around some reasonable middle. It either burned with desire or ached with disappointment.

There had been a moment in the forest when I almost gave in. I had stood so close to the edge of that cliff. One wrong breath would have sent me over. There would have been nothing left for me other than a free fall.

My heart clenched as I gazed out of the balcony door. The tired summer dusk gave way to the night before his footsteps in the hallway alerted me that Jordan had returned.

A long time later, I sat in my chair and stared at the empty desk. It crossed my mind that this summer break wouldn't be the end of it. We were returning to the same team house, to the same locker room, to the same showers. We had another year before Jordan graduated. Then the realization squeezed all my insides: he was leaving me in less than a year.

Just like when he'd graduated from high school, Jordan was going to move on, and I would stay behind. Would he look into my eyes next year and tell me, once again, that I was nothing to him? I doubted it. We'd crossed that bridge with no way to return.

I saw him from the corner of my eye when he stepped out onto the balcony. He lingered at the balustrade for a few moments, then returned to his room. I looked at my wristwatch. Twenty minutes to go.

I wasn't sure which I dreaded more; ending this for good or letting us push and pull and grapple for another year.

Isn't this what you've been dreaming about for years? It was exactly as I had prayed it would be. A hot summer night, silence disrupted only by the breeze rustling the leaves in the nearby forest and Jordan unashamedly wanting all I had to offer. A few years ago, when I had spent my night wide-eyed in this room, fantasizing about him and trying not to make a sound in my ecstasy, would I have balked at him doing the very thing I had wanted him to do? What if he had, in fact, walked into my room in the middle of the night, found me naked and heated, and joined me like I'd dreamed? Would I have sent him away? I doubted it. It was hard to imagine that anything would have deterred me on those nights.

So when had I become a coward?

When he made you decide, I whispered internally. And again, anger washed over me. I shot to my feet but made sure I was quiet as I feathered across the room and tiptoed onto the balcony. The backyard was empty and no light came from downstairs. Our parents had retired to their bedroom or stayed on the front porch.

Even before I entered his room, I could see him bathed in the dim yellow lamplight, sprawled out on his bed, his left foot dangling from the edge, shaking endlessly. He was looking at his phone. The visage was filtered by a thin white curtain, but I saw his bare torso and his red shorts.

I slipped inside as something lurched inside of my chest. He'd promised to keep the door unlocked for me. And he hadn't changed his mind. I wasn't sure if I was sorry or overjoyed at that. Perhaps all would have been easier had he decided for both of us and left it locked. But there had never been anything easy in our relationship. Why would I expect him to change now?

"You came," he whispered, pulling earbuds from his ears and dropping them on his nightstand. He sat up and leaned forward as if to stand.

"Don't get your hopes up," I said and bit back a nastier thing I might have said.

Jordan cocked his head, a slight frown creasing his forehead. "Oh?"

"You're cruel," I said indignantly, my chin lifted. I stared him down and followed the line of his eyes as he got up and stepped closer, towering over me. I wasn't afraid of his size even if I wished I could keep looking down instead of all the way up. I moved past the subtle power play. "You're putting me in an impossible position."

He kept looking at me with his full attention and no interruption.

His silence was louder than any question he could ask me. It prompted me to continue and I realized he had remained silent on purpose.

I couldn't hold my words back. I couldn't let this silence go on. "You're forcing me to choose between you and our family. You're throwing all the responsibility on me. And when it blows up in our faces like it is going to, it'll be my fault. Because I made the choice."

He swallowed. His Adam's apple bobbed and a low growl rose from his throat as he exhaled. Then, he nodded. "You'd rather not have a choice," he stated bluntly.

That, too, was something I had to decide and confirm and direct.

I almost looked down, but I knew that his bulging muscles made me weak for him. I half suspected that he knew it, too, and remained topless for that reason.

"Making this decision is your only issue?" he was almost amused now. He shook his head, the corners of his lips as close to a smile as they could get without actually betraying his feelings. "Asher, you pulled these problems out of thin air," he said. "And now you refuse to tell me you don't want this."

I tried to run a mental check on that. I wanted to see if he was right. It rang oddly true, but he didn't let me have that moment of introspection.

"But these things you put between us—" he shrugged. "I can't magic them away like nothing was ever there."

My breath hitched in my throat. I blinked. We were standing closer than I had realized.

Jordan leaned down and looked into my eyes. "Let me take those decisions away," he said. It wasn't a request. It was a polite demand. And he didn't mean to wait for me to nod. Oh no. He was a whirlwind of adventure and I was waiting so desperately to be swept away.

I hadn't realized how close his hand was to my chest. I hadn't even noticed him lifting it. But his fist closed around the middle of my half-buttoned shirt and he pulled me into his embrace. If I protested, it was so feeble that he didn't notice.

His other arm wrapped around my waist and he pressed our bodies together. As I leaned back from him, my stomach pressed against him, and my crotch rubbed against his. I held my breath as every buried desire surged to life within me. Yes. Yes to everything he asked. And to all the things he claimed without asking.

Jordan released a shuddering breath of air and looked deep into my eyes. "This is how it's going to be, Asher," he said, adjusting his tune for me exactly as I had asked. "You are mine. All of you is mine." His hand reached up and cupped my face, his thumb feathering along my lips. "These are mine." He moved his hand down my neck and pressed his open palm against the middle of my chest. "This is mine." I didn't move anywhere as he pulled half a step back from me and lowered his hand to my crotch. He wasn't rough, but he cupped my crotch firmly, and his eyes sparked with lust. "This is mine. And…" His hands moved around my body until both rested on my ass. He squeezed and rubbed my cheeks hard enough to make me bite my lip against a welling moan. He didn't have to say it. I knew it was his. "Tonight. And tomorrow. And every day for as long as you'll let me have you. We'll figure out the rest along the way." His voice was so low with precaution, but his words rang like fire alarms in my head.

"Okay," I whispered almost breathlessly.

Kindness and desire mixed in the look he gave me, but something else was rising in him. He knew. He knew I needed a firm hand to guide me and he was willing to lend it. "Be mine, and I'll make every sinful dream of yours come true, Ash. Be mine, and I'll give you every pleasure you ever imagined." Our bodies pressed together again and my hands finally dared to touch his bare torso. "I'll make you my prince. I'll make you my slut. I'll make you all the things you can be, all for me."

I wheezed and held my breath. Blood drained from my head and left me dizzy, but my dick swelled painfully, and a shudder passed through my body. "Yes."

His right hand climbed along my spine, then his fingers ran through the hair on the back of my head. When he closed his fist, he pulled my head back. My mouth opened as I lifted my head to look at him and I saw him for who he was. Not just the perfect son, not just the future NHL star, and not just my big stepbrother. He was a god of his own kind. A god of desire and lust. A god I knew how to pray to and please.

Jordan didn't ask for it. He took the kiss that he was owed. His lips pressed against mine as his fist tightened around my hair. His tongue ventured out to explore my mouth and we moaned so very quietly into each other as he pushed every button in my being.

How do you describe the moment of getting something you never knew was possible to want? If I'd lived my whole life without ever seeing the color green, not knowing it existed, and someone put me in the middle of a windswept meadow on a bright summer day, it would come close to this feeling. It wasn't only the kiss, which he had given me once before, but the burden of responsibility that he took off my shoulders and onto his. My muscles relaxed and my body accepted him in all the right ways. The tension I had lived with since the day we had met — the very tension I had accepted as a constant and irreplaceable part of me — was gone. It lifted from me, it left my taut muscles, and it allowed me to take in a lungful of air.

How I kissed him after that. How I freed my lips to explore his and how I let my tongue tease the tip of his. Every thought of the wrongness of this act had faded into the distance of my consciousness.

As though we had kept the lid on this boiling pot for too long — and you could argue that we had done so for years — the lust that welled in me was explosive. And so was his. Once he had taken the burden from me, he took my ability to feel regrets. If there was anything to regret, I wasn't capable of identifying it. Instead, my movements sped up. In the heat of the moment, I wanted to claw him with my fingernails, to mark his back under my fingers, and to bite him until he lifted me and threw me onto his bed, then showed me what true dominance and strength looked like.

Jordan undid the remaining buttons on my shirt in haste. If he was exercising any self-control, it was invisible to my senses. Instead, he yanked my shirt out of my shorts and then dragged it over my round shoulders. He pulled me in when my shirt fell to the floor and our torsos pressed together once again, exchanging heat for a long time while he kissed me savagely.

Just as abruptly, he pushed me away. I knew a moment of panic. He had changed his mind. I won't survive it, I wanted to snap, but his heated face and glassy eyes were directed at me. He wasn't pulling away but taking me in. His gaze was hungry. He dragged it all over my body. "You've no idea how many times I watched you from a distance," he purred in a low, quiet voice for my ears only.

"I didn't know," I said. It was a breathless huff.

"I made sure you didn't," he said. "But I watched you, Ash. I watched you undress in the locker room and I watched you sunbathe on the pier. And always, always I knew I had to look away."

"Why?" Pointless question. We both knew why.

He stepped toward me again, gaze licking me from my belly button all the way to my eyes. "If I looked for too long, I wouldn't know how to stop myself. I wouldn't know how to resist you."

I opened my mouth to tell him he didn't need to stop himself anymore, but he already knew.

"Be a good boy and take these off," he said, his finger hooking inside my knee-length denim shorts. "I want to watch."

Every breath he drew excited me. Every word he said turned me on more than I knew was possible. And when he stepped back, pulling his lower lip between his teeth, I didn't hesitate another instant. I undid the button and pulled down the zipper, then dragged the coarse shorts down my legs and stepped out of them. When I straightened, my dick throbbed with its first taste of freedom. The denim had been so tight and rough, keeping me trapped in an uncomfortable position, so that even with the cotton fabric of my pink boxer briefs stretching over me it felt like I wore nothing. "What do you want me to do?" I whispered, my cheeks glowing with heat. I desperately wanted to appear brave and cool, but I was a trembling mess, and I couldn't hide it.

Jordan looked like a starving man who was just asked what he wanted to eat. He composed himself and said a single word. "Everything." It dropped heavy between us and I stepped toward him. My left arm stretched out and my hand reached for his bulge. His red swimming shorts were dry and clean, not the same as he had worn today, but he hadn't bothered putting any underwear on. Instead, his dick bulged massively from the middle to his right hip, and it stiffened under my hand when I touched him.

His big, hard muscles tensed as I dragged my hand down his length and lowered it to feel his balls. They were heavy and warm even through his shorts.

"Get down on your knees, Ash," he whispered against my ear, his torso pressing hard against mine. He kissed my cheek as I obeyed and lowered myself, dragging my face hard against his chest and stomach until it was level with his crotch. "I want to see your lips around my cock," he purred. "I want my dick in your sexy mouth, Ash. I want to feel your throat close around it."

My throat closed at his words already. My heart pounded against my ribcage as I tugged his shorts down.

"Easy," he said after sucking air between his teeth. He stuck a thumb inside his shorts and lifted the waistband off his cock.

I thought my heart would explode. I thought I would collapse and faint with the excitement that was going off inside of me. This was real. It was here and now and so much better than any crazy fantasy I had lived with for years. It was worth every pull in this tug-of-war we'd played and every delay that had come our way.

I dragged his shorts off, revealing his incredibly hard length. After a year of carefully dressing and undressing away from me in the locker room, I finally saw him. And I saw him in all his glory. He was as big and as thick as I had dreamed. The head was swollen and gleaming with precum. A sizable vein ran along the center of his dick as it curved right. The happy trail that started under his belly button led to a fine, cropped bush around the base of his thickness, and his smooth balls hung heavy between his legs.

My mouth watered just from looking at it.

As I lifted my gaze along the ridges between his abs and the round, hard pecks of his chest, Jordan put a big hand on my face. Our gazes met and my mouth opened wide for him.

"Just like that," he urged me. "Let me see how you suck a cock, Ash."

A shiver ran down my spine and my dick pulsed at his words. I opened my mouth wider, and he took his cock by the base, a whole fist closing around it and leaving well over a half for me to taste.

"And don't make a sound," he reminded me in the lowest, sexiest whisper just as his precum-dripping cock touched the tip of my tongue. The flavor caused something to explode inside of me. A blast of heat spread through all parts of my body as the sweet and salty drops touched my tongue.

I loosened my throat and leaned forward, looking at him just the same, my eyes innocent and pleading. As he inserted himself deeper, I stopped breathing. It was an instinct and I got over it after a few heartbeats. Inhaling through my nose, I savored the scent of his musk mixed with his body wash.

Though my palms were slick and my fingers trembled with excitement, I made sure my lips folded over my teeth for his comfort and my tongue pressed gently against the underside of his dick. As I sealed my lips around him, sucking the air out of my mouth, his face contorted in pure pleasure.

My right hand was on his upper leg, but my left moved to feel my aching dick over my underwear. Jordan sucked his teeth twice and I was shocked at how quickly my hand snapped away from my dick. "That's mine," he reminded me in a dark voice. "No touching until I say so."

If he could be any sexier, that did it. My mind spun as I leaned in, taking him deeper into my mouth and feeling his fist move gently to my lips, then drag back to the base. He reached to my throat before removing his hand and putting both on each side of my face. A shiny layer of perspiration covered him. He rose to his toes and I spread my knees a little more, bending forward, lifting my head to give him an excruciating angle. He fucked my throat from above, whispering profanities for my ears only. "Such a sexy mouth for fucking," he stated.

I lusted after him more than I had lusted for anyone in my life. More than on the long, hot summer nights when desire kept me awake and sweating as I stroked myself for some slice of relief I could afford. This was real. This was my Jordan in all the ways that mattered.

His fingers twined on the back of my head and he rammed into my throat until I gagged and tears brimmed in my eyes. Down the left side of my face, one trickled, and Jordan brushed it away with his thumb, keeping his dick lodged deep in my throat. A panic sound cracked from my throat and he pulled himself out almost all the way. I breathed through my nose, my lips sealing around the tip of his cock, saliva slick on my chin. I sucked him for his pleasure and mine, tasting him and feeling all of him with my tongue. I memorized what he tasted like and what he felt like. I knew how big he was in my mouth and how deep he could go.

He ran his hands through my hair, swinging on his hips to penetrate my throat at a steady pace. "Just like that," he whispered. "So talented. Such a beautiful cocksucker." There was no mistaking the praise in his words. What surprised me was how deeply I had craved to hear those words and never knew until he said them.

I was eager to prove myself. I knew how to make him happy. I knew where to circle with the tip of my tongue to make him breathless and how hard to suck to make him throb.

"Fuck," he grunted, almost inaudibly, against the silence in the house. "Does it turn you on?" he whispered. His dick slipped all the way out, and I gasped for air, my lungs burning. Only now I realized that I had been barely breathing. "Does sneaking around make you horny, Ash?" The fire in his eyes blazed as he pressed his big dick against my face. He rubbed it carelessly, smearing my saliva over my face until his balls pressed hard against my parted lips.

I licked him, widening my mouth to suck them in. He swung back before I could, an amused smirk touching his lips.

"It makes me horny," I admitted and realized just how true it was. What a fucked up guy I had to be to feel something like that. But the years of living next to Adonis himself had inevitably shaped me. Who could blame me? "It turns me on so hard, Jordan."

He ran his fingers through my hair over and over again. "Do you want more of my dick, Ash?"

If it was anyone else asking me, I would have been embarrassed by my unfiltered eagerness. But not Jordan. I wasn't ashamed of the sin we equally shared. "Fuck my mouth, Jordan."

"Get on the bed," he whispered, helping me up. As I straightened, my knees wobbled, and Jordan held me close. His free hand rested on my crotch, and I found a pleased smile twisting his lips upward. "You're such a sexy thing," he said. "Lie down."

"I didn't…" I bit my lip. "I wasn't expecting us to…"

He shook his head like it didn't matter. "I won't fuck you tonight, Ash. I'll make it special. But I will fuck your mouth, baby boy. And I'll make you come harder than you ever came in your life."

If that wasn't enough to strangle me, nothing would ever do it. But I wasn't done getting choked. Jordan gestured to the bed and I obeyed. I lay down opposite the pillow, my head hanging from the edge, and the world turned upside down before me. Jordan's legs appeared. Hair was thicker on the lower half of his legs than the upper, and the rares around his crotch. He was like the perfect example of masculinity. He was the very image of attractiveness. Or, more likely, he had shaped my idea of what a perfect man looked like.

Slowly, Jordan leaned down. "Open your sexy mouth, Ash," he said, and I did. I opened it wide, shivering with excitement and nervousness. I had never been mouth-fucked like this. I had never sucked a dick this size, either. And I had never done it with someone whose opinion mattered to me.

I opened my mouth as wide as I could while Jordan punched his fists into the mattress on either side of my lean torso. He twisted his hips to the left to aim his curving dick just right, then thrust himself forward, impaling my head on his length. He didn't go deep. Instead, he probed me, checking my limits and letting me adjust and relax.

Still, I felt like I could barely keep him in my mouth. But then it happened. As if some invisible wall had crumbled into dust, the barricades between us were gone. He impaled me hard and deep, sliding into my open, relaxed throat and filling me with such a sensation of excitement and accomplishment that I almost jerked upward. My body wiggled as joy coursed through my veins. My arms swept up and wrapped around his waist, pulling him in.

I knew that his position tired him. I knew his muscles would burn from exertion as he leaned down, his knees bent and his torso supported by his muscled arms. Even so, he swung his hips and dipped in and out of my throat. I felt his thickness deep inside me and almost had a reflex to swallow, but whenever my throat closed a little, he pulled his dick back. It was wet with my saliva, and I couldn't control its trickling from the corners of my mouth, making a mess over my face.

I managed to breathe in quick, shallow bursts, but I no longer cared for oxygen.

Jordan's hands moved to feel my torso. He caressed me gently, in stark contrast with the deviance and harshness he exercised on my mouth. He touched me everywhere and felt everything. And when I thankfully thought that he would stroke me to my orgasm, he didn't. He cupped my balls instead and pressed two fingers against my hard taint. Every little move he made with his hand caused my dick to pulse longingly. And I tightened my hold on his waist, pulling him in to stuff me as deep as he could. I wanted all of him. I wanted to outshine every other person who'd ever crossed his path. I wanted to make them all jealous of my skill. I wanted him to kneel in awe before me, to love my sexy mouth, and to worship the things I could do for him.

I wanted him to come. And I wanted him to feed me. And then, when all was said and done, I wanted him to kiss my dirty lips.

Jordan rubbed my taint, his fingers reaching lower and massaging my hole over the soft fabric of my boxer briefs. I hated that I hadn't taken them off. I hated that he kept my dick packed so tightly and left it to be tortured and teased. The frustration burned in me and spread to every cell in my body.

But I couldn't deny how good it felt to throb against the tightness of my underwear.

"Just like that," he grunted. "Take my dick, baby boy. Fuck. Take it all the way. Yes."

I mastered the art of keeping my muscles loose and letting him slide in and out without obstacles. It was painless and exhilarating, even if it took me a long time to inhale a lungful of air. But as he sweated and rammed into me, speeding up and shoving himself in and out, I knew neither of us would last much longer. The very sound he was trying to keep down — as well as the reason we needed to keep it quiet — pushed me to the edge. The wet slapping and sloshing, the embarrassing little gags that tore free from me, and the whistling air between his clenched jaws were enough to get me there. But it was his hot cum that tipped me over at last. The clear, unmistakable throbbing of his dick so deep in my throat and the squirts of heat that trickled over my mouth and down my throat in equal parts made me shudder so hard.

My toes curled instantly and everything in me stopped. I remained open for Jordan, who shook and shuddered and emptied himself down my throat. His fingers rubbed my hole harder, pressing against my taint and nudging me infuriatingly close to my climax.

And finally, when I could no longer take it, I thrust my hands down and released my dick from the confines of my underwear. But Jordan was faster. He grunted once, "Mine," and wrapped his hand around it. He was three strokes in; his dick pulled halfway out of my mouth, the tip still inside and with my lips sealed around it as if I wanted to suck the last drop of him for myself, and my body thrashed, and my hips thrust up.

Hot splashes of cum landed over my torso and Jordan jerked his hand gently up and down my length. "That's it," he urged me. "Give me everything." And I did. I sprayed myself and the bedsheets and Jordan's hand that still gripped me. And finally, I opened my mouth and sucked air into my lungs.

He was growing softer slowly, and I was pulsing madly even after I had spent the last drop I had in me. And just like I had hoped, Jordan dropped to his knees, lifted my head from where it was hanging, and pressed his lips against mine, licking our sins away.

That night, I had watched the tired summer dusk bring death to a horrible day, and I watched the bright, golden dawn hours later when I slipped from Jordan's room back into mine. He followed me. I paused to look at the small, growing light against the deep, dark sky, and I knew we had discovered something beautiful. His arms were around me, holding me from behind, and his breath was hot when he whispered, "Don't forget that you are mine. And I am yours." He paused for a time, breathing against my neck, then said, "We owe nothing to anyone. Only to each other."

I repressed the thoughts of debts deep into the back of my mind. I didn't care. Not now. Not when he held me so firmly and kissed me so sweetly.

Only us. No matter the cost.